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Flossie Dickey is 110 and Done With All of Us

Last week, a woman named Flossie Dickey celebrated turning 110 years old. She’s been here since 1906, and has seen more things than any of us could imagine. That also means she’s dealt with her share of bullshit.Flossie has 3 kids, 12 grandkids, 20 great grandkids and 15 great great grandkids.

Cameras showed up to her nursing home to interview her and Flossie wasn’t here to entertain them or even act like she wanted them to be there. The video interview is a gift to the cantankerous old person who lives in me.

Miss Flossie is basically me and I am Flossie. I also aspire to take as many naps as I can but the way life be setup, it’s a struggle and people won’t let me be!

Her plan for birthday 110 was to nap in peace, eat one bite of cake and chat with her inner circle. It was not to have a microphone and camera shoved in her face all early. Then the news folks sent the chirpiest most perky anchorwoman for this. I’d be annoyed too. Like DAFUQ are you so happy about right now?

BuzzFeed did us a favor and GIFFed Flossie’s look of “why are you here?”

Flossie Look

It also didn’t help that the reporter was asking her questions like she’s 5 years old. Y’all see how she didn’t even reply to a couple of the questions she was asked? She just sat there sipping whatever’s in her cup. FLOSSIE AIN’T GOT TAHM, BRUH.When the lady handed her flowers, though, and she looked at them like she couldn’t even be paid to bother, I hollered.

She ain’t here for our feelings and she has earned a right not to be. I need to get her one of my Giver of No Dambs tshirts. Lemme live to be 110, in Jesus mighty name. Shiddddd… I’d be telling people why they ain’t shit instead of “Good Morning.”

She is mad as hell at whoever set this interview up. It is 8:54am. That’s the first reason why this was wrong. It is the butt crack of mid-morning and you got her doing a TV interview. I BARELY wanna be up at this time and I’m supposed to be a young, virile 31. Imagine 110. Y’all better not even THINK about me, let alone say my name or set up some interview before noon. My dreams ain’t even settled yet at that time.

Flossie said she is tired.

Flossie Tired

ME TOO, GIRL. I’m so sick of people and things and stuff. I know you feel me. You’ve had to deal with over a century of boolsheet. I’d need naps every other hour too.

When the reporter asked her if she was excited for her party, Flossie hit her with a quick “not one bit.” Because you know she told them she didn’t want no fuss but they didn’t wanna listen. Now she gotta deal with Miss Perky and then later, all her family members, including the kids who are just gonna be making noise.

This is why her favorite thing to do is to have whiskey straight up.

Miss Flossie is the real MVP, man. She’s lived too long to give a damb about anybody’s feelings. In fact, they should thank her profusely for not cussing them out. She is so over all of us.

I fux with Flossie, man. Mood goals.

I fux with Flossie, man. Mood goals.

I love old people.

If you missed my ode to Miss Edith Childs, getchu some of that.

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61 Comments

  1. Deja
    February 22, 2016 at 7:09 am — Reply

    your parents dont name you flossie unless they expect you to be bout that thug life for 100 years…serving us all that petty labelle at 9 in the damn morning…

    • Simone
      March 8, 2016 at 1:43 pm — Reply

      I’m so done!! **rotfl**

  2. February 22, 2016 at 7:22 am — Reply

    Dammit, Luvvie! I can’t even finish reading this because I’m laughing + ugly crying so hard right now!!!

  3. Jhm
    February 22, 2016 at 7:22 am — Reply

    First let us meditate on how her name is Flossie

  4. RJ
    February 22, 2016 at 7:25 am — Reply

    What’s the key to living 110 years? Giving ZERO fucks!!! Like Mrs. Flossie, I’m well on my way!!

  5. DCFem
    February 22, 2016 at 7:36 am — Reply

    “Not one bit”. I am rolling in here. I was over birthday parties after 21 so i can’t even imagine giving a crap about birthday number 110. You need to start a hall of fame for Flossie and Miss Edith and all of the other old ladies with not one f&*% left to give.

  6. Tee
    February 22, 2016 at 7:40 am — Reply

    Flossie “Back the Fuqq up” Dickey.
    Her shade and side eye is a force to be reckoned with!!

  7. February 22, 2016 at 8:00 am — Reply

    I’m rollin. Flossie doesnt give a shit. This made my morning!

  8. Stacy
    February 22, 2016 at 8:10 am — Reply

    I bet Ms. Flossie could cuss Richard Pryor, Eddie Murphy, and Chris Rock under the table! She ain’t to be messed wit!

  9. Kelly
    February 22, 2016 at 8:12 am — Reply

    WAYMENT, Ms. Flossie is 110 and all they could give her was a Good morning Spokane coffee mug? I’d be bitter, too!

    • AJS721
      February 22, 2016 at 12:10 pm — Reply

      THIS! I was like at 110 there better be some diamonds and muthaf&ing DONUTS. Good Morning Spokane need to come up out of pocket at 845A. You know they were there at like 630A to set up and annoy the sh&t outta miss Flossie.

      • Lollister
        February 22, 2016 at 1:45 pm — Reply

        I quit you!! Bwaaaa haaa haaa haaaaa!!!!!
        Why you said DONUTS and made me pass the heck out laughing!? I’m done. iDied. Serve the good mac n’cheese at my funeral repast.

    • Cynthia G
      February 22, 2016 at 4:31 pm — Reply

      And Princess Perky was proud of it too like they have gifted Ms. Flossie with some limited edition swag. Girl gone with that cup.

  10. Me Talk Pretty
    February 22, 2016 at 8:13 am — Reply

    Flossie is the moon, the sun, the stars and the rain. She is all the elements combined. She is it. Everything. The ultimate in the pursuit of that Nan Dambs Left life goal. I love She.

    We must all bow down to her fukk deficient fabulousness.

    **wipes tear from eye**

  11. Sisterkeys
    February 22, 2016 at 8:15 am — Reply

    LLLLLLLSSSSSSS! !!! I Couldnt contain myself!!! Im a CERTIFIED GOOFBALL & this here had me dying! You commentary only made it worse!! HAPPY BDAY FLOSSIE 🙂

  12. Kay
    February 22, 2016 at 8:17 am — Reply

    It’s grating my nerves that they keep calling her ‘Flossie’…I mean, put a handle on that. Clearly those news anchors were raised by wolves

    • Nitha
      February 22, 2016 at 11:23 am — Reply

      OMG I thought I was the only one severely bothered by then using her first name like they are her contemporaries. Put a handle on it!

      Dead and buried at “not one bit” 😂😂😂😂😂

    • ErinS
      February 22, 2016 at 1:18 pm — Reply

      Yes – calling her “Flossie” like they are equals!! That’s why Mrs Flossie didn’t act right the whole damn time!

    • TD
      February 22, 2016 at 10:35 pm — Reply

      ALL OF YOU GET IT! Not even a Miz, Flossie? Who is your mother?!!

    • TJ
      February 22, 2016 at 11:01 pm — Reply

      I’m deader than dead at “raised by wolves”. This is yet another reason why she was ignoring the hell out of the young, perky, loud anchorwoman. 😭😭😭😭😭

    • Ms. Elle D'
      February 23, 2016 at 9:41 pm — Reply

      You are so right Ms. Kay!

  13. February 22, 2016 at 8:18 am — Reply

    i love her! she is now my official mascot for older-age-hood. i am so proud to be getting there: at 61 i find myself at least a few times a day thinking ‘oh shit! did i really let those words come out of my mouth???’ words that i would have been appalled at unleashing in my 20’s now freely flow. take a lesson from us seasoned folks, young’uns…you’ll save yourself from years of stuff-that-you-shoulda-said.

  14. February 22, 2016 at 9:06 am — Reply

    Happy Birthdays Miss Flossie.Love your attitude,must adopt it.

  15. COLAH
    February 22, 2016 at 9:17 am — Reply

    Flossie’s side eye game is 110 years strong. She done LIVED!!!

  16. Stacey
    February 22, 2016 at 9:52 am — Reply

    Miss Flossie/Mrs. Dickey looks awfully good for having been harassed at the ass-crack of mid morning. Not even to mention her age. I’m with Colah above, too. SIDE EYE IS STRONG IN THIS ONE.

  17. Liv Howard
    February 22, 2016 at 9:57 am — Reply

    This has to be one of my favorite stories. I’m adopting (Ms) Flossie’s philosophy right now. I love her no answers and “not one bit.” I’m keeping this behavior along with the little girl who told her daddy, “Worry ’bout yo’self.” #mynewlifescript

  18. AbsolutelyNot
    February 22, 2016 at 10:08 am — Reply

    I am DONE fooling with this site! The GIF with the wavy zero f*cks given has exceeded my “don’t ack right” quota for the day.

  19. Silk!
    February 22, 2016 at 10:11 am — Reply

    She needs a shirt!

  20. milaxx
    February 22, 2016 at 10:18 am — Reply

    My gramps live 2mths shy of 102. Every time I see a clip of an old person like Ms. Flossie, I miss him even more. He was cranky like her.

    I howled at her , “Not. One.Bit.”

  21. jaz
    February 22, 2016 at 10:28 am — Reply

    I didn’t need to see that gif of Ms. Flossie this am, it just gave me more cause NOT to act right today.

  22. ErinS
    February 22, 2016 at 10:31 am — Reply

    I knew this interview was going to be a mess when the reporter opened the newspaper right in front of Mrs. Flossie’s face! You know Mrs. Flossie didn’t forgive her for that slight. And the look of disgust on Mrs. Flossie’s face when she gave her them flowers…”if this heffa don’t git…”.

    • TJ
      February 22, 2016 at 11:02 pm — Reply

      😭😭😭😭😭

  23. February 22, 2016 at 10:59 am — Reply

    Centenarian a) dances with the President and First Lady. Centenarian b) get supermarket flowers, the third degree, and a garage sale mug. Today’s Goofus and Gallant America celebrating our elders.

    • Denise
      February 22, 2016 at 9:06 pm — Reply

      Yes! Such a difference Ms. Virginia was living it up, while poor Ms. Flossie was being annoyed as hell!

  24. Lleighsha
    February 22, 2016 at 11:44 am — Reply

    I am disappointed. I waited that contyr video for that lady to cuss! SHE NEVER DID!!

  25. February 22, 2016 at 12:43 pm — Reply

    this made my day!!! Miss Flossie wins the web today!!!

  26. Cee Dee
    February 22, 2016 at 12:58 pm — Reply

    I have been reading your blog for a couple of years and never commented, but this ish right here…OMG, I’m at work laying on my DEKS!!! Everything I was thinking, you said about Miss Flossie. She just wants to drank her damn coffee in peace!!! Whew Jesus…this was awesome, Luvvie for real! lol

  27. February 22, 2016 at 1:36 pm — Reply

    I would’ve sent her ALL MY MONEY if she’d thrown that coffee in that heifer’s face. ‘Flossie’, indeed. That is MISS FLOSSIE to you, li’l heifer.

  28. SIPort
    February 22, 2016 at 1:39 pm — Reply

    My co-worker came over to me.

    ” I thought you were crying…you are, but that’s laughter…right?”

    Luvvie, between you and the posters here…

    HILARIOUS!

    PS- I wish you’d do a post about Virginia McLauren- the 106 Elder dancing with President and Mrs. Obama at the White House. That video of her coupled with this one from you today= LIFE!

  29. Lollister
    February 22, 2016 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    Ok, so did anyone notice the intense Barren F&ck Field face Ms. Flossie gave when the cheerleader reporter ran down all the kids, grands, great & great squared grand kids?
    Reporter: Wow, you have all of them, you must be so busy!
    MS. Flossie’s Look: “Bish, I raised my three! The rest of them mofos ain’t my responsibility, now please take yo Bring It On wanna-be azz out of here and pass me that whiskey bottle on your way OUT.”

    Ps: Since when is it okay to call your Elders by their first name? Bammas just ain’t raised right.

    • Cynthia G
      February 22, 2016 at 4:49 pm — Reply

      Bye! I’m unplugging your internet! Omg you got me crying an ugly drawl of a cry. I can’t stop laughing. You had me at sentence one. Like Ms. Flossie gets up each morning to cook breakfast for those grands and great grands. Let that lady be off duty.

  30. notconvincedgranny
    February 22, 2016 at 2:26 pm — Reply

    Show up at my joint at 8:45AM with a mug and a smile and you. will. receive. your. crown. Assuming I even answer the door. That entire neighborhood in Hades ain’t named after me for nothing. Silly ass heffa.

  31. Empress
    February 22, 2016 at 3:37 pm — Reply

    How I live so long?? I ain’t died yet fool!! That’s how! Go head Aint Flawsee Mae!! Make that reporter woman earn her coins this morning. She blessed my soul giving tough answers to those sawf-azz questions. That woman is a 110 years, not 110 minutes. Show some respect! 😂😂

  32. Cynthia G
    February 22, 2016 at 4:02 pm — Reply

    When that Chris chick came over with her dry ass hair talking about Ms. Flossie like she was the zookeeper and Ms. Flossie was a new exhibit at the animal park I became annoyed. I was waiting for her to tell us Ms. Flossie likes long walks and rubs on her belly. Damn, that lady is grown! Growner than anybody in that sadly decorated room. I would die in the middle of the party while the grandkids were on my lap out of spite if I were given a party with such shitty decorations. Do better y’all! 110 parties and y’all go get a banner from Dollar General and some grocery store flowers and balloons. As a whiskey connoisseur myself, plan her party at the Jack Daniels distillery. Then let her take a damn nap in peace.

  33. February 22, 2016 at 4:10 pm — Reply

    Just a few things I noticed…
    1. Flossie’s edges are still in tact.
    2. All these balloons look sad.
    3. There is a balloon and bowling pin in the laundry basket under the sink. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    4. She has lived in “multiple places in the Northwest. . . even Arizona!” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    5. Flossie ain’t drinkin no coffee.

  34. KayMee
    February 22, 2016 at 5:39 pm — Reply

    Ms. Flossie said “not one bit” about being excited that her relatives are coming to her party. They dropped her off 10 years ago and she still salty about it. BTW- If naps, whiskey, and not giving a fug are the secret to a long life, I’m well on my way to 100+ years old, too. #TeamCranky

  35. Tosha P
    February 22, 2016 at 5:56 pm — Reply

    Lawd!!!!!!! When Miss Flossie said NOT ONE BIT, I hollered like a fool clearly she ain’t gave a fuck in quite some time and ian gon be able to take that reporter SEARS 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    #PASSTHEWHISKEY

  36. MommieDearest
    February 22, 2016 at 6:23 pm — Reply

    Miss Flossie be like, “I ain’t come here to play with you heauxs.”

  37. Shannyn
    February 22, 2016 at 6:25 pm — Reply

    Lawd, I am already *dead* 27 seconds in. I’m sure Mz Flossie Cakes ran out of damns and fu€K’s as soon as the reporter held the newspaper up AND COMPLETELY COVERED UP THE BIRTHDAY QUEEN. When the paper came down Madame Flossie looked at her like No bish, you have ceased to exist. Hahahaha. Mz Flossie is my new spirit elder.

    • Ms. Flossie's play grandchild!
      March 4, 2016 at 4:31 pm — Reply

      YASSS honey, I felt for the poor anchorwoman for about 2 seconds! How dare she cover up Ms. Flossie’s 110 years of gloray??????/

  38. February 22, 2016 at 6:48 pm — Reply

    Miss Flossie has me crying laughing. Between Miss Flossie and Miss Virginia McLaurin doing her jig with the Obamas, old people are giving me all kinds of life right now. I don’t know which one I want to be like. I feel like Miss Flossie is me after a hard day’s work. But Miss Virginia is me when I’ve got a lot to do for a day. I’ll wake up as Miss Virginia and flip it to Miss Flossie the second somebody sets me off. My Gram, Beulah Lucille, would be proud.

  39. Karima
    February 22, 2016 at 8:53 pm — Reply

    Wayment. Way. Ment. Did this young chippie keep calling Miss Flossie “Flossie” like she’s in her peer group? Miss Flossie is thirty-six times her age! No ma’am. Unh-UNH. Nawl. I wouldn’t answer any questions either. Disrespectful little heifer. Hmmph.

  40. Jenice
    February 22, 2016 at 9:23 pm — Reply

    Miss Flossie was keepin it one hunnit and ten!! There were dambs to be had!

  41. Natalie
    February 23, 2016 at 11:30 am — Reply

    The problem is they are talking to/about this woman like she is a damn puppy! I would not have an inch of word for them. Go head Flossie!

  42. Joseph
    February 23, 2016 at 11:42 am — Reply

    When I get fired from the here good job it will be all your fault. Got me laughing up in my office with the door closed like they can’t see through the window and stuff. Ms Flossie FTW!

  43. blackprofessor
    February 23, 2016 at 1:52 pm — Reply

    I bet $100 that Miss Flossie was drinking whiskey instead of coffee for breakfast, lol!

    • Ms. Flossie's play grandchild!
      March 4, 2016 at 4:28 pm — Reply

      I bet so too!

  44. Rain
    February 29, 2016 at 1:06 pm — Reply

    Listen, you can’t be rolling up in a nursing home at 8 a.m and expect to get a good interview from anyone, let alone a woman who is 110 years old! I’ve been volunteering in a nursing home for 2 yrs and every single resident would have given her the exact response. A few might have even told her about herself for referring to her by just her first name. Poor woman doesn’t want flowers that are gonna die, sadly inflated balloons that will probably scare her to death if they pop in the middle of the night, or a party. She wants her heat turned up, food that isn’t bland, and a damn nap.

  45. Stacy
    March 4, 2016 at 12:13 pm — Reply

    What I love most is that old folk come in two flavors, Ms Virginia and Ms Flossie. Ms Virginia will make you her special mac and cheese anytime you tell her you coming over. Ms Flossie will kill you with one side eye if you dare interrupt her Tuesday bridge game. And don’t you dare bring her the wrong bourbon because you will get the same treatment little miss happy reporter got.

  46. Ms. Flossie's play grandchild!
    March 4, 2016 at 4:27 pm — Reply

    Luvvie I can’t stand you for this one and love you at the same damb time! Ms. Flossie has no time at all for the foolishness! SHE IS 110 people! And the way the anchorwoman had to fill in the blanks! Lawd come through Ms. Flossie, come through….whenever you want to of course!

  47. […] It’s watched too many Republican debates and it’s sick and tired of the bullshit. This baby wants you to get the hell out its face. You better listen to. It might be related to Flossie Dickey. […]

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