Awesomely Luvvie » Facebook

Remember Facebook Honesty Box?

Luvvie — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 12:00:19 +0000

In like 2007, Facebook introduced apps, and one of them was “Honesty Box.” Honesty Box allowed you to send any of your friends messages anonymously. It allowed folks to say whatever they wanted, without repercussions or anything. And folks acted accordingly. Honest Box was a vessel for bitchassness and all hell broke loose on Facebook.

People were sending messages to the person they don’t like telling them how much they hate them. Folks were letting their crushes know that they wanted to have their babies. Some folks were pasting messages they received as their statuses, and asking publicly who it was (like the person was gonna confess and be treated right there). It was nothing but drama, and the people who created the app wanted that. They had to. Honesty Box was like giving folks a loaded gun and expecting them not to shoot. Folks shot point blank range.

HB messages came color-coded too. If the message was from a girl, it’d be in a pink box, and blue if from a guy. And some messages were in gray, which apparently stood for “I don’t want you to know my sex.” When someone sent you a message, you could reply back to them, so some became full-fledged conversations.

I got a bunch of messages myself. Shockingly enough, only 1 or 2 were bad and they were from girls. Someone called me dramatic (*clutches pearls* WHO ME?!?!? *faints*) and I can’t recall the other. I might have deleted it. A good bulk of my messages were from guys saying they had crush on me. Who’da thunk it? I was so reg’lah so I wasn’t expecting that. But the college me was all “Check me out with my secret admirer swag!”

I sent a couple of Honesty Box messages out, like “You’re REALLY cute! And you have a nice body.” I’m a lame. I usually divulged who I was by the 2nd message though. I wasn’t too much about the secret life. Besides, I was also paranoid that one day, HB was gonna have a glitch and reveal the message senders so I kept that in mind. I didn’t tell anyone I hated ‘em or anything. Although I did tell someone that… wait. She might be reading this blog. YOU ALMOST HAD ME!

Last night, I went on Facebook and signed into Honesty Box for the first time in YEARS to pull some of these messages I got from the fellas. These are some verbatim:

“If i could have you for a day, I would make your toes curl in pleasure. You are so sexy.”

Sir… I don’t do such things. NO I DO NOT, MOM!!!

“you could so get it, my nubian queen.”

Tyrese, I think you’re hot too but take me out first.

“I’m in luv with you, but just dont know how to tell you.”

The fact that this man is spelling love “luv” means I wouldn’t e’em want him to tell me who he was.

Anyway, I think I deactivated my Honesty Box like 6 months after getting it originally. And I’d sign in intermittently. Turns out that once you activated it, people can send you messages even after deactivating. Because when I’d sign in, I’d see a new message.

Oh Honesty Box…

Do you remember it? Did you find out someone wanted you to get them pregnant? Did your archnemesis come for your head? Tell me. Let’s reminisce.

TypeF and YouTube Can Lead You Astray

Luvvie — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 22:00:21 +0000

And in the case of Tyra Banks’ Type F YouTube Channel, which is related to her TypeF website, folks are going to be led all types of wrong ways. I’m not sure if Tyra just handed over the management of that YouTube page to someone she REALLY trusts so she never checks it but she needs to get control of it. That channel has over 2,500 videos. I saw 2 of them and they were an absolute MESS so I can only imagine what the others look like.

Folks gotta be more careful with their branding and what they place their names on. These videos are going to have people looking like complete messes, with Tyra’s stamp on it. NAWL. Like this one:

No shade (which guarantees that what I’m bout to say is gon be FULL of shade) but I can’t take advice about haircare from someone who needs about 2 inches of trim. Her ends are more split than the Republican party and she’s tryna tell folks what to do. Joann, that’s like taking plastic surgery recommendations from Lil Kim. Nawl. And her afro looks like crime (McGruff the dog took a bite out of it).

AND she’s a hairstylist??? What do her customers look like when they get out her chair? And this lady is telling folks to be running brushes through their afros. That explains why hers looks like the hay they were smoking in the middle of the barn. I mean you hear the sound of the brush running through her hair??? Ain’t that the same sound you get if you shuffle on carpet? On some:

Yeah. Bet you her hair needs some static sheets too.

This whole video is gon just murk some folks’ coifs if they tried what she’s telling them to do. I ain’t e’em got the time nor the couth for this.

I am not a mogul (yet. COME ON, JESUS! Hear my cry!) but I want to sit Tyra down and say “I like you a lot, but come get your peoples. And learn from Mother Oprah, who said she personally signs every check over $1,000 going out her company. You’ve got to micromanage your brand so your name isn’t attached to foolishness like such. Girl, your team should get their entire wigs snatched for this. They need to be snatched BALD!”

SMH.

Have y’all seen this YouTube channel and other vids? Do y’all wanna give Tyra advise too?

Dear YouTube

Facebook is Not Charging Folks! Have a SEAT!

Luvvie — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 20:21:34 +0000

I logged into Facebook today and my newsfeeds is full of folks who have posted this as their status:

No. Just NO. This is false as hell. And I replied under some of them with “This is false” until I got tired of it. And I really kind of want to dropkick everyone who posted this.

Why would Facebook start charging money??? Do folks not realize that what makes Facebook so profitable is that it’s free? And we’re ALL willingly giving them information on ourselves, our lives, our habits and our whole way of existing? Facebook is the world’s biggest and most accurate focus group, so advertisers flock to it. Facebook makes a lot of money with those ads on the sidebars. They don’t need your rinky dinky $6.99 a month. They do not.

AND why would posting a janky status be the way to opt out? Folks, we have logic and reasoning FOR A REASON! Can we start using it?

The internet is great for passing on information really fast but rumors spread even faster. And no one does their own research anymore, when it’s as simple as GOOGLE. We’re all playing this game of telephone when the person who STARTED the game has the wrong information. I just want to ask everyone to make Google (and logic) their friend sometimes.

Don’t repost everything that makes you jump out your seat. Or fist pump. Once in a while, find out if it’s true. And this is a note for ME too, because I also do it sometimes. I gotta start double checking because these interwebs are full of wrong info.

But yes, everyone who posted that Facebook status, please go have a seat \__ \__. And for the people who ARE posting it in your newsfeeds, tell them to go take a nap. Say I sent you. Kthxbye.

Am I the only one annoyed by this?

Dear Facebook, Stop It with the Changes

Luvvie — Wed, 21 Sep 2011 12:00:25 +0000

I was on Facebook last night and refreshed my page. I walked away and came back and saw my newsfeeds were hella different looking. Facebook has earned yet another sternly-worded letter.

Dear Facebook, STOP IT!

You do this EVERY TIME! Every. single. time. You make a huge change, we complain and then get used to it. Then when we settle into that change, you go and do a massive overhaul and have us re-learning your website. And like the robots you’ve turned us all into, we stay and go “Sir, yes sir.” We’re all part of the problem.

Y’all just changed how messages appeared like last month. And then offered folks to have FB email addresses. O_O I’ll be dambed if I’m telling folks to email me at luvvie@facebook.com. That ain’t my portion! No thanks. Now you’ve made this big change to newsfeeds and the homepage. The right sidebar now scrolls with instant updates from friends. I don’t even know where to look. This redesign is a site for people with ADD. I’m over here looking like a junkie because my eyes keep running everywhere on the website. WHERE CAN I FOCUS?!?

I really wish I could quit you, Facebook. Times like this, I realize my dependence on this social network. My fan page is there, which has to be connected to a personal page. Years of pictures and comments are there. Friends and acquaintances who I’d like to keep up with but don’t have any other form of contact with them… I admit my dependence and I’m kinda mad about it. I WANT TO LEAVE! But they got me chained up.

You stay doing the most. I know you’re trying to compete with Google+ now. Your envy is showing. Kindly tuck it in. Google+ got you nervous. But these changes are what will chase more folks away. I know you’re #1 and unfuckwitable but ummm… I spend less and less time in Facebook now and this shall continue.

This is why I spend most of my time on Twitter and Tumblr. Well, I hate New Twitter too so that’s a different story for another day. Either way… Stop it. Let us be great and stop doing THE MOST with the least!

I’m bout sick of you and your new features. Tell your developers to go take a nap! Dang!

Yours in Hmphing,

Have you seen the newest Facebook change? Do you like it? Tell a G.

Facebook Ad FAIL

Luvvie — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 12:00:05 +0000

Facebook is feeling like the older brother who still wants to practice his guitar and go on tour with his garage band, except he’s 45 and balding. I’m not sure what this is supposed to mean but go with me here. It’s just been hella obnoxious to me lately, with their changes. And tryna keep up with Google Plus and alla dat.

Anywho, while perusing Tumblr, I came across the ad that someone said appeared on their sidebar.

An ad asking for folks to become social workers. And the picture is of a baby in a lacefront weave.

You know what??? iCan’t. Not today. Not next week. Not on New Year’s. I just can’t.

Why is this poor baby in a long lacefront that belongs on Pocahontas’ head? Why did they think this ad would be more effective with that picture? Is this to prove that social workers are needed because mothers are unfit and wigging up their chilrun? I don’t e’em know.

I don’t e’em have much else to say but NO. To ALL of this.

Would y’all go to this “school?”

Someone Come Get Juanita Bynum And Her Tongues

Luvvie — Mon, 22 Aug 2011 15:59:19 +0000

Some of you may have heard of Evangelist Juanita Bynum. She of the scandal where her husband beat her down in the church parking lot or something wretched like that. AOL Black Voices even wrote a story called “Beat Up From the Feet Up.” And please don’t judge me for laughing at that title. That’s just ratchet as hell. They’re ~~hilarious~~ wrong for that. And no, I don’t think what happened to her was remotely funny. Just that title. SHARRAP ALREADY!

Wells, Juanita wants folks to know she loves the LORDT! And on her Facebook fan page, where 62,000 people are following her, she makes it a point to get this across.

But...

SOMEONE COME GET HER!!! Auntie Deaconess Prophetess REVERENTTT Head of Usher Board Juanita Bynum is on the Book of Face acting out and speaking in tongues. HOW IS YOU GON SPEAK IN TONGUES ON YOUR STATUS???

This holy negress actually typed “BFBXFC BVRVBVBBRX” and was ok placing this on Facebook. Honestly, I’d like to think that the Holy Ghost can spell. Iunno what that’s ‘posed to be but ummm… when I type something similar, it’s cuz I’m cackling too hard for life.

Does she fall out after she presses “enter” on these? Do people have to come pick her up off the floor to place her back on her computer chair? How does this work?

And furthermore, Juanita needs to know that Jesus don’t like anger. And all’em CAPS is telling me that she’s upset. Either that or her CAPS LOCK key broke. Or the SHIFT key malfunctioned. Juanita’s hollering for Jesus like He ain’t heard her cry in a long time. And I ain’t got time!

Lemme find out I missed the passage in the Bible where the Holy Ghost Facebooked. Must be in the lost book of SocialMediastes.

I understand fervent prayer but Auntie Juanita Bynum needs to ease off her keyboard.

I’m just saying…

But bless her heart.

No related posts.

Happy Friday, folks! I’m Everywhere!

Luvvie — Fri, 13 May 2011 17:08:34 +0000

My peoples!!! The weekend is here. So I shall be frolicking in these Chicago streets. BUT I wanted to make sure y’all know where I hang besides AwesomelyLuvvie.com. Y’all know I can’t stay still. So I hope you check out my other eHangouts.

Add me on Twitter (@Luvvieig). This is my fully ratchet account. The one where when folks I know in real life say they’re following me, I clasp my hand to my mouth and go “Umm… please don’t judge me by my tweets. Too ~~Legit~~ Ratchet to Quit.

And then there’s my OTHER Twitter account (@iLuvvit) which is less foolish but more helpful. I give tech/blogging/social media tips on that one. And maintain a semblance of couth.

Join my Facebook Fan Page. I place extra foolery there sometimes that never makes it here. So Getchu a piece!

Check out my Dumbest Tweets Tumblr, where I put up the stupidity people display in 140 characters. Such as:

But Ma'am...

My Must Luvv Shoes Tumblr which is dedicated solely to my love of shoes. I post pictures of fierce shoes and coupon codes to my favorite shoe stores. So shoeheads, getchu some.

And then there’s my professional website that has my portfolio on it telling you bout what I do to keep up my shoe and traveling habit. Check it out HERE.

I clearly do the most. SMH! Enjoy your weekend, folks!!!

Oregon Trail is Now On Facebook. iLIVE!!!

Luvvie — Thu, 03 Feb 2011 14:30:20 +0000

So today, I found out that the Oregon Trail app is now on Facebook! OREGON MUFUGGING TRAIL!!! The epic game from our childhood where you were a settler taking a 2,000 mile across the treacherous oregon trail with a wagon full of people, and ox pulling the wagon. During the trail, you face all types of obstacles in the way. Like muddy trails and rivers. LAWD THE RIVERS! How many wagons have been lost while tryna ford those gahtdamb rivers? I’ve drowned many a troop in those rivers because I was cheap and didn’t wanna pay someone to get us across. And the diseases folks you’d travel with would get.

That awkward moment when someone in your party got bitten by a snake and you were too cheap to treat them so you let them die so you could have one less mouth to feed and more money in your bank? Yeah…

That was an awful description of the game. It sounded all sadistic and random. But TRUST me, it was HELLA fun! I used to look forward to computer day in elementary school because I got to play Oregon Trail. If I never accomplish anything else again in life, y’all know what to blame. MY FAVORITE CHILDHOOD GAME IS HERE!!! So when I found out it was now a game on Facebook? Well, this is what I did.

After I picked myself up from the floor, I ran to Facebook and installed the app with a quickness. Then I started to play. It’s been SO long and I don forgot the basics.

Sidenote: The starting date was listed as January 1, 1848. I’ma act like Black folks weren’t slaves then. Especially since the starting point was in Independence, MO. I mean, my folks weren’t independent but I ain’t gon say nothing. (-___-).

Anywho, I ran into the General Store to buy supplies for my trip. The game starts you off at $300. WHY within 30 seconds, I ran into the store and spent $220, all on my wagon. My expensive taste having-ass. Mind you, I hadn’t bought my crew no food. So I bought us a measly bag of flour and a little bit of food ration and was down to $5.

I CLEARLY was already losing. Then I had to pick a profession. The 3 choices available to me were Settler, Hunter and Doctor. I was all “OF COURSE I WANNA BE A DOCTOR! That way, my peoples won’t die of cholera and sh*t.” Oh wait… I need money to be a doctor AND hunter? Oh. Settler it is. So I picked “settler” and the game lowkey shaded me, talmbout “settler doesn’t have any specific skill set.” ALL THAT SHADE, OREGON TRAIL!

LAWD… HOW am I gon start my trip on the Oregon Trail with just $5, a banging ass wagon (with rims) and a tiny amount of food? AND I’m a lowly settler? WHAT PART OF THE GAME IS THIS??? Oh. The main one? Aight. CAN I START OVER???? I’ll be cheaper and less flashy with my monies next time! *kicks my ox and my wagon down* Why’d I close outta Oregon Trail and come back hoping me pressing X on my window was gon make them let me start over? I’m dumb. lol I’m all “Lemme exit and moonwalk out. Then come back. Maybe they won’t remember me.” NAWL FOOL! Chile… lol

After realizing I had to lay in the broke bed I made, I kicked off my journey. I had 2 women, 1 man, and 2 girl kids. Within 5 minutes, one of my girls got bitten by a snake. *wall slide* So I had to pay someone to make her better. I shoulda let her die cuz that hit my pocket a little bit. I’m saying… I’da given her a nice eulogy and tombstone on the path.

Anyways, as y’all see, the game had me HEMMED up yesterday afternoon. I hope I pull myself away and do stuff. You know, like shower and eat. If you want to play, getchu a piece of the Oregon Trail Facebook app HERE. You’s welcome! *smize*

Am I the only one this excited about the game? Any of you playing already? Did someone in your Oregon Trail crew die of yellow fever yet?

They Got Facebook In Jail? This Inmate’s Profile Says Yes

Luvvie — Thu, 27 Jan 2011 19:55:13 +0000

So I was minding my own business (O___O) when I got an email from one of my readers. Lately, y’all have been serving me with RATCHETNESS to the max! This email was no different. She just dropped the link to a Facebook profile and pretty much dropped the mic and walked out my inbox. I clicked the link to find this:

His About me says: “wat up this jeffery and right now im locked up but if u wanna write me hit me up at jeffery r…”

Wayment. Wait a GAHTDAMB minute, I SAY!!! This negro is LOCKED UP and on Facebook? They got Facebook in jail? FOR REAL? Since when? Isn’t that a but TOO much access to the outside world? What if they chat with someone about getting away? I got so many questions and not enough answers!

LAWD… after I got over that initial shock, then his profile TRULY started to murk me. For so many reasons. His profile picture is his mugshot and his website is his prison number.

*blinks twice*

*falls to the ground*

SIR… you’re proudly on the ‘Book when you ain’t got a pot to piss in right now. AND put up your mugshot as your profile picture??? Shouldn’t you be somewhere finding some religion? Or learning how to now get Adebisi’d (don’t drop that soap, my dude). Or pontificating about life?

I picture him in the prison library talmbout “Hey, I need to update my Facebook page right quick.” How does this make sense? And his brother left a comment on his profile picture, talmbout “free my nigga country black.” I WISH I WAS MAKING THIS UP!!!

Oh and what y’all don’t see are the names of some of his 46 friends. They include (and I promise I’m not making this up):

Quteasha Purnell
Keshawn LuvnherHaters
Sabrinalovinlilheadtodamax Lilheadladi
Mrsshort Tregotmymindndmyheart Iluvhimtodeath
Simone Theanoitedone Toliver
SoGorjus Hateitorluvit
Same’Ole Tee-Tee
Latashabodybangin Melvin

Hay Zeus take the wheel!!! These fools ain’t serious. Are they??? iCan’t. iWon’t. iShan’t.

Bury me in an orange jumpsuit because I MIGHT DON’T MAKE IT!!! I lowkey feel like someone made this profile AND these friends up to be utterly ridiculous. I’m tryna use this as an excuse to make myself feel better because SURELY foolishness like this can’t be real.

But I know better. It IS real. WHO TOLD THE MYSPACERS TO GET FACEBOOK ACCOUNT??? There goes the gahtdamb neighborhood. *packs up Dereon duffle*

Btw, I SEE YOU PROVISO EAST! lol

Am I the only one tickled by this? Whose cousin is this?

Dear Facebook, Why’s My Font So Small?

Luvvie — Wed, 03 Nov 2010 13:30:29 +0000

I logged into Facebook yesterday and thought my eyes were tricking me. Or that somebody had changed the resolution on my computer. Facebook has decreased the font size. So they’ve earned this week’s sternly-worded letter.

Dear Facebook,

Hey ‘Book. How you be? I see 500 million people are on it. Is this why you’re feeling yourself? WHY DO YOU KEEP CHANGING STUFF??? Everytime I get used to one of your invasive changes, you add another one the next week. And of course, I (and 499,999,999) other people grit our teeth and sign back in the next day.

Then yesterday, I realized that you’ve made yet ANOTHER annoying change. WHY is the font so small all of a sudden? I was all close to my computer screen, squinting and whatnot just to read.

NO MA’AM Facebook! Y’all will not give me cataracts because I wanna peruse your site. just NO!

Fix this. Fix it now! Lest I start a group called “People Who Want Facebook To Increase the Font So They Can Read Good.” Shoo… I’m 20-something and I found it tough. I can only imagine what the geriatrics are feeling about this (and trust there are millions who are active on there).

Next time you let your intern in your CSS file, tell him not to touch that part that said 12px. He changed it to 8 and sh*t, and y’all wannna make us all collectively go blind. IF you need stuff to work on over at FB Headquarters, figure out how to stop allowing promoters to invite me to parties like “This Is Why I’m hot” Thursdays. THAT’s what y’all need to figure out for a G. Shoo… Kthxbai!

Yours in addiction (otherwise I’d leave),

Was I the only one annoyed by this? Do you like the smaller font? Did you even notice?

Oh… are you a part of my FB Fan Page? Naw? SHOMMON! I add extra foolery there sometimes. We kicks it. Join!