Politics

A Handy Guide to Disrespecting Cheeto Satan From Inauguration and Beyond

In 2 days, the mascot of white supremacy and proof that God sometimes rushes through the creation process, Donald Trump, will be sworn in as president of the United States. And the four horsemen of the apocalypse will ride in as Jesus emerges behind them with a whip and proceeds to …

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CulturePolitics

Announcement! COPE Has Placed a Moratorium on BLAXIT Passes

It’s been a month since the world began its’ quick crumble, with the election of Squirrelwig McRacistPants as the next President of the United States. We were all stunned, because WTF HOW THE FUCK WHO THE FUCK. Even though Hillary Clinton secured almost 3 million more votes than Cheeto Satan, …

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CulturePolitics

I’m Not Playing Nice with Donald Trump

A week ago, the United States of America reminded the world that is has a lot of stupid people in it. And a lot of people who would put their race over their genders because they’ve internalized patriarchy. And a lot of people who are raging racists. And a lot …

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CulturePolitics

About the Heartbreak of America’s Choice

I forced myself to go to sleep around 1am. I wanted to keep hope, even for 5 more hours. I can usually find bright spots in situations. There are none for me here. I feel doomed. I wanted to wake up this morning celebrating the first woman president. Instead, I …

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Politics

About the Election from Hell and Why I Voted for Hillary Clinton

I voted 2 weeks ago, when early voting started in Chicago. I was in and out in 30 minutes, and I cast my vote for Hillary Clinton to be President, with Tim Kaine as her Vice-President. One thing down, so many more to go. I am exhausted, because this election …

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Politics

I Survived the First Presidential Debates (Barely) with Clinton vs. Trump

Last night was the first presidential debate that put Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump behind podiums and let them hash it out on various issues. As the presidential nominees for their respective parties, it was their job to state their platforms and bring their plans to the table. As the Miss Benita …

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CultureFamous folksPolitics

About Michelle Obama’s DNC Speech and the White House That Was Built by Slaves

Michelle Obama. Michelle LaVaughn Robinson Obama the GAWDESS. First of Her Name. Sasha and Malia’s mama. Barack’s wife. Queen of my Heart. Slayer of Haters. Shader of Intellectually Inferior Walking Cheetos. She Who Shall Not Be Outdone. She stepped on the stage of the Democratic National Convention on day 1 and …

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Famous folksPolitics

Uncle Bernie’s Hair was LAID at the DNC

Y’all know good and damb well that Bernie Sanders be leaving the house looking like he just got out from inside a dryer’s spin cycle. Hair be everywhichway and suit all wrinkled. He was on the campaign trail looking like you did after a particularly TURNT recess period. But last …

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Malik Obama Donald Trump
Politics

Malik Obama is An Enemy of Progress

Everything is weird and the world is ridiculous. Malik Obama, President Barack Obama’s estranged half-brother who lives in Kenya is in the news for his endorsement in this election. Speaking from Kogelo, your uncle has let the world know that even though he is a longtime Democrat, he will be …

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Politics

The Devil is a Walking Cheeto Running for President

The Devil doesn’t wear Prada. He wears a self-branded suit that’s made in China as he rails against immigrants and threatens to build a Wall as if anyone who isn’t American is a White Walker. The Long Night is here. Note: I’m sorry but there are just too many Game …

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