Chris Rock Shouldn’t Boycott the Oscars. I Wrote Some #OscarsSoWhite Jokes For Him
The pressure for Black celebrities to boycott the Oscars is here, yet Chris Rock was hired to host this year’s show. Even Tyrese threw his hat in the ring, publicly asking Chris to step down as host. Sir, were you even invited? Did you even get a ticket? How did you get here? Nobody’s supposed to be here.
I don’t think Chris Rock should boycott the Oscars. He should fulfill his duties as host and go SO HARD about how white the room is onstage.
He should make so many “this room is so white” jokes that everyone in the room is uncomfortable, shifting in their seats and chuckling nervously all night. Chris Rock as the host of an award show that has boldly excluded Black people is a great visual. There’s SO MANY jokes he could tell, because he’d be like one of five Black people there.
I’m boycotting watching the Oscars this year because it’s boring, not because it’s another year of white out. That’s EVERY year, and I was THERE in 2012. I did press coverage on the 2012 Academy Awards red carpet and backstage.
I was backstage during the show eating all the shrimp and cupcakes because they had Wolfgang Puck cater. I literally spent the entire time by the food, as other journalists filed their stories. They had CHOCOLATE oscars! Read: Journey to the Academy Awards: My Epic Oscar Day Recap.
ENNEHWEIGHS, Chris shouldn’t step down. I wrote him a few jokes he could use.
This Oscars is so white, I need an Instagram filter to look at this audience without squinting. We need to hit this place with a Hefe filter or something.”
Dang. This room is so white, the wifi password is “PRIVILEGE.” All caps.
If this room got any whiter, no one would need to use flash photography tonight.
This room is so white that I want to ski through the aisles. So much snow.
This room is so white that it is has one Black friend. That’s me.”
This room is so white that *insert known addict here* would like to snort it.
This room is so white they told me not to touch anything.
This room is so white, that Donald Trump doesn’t want to deport it.
This room is so white, the cops you see are actually here to serve and protect.
Anywho, if anyone can do this mission justice, it is Chris Rock. He is the perfect man for the job because he has never been shy about pointing out the absurdity of racism in his standups. He doesn’t need me to write him some jokes but if he wants, my petty is for hire and my shade is for lease. I’m just saying.
I’ll be sure to watch clips of his jokes online the day after the show, though. I wanna hear the quips he comes with.