Culture

SECURITY!!! Rachel Dolezal is Back With Her Shenanigans in the Form of a Book

Your unfavorite undercover sista Rachel Dolezal is back to tap dance on our collective last nerves. Atticus’ mama (yes, y’all) is releasing a book next year titled In Full Color: Finding My Place in a Black and White World. Many of us saw the cover and thought it was a meme. But no, it’s a real thing.

This classless wonder is releasing a book in March 2017.

rachel-dolezal-book

The description for the book says:

“With In Full Color, Rachael Doležal describes the path that led her from being a child of white evangelical parents to an NAACP chapter president and respected educator and activist who identified as black. Along the way, she’ll discuss the deep emotional bond she formed with her four adopted black siblings, the sense of belonging she felt while living in black communities in Jackson, Mississippi and Washington, D.C., and the discrimination she’s suffered while living as a black woman.”

SECURITY!!! Please come collect Rachel Dolezal and her delusions of grandeur. And remove this Valencia filter she’s using to make herself slightly browner on this book cover. Your girl made sure they dimmed all the lights in the room when they took this picture to minimize her brightness.

Lawd, what she NEEDS to find a clue.

And this necklace, though. The one that is very Africana in feel. In case you want to step to this child of the Motherland. The devil sho’ll is busy AF. If the phrase “try too hard” was in the dictionary, her face would be next to it. I can hear the “You go, girl” through this screen. And the “I too really enjoy the collards, my sister!”

Y'all can have her.

Y’all can have her.

Rachel wants to come to The Cookout so bad. She gon get invited and someone will put lotion in her tater salad for vengeance. Please tell her to relax, because she is doing the most with the absolute least. I haven’t seen anyone be this desperate to be Black since some of y’all who think “all the black kids get the college scholarships.” Even then… Rachel is in a league of her own.

Afterall, she did name her son Langston Atticus (yes, really. Again). Rachel is trying to get her Black card come hell or high water.

On one hand, I’m impressed at her 2Legit2Quit stance on this. Everyone says she ain’t Black. Her lineage and parents ain’t Black. Her hair ain’t got no volume in it. That doesn’t stop her, though. She says she’s Black, therefore y’all can’t tell her shit. She stopped talking to her parents since they probably told her one too many times “But Rachel. WE ARE WHITE.” And then she got an ultra perm so her hair can have some life. Bless her heart, y’all. I bet she sleeps in a mud mask, willing melanin to seep through and touch her just a little.

On the other hand, I marvel and how crazy this woman is. She’s legit convinced herself about this and no one can tell her different. Like, she’s the only one who took the blue pill and the rest of us are still unaware of the transformative matrix that turned this woman Black from sheer will. Rachel don turned herself into an optical illusion. YOU ARE WHITE AND GOLD, not BLUE AND BLACK. She’s that dress from last year in reverse. Just peak ridiculous!

nene girl bye gif

This woman must be surrounded by nothing but enablers. The fact that a publisher decided to invest in this book full of delusions throws me. What editor is like “yes, I will proudly work on this book?” Just plum dumbassness all around.

Ennehweighs, I took it to my Awesomely Luvvie Facebook fam and they had more than a few words for her.


Katherine: She picked the exact wrong time (not that there was a right one) to release this book. Our nerves are shot from this election, we have NO tolerance left for bullshit, malarkey or shenanigans. NONE. I want to put this woman in a space capsule and shoot her to the moon.

Skye: She’s already in Spokane sooooo…

Jennifer: I’m so sorry, I don’t know what has gotten into that woman. We really need to get that Ancestry DNA test done for her and get it over with.

Kimberly: I so low key want to read this but I ain’t paying $24 for this. Let me see if my library has this . Would this be in fiction or nonfiction

Linda: Sci-fi.

Darryl: fiction for sure. Or maybe self help, because people who read this would need to be in that section.

Chelsea: Magical realism – where a real white person things she has magically transformed into an oppressed Black woman.

Lakesha: Try the “U Can’t Make this Shit Up” literary section. 😒

Tanya: I’m mad at the publisher, who didn’t tell her to stop. I’m mad at Amazon for carrying the book, they too could have told her to stop as well. I’m mad at her so called “friends”, who also could have told her to stop. I’m mad at all the enablers in her life, who should have told her to sit down and exist only in her head!

Sheila:

lifetime-presents-rachel-dolezal

Jennifer: I just want to know why I can’t get my curls to look like that?! Lol

Jajuana: I am deep conditioning right now and it would take the father, son, the holy ghost, coconut & argan oil to get my 4c curls to bounce like that. #JesusBeACurlPattern

Paola: I clicked on “report incorrect product information.” I reported that she is not Black.

Imani: I totally understand her. I feel like I’m an Ivory gal in an Ebony shell. I’m a pack of Ring Dings. I’m the original Oreo. I’m a black marble notebook filled with empty white pages. Do I get a book deal now? Is that how this works?

Laura: I had SO MUCH TO SAY when this BS first came out last year. Who the fuck said “sure we’ll publish your mental diarreah poorly disguised as social anthropology”. She should seriously be fired and committed. Or committed then fired. Either way.

Elizabeth: Oh Lord. You’re going to leave her here when you Blaxit aren’t you? You just know she’s doing to be at the door, watching you tie your laces, with that look on her face that the dog sometimes gets. All “I’d like to go places too”. And then what are we suppose to do with her while she’s whining and pawing the window? Look, could we maybe set up some sort of island colony for people who blackface? Y’know, like they did for lepers?

Not Rachel. We leave her ass behind. She can't even be told where the boat leaves because she'll try to sneak in by any means necessary. P.S. click this pic and get your life about BLAXIT

Not Rachel. We leave her ass behind. She can’t even be told where the boat leaves because she’ll try to sneak in by any means necessary.
P.S. click this pic and get your life about BLAXIT

Luvvie: Yeah her raggelly ass stays with yall.

Elizabeth: Whhyyyyyuhhh?!? What did we ever do t…. oh. Yeah. Ahem. Yeah we’ll take her then

Amy: She gets her own island when #Blaxit happens. We white folks aren’t claiming her.

Patrick: The only thing she needs to find in this world is a row of seats for her to sit her ass down. Permanently.

LeVanna: Can’t wait to see it in the dollar bin at the gas station. Woe betide this editor & publishing house.

Rizzo: Girl. Put down that cheap, muddy bronzer and stop embarrassing us. Just nah.

Jessica: Just in time for Halloween. The biggest costume wearer of them all!

Stefan: Rachel, just be you, girl. I have a Kenny G. wig too, but it doesn’t make me Jewish or a saxophonist!

Megan: Omg no please let her just go away! For those of us of mixed race with fucked up hair, this is starting to get personal. I can’t tell if she’s making fun of me or trying to assume my identity like a pod person. I know this shit is going to slow me down in the Blaxit line. #imnotracheldozealipromise

Tessie: A whole book explaining how she tanned herself into thinking she was black. She and the publisher need a time out. #nodessert

Whitlie: This is not why I learned to read.

Mocha:  I’m about to write a book called white like me and use the black and white filter for my pic. #2canplaythisgame

countess-vaughn-solange

Maura: “In Full Drag: a How-To Guide on Cultural Appropriation, Spray Tans, and Straight up Sociopathy” by, Some bitch named Rachel.

Kelly: She’s got the same crochet braids as I do.

LMAOOOO! I love LuvvNation’s foolery. They are truly unable to chill ever. But Rachel has earned it. She’s just fraudulent AF.

Someone somewhere is gonna buy this book too. I just knowed it. If you wanna buy a book written by an actual Black woman and endorsed by other Black women, might I suggest mine? I’m Judging You: The Do-Better Manual is available.  KTHX.

Shonda Rhimes

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22 Comments

  1. Kim
    October 31, 2016 at 7:48 am — Reply

    “Whitlie: This is not why I learned to read.” FTW!!!

    • SoulfliHoneybea
      October 31, 2016 at 8:03 am — Reply

      Right–I just howled at that one. Whitlie is not here for the foolishness.

      And may I just say, there are actual black women unable to get their experiences published, yet this pretender is able to do so?! That’s not how this should work–that’s not how any of this should work. FOH.

    • MzCafe
      October 31, 2016 at 11:15 am — Reply

      I want to hit the LOVE button on that comment -str8 hillarious!!

    • Lorna
      October 31, 2016 at 2:25 pm — Reply

      iDied when I read that one. Cracked me up and I was yelling, “I know! Me neither!!”

      It is disgusting that she’s being published. Yet another example of #Columbussing where she’ll get patted on the back for usurping Blackness while we continue to be denigrated for it. Don’t be shocked when they Actually Make A Movie From Her ‘Book’. I’m sure it’s already in development. You may be asking, “WHO would be crazy enough to buy her book or support a film about her where she lies about being the Black Hero?!” Answer: Millions and Millions of White People.

      Don’t believe me?
      Exhibit A: The Blind Side
      Exhibit B: The Help
      Exhibit C: Cry Freedom
      Exhibit D: Dangerous Minds
      Exhibit E: Glory
      Exhibit F: Amistad
      Exhibit G: Avatar (which I loved, but still…)
      Exhibit H: Cool Runnings (which I REALLY loved, but still…)
      Exhibit I: Dances With Wolves
      Exhibit J: 12 Years a Slave
      Exhibit K: To Kill a Mockingbird
      Exhibit L: The Matrix (yes all three. I love, Love, LOVE them, but still…)

      You get my point.
      They will buy her book, watch her movie, cry over HER “suffering” and “bravery” and then give her an Oscar. So get ready for the #OscarsSoTan hashtag.

      NOW…to wash the stench of seeing her “book” cover, I’m going to go buy another copy of a REAL book by Luvvie Ajayi. Why? Because “I’m Judging You!”
      Whooo Saahhh

      • November 2, 2016 at 8:03 pm — Reply

        #OscarsSoTan

        lmfao

  2. Yoki
    October 31, 2016 at 8:17 am — Reply

    She is transcolor, a black woman born in a white body! she is the first case of it. Why Area 51 hasn’t come to scoop her up yet is beyond me, but I am sure the Men in Black will be along soon to collect her.

  3. Naomi
    October 31, 2016 at 9:20 am — Reply

    I say let her be Black and all the things that come with it: being followed in the store, being pulled over because you “fit the description”, being scared when you’re alone with the cops, getting looked over for a promotion, etc. See how long it takes for her to change her tune.

  4. Beth
    October 31, 2016 at 9:29 am — Reply

    This reminds me of Cher in Mermaids, constantly having to remind Charlotte that they’re not Jewish/Catholic/Greek. She’s ridiculous and nobody should be publishing this nonsense.

  5. Portia Smith
    October 31, 2016 at 12:18 pm — Reply

    This is identity theft on the highest level. This year’s winner of the Bitch Please Award…Rachel. #herbullshitisbuttery

  6. shoshana
    October 31, 2016 at 1:26 pm — Reply

    i’m really hoping there’s no demand for this because i REALLY don’t want to buy this for my library. i can’t really blame her for not wanting to be white, though. we kinda suck.

  7. Boo Radley
    October 31, 2016 at 2:01 pm — Reply

    This comment carried me home.

    “Elizabeth: Whhyyyyyuhhh?!? What did we ever do t…. oh. Yeah. Ahem. Yeah we’ll take her then”

  8. Lincoln
    October 31, 2016 at 4:46 pm — Reply

    Sigh….and when all this crap drops, I get to deal with people using my life to validate hers. “Yer transgender, why can’t she be transracial?!” Thinking they “got me” with that mess. “If Jenner can be a man, why can’t she be black?” Each one thinking they’re the first to say it. Out here waving their sociology degrees from U of YouTube.

    Trans women of color will get the worst of it, of course. They always do.

  9. Julieth
    November 1, 2016 at 2:10 am — Reply

    😂😂😂
    But really, I will just chill here and watch 2017 roll up and see her becoming a bestseller the moment this shit drops. Why? Mcytpersons. The beads she’s wearing makes me want to curse her out in Swahili right now 😒 Also, trees aren’t happy being used for this fuckery. The publishing company should go out of business and more reports need to be placed in. Let’s have a field day with making this shit unsuccessful. And while we’re at it, someone write a similar book but in reverse a black person identifies as white or an Asian person identifies as a white person (either way or whatever else to drag her ass), be creative and petty as hell please, then make a go fund me to publish the book at the same time as hers.
    Peace y’all!

  10. Gwensday
    November 1, 2016 at 2:50 pm — Reply

    Yeah, no… She can’t have my hard earned coint, but I will accept a pirated pdf and hate read it…DJM

  11. ucity88
    November 2, 2016 at 9:52 am — Reply

    Why are we still talmbout huh??? WHY???

    I thought we voted to shun her at the last Black Community Meeting?

  12. 1Chiq
    November 2, 2016 at 10:27 am — Reply

    Rachel Dolezal makes my skin crawl 🙁

  13. TheRYL1
    November 2, 2016 at 11:44 am — Reply

    “Megan: Omg no please let her just go away! For those of us of mixed race with fucked up hair, this is starting to get personal. I can’t tell if she’s making fun of me or trying to assume my identity like a pod person. I know this shit is going to slow me down in the Blaxit line. #imnotracheldozealipromise”

    THIS! Megan just took me all the way out! LMAO

    The discrimination she has lived through…REALLY? REALLY!?!?!? I’m so sick of this foolishness!

  14. Shanique S
    November 2, 2016 at 8:54 pm — Reply

    I understand people being upset about her Columbusing the black experience. Especially if she chooses to embrace her white privilege when all is said and done. But I really don’t understand why people are coming so hard for her while advocating for gender identity. If in fact we believe Rachel Dolezal has a form of psychosis, how is that not the same as a man believing he is a woman? On the other hand, if it can be argued that a person can identify with a gender other than what he or she was born into, why can that not be the same for race? Don’t get me wrong, I think Rachel is cucko for cocoa puffs. I just struggle with the notion that we can readily place that stigma on her without further exploration and without evaluating gender identity issues through a similar lens when they have much in common. Case and point: a doctor who previously worked at Johns Hopkins University, one of the first places in the US to perform gender reassignment surgeries, asserts that being transgender is a form of psychosis. Similar to bulimia or anorexia where a person believes they are fat when that is not the case. He said that studies showed 75% of people who had the reassignment surgery done regretted it. Eventually, the university stopped performing the surgeries. I get that I may get some $4!+ for this; however, I needed to put it out there. Oh and bonus observation: many transgender people go over the top in their interpretation of the desired gender. Dolezal = Langston Atticus. Jussayin’

    Also, I want to be clear. Acts of hate are unacceptable no matter who you are. Transgender, transracial, lesbian/gay, black, white – it’s all wrong. If it is widely accepted at some point that transgenderism is a form of psychosis, I would advocate for appropriate medically proven ways to address it keeping that person’s dignity intact (I.e. a breakthrough in psychology). My intent here is to start an intellectual dialog wherein I can learn and provoke thoughts in others.

    • Lincoln
      November 4, 2016 at 10:24 am — Reply

      I’m just going to pull this quote from Jane LaPlain over in another article about Rachel Dolezal:

      “Caitlynn Jenner would have to claim to be a lactating mother of triplets while hustling her way into the presidency for La Leche League USA, in order to approach the level of deception and fraud Ms. Dolezal has perpetrated on the public.”

      • Cee
        December 8, 2016 at 10:30 am — Reply

        So because Kaitlin would have to work harder at deception it makes it different form what Rachel did ? bs

    • cee
      December 8, 2016 at 10:33 am — Reply

      It’s funny i just made similar comment. I think what your saying right and worth looking into. I just don’t understand why we are so readily to write her off as crazy. When than the same can be said about a few other if that’s the approach were taking

  15. Julieth
    November 5, 2016 at 3:33 am — Reply

    Rachel Mcveryytwhiteperson must have read this:

    “This is worth repeating: It is accepted in modern society that if you have just ONE ancestor who was black (or Indian, or Asian, etc.), then you are correct to consider yourself a person of color, and you may identify yourself as Black, or Indian, or Latino, or Asian or whatever is appropriate for you. If anyone challenges this by pointing out that your skin looks white, the correct response is to tell them, “It is inappropriate for you to judge black people by their skin color.”

    From this trash of an article: http://www.naturalnews.com/054453_American_Indian_Health_Ranger_African_descent.html?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=Postcron.com

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