* On the Red Carpet, Angelina Jolie was looking like she got dragged out the house. And her hair was all poofy like she forgot to flat-iron it. Or maybe when she left the house it was fine and her and Brad Pitt decided to get it in on the way there. Either way, I wish she’d stop looking like someone forced her to go places.

* I love how the SAG Awards began with various actors and actresses talmbout how they got started. Amber Riley was one of them, and I love her so because of GLEE.

* Christopher Plummer won his first SAG Award ever, and that’s really surprising. I thought Captain Von Trapp woulda had a jillion by now. That man is at least 326 yrs old and he is STILL working and walking upright. I respect him.

Pic from www.facebook.com/essence

* Shoutout to The Help for winning big. Octavia Spencer, Viola Davis and the cast won awards and I was hella pleased. Plus Viola’s grecian dress was GORGEOUS! She was up there looking like a tall glass of milk with fudge on top. Just beautiful! And I know folks are side-eyeing the movie for winning so many accolades but I really liked it. Yes, it has the “white savior” angle and all that but I enjoyed it. It rocked. And I might be in the minority of minorities who’ve watched this movie.

Found this quote by Viola Davis from the August 2011 issue of Essence she was on the cover on.

“Of course I had trepidations. Why do I have to play the mammy? But what do you do as an actor if one of the most multifaceted and rich roles you’ve ever been given is a maid in 1962 Mississippi? Do you not take the role because you feel like in some ways it’s not a good message to send to Black people? No. The message is the quality of the work. That is the greater message… As Black women, we’re always given these seemingly devastating experiences – experiences that could absolutely break us. But what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the master calls the butterfly. What we do as Black women is take the worst situations and create from that point.” – Viola Davis

So yes, I’m happy for the success of these amazing actresses. Here’s to hoping that in the future, Black folks get recognized for playing some roles that aren’t steeped in stereotypes.

* Betty White, the matron saint of hilarious geriatrics won an award. And like always, I wanted to throw a prayer cloth on Betty. Y’all know she’s the only Golden Girl left and we need to put her in prayer because I need her to live a very long time. I LOVE HER! Glad to see her win.

* Zoe Saldana‘s #alphet wasn’t e’em cute. Afrobella said it looked like she was “wearing a wifebeater under a glittery, sheer poncho.” It was Givenchy but she shoulda given it back. Hehehe see what I did there?

* Maya Rudolph, Kristen Wiig and Melissa McCarthy came onstage and made me cackle with their Scorcese drinking game. Melissa was chugging Grey Goose like a G! Gotta love the cast of Bridesmaids.

* It was perfect for Dick Van Dyke to present Mary Tyler Moore with the SAG Lifetime Achievement Award. A fact that I found out during their homage to her was that the capri pants she used to wear on their show was limited to one scene per show because it was considered too hot. Talk about some strides! Mary’s a trailblazer for female comedians so I have hella respect for her.

* The “In Memoriam” portion of the show informed me that Bubba Smith died. I had NO clue! And if I did, I must have repressed it. Man, that’s sad. Now I feel like going to watch all the Police Academy movies

* Apparently, one of my tweets showed up on the SAG Awards telecast. I guess they were showing some tweets that used the #SAGAwards hashtag and mine was one of them. 5 or 6 people tweeted me about it but being the busybody that I am, I missed it. I wished someone woulda gotten a screenshot of it but oh well. Still cool!

Did you watch? Whatchu think?

Related posts:

1. My 5 Thoughts on the Academy Awards
2. My Thoughts About Part 1 of the “Basketball Wives LA” Reunion
3. Two of My Blogs Are Finalists in the Black Weblog Awards!
4. Nominate AwesomelyLuvvie.com for the Black Weblog Awards
5. The 2007 BET Awards SUCKED!

Oh, by the way, I missed the first 20 minutes of the show because my extended blink (read: nap) ran longer than I planned.

* Why was Rob Lowe‘s skin looking extra leathery? All that tanning, sir.

* Is it ever NOT awkward when that “You gotta go!” music starts playing when people are accepting their awards? The answer is no.

* I love Melissa McCarthy but did they have to put her in a muu-muu? They stay putting plus-size women in tents!

* Jimmy Fallon has been eating good, huh? That NBC money will do that to you!

* Why do Madonna‘s arms look like muscular baby legs? I was so perturbed by them.

* Did y’ all see Sir Elton John‘s shade face when Madonna was called by Ricky Gervais? I love that Queen! He ain’t there for Madonna and the shade he threw made them find more lamps to lighten up the room with.

* Why is Idris Elba so FAHN all his life??? Got on that stage wearing a double-breasted tuxedo that looked like God’s seamstress put him in it! YESSSS IDRISSA! *leyomi drops*

Pic from Tumblr

* Why do I feel like Angelina Jolie sucked the life out of Brad Pitt? In every way. He always looks so tired and rundown now. Well, their gaggle of kids probably run him ragged too.

* Why did Michelle Williams look so adorabo? Her #alphet worked for her and the Twiggy haircut was so cute!

* Why did Ricky Gervais have a different drink in his hand every time he came on stgae? That Globes Open Bar muta been TOO nice! Ricky was lit!

* Who do I love Tina Fey and Jane Lynch so much? Them presenting together was hilarious!

* And why is Tina Fey hilarious??? Check out her photobombing Amy Poehler when they called her for being nominated.

* Why was I so happy to see Octavia Spencer win the Golden Globe award for “Best Supporting Actress” in The Help? I liked that movie! And she looked beautiful. The dress she had on complemented her well too!

* Why did I see Sidney Poitier on that stage and almost lose my mind? Yall better GIVE THAT LEGEND A STANDING OVATION! And he was giving the Cecil B. DeMille Lifetime Achievement Award to Morgan Freeman? I feel like God is somewhere like “YOU SEE MY HOMIES???”

Morgan was over there looking like he holds the key of life and has all the answers to our questions. One legend honoring another. Listening to Sidney Poitier speak is like live cinema. He should narrate the new testament because that diction is impeccable! But how amazing is Morgan Freeman’s film career? What he has done, be a Black man in Hollywood with a career that is half a century long, is AWESOME.

“If you do what you love, then you’ll never work a day in your life. If that’s true, then I haven’t worked in the past 45 yrs.” – Morgan Freeman

* If Morgan Freeman and Sidney Poitier starred in a movie together, you it end with book of Revelations?  Those two are in a league of their own and it’s really inspiring.

Legends.

Pic from DigitalSpy.com. © PA Images / Mark J. Terrill/AP

* Why is Helen Mirren so beautiful??? She’s older than everything but still look fierce! I love it. And that accent? Glory.

* Why was Sophia Vergara‘s over there talking like she just got done doing something unholy? She was all breathless and whatnot. I like her though. I don’t even mind that she’s a caricature of a spicy Latina.

* Who told Jessica Biel to rock a onesie with her  granny’s lace curtains over iand step out the house? I was not impressed.

* Why do I love Queen Latifah so much? She stays fierce on these awards! Her stylists be having her looking like a tall glass of chocolate milk without lactose. WERK, KING LATIFAH!

* Who is gonna show me some receipts that Tilda Swinson is now a ghost? Someone’s gotta show her shaking a hand or something. She always freaks me out. Looking like she belongs in “The Others.”

* Do people still have hope of winning an award when they go against Meryl Streep? I wanted Viola Davis to win but I’m not surprised. Meryl is a BEAST in this acting game so I’m not e’em mad.

* Why did Meryl get on that stage to make her acceptance speech and take her GOOD time? She was up there for way longer than other winners were allowed. She was all “I won. EFF YALL! Lemme tell you bout when I was 5…” She was up there telling stories bout the time she went to the grocery store. “You gotta go” music be dambed. Meryl gave no  dambs AT ALL.

* Why was Jane Fonda onstage looking all nice and fierce? And she had on the dress Jessica Biel shoulda worn. WERK.

* How does George Clooney stay so fine??? And who was surprised he won? Not nobody. Yes, I used a double negative and you will deal.

Anywho, that is all. Did y’all watch the Golden Globe awards? What did you think?

Related posts:

1. BET Awards 2011 Recap: The Show Was… I Got Questions
2. 21 VERY random questions that popped in my head
3. My 5 Thoughts on the Academy Awards
4. “The Game” Premiere Played Bald-headed Games! I Have Questions
5. Just Curious… I Got Questions

But there was ONE highlight of the night. And yes, you already guessed it.

1. Beyonce’s Belly Rub. Unless you’re living under a rock, or in an Amish community, you’ve heard that Beyoncé is pregnant by now. And the way she revealed it on the VMAs was nothing short of dope. First, she came on the red carpet and said she had a surprise. She held her tummy and the world lost its’ collective mind. At least on Twitter anyway.

THEN she came onstage to perform. She started with “I want you to feel the love that’s growing inside of me” and I ain’t gon lie. My thug went “SCREECH!” AAWWWWWW!!! Then she proceeded to SLAY in a performance of “Love on Top” that felt so joyful. And she sounded all good and stuff. Pregnancy coated Bey’s throat with ambrosia and nectar of awesome. I was all “Aight, come thoo and GIVE then Queen Yawnce!” And as she finished, she opened up her #sequence jacket and:

#ThatBellyRub

YESSSSSS LAWDDDD!!! Bish you better get up there and ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR PREGNANCY IN THE BEST WAY EVER!!!!

*kicks down chair*
*runs around the living room*
*hollers like I won money*

YES YOU EPIC HEFFA, YOU!!!

And the camera panned to Jay-Z and he was SO GEEKED! And my thug bust out a *wall slide* in the name of love.

Kanye congratulating Jay-Z.

Seriously. The look on Jay-Z’s face was EVERYTHING I needed. It was what pure joy looks like. It was BEAUTIFUL to see him light up. He was giddy as a schoolgirl and his face looked like Christmas came early. I loved every bit of it. His “I got Beyoncé pregnant” swag is on a hundred thousand trillion. Jay-Z, GOOD LOOKING ON THAT YOUNG INSEMINATION!!! YOU DEED THAT!!! #Shourrout to the Royal Knowles-Carter UTERUS!!!

Baby Knowles-Carter is gon come out and cry unicorn tears and piss glitter into the doctor’s hands! We can start fasting NOW that it looks like Bey though. COME ON, JESUS!

I am a Beyoncé fan, not a stan. I don’t wake up and clock in at the House of Dereon. BUT, I’ll be dambed if she ain’t try (and lowkey succeed) in converting me last night. I fell in love with her. That showing was too epic not to. As the world holds its breath for this ROYAL BABY, lemme say this to everyone: JUST BECAUSE BEYONCE IS PREGNANT DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO BE.

I’ma just leave that right there.

Moving on to incredibly LESSER moments…

P.S. I stopped giving a single Iota of a damb about the rest of the show after Bey performed. They shoulda just been like “WELP, looks like we’re done here. Goodnight, everyone!” But alas, they kept going. And I went to the kitchen for the next hour. Thankfully before that happened…

YAASSSSS!!!

2. Adele came thoo and SANG. As she is always expected to. Y’all know I love me some Adele. That plump Brit don’t need nothing else but that mic, that piano, her Grandma’s old dress, her ratchet side ponytail and AIR. She slays hoes effortlessly with that voice. She sang one of my favorite songs of hers “Someone Like You” and showed folks that you’ont need fireworks or autotune to GIVE. I just love her so murch. Her performance was the only other one that I was excited about. And the only other thing about the whole show that I’m giving positive reviews on.

Everything else that happened annoyed me to pieces. And this is in no particular order. Like…

3. Lady Gaga was dressed like Justin Bieber a dude all night and was bad at it. She opened up the show with her performance, which started with what felt like a 15-minute monologue. I AIN’T COME FOR THIS FAKE ASS WEST SIDE STORY/GREASE INTRO! I was too annoyed to give a damb about what she said. She was dressed as some dude named Joe. And apparently, dude was drunk all night because anytime Gaga brought her ass on stage, she looked and acted like she just did a Jagerbomb shot.

Gaga performed as Joe and I was all “OHHHH! I get now why she wears all the crazy costumes and meat. Because without them, she’s an average performer. I got it.” MEH. She’s talented and can sing but MEH.

And after her opening performance, Joe/Gaga made an appearance onstage to present or win an award like 10 times. I was pretty much OVER IT before the show was even halfway. GERROFF the stage, GAGA! I just wanted her to go have a seat. And stay there. Ugh.

4. While Lady Gaga was dressed like Justin Bieber, Justine (-___-) was dressed like a militant Ellen DeGeneres and Nicki Minaj was dressed like Lady Gaga’s Alien Stepcousin. WHY WAS EVERYONE DOING THE MOST WITH THEIR #ALPHETS?!?

Girl, go take a nap.

According to Sinnamon’s Couture:

“Nicki’s outfit consisted of an Amato Couture pink corset, Shojotomo Japan shorts, thigh highs and critter socks, Tsimori Chisato stockings, an Onch Movement ice cream necklace, Fifi and Romeo plastic cuffs and Duepunti rings.”

I can’t e’em pronounce most of that stuff, but together, she looked like what an acid trip MUST be like. If I wanted to go down that path, I’d go to a rave, Nicki! DAMB! Can we put Nicki Minaj into the spaceship she WISHES she came to Earth in? Mars is looking for citizens. I can’t stand Nicki Minaj. Her and Will.I.Am need to volunteer for the space program so we can leave them on the moon. EXTRA ASS.

And Justin Bieber wore Malcolm X’s glasses. And looked like Plymouth Rock landed next to him and asked me “Kind Ma’am, can you show me the people I’m ‘posed to land on?” He’s so pretty #doe. The boy is sooo pretty!

Him so pretty!

Random but can I say that when I saw him and Selena Gomez kiss, I went “ew?” Those two have about as much sexual chemistry as Woody and Buzz Lightyear. They’re both just so… asexual to me.

Also related: Selena Gomez stole my avatar’s ALPHET!

Who rocked it better???

I’d like the record to show that I had on my #alphet at 3:30pm CST. Selena stole my goth swag! It’s aight #doe. I ain’t bitter (-__-).

5. Chris Brown performed as a Hood Angel. This fool came dressed in an all white suit, looking like St. Michael’s hood assistant, or Diddy from the “I’ll be missing you” video. Same difference. Then her proceeded to dance like it was his last chance. The boy ain’t got the sense God gave a remedial goat with ADHD but he sure can dance. HOWEVER, he ain’t sing a lick. That mic on his head was just there for decoration and nothing else.

And to further prove that Heaven does indeed have a ghetto, Breezy flew over the crowd and somersaulted. I was all “Ummm… ok.” I guess. I ain’t got much to say about/to Chris nowadays. He’s getting more tats though. Maybe in an attempt to not be so light-skint. IDK.

Moving on…

6. Dude in the tie dyed t-shirt (and his mama) showed out. It started at the preshow when this dude who y’all told me was named Tyler The Creator (Iunno that stranger bish) came on acting a complete fool. Like he ain’t never been nowhere before. Then the show started and he continued to act like he ain’t got good sense. He came onstage with the Beastie Boys and his cooning crew. And the moment he did the Harlem Shake was when I was pretty through.

Then he won an award and his mother hopped out her seat like the holy ghost hops out Juanita Bynum’s fingers on Facebook. I ain’t gon fault her too murch though. Her lame hipster son won “Best New Artist” and she clearly had to do a jig for Jesus.

Mama Tyler giving glory to HER Lawd!

7. MTV did a janky tribute to Britney spears. It was all of like 3 minutes, and Britney looked like she half forgot that she actually did all that stuff. Iunno what happened to her but she looked like a shell. And Gaga’s ass was the person who presented her the award.

And bless their hearts for making her introduce Beyoncé as part of her thank you speech. That’s how you know you have lost. They honor YOU and half your speech is about how the NEXT performer is awesome and kinda greater than you. WOMP.

Britney was not tryna have anything Gaga was offering. #DoNotWant

8. Lil Wayne wore snow leopard pajama jeans. And performed with autotune. And it sucked. The end.

9. The MTV Award show writers dropped the ball. In a major way. Every single dialogue between presenters was AWKWARD as all to be. So awkward that watching some of them was kinda painful and uncomfortable. The banter was all stilted. I know that a lot of celebs aren’t GREAT at reading teleprompters and that was some of it. HOWEVER, the script was just not good. All these talented writers EVERYWHERE and MTV wants to hire the ones who make folks sound like the doggone Tin Man for award shows. Womp! Whoever MTV’s head writers are need to be put on probation. THSE DIALOGUES WERE AWFUL.

I mean, they could hire ME to do this stuff for them. But I’m just saying. (-___-) I really wish award show conversations didn’t make me wanna jump off my bed unto soft carpet.

Meanwhile…

10. Tom Cruise let Katie Holmes leave the house by herself and not only attend the show, but present. That was momentous. Y’all know that’s his robot. He needs her at his side at all times, otherwise she might escape. Katie was looking like she got freshly brainwashed by Scientology in the limo on the way to the awards though. She ain’t been right since she got with Tom Cruise. She always looks like she wants to tell us a secret but is afraid to speak. I feel like Tom took Katie’s soul, put it in a jar and hid it in his shoe lifts. I’ont trust that pocket scientologist.

Other things happened but I’m done.

Did you enjoy the show? Did you scream yourself into a headache bout #ThatBellyRub like I did? Did you know most of those stranger bishes on stage? What did y’all think of the show overall? Tell a G.

More great coverage of the 2011 VMAs is at: MissJia.com, The Cynical Ones, Sinnamon’s Couture.

Related posts:

1. Luvvie’s 2011 VMAs Live-Tweets Party
2. I Hated the VMAs (and Taylor Swift)
3. Luvvie’s MTV VMAs Live-Tweet Party
4. BET Awards 2011 Recap: The Show Was… I Got Questions
5. Another WACK Awards – VMAs

@LuvvieIG, @BrokeyMcPoverty, @_Rickeh, @Missjia, @CorporateBarbie, @Huny, @iMDRW, @KanyeBreast, @Ladyw87, @CruzanChoklate, @purplepeace79, @SoundSavvy, @Ykesha2001, @TheXDExperience, @NaturallyAlise, @Basseyworldlive, @__klover, @SteenFox, @MychalSmith, @Kiarri_, @BasedPrincey

More people are being added to this list. Ill be picking 20 total. BUT if you aren’t one of the folks listed here, and would like your tweets streamed on my blog, use the hashtag #LuvVMAs. So grab some popcorn and get ready. Even if the show sucks, the tweets will make your time worthwhile.

If you’re reading this in FEEDS or email, you need to actually visit my site to view the live-tweets.

Related posts:

1. Luvvie’s MTV VMAs Live-Tweet Party
2. Luvvie’s BET Awards 2011 Live-Tweets Party
3. Luvvie’s GRAMMYS Live-Tweets Party
4. Don’t be Tardy for my Grammy Live-Tweeting Party
5. Luvvie’s BET Awards 2010 Live-Tweet Party

But I did have hella questions from that show. Starting with the pre-show. AND I had to share some of the foolish tweets from my Twitfam.

BET Awards Pre-Show and outfits

Picture from NecoleBitchie.com

* Why was Rocsi dressed like Tonya Harding, in that skater’s #alphet?

RT @drgoddess Rocsi looks like Wilma Flintstone with a rebellious weave.

* Why does Rick Ross have the titties Mo’Nique was s’posed to have?

* Why did I not know MOST of the people who performed? Who were all those stranger bishes? Am I getting old or did I just stopped giving a damb bout Hip Hop?

* Why didn’t Free comb out the curls after she took out the rollers in her head? It’s aight though. She’s bout 78 but still looks 25. I ain’t mad.

* Who was that Lil Twist fella and why was his haircut so ridiculous? AND why was his microphone autotuned?

RT @RenishaRenewed BET and Lil Twistout need to have a coupla deez _/ _/ for that performance…. TERRIBLE!

RT @mychalsmith I don’t know what a Lil Twist is, but I hope he both keeps his shirt on and stays in school

* Where was JoJo Simmons when Diggy performed? Was he sweeping the red carpet somewhere?

Deacon Cannon. Picture from NecoleBitchie.com

* Why is Nick Cannon always dressed in some deacon board suit? He STAY looking like he just got done directing the church Qwa at the regional competition.

* Why come (yes, why come) NOBODY was dressed for the same occasion/weather? The event was in LA. Folks had on turtlenecks, tank tops, ball gowns, shorts, tuxedos, lingerie… NOBODY MATCHED!

* Why was Lloyd’s hair so juicy? And I wonder if BET gon send him a bill for the reupholstering they gotta do for their couches backstage. I KNOW for a fact he stained them couches with all the activator in his head. Soul gloing negro…

RT @ladyw87: All of my lesbian curiousness comes out when i see Lloyd

* Why was Debra Lee looking like a Hershey’s kiss with the top dipped in white chocolate. WHAT SHE GOT ON???

RT @MissKlept: Why is Debra lee dressed like a rock climbing wall?

* Why did Chris Brown get so many shoutouts during the pre-show? Did his publicist promise folks favors???

* Why did Wiz Khalifa looks like a military roach with that camouflage on? His war on RAID spray starts tomorrow.

* Why were Keri Hilson’s boobs so oppressed in that corset? Her poor boobs were screaming for freedom from that too-small top.

The BET Awards Itself

* Did Mary J. Blige wear K-Swisses? What were those boots on her feet? And also, didn’t she give you 90s fever??? YESSS!!!

RT @lovecrissle: YES FOR OLD FOOD STAMP MARY!

* Did anyone else think that Mary J.’s voice was gon give way midway through her duet with Anita Baker? I’ont think her voice is meant for Baker music. All that hollering. Just me? Aight.

* Was DJ Khaled wearing a towel jacket? And why is he tryna bring back windbreakers? He had on 4 different ones during the show.

* Why was Kevin Hart barely taller than the 8-year old dancers on stage with him? Bless him. Why was I pleasantly surprised that Kevin Hart was soooo funny? Dude entertained the heck outta me.

* Why did Chris Brown come on stage to receive his award while rocking a #sequence scarf around his neck? Looking like a fashion conscious armed robber.

* How much did Rick Ross pay for that Versace curtain he wore as a track jacket? I mean, it was nice… And why did it take him all of 4 minutes to expose his titties to let his areolas free. He is one very confident fat man.

RT @MikeScottJR: If Janet Jackson can’t show her titties on TV neither should Rick Ross be able to

* Who was the other dark dude with long locs on stage with Lil Wayne? Everyone answers: Ace Hood. I never knew he existed.

* Do The Smiths’ DNA have unicorn tears and essence of phoenix? Jaden and Willow winning the same award in a tie lets me believe so. That and their general moneymaking power as a family unit.

* Why do I wish that Househusbands of Hollywood skit was a real show? I’d watch THE HECK out that show if it existed.

* Did someone check on Lil Kim after Nicki Minaj won the “Female Hip Hop Artist” award? I figure that somewhere, Lil Kim is kicking down the mop she’s s’posed to be using to clean up aisle 4 at KMart because Nicki won. Lil Kim is PISSED, yall. Someone go get her computer from her. She just threw her 500 free AOL hours CD out the window. Homie is MAD!

* Didn’t Jill Scott GIVE with her performance? Jilly from Philly looked good too. WERK!

* Why was Justin Bieber at the BET Awards??? And folks be talmbout Affirmative Action ain’t real! (-___-)

* Why were the Five Heartbeats on the stage without having practiced? They didn’t know the dance steps NOR the words. All I saw were shuffling and confused shiny suits on stage. And I see Robert Townsend has been eating.

All them shiny suits...

* Why was Diddy Dirty Money dressed like they just came from an all-white party at the Hamptons? And why was the girl who ain’t Estelle rocking that hairstyle that made her face look even stronger?

* Why did Chris Brown look like a gray penis when he first came out to perform? Those pants made his legs look like balls. I was concerned. Then he changed into a black onesie. Had it been shiny, he’da looked like he was #payamish to Missy Elliott in the “I can’t stand the rain” vidjo.

RT @BasseyworldLive: Michael Jackson did not die so that Chris Brown could ride one of his Llamas like a show pony.

* My girl asked “What has Busta Rhymes been eating?” Everything.

* Was I the only one REALLY proud of Meagan Goode for putting on something besides cut off jean shorts, a see thru tank and a leather jacket? Our lil hoodrat is growing up, y’all!

* Why was Alicia Keys’ coiffure so frizzy? That #StruggleHair was distracting me from her performance, which was good enough. Although I do wonder when “Falling” will be off her “to perform on award shows” set list.

RT @swinfrey: Mashonda’s spirit did that to Alicia Keys’ hair

* Was Janelle Monae somewhere #jellis of Bruno Mars bouffant? That pocket straight is so adorabo.

* Does Justin Bieber use Motions setting lotion? His wrap is SO proper. Can’t nobody rock a swoop bang like that boy.

* Why did that exchange between Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber make me feel so uncomfortable? Who thought it was a good idea? It just gave me the heebie jeebies. Ew. Related:

* Who writes these award show presenter dialogues??? And why are they always so awkward? And why haven’t they hired ME to do it for them? Seriously. One of these award shows needs to hire ME to write for them so their dialogues won’t make puppies howl in pain. SO AWKWARD.

* Why didn’t I even realize Kanye West was nominated for an award? When he won, I was all “oh yeah.” Kanye was prolly somewhere scowling in the front row of some international fashion show. He ain’t have time for BET this year.

* Why did Johnny Gill think we’d give a damb bout his album that’s coming out. Johnny, girl, just… nawl.

* Why did I think Cherelle was Traci Braxton at first? Dead ass serious. SMH.

* Where were Alexander O’Neal‘s teeth? Clearly, if doing crack was a hobby, he’d be an Olympian. Bless him heart.

RT @alpha1906 #BETaward Alexander O’Neal uses his side tooth to eat McNuggets

* Why did Trey Songz miss EVERY note he tried to sing? Where was Sandman Sam to come take him off the stage? At least til his balls drop and his voice stops cracking mid-sentence. Did he lose his voice with his braids? Ol’ Negro Samson face.

* Why was Kelly Rowland‘s intro so weak??? Did they HAVE to wrap her set into Trey’s. And why come they never make her sets all elaborate? It just be her, her long legs and a coupla backups dancers. Hasn’t she earned a bit more fanciness yet?

* Why did I see Kelly Rowland’s abs and immediately dropped down and did 50 crunches? Them joints are so impressive!

* Why was Debra Lee looking like a literal rock between a hard place?

* Was I the only one impressed by how Steve Harvey‘s head was SHINED to the dome GAWDS! I ain’t mad. Looking like a chocolate Homer Simpson. I SEE YOU, STE’E!

RT @Vandalyzm: one day that nigga gonna come on stage dressed in one big ass button. I promise

* Why can’t anyone rock a slicky ricky like Rev. Al Sharpton, Patron Saint of Permed Principles?

* Why does Donnie McClurkin talk like he bout to church shout at ANY MOMENT? *trembling, anointed voice* “Meeeeeeddddiical records…”

* Why is it that everytime I see Mary Mary, I scowl because they’ve ruined “Blame it on the Alcohol” for me? I feel like Jesus is judging me if I’m doing hoodrat ish to that song. Mary Mary, all I ask is that you no longer sing club hits and add the word “Jesus” to it to make it gospel. ‘Sall I ask. And I only like one of the Marys. The other one hollers too much.

* When the Braxtons came on, why was Toni rocking that awful hairhat looking like “these bishes always wanna sing with me?” And why was Tamar tryna make sure her voice was strongest? And you know Traci was in the back doing a *fist pump* talmbout “Finally!”

RT @bomani_jones toni braxton gets the percy miller award for keeping her big ol family employed

* Why was Gladys Knight‘s hair flying above all the haters in that ponytail of hers?

* What was that contraption on Cee-Lo‘s head? That fool is the one who flew over the cuckoo’s nest. For realsies.

* Why did Marsha Ambrosius come thoo and SLAY??? She better come on with that falsetto for Jesus!!!

* What did Shirley Caesar have on in that Patti LaBelle tribute??? She was looking like she going to a Quincenera. And did she have a gahtdamb CAPE on her quincenera dress? YES SHE DID! iCan’t.

RT @lovecrissle Shirley looking like the Good Witch of the Projects. We gon let her make it.

RT @Jus10tyler: Shirley Cesar got on her wedding, funeral and bet award dress

RT @youhypesikenah somebody give shirley a wand and some sprinkles

* Why do I love Patti LaBelle so much? She got on that stage and called Marsha a “big heffa” with so much love in her voice. And then she sang. YES PATTI! You better flap them wings. And she slayed hoes effortlessly. SHE IS LEGEND!!!

And did y’all get a piece of her green slingback loubous??? You damb right she ain’t kick THOSE off.

* WHAT. THE. HELL. HAPPENED. WITH. THAT. MISREAD. AWARD????? That girl got up there and said the fan fave award went to Chris Brown. Then Rihanna. Then Drake. That was THE MOST AWKWARD moment I’ve ever witnessed at an awards show. After Kanye’s foolishness, of course.

This was her tweet after the debacle.

And then at the VERY end of the show, they came back to say Chris Brown DID win it. BET is bootleg as all the dambs. And that chile’s Twitter got blown up. She went from 5,000 followers to 22,000 and counting.

* Why did Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, Lil Wayne and Drake perform SO many times??? Is Jeremih on voice rest? Did Ciara pull her back doing the matrix bend for the millionth time? Were there NO other artists available to perform?

* Why did BET make folks wait 3 hours for a Beyonce performance that wasn’t in person, wasn’t live AND already streamed on YouTube AND has been available for random watching since yesterday afternoon? Folks were in that auditorium watching gahtdamb YouTube performance they coulda just watched on their smartphones. This is part of the reason why BET stays losing.

But kudos to Beyonce for getting paid twice to do one performance. That child is a TRUE hustler.

The 2011 BET Awards were three hours of repeat performances showing mediocre artists doing mediocre things with a few exceptions. Twitter made it entertaining.

What did y’all think of the BET awards? Do you have any questions of your own? What was your favorite performance, if you had one?

Shoutout to ThroatChopU’s tumblr, where I got more of the images and the vidjo of the awkward moment.

Related posts:

1. My Questions About the Golden Globe Awards: Recap
2. Another CRAPPY Awards Show
3. Luvvie’s BET Awards 2011 Live-Tweets Party
4. 10 Things That Happened at the 2011 VMAs
5. Luvvie’s 2011 VMAs Live-Tweets Party

Stay tuned for my BET Awards party, featuring live-tweeting from the most foolish and ratchet folks on Twitter. This eParty will start at 6pm on Sunday, June 26th. So come back here and get epic tweets from the most foolish folks on Twitter.

So far, here are folks whose tweets will be automatically streamed here. I’ll be adding more as the day goes along.

@LuvvieIG (ME!), @Huny, @LoveCrissle, @CorporateBarbie, @SoundSavvy, @MissJia, @iMDRW, @Kanyebreast, @RPinHD, @FreshAIG, @Ladyw87, @Steenfox (who’s actually there!), @Poitreenmoshun, @Hallehberreh, @TheXDExperience, @Gordehh, @BasedPrincey, @BrokeyMcPoverty

If you aren’t one of the folks listed here, and would like your tweets streamed on my blog, use the hashtags #AweBET or #BETFancyHuh.

If you’re reading this in feeds or Google Reader, you need to actually visit my site to view the live-tweets.

Related posts:

1. Luvvie’s 2011 VMAs Live-Tweets Party
2. Luvvie’s BET Awards 2010 Live-Tweet Party
3. Luvvie’s GRAMMYS Live-Tweets Party
4. Luvvie’s MTV VMAs Live-Tweet Party
5. Don’t be Tardy for my Grammy Live-Tweeting Party

*does cartwheels*

*Puss in boots eyes*

First, AwesomelyLuvvie.com is a finalist in the “Best Humor Blog” category for the third year in a row. I won the popular vote in 2009. And then last year, Very Smart Brothas and OhHellNawl swept the floor with me. This year, I’ve asked them to be gentle and use lube. That’s ALL I ask. But I’ma still try anyway. I’ll cross my fingers and my eyes.

THEN, my newest blog, DumbestTweets.com, which chronicles the dumbassery that happens on Twitter is up for “Best Microblog.” *cartwheels* I wasn’t expecting that at all!

Anywho, please vote for HERE.

Congrats to my blogger buddies who are also nominated in various categories. Allow me to pay homage to: Miss jia, The Fashion Bomb, Afrobella, Sister Toldja, Skinny Black Girl, The Black Snob, Single Black Male, Black Girls Guide to Weight Loss, Necole Bitchie, Dirty Pretty Thangs, My Brown Baby, The Urbane Urbanite, Young Fat and Fabulous, The Curvy Fashionista, The FreshXpress

Good luck to everyone! And see you in LA in July!

Related posts:

1. I’m a Finalist in the Black Weblog Awards!
2. Nominate AwesomelyLuvvie.com for the Black Weblog Awards
3. Mama, I WON Black Weblog Awards!!!
4. Mama, I Wanna Win Again!
5. Is Black Face the New Black? Sarah Silverman Thinks Its Funny

In the meantime, I’d love for you to help a G out. The Black Weblog Awards are back, and I need ya help! I won the “Best Humor Blog” Award in 2009 and was a finalist in 2010. I wanna try again. CAN I????

Here’s where you come in. Nominate AwesomelyLuvvie.com for “Best Humor Blog.” You know I love awards and shiny things.

Also, the Tumblr I created to document the misspellings and dumbassness that happens on Twitter: http://dumbesttweets.tumblr.com. Please nominate that for “Best Microblog.”

Please and thanks! I’ll appreciate ya much if you do!

So yes go HERE to do it. And there are A LOTTA categories. You don’t have to fill out all of them. Just fill out the ones you’d like.

AwesomelyLuvvie.com – Best Humor Blog

Dumbesttweets.tumblr.com – Best Microblog

P.S. Everyone gets to vote ONE time, so don’t accidentally press “enter” before finishing the voting. I might havedid. WOMP!

Related posts:

1. I’m a Finalist in the Black Weblog Awards!
2. Two of My Blogs Are Finalists in the Black Weblog Awards!
3. Mama, I WON Black Weblog Awards!!!
4. It’s a Celebration on AwesomelyLuvvie.com! Giveaway Time!
5. Is Black Face the New Black? Sarah Silverman Thinks Its Funny

So I’m giving you my:

5 thoughts on the Academy Awards

LMAO @ the fact that Kirk's Wikipedia page has him listed as 254 years old. Folks ain't bout that life.

5. Kirk Douglas presenting was half painful to watch, half awesome. Awesome because the guy’s not a day shy of 203 years old. Yet he can stand and speak and is lucid. That part is really inspirational. And old people are adorable. Kinda like babies are. See how life comes full circle? Yes. Yes you do. However, he was on that stage for like 10 minutes, and it was a bit painful to watch because I kept saying silent prayers that he made it through ok. I mean, being 254, every act you do could be your last. So I held my breath and only watched with one eye open. But Kirk made it through fine! Even flirted with the person who won the award.

4. There was so little color at the Oscar’s. I mean SO LITTLE. There were no Black folks nominated for anything. I mean I know there were few options so I’m not saying there HAD to be. Just saying… And Whoopi or Queen Latifah didn’t host. It was a very white Oscar’s. Even Javier Bardem, who has a little bit of color came in an all white suit. With a white tie. Well DAMB. Him and Josh Brolin came up on stage looking like Heaven’s bouncers. If they had gone next to Kirk Douglas, I’da fainted like “DON’T TAKE HIM NOW, LAWD!!!”

And the Lena Horne tribute seemed hella random and thrown in. But lemme stop being ungrateful. Oh AND they had Mother Oprah, Halle Berry and Jennifer Hudson present. So I guess they tried. I guess… Well, they also had that really diverse children’s Qwa close out the show. That was nice. Which brings me to something my girl said:

Academy must have thought no black nominees would mean no black winners to thank God during their Oscar speech, making the show move faster. Didn’t quite work out that way. – VEG

3. The speeches felt twice as long. No really. Did they allow Oscar winners 5 minutes to be on stage? Each speech felt like AGES. Geez! People got up to the podium and gave everyone from their agents to their pets thanks. They took long pauses, deep breaths, and were just REALLY comfortable standing up there for minutes. Sirs… ma’ams… Thank God, your mama, your agent and your fans. And get off the stage. You don’t have to thank your 5th grade teacher who made you read Shakespeare for the book report. Speaking of which, the speeches made me want to read Romeo & Juliet in 50 Tyson’s voice. They were that long. The dude who played the music that signified that they’d overstayed their welcome was probably rolling his eyes. Some winners ignored the fact that the music was playing. SECURITY!!!!

Maybe I’m just a hater.

2. Anne Hathaway’s really pretty. But boring. I mean she looked AWESOME all night. Like a gem. Her outfits were ON POINT and her hair was WHIPPED. Her face was beat to submission and she just looked beautiful. HOWEVER, a charismatic host she is not. Yes she had all the enthusiasm that a tweenager has at a Bieber concert. She smiled and her teeth blinged. She had super high energy but that didn’t translate to a good host. I say she stick to acting. Stand up or hosting shows for a living isn’t her forte. BUT… I have to say. She had a tough job to do, especially when her cohost was James Franco. Under the influence. Which brings me to…

James... lmaoooo

1. James Franco was high as hell. And I was HIGHLY amused. From the moment Anne and James walked on stage and I saw him, I KNEW he wasn’t himself. Dude’s eyes looked like slits and he was SUPER chill. James was HIGHER than Lil Kim’s mixtape sales aren’t. I mean WOWSIES! He musta toked up backstage because he was blazed! I bet he was backstage like “DAMBIT, I need this to end already. I need to make a run to the 7-Eleven!” Whenever he was onstage, he was sooooooooo mellow. Yeah, we see you!

This was the highlight of the Oscar’s for me. It provided great moments to cackle at because James was NOT present. He was floating somewhere above the clouds. The entire time! ALL three hours.

Anyways, that is all I got. The Oscars was boring as always. I flipped the channel after the first hour. At that point, I was open to watching paint dry instead of sitting through 2 more hours of it. Did y’all watch? Whatcha think? Am I a hater (or do I just roast a lot)?

Related posts:

1. I’m Going to the 2012 Academy Awards!
2. My 10 Thoughts on the SAG Awards
3. My Thoughts About Part 1 of the “Basketball Wives LA” Reunion
4. BET Awards 2008 Was Actually Good!
5. My Questions About the Golden Globe Awards: Recap

So far, they are:
@LuvvieIG (me), @TheXDExperience, @Missjia, @LoveCrissle, @Libra_ki, @Freshaig, @itsPrincey, @BrokeyMcPoverty, BasseyWorldLive, @SteenFox, @kanyebreast, @ladyw87, @vinabean, @Cloud10LV, @MissZindzi, @SoundSavvy, @SinnamonS, @CorporateBarbie, @RPinHD, @Huny

15 more people will be added to this list. I’m still trying to see if certain folks are gonna be watching it.

If you aren’t one of the folks listed here, and would like your tweets streamed on my blog, use the hashtag #GrammyLuv. So grab some popcorn and get ready. Even if the show sucks, the tweets will make your time worthwhile.

If you’re reading this in FEEDS, you need to actually visit my site to view the live-tweets.

Related posts:

1. Luvvie’s 2011 VMAs Live-Tweets Party
2. Luvvie’s BET Awards 2011 Live-Tweets Party
3. Luvvie’s MTV VMAs Live-Tweet Party
4. Don’t be Tardy for my Grammy Live-Tweeting Party
5. Luvvie’s BET Awards 2010 Live-Tweet Party