CultureFashion

We Gotta Talk About Nigeria’s Olympics Opening Ceremony Outfit Fail

I gotta admit that my favorite part of the Olympics is the opening ceremony. All the pomp and circumstance, but especially the march of nations. I love it because it humbles me, reminding me that I don’t know shit about geography, as I go “WHO?” at most of the countries named. And then I consult Dr. Google to learn more about the countries I didn’t even know existed. But most of all, I love seeing the athletes’ outfits. This is the time for countries to teach us a bit about some of the cultural markers they hold dear.

For my homeland of Nigeria, I was really excited to see what we would come out with.

Nigeria 2012 Olympics

OGAJU!

At London’s 2012 Olympics, we showed up and showed out, with the women in geles and the men in dashikis that had green embroidery. I remember being at home squealing because the Green White Green came correct! We came through, y’all. The geles were tied properly too. The up and downs on the women looked so good. I was beaming with pride.

So I just knew that for the 2016 Rio Olympics, we would come to stunt. I just knew Naija would represent correctly. So when Team Nigeria walked out wearing green and white track suits, my spirit hit a *wall slide* and I cussed. WHAT IS THIS BOOLSHEET?

Team-Nigeria Rio Olympics

TRACKSUITS?!? Who shot John? Why is this our life? Why is this our portion?

We’re just gonna wear regular tracksuits on this grand stage when we coulda been out here doing the most with the most AND NO ONE BLAMES US? All the shakara we like to do and we were at the 2016 Rio Olympics rocking ordinary shirt and pants.

And then I found out why they were in these. Turns out that the alphets (mmhmm) they were supposed to wear weren’t ready on time, and that is why they had to look basic during the march of nations.

*blinks slowly. twice*

Nigeria, lemme get this straight. We had FOUR YEARS to prepare for this event and our clothes weren’t ready in time. It’s not like the Olympics snuck up on us.

This is what we get for messing with Naija tailors sometimes. You know when you give your seamstress your fabric and tell her you’ll come pick them up in a month for the wedding you’re going to. Well, you call in to remind her and she tells you she’s almost done. And then the day of, you show up to pick up your clothes and she just started sewing it, so you sit there for 6 hours, watching her complete it, fuming, but stuck because you have to have THAT outfit, since the fabric is what everyone else will be wearing (aso ebi).

fuck yo couch gif

You swear you will not be going back to her again but the clothes she makes for you fit you so well so you will have this deja vu moment at least 3 more times before you’re finally fed up and cuss her out one good time and find another tailor.

Thank God I’ve been delivered from such foolery. My seamstress now? She is the REAL MVP. I show up when I say I will and my clothes are ALWAYS ready and folded up nicely for me to try on and take with me. Shoutout to Olivia Ogbara of Dressmaker by Olivia.

This must have happened to this entire team. They told some useless tailor who ain’t got no respect for time to have these FINISHED by July 30 because they had to get to Rio by July 31 and they all showed up and the tailor was still working on their hats and hadn’t touched the actual clothes. They shoulda told them they needed these in May, so they could be ready by July.

But then, I found out the outfits that Team Nigeria was supposed to wear for the opening ceremony and I realized that maybe someone MADE SURE they weren’t ready in time to save them all from embarrassment.

Nigerias Olympic Outfit

JESUS IS LORD. WHAT IS THIS???

No, seriously. WHAT ARE THESE ENSEMBLES AND WHY ARE THEY A THING? Why were they going to have Team Nigeria looking like they were gonna be going to the TriWizard Tournaments, where they will compete against Slytherin and Gryffindor in a series of contests? Who told them that Cersei Lannister’s Sunday best was part of Nigerian culture? Why were the men channeling Peter Pan?

I have way too many questions. These crushed velvet robes are the clothes of which tribe? I need to know. Which heritage clothes is this one? Because it surely ain’t from the Big 3 (Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa). HEP ME ASK DEM WHICH PART OF NAIJA THESE ROBES ARE FROM!

I feel like the person who designed these just came back from “abroad” and he wanted to show how “learned” he is by having them look “regal” when really, he just has them looking like characters from a fantasy novel. Olodo. The outfits they were supposed to wear are like those Naija cousins we all have who go to London for 2 weeks and come back speaking with British accents. ABEG GERRARAHERE.

Gerrara-here

The entire team must have fasted for 7 days in order to not have to wear the abomination they were uniformed for. So the tracksuits? They were basic but they weren’t humiliating.

I don’t even blame the athletes for the outfit snafu. Their jobs were to show up, and they should have been provided with what they needed before they got to Rio. Who was in charge? How many balls were dropped?

The Nigerian soccer team almost didn’t make it to their first matching, getting stuck in Atlanta. Delta Airlines had to save them and they made it to Rio only six hours before they had to play.

My people, my people. We gon do better, Fatha Gawd! We carried last on this one.


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64 Comments

  1. Zandria
    August 8, 2016 at 10:26 am — Reply

    Those 2012 outfits were EVERYTHING…I did the “wut” face at the tracksuits, but then I saw what the intended outfits were, and I was like, “Oh, okay. Carry on (with the tracksuits).”

    Lawd!

    (The “Who shot John?” had me cackling! Luvvie are you sure you aren’t from the South? LMAO!)

  2. August 8, 2016 at 10:38 am — Reply

    Why three shades of green though? And every Nigerian worth a damn knows that they be turned out in embroidery and fantastical prints for a baby shower, so how are you gonna wear bad choir robes to the Olympics?

    • Red Girl
      August 8, 2016 at 11:57 am — Reply

      Bad choir robes LollollollololoLOL

  3. QueenRen
    August 8, 2016 at 10:40 am — Reply

    Oh my word! Why did I literally laugh out loud when Luvvie said:

    “Why were they going to have Team Nigeria looking like they were gonna be going to the TriWizard Tournaments…”

    iHollered!!!

  4. Uchechi
    August 8, 2016 at 10:41 am — Reply

    Between the Nigerian embassy in NY having no electricity, the one in DC not answering their phones and this
    fcukery…
    Naija I don tire for you.

  5. Kim
    August 8, 2016 at 10:44 am — Reply

    They arrived 6 hours before the game and STILL beat Sweden, dominating the match. That’s no small feat.

    • Elvis
      August 12, 2016 at 12:54 pm — Reply

      Errrmmmm…… I thought that was Japan. Just saying.

  6. Tracey
    August 8, 2016 at 10:45 am — Reply

    Don’t nobody want to wear green liturgical dance outfits to the Olympics.

    • August 8, 2016 at 11:16 pm — Reply

      NO DAMB BODY.

      • olodo
        August 10, 2016 at 3:18 pm — Reply

        I swear those original outfits were very harry potter ish…4 points for griffondoh….#hellaneverno

    • Grace
      August 10, 2016 at 9:22 am — Reply

      This comment made me lol, repeatedly. My toddler asked why I was laughing.

    • August 10, 2016 at 10:55 am — Reply

      Especially adult men and women! Alas!

    • Ingrid
      August 11, 2016 at 10:44 am — Reply

      Tracey… I’m going to be kicked out of my office for laughing at you this afternoon! Girl. Liturgical dance outfits? Whew!

  7. Keps
    August 8, 2016 at 11:12 am — Reply

    so… no one is going to address that the women look like they dyed Solange’s wedding dress to match?

    • MzQuinn
      August 10, 2016 at 10:24 pm — Reply

      Omg you’re so right! I cackled at that 😂😂

  8. Oakbluffsdiva
    August 8, 2016 at 11:45 am — Reply

    I remember the Nigerian team from the London 2012 opening ceremony BECAUSE of the outfits. I also remember the ladies breaking it down!

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZsfYfx5jpg

    • Patricia Kayden
      August 9, 2016 at 2:53 pm — Reply

      Those 2012 outfits were beautiful.

      Awesomely Luvvie is so hilarious that even though I didn’t see anything wrong with this year’s tracksuits, I was rolling and howling while reading this post.

      “The entire team must have fasted for 7 days in order to not have to wear the abomination they were uniformed for.”

      My sides!!

  9. Carla
    August 8, 2016 at 11:58 am — Reply

    Ima need these posts to come with a warning: Caution! Do not read while on an Amtrak Quiet Car. “…Team Nigeria looking like they were gonna be going to the TriWizard Tournaments…” No!! You are not gonna get me put off this train!

    • Mary
      August 9, 2016 at 12:07 am — Reply

      LOL! For future trips I recommend not reading any of Luvvie’s posts, just in case. I know it will be a hardship, but you can do it!

    • Mary
      August 9, 2016 at 12:07 am — Reply

      LOL! For future trips I recommend not reading any of Luvvie’s posts, just in case. I know it will be a hardship, but you can do it!

  10. Red Girl
    August 8, 2016 at 12:00 pm — Reply

    Ooooo Luvvie, not TriWizard Tournaments 😆😹😂😂😂😂

  11. Soni-P
    August 8, 2016 at 12:21 pm — Reply

    I can understand your disappointment at the track suits. As a Colombian, I know my team will show up dressed in yellow from head to toe, like a flock of canaries. But at least we weren’t Honduras! They looked like someone screened a travel brochure over one of my Pop’s old button down shirts. SMH…

  12. August 8, 2016 at 12:32 pm — Reply

    Did someone get confused and tell the designer that the team was going to a Renaissance Faire? And that the women would need to have their arms free so they could lift the giant turkey leg for lunch?

  13. Yabeji
    August 8, 2016 at 1:32 pm — Reply

    ah ah who wanted them looking like Winches and Winzards. ..who? i say who?

  14. Quetta
    August 8, 2016 at 1:36 pm — Reply

    I AM CRYING😂😂😂😂😍! I cannot read your posts in public!😂😂😂😂 They think I’m crazy😂😂😂

  15. Quetta
    August 8, 2016 at 1:38 pm — Reply

    “JESUS IS LORD!….Cersei Lannister’s Sunday best “😂😂😂😂

    • Hazel Teal
      August 8, 2016 at 3:25 pm — Reply

      Quetta!! I KNOW!! I just had to leave out of the doctors waiting room before they asked me to leave. Please stop sending me these. I can’t!!! …channeling Peter Pan…crying! 😂😂😂😂

  16. C. Tveit
    August 8, 2016 at 1:53 pm — Reply

    Serious question: where did the designer get the inspiration of those? Did they travel to OZ for the fabric? They look like their plane made a pit stop in the Emerald City before heading to Rio :/

  17. whilome
    August 8, 2016 at 1:53 pm — Reply

    So nobody gon talk about how they all were on their phones like THEY were spectators that got in the Games for free and wanted to capture that moment (or a Pokemon) on their Samsung Notes and not the elite international athletes that they are?
    I couldn’t TAKE IT! Compare 2012 to 2016 and commence to shaking your head, cuz, NO. Come ON.

  18. Kim
    August 8, 2016 at 2:02 pm — Reply

    The Nigerian soccer team was in my hotel in ATL on Monday. We were looking at them like…don’t you have an Opening Ceremony to get to?

    • Patricia Kayden
      August 9, 2016 at 2:55 pm — Reply

      LOL! Well they won their first game so their travel woes seemed not to have hurt them.

  19. Gabs
    August 8, 2016 at 3:35 pm — Reply

    Let’s be honest, after Togo sent out that glistening young man nobody else can compete. Italy had Armani make their suits and I was like WHATEVS! I haven’t seen anything again after that Togo flag bearer. That greased up body is forever etched into my brain and it refuses to see anything else.

    • Gabs
      August 8, 2016 at 3:54 pm — Reply

      *TOnga

    • D Mayo Johnson
      August 8, 2016 at 8:08 pm — Reply

      Honey, I was tempted to make it rain w/Monopoly money all over my t.v. Dude strolled out there w/that flag pointed straight out (YAASSS!) and that little skirt….I was like, that ‘der is an “ALPHET”. Damn e’rybody else’s mess. Just greased up like a Christmas pig and fine as frog hair!

      • MzQuinn
        August 10, 2016 at 10:27 pm — Reply

        Not Monopoly money 😂😂 That mental image made me cackle!

    • Mary
      August 9, 2016 at 12:13 am — Reply

      Yessss! He was fine! It also brought back memories of my father, who was stationed on Tonga in WWII. He brought back mats that looked like some of those skirt things they were wearing, and he had a purple “hula” type skirt too, as kids we loved playing with that stuff 🙂

    • August 16, 2016 at 4:03 pm — Reply

      after Togo’s flag bearer, I think most women of the world didn’t give a damn about any of the other countries and were trying to book at flight to whatever the hell he was!

      He was all sorts of fine/good looking/handsome.

      the world’s passports offices are going to be working overtime after the olympics

  20. Carrot
    August 8, 2016 at 6:28 pm — Reply

    But can we talk about my in-laws, the Liberians, for a second? I wish someone hadn’t finished their outfits on time. I couldn’t look my dear husband in the eyes because I was so embarrassed for him.

  21. D Mayo Johnson
    August 8, 2016 at 8:05 pm — Reply

    Luvvie Mae, you made that up! I know, they were not supposed to wear those “softer-side of Sears” alphets! Come on, now! That looks like some freshman’s home economics sewing project that Auntie and ‘nem promised her they’d wear. Auntie had to threatened “Uncle” w/no “nookie”, so he put that ‘ish on, too. But she promised him a bottle of Henn and two Crown Royals! I ain’t fooling w/you tonight, Luvvie Mae. Take your hips to sleep. You got some books to sell!

  22. Shay
    August 8, 2016 at 8:16 pm — Reply

    This post was everything I needed in life. The only thing that would have made it better is if you did an audio recording of it all.

  23. Ngozi
    August 8, 2016 at 10:25 pm — Reply

    I haven’t laughed this hard in a long time. Just when I thought I had made it through Luvvie’s post in one piece, I got to the comments and almost lost it! Bravo!

  24. Cindy
    August 9, 2016 at 2:55 am — Reply

    Hilarious!

  25. Sue Clarke
    August 9, 2016 at 4:12 am — Reply

    I started reading your blog when Jen Hatmaker shared one of your posts on FB, l think that was last year sometime, and l stayed because you are so incredibly funny. I have two favourite posts, the one you wrote about the splendid Miss Edith Childs and the never ending Blaxit brilliance …oh and l live in Norfolk, UK .

    • Sue Clarke
      August 9, 2016 at 4:15 am — Reply

      And l just failed at the Internet, that’s what happens when a menopausal women tries to write without her reading glasses…that was supposed to be on your where do you come from and how long have been reading my blog post….l’ll just leave now and have a nice lie down……

  26. Kaine
    August 9, 2016 at 5:42 am — Reply

    Goodness this post is exactly what I needed today!!!My colleagues are convinced I have some sort of mental disorder as they have never seen me laugh and turn into a blubbering mess! TriWizards tournaments…you finished me off right there! I definitely cannot read your posts in public or in my office because I will weep with laughter! Keep them coming through Luvvie!!!

  27. Jack Wetenkamp
    August 9, 2016 at 9:02 am — Reply

    You guys rock …..Nigeria

  28. Carriecnh12
    August 9, 2016 at 10:16 am — Reply

    What has me the most befuddled and concerned was the three shades of green in the “real” outfits, like how sway? Is there not one shade of green on the Nigerian flag? Did the designer think “all shades of green makes it better”?
    I’m wondering if Lupita’s 2015 Oscar dress was inspiration, or was it Solange, or maybe Cersei, or heck maybe sister Mary form Sister Act? I don’t know and clearly the designer and the directors on the Olympic committee didn’t either 🤔😒😒

  29. […] This is the Nigerian Olympic Costume of chicken wings. Get that chicken a track […]

  30. Dyma
    August 9, 2016 at 12:51 pm — Reply

    I laughed so hard at the original outfits omahgod. I am so glad they ended up with those tracksuits

  31. Lucy
    August 9, 2016 at 1:40 pm — Reply

    Looking like the Olympic Game of Thrones. The St Patrick’s Day pants on the guys really finished me. God is a way maker because they dodged this bullet.

  32. Debs
    August 9, 2016 at 2:04 pm — Reply

    Oh my word!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOL….Oh my word! This is killing me!!! The person who designed those outfits must have attended the sets of Harry Porter or Game of Thrones… Tears are running down my checks…

  33. August 9, 2016 at 2:51 pm — Reply

    Chai! You are too funny! I just loved this post. Better the tracksuits oh

  34. Serenity
    August 9, 2016 at 3:40 pm — Reply

    Luvvie’s comments are the only comments I read in entirety

  35. Justina
    August 9, 2016 at 3:54 pm — Reply

    This post had me crying laughing. The 2012 outfits were amazing. The tracksuits look as if they woke up late and barely made their flight to Brazil. But the last picture was too much. Are they supposed to be Nigerian pilgrims? Well Brother Malcolm did say that we didn’t land on Plymouth rock and that Plymouth rock landed on us. I guess we should be glad that they didn’t have half the group dressed as Native Americans because the only thing missing from that picture is a Thanksgiving feast.

  36. Rachael T
    August 9, 2016 at 4:19 pm — Reply

    The seamtress struggle is real. We had outfits made for my moms wake keeping. We were still having alterations done the day of. For my sisters wedding in South Africa, everything was falling apart from zippers to seams. I’m still looking for a proper seamstress.

  37. DarkAngel
    August 10, 2016 at 3:33 am — Reply

    I would say i was not surprised because i was up all night for the ceremony and even had a bet with my younger brother that Nigeria would mess up their outfit and i won the bet when they showed up with tracksuits. But seeing the intended outfit, the tracksuits were spot on because it would have been DISGRACEFUL for Nigeria to be represented in those clothes. Well hope the next government does better.

  38. Eloho liz
    August 10, 2016 at 11:40 am — Reply

    Chai! @ ‘*blinks slowly. Twice*’. *rotfl*…😂😂

  39. Lauren
    August 10, 2016 at 1:03 pm — Reply

    The ones they were supposed to wear look like the mess I put together for a renaissance period play for 12 characters on a $500 budget. Throwing people on stage like hey at least everyone has pants ::shrug:: so many shades of green on the guys….

  40. Maxine Shaw, Attorney-at-LOL
    August 10, 2016 at 4:49 pm — Reply

    Luvvie, you know good and hell well that Nigerians and time go together like fried chicken and Kool-Aid. Those outfits MIGHT be ready by 2020. And I mean m-a-a-a-y-b-e.

  41. August 11, 2016 at 11:21 am — Reply

    So I’m just finding out you’re Nigerian….makes sense why I love you hahah!

    ANYWAYS. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. I haven’t forgiven Nigerian since the last FIFA, when they couldn’t qualify and the year before when they lost to Greece…GREECE!! One of the worst teams ever. LMAO. We need to have like a world convention/ intervention for Nigeria, because they’re screwing up badly
    #bringbackNigeria

  42. August 11, 2016 at 12:08 pm — Reply

    Simple. Real

  43. Steve
    August 11, 2016 at 12:44 pm — Reply

    I’m all alone in the house laughing like a weirdo from Arkham asylum. How does one come up with ‘Triwizard tournaments’. Lol!!!!

  44. ola
    August 18, 2016 at 5:06 am — Reply

    Well with the minister of sports always dressing like a rebel leader, that should be expected. Eisshhh

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