Category: Letter
Dear Eddie Long, You’re a King? iRebuke It
Yesterday, I was alerted to the most ridiculous thing I’ve heard since… well the day before. Let me give you the cliffnotes on what happened. This past Sunday, some Jewish Rabbi (or so he says) named Ralph Messer went to New Birth Missionary Baptist Church to crown Bishop Eddie Long as “King.” He used some [...]
Dear Common and Drake, No One Cares About Your Beef
I heard that Common and Drake had some rap beef going on, and word on the street is that it’s over Serena Williams. They’ve earned this week’s sternly-worded letter. Dear Common and Drake, Hey Lonnie. Hey Aubrey. I wanted to sit you both down to let you know that don’t nobody give a damb about [...]
Dear Men’s Health Magazine, Your List Sucks
The other night on Twitter, I saw folks slandering Jennifer Aniston heavily and wondered why. They informed me that in a list that Men’s Health Magazine released, rating the Hottest Women of All Time, Jennifer Aniston was listed as #1. I asked for a link to it and what met me was a terrible list. [...]
Dear Kim Kardashian, Divorce Already, Huh?
According to TMZ.com, the neighborhood gossip who is rarely wrong, Kim Kardashian is getting a divorce, 72 days after getting married. This is an obvious choice for a sternly-worded letter. Dear Kim Kardashian, You really just filed for divorce two and a half months after you said “I do.” This is the wedding that was [...]
Dear Khia, Beyonce Copied You? Girl…
Khia said Beyonce bit “My Neck, My Back” for her new video for “Party.” This is why she’s earned this sternly-worded letter. Dear Khia, You came out with “My Neck, My Back” in 2002 and that has been your claim to fame. You’re holding on TIGHT to it, I see, since you haven’t done much since. [...]
Dear Roach That Punked Me Last Night
I saw a roach in my apartment last night. And it punked me. So I decided to write it a sternly-worded letter. Dear Roach, You won this round. And might win the entire battle too. I’ve yet to come to terms with your presence in my crib. In fact, I might just let you have [...]
Dear Facebook, Stop It with the Changes
I was on Facebook last night and refreshed my page. I walked away and came back and saw my newsfeeds were hella different looking. Facebook has earned yet another sternly-worded letter. Dear Facebook, STOP IT! You do this EVERY TIME! Every. single. time. You make a huge change, we complain and then get used to [...]
Dear Vogue Italia, Slave Earrings? Here’s TWO Seats to Have
So sometimes, stuff is published on major outlets that is just sooo jarring and stupid that I am just convinced it was a mistake. Or written for The Onion. This is one of them. Vogue Italia published an article on their site featuring hoop earrings. And instead of calling them just that, they decided to [...]
Dear Lauryn Hill, Rohan Wasn’t It Anyway
Soooo I just heard that Lauryn Hill got left by Rohan Marley for a Brazilian model (story’s here). My first thought was that maybe he’s sick of having to rummage through an entire closet to get to her love pocket. I’m just saying. Lauryn has earned this sternly-worded letter. Dear Lauryn Hill, Hey girl hey. [...]
Dear Lady Gaga, You Do The Most with the Most
This week’s sternly-worded letter is to Lady Gaga, the Queen of Doing the Most. Dear Lady Gaga, Hey girl hey! Can we talk for a second? Aight cool. I’d like to know why you do sooo much. ALLATAHM. ALL THE GAHTDAMB TAHM! You’re very talented, true. Your voice is actually pretty dope. Only reason I [...]
Dear Grandma, We Love You. Always.
She helped raise me. I grew up in her house. We didn’t just see her on holidays. She was ALWAYS there. In our family house. Granny would pick us up from school almost everyday. People remember her because she was an ever-present force in all our lives. My cousins would spend holidays over at Granny’s [...]
Dear Donald Trump, You’re a Dusty Degenerate
This week’s sternly-worded letter is truly deserved. If you don’t know why, then either you’ve been hiding under a rock or you’re related to Sarah Palin. Either one is not a good look. Let’s get into it. Dear Donald Trump, When you decided that you might be running for presidency in 2012, I paid no [...]
Dear Lil Kim, this Nicki Minaj Beef is Tired
This letter to Lil Kim has been a long time coming. And everytime I lose my vigor to write it, something else happens. Sit back. Enjoy. Dear Lil Kim, Hey gurl hey. *deep sigh* You know I used to be a fan of yours, right? Your songs went HARD in the gahtdamb paint! “Crush on [...]
