The contest was for folks to write a hilarious and foolery-filled 100-word story using my favorite phrases. This must include proper use of:

• iRebuke
• Dereon Hell
• Creole Magic
• Hairhats
• Onesies
• *WALL SLIDE*
• “FOOL SADDOWN” Gift basket
• Ghost of Coon Present

It could be less than a 100 words but couldn’t exceed it.

Anyway, I read through all the entries, and better believe that iCackled several times. However, one person’s entries were so funny I almost choked.

THIS is the entry that won:

(to the tune of ‘if i were a boy’)
—————-
If I had some sense
I’d throw my hands up and say
‘iRebuke this Creole Magic!’
& throw all of my hairhats away

I’d do a *WALL SLIDE*
As I looked over my life
How’d I end up in these ruffles standin at the gates of Dereon Hell
Wearin satin onesies?

You’d lift up your hands
And look to the sky and say
‘I won’t follow those fashion footsteps!
I won’t be the Ghost of Coon Present!’

*dead*

The winner of a new HP dm3 laptop is *drum roll*

*crowd goes wild*

Brokey, email me your address so I can send it to the HP folks. They’ll ship ya the ‘puta! WOO HOO!!!

P.S. I know Brokey was my guest blogger last week but nepotism didn’t have to rule this one. If y’all wanna see the other entries, read the comments left under the post. Brokey DEED That.

P.P.S. Within the next couple of weeks, there’ll be a *WALL SLIDE* contest. GETTT READY FOR FOOLERRRYYYY!!

Related posts:

1. Another Laptop Lollapalooza
2. Laptop Lollapalooza Round 2
3. Luvvie’s Laptop Lollapalooza Giveaway
4. Laptop Lollapalooza Cont.
5. Laptop Giveaway Answers & Finalists

LuvPrah is IN THE BUILDING! “You get a laptop! And YOU get a laptop!”

So here’s my 2nd laptop lollapalooza. The first was in August.

I got a picture of the brand new HP Pavilion dm3 laptop and it’s cool features. It’s part of HP’s new thin and light line. Comes with:

*10 hours of battery life
*Super mobile, at just 1” thin and uber sleek
*Windows 7, featuring snazzy stuff like snap, pin, shake, and peak
*HomeGroup to make sharing music, pictures, videos, and document on home networks easy
*Premium Sound and speakers you can connect to your HD TV

The company that represents HP will be shipping the laptop directly to the winner, so it will be coming from them.

• iRebuke
  
• Dereon Hell
• Creole Magic
• Hairhats
• Onesies
• *WALL SLIDE*
• “FOOL SADDOWN” Gift basket
• Ghost of Coon Present

P.S. Also, although one of my readers is getting a laptop, I can also possibly get one if I’m the blog with most posts, comments and tweets about this giveaway. So tweet about this and all’adat good stuff. Y’all make me a winner! Because the better I do, the more giveaways I could have. PUT ME ON!!!

P.P.S. I will be having a *WALL SLIDE* contest in a couple of weeks, so those that are ready to show off their best dramatical (yes, dramatical) slides… don’t fret. It sho’ll is coming.

P.P.P.S. Look below & read the final post from Guest Blogger’s Week: Sarah Palin wears bumpits. Show Thembi some love!

Edit: I’ve only received THREE entries to this giveaway. Y’all don’t want a comp for the free??? I know you do because the last one I had, 60 folks entered. And it went on for 3 rounds. #YouKnowYouWantIt


Edit 2: Laptop contest submission is OVER! Y’all DID want it afterall. You’re just procrastinators. 25 folks have entered. I shall read them all. Check back on Monday for an announcement.

Related posts:

1. Laptop Lollapalooza II Winner
2. Luvvie’s Laptop Lollapalooza Giveaway
3. Laptop Lollapalooza Cont.
4. Laptop Lollapalooza Round 2
5. Laptop Begging

Starring Luvvie

First of all came yesterday morning. I got to work to find that out internet is down. Say WHAT? We had NO ‘net! Turns out the entire network of our gig in the loop wasn’t working. So I thought, “Well, guess I’ll do some non-internet work while this gets fixed.” Plus, I had my BlackBerry, which meant I could tweet and check my GMail. All wasn’t lost.

Then, I realized I hadn’t had my morning French Vanilla Hot Chocolate (the best ever). I go get a disposable coffee cup and realize we’re out. *whining* Mannnnn… but I need my hot cocoa! So I see by our water fountain thingimajig (one of those Hinkley water things with a hot and cold side) that we have regular plastic cups. I’m sure you all know where this is going already. But hang with me. So I had the bright idea of getting one of the plastic cups and using that for my hot chocolate. O_O I poured my packet of Hot Cocoa in and then poured hot water in it. Before I knew it, the bottom of the cup started shriveling and collapsing within itself. The hot water OF COURSE melted the plastic cup. As I moan and groan, my coworker comes over and sees me.

Coworker: HA! What did you do??
Me: Umm… I seem to have melted the cup with my hot chocolate. We’re out of regular coffee cups.
Coworker: No we’re not. There’s more in the storage room!
Me: O_O *blank stare*. How come no one told me??

Keep in mind, through all of this, I’m still holding the melted plastic cup and it’s still shriveling even more. *Sigh* I’m an idiot. I got the regular cup, threw out the melted plastic cup & the tainted cocoa and made a new one. All seemed well once again.

THEN… I sat in my office and was cleaning up my desk. I had mounds of paper just chilling on there. I get my stapler and I see I’m out of staples. So I stroll to our storage room to re-up. I see some staples on the shelf but they seemed bigger than usual, I noticed. But for some reason, I decided it’d be a good idea to use them anyway, instead of just looking for the regular staples. So I put the staples in and try stapling my paper but my stapler wouldn’t budge more than half way. I heard a “CLICK” that was not quite right. I opened the stapler and saw that because the staple I used was a heavy duty one (for our electrical stapler), it was now stuck in the area where it was supposed to come out. It was half in, half out. Methinks I could just pull the jammed staple out and all will be well. Nope. The staple was stuck and had created a more than average whole in my stapler. After 10 minutes of trying and failing to dislodge this staple, I realized that I broke my stapler. WHO DOES THAT??? Me and only me.

Three strikes and I should have been out. I should have just reset my day and started it over. I REALLY don’t know what I was on. Clearly I was on a foolish spree.

I thought my series of unfortunate events was over. Til this morning…

I wake up and see a text message from my BFF. I decided I’ll answer her after I take my shower. After my shower, I go to text her back and see that my Blackberry trackball was acting funny and playing baldheaded games. It was scrolling left, right and up, but not down. After cleaning it with alcohol and having no luck, I decided to pop it out and clean it that way. I’ve popped it out before. Results weren’t 100% positive but they also weren’t BAD. So sitting on the couch in my towel, acting like I didn’t have to be at work in an hour… I waged a war on my Blackberry trackball. I popped it out and cleaned it a little. Then I tried to put it back in. Here is where it ALL went wrong.

In trying to put the trackball back, I pushed a bit hard and the trackball piece became 2 separate pieces. The trackball and the white plastic around it. Aw crap. So I put the trackball back in the white piece and push down. It was like my trackball was being a gremlin. Everytime I pushed it down, it separated and showed yet another part it was made of. Before I knew it, the trackball section of my trackball had somehow broken into 5 different pieces.

Sidenote: Do you kow that there are like 5 distinct parts to a BlackBerry trackball? The ball itself, white plastic round it, white plastic at the bottom, silver thing that held the ball to the white plastic…. Do you also know that there are 3 tiny magnetic pieces that allow the trackball to scroll? Well I do now. I could probably draw a blueprint of the trackball. “The Physics behind BlackBerry Trackballs” because I saw EACH part. The More You Know! *Shooting star behind G-List celebrity.*

How I managed to break something seemingly simple into 5 parts is really beyond me. So before I knew it, I had no trackball. A blackberry without a trackball is like an iPhone with a broken touchscreen. I couldn’t do NOTHING but press the “call” button or dial numbers. And umm… you already know I have no one’s number memorized. So this meant my phone was useless. I HAD no phone!!! *WALL SLIDE*

I found my old Red Razr and ran to my phone company to help me activate it so I can at least have something to use while I send this one for repair.

*Sigh* Now my thumbs hurt from trying to text folks and it taking 3 times as many buttons to click. Plus I can’t tweet. Or check my email. Or chat from my phone. What is I gon’ DO??? *wall slide* I don passed out and ended up in 2000, where flip phones still rule the world and the Razr was innovative and cutting edge. Talk about an EPIC FAIL.

So to all my BBM folks, don’t message me till Wednesday, when I get my new BlackBerry in the mail. I’ll give you my new PIN then too.

Morals of this story: I’m a Walking ACME Cartoon | I Need Supervision | I need to SADDOWN

Edit: I tried to include a pic of my Blackberry with the hollow center where the trackball used to be. I took it on my Razr but it won’t send picture messages to allow me to upload it. F My reversed technology Life.

Related posts:

1. Dear Blackberry and RIM, For Shame
2. Is this thing on?

Why and how am I giving away a laptop? Well, I hit the lottery and decided to bless y’all from the kindness of my heart (in my dreams anyway). Naw but really. What happened was that I went to the BlogHer Conference last month, and I entered into a BestBuy Sweepstakes, not even knowing what the prize was. Well, 2 weeks ago, I got a phone call from BestBuy saying I was the grand prize winner! I won 2 brand new laptops! I was at work so I couldn’t holler like I wanted to. I kept my cool and found the nearest wall to lean on while rocking a leather jacket. I. AM. SO. COOL. *puts on shades* B-) I admit though. I was doing all types of cartwheels in my head. BestBuy ROCKS!

Anywho, I’m giving away one of the laptops here, so BAM!

Brand new Toshiba laptop in the box. Unopened and ALL ‘ADAT

GIVEAWAY RULES:

I’ve compiled quotes and trivia from 10 of my favorite movies. For the quotes, you have to answer name the movie it’s from. You must EMAIL me with the answers at Luvvieblog (at) gmail dot com. Use subject line “Laptop Giveaway”. You can comment here too but just not with the answers. You have until Friday, August 14th at 10am CST to email me your answers. The winner is the person who gets the most correct answers. I will be announcing the winner on Monday. So, good luck!

Laptop Lollapalooza

1. “Six weeks ago Abdul here had a one way ticket to an arranged marriage with a broad he never met in Bangladesh. Now he’s crushing ass every Thursday night at our mixers.” NAME THAT MOVIE

2. “Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now… now I’m washing lettuce. Soon I’ll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I’ll make assistant manager, and that’s when the big bucks start rolling in.” NAME THAT MOVIE

3. In the “Color Purple”, name one of the actresses that turned down the role of Shug Avery?

4. “The name is mine. The name got my daddy’s blood on it. If she wanna go, she can go wherever she wanna go, but the name stays home! ” NAME THAT MOVIE

5. In “Stepbrothers”, what is the name of the song that Will Ferrell’s character (Brennan Huff) sings during the Catalina Wine Mixer?

6. “YOU shut the f*ck up, Bennie! I would tell you to kiss my ass, but knowing you, you probably can’t find it, you blind motherf*cker!” NAME THAT MOVIE

7. “We have a saying in my country – the coyote of the desert likes to eat the heart of the young and the blood drips down to his children for breakfast, lunch and dinner and only the ribs will be broken.” NAME THAT MOVIE

8. “Congratulations, you’re the new mayor of Soddom and Gommorah.” NAME THAT MOVIE

9. “Would you like to have dinner with us tonight? It’s just leftovers. Collard greens and corn bread, some candied yams, a little potato salad, fried chicken, peach cobbler and a few slices of ham.” NAME THAT MOVIE

10. What movie from the early 1990s had the two Black women that played “Catwoman” in it?

Bonus question: What is one of the 2 names that I refer to myself as when I see a grammatical error that makes me frown? These names were inspired by certain movie robots.

So, have at it folks. I hope it isn’t TOO hard, but I couldn’t make it easy either. After all. It IS a brand new LAPPYTOP

P.S. Gotta give credit for this idea from Thembi’s Black History Month quizzes. MUCH props!

Edit: In the case of ties, I will be doing a time-sensitive tie-breaker on Monday morning.

Related posts:

1. Laptop Lollapalooza II Winner
2. Laptop Giveaway Answers & Finalists
3. Another Laptop Lollapalooza
4. Laptop Lollapalooza Cont.
5. Laptop Lollapalooza Round 2

You know you’re too plugged in when…

• You have to do thumb stretches because you scroll too much on your Blackberry (and can now make a cracking sound with your thumb)

• There’s an amber alert out for you if you haven’t updated your Facebook profile in 3 days

• You get a text message and don’t respond within 10 minutes, and people get worried

• You don’t check your email in 5 hours and you have 15 new messages (no spam)

• You’ve received an urgent message from someone via 3 different mediums (Facebook, Text message, email)

• Flying is a pain in the butt because it forces you to be without your gadgets for a couple of hours

• When you wake up, the first thing you reach for is your phone

• You check your email before brushing your teeth

• Like Pavlov’s dog, your phone’s vibration automatically makes you reach for it

• You thought you lost your phone and did a wall slide before realizing it was in your bag

• You spend twice as much time online as you do sleeping (these eye bags ain’t make it there magically)

• Even when you’re offline on GChat, folks chat you talm bout “I know you’re there. You’re just invisible” (and unfortunately, they’re right)

And yes, all those apply to me. It’s a shame. This is why I need to schedule some NO GADGET time for myself. My eyes would thank me and my fingers will straighten out.

So, am I the only one who feels too plugged in at all times? Got any tips for me in my quest to pull away from my addiction?

P.S. As if my addiction to the ‘net isn’t already illustrated by my 4 Gmail accounts and presence on every social network. Coincidentally enough, my boss decided to have jokes. Our organization’s annual conference was last week and the photographer was going around taking pictures. I was holding down the registration table and was forever in front of a laptop (or 2). Wells, I looked at our org’s blog this past Monday and saw that the latest post from my boss had THIS pic as the header!

Awful picture but hilarious nonetheless. But umm… why is my mouth agape like that? iCan’t with me. Clearly I was *cough cough* multitasking. Maybe I was on our organization’s Twitter account. Yes. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Don’t say I ain’t give y’all nothing.

Related posts:

1. Luvvie’s Open Mic
2. 20 Things About Luvvie
3. Luvvie’s Laptop Lollapalooza Giveaway
4. The Blog that Luvvie built!

Yes, I of the Love of PC and all things Dell. I, owner of 4 PCs in the past 7 years, is now the proud owner of a MacBook. *hears chorus of boos from PC-owners* LibraSong & KindredSmile have already booed me and said I was a Benedict Arnold, but like the blood pressure of a Black Woman, eating po’k chops ALL her life, STILL I rise (c) Madea.

My main reason for getting a MacBook is because I wanted a laptop that was ultraportable and could perform well. Being the gadget geek I am, I consulted my Gadget Bible, Cnet.com and got reviews on all these laptops. However, I was pretty tied to getting a Dell since they haven’t let me down yet, but there was no super light Dell that had comparable performance.

Yes, I know PCs make the world go round, yada yada blah blah blah.

Sidenote: After I bought my MacBook, and carried it a couple of blocks, my shoulder started hurting. Got home and my shoulder felt slightly outta socket. This lasted a couple of days, and made a creaking sound everytime I made a sudden move. Who suffers a shoulder injury from carrying a 5 lb. laptop for 20 minutes? A mess is what that is. Jeebs be some weight training for me.

I think I shall name her Silverkins

The PC loyalist in me is pained to admit that:

• This laptop is sleeker than a fast-talking Pimp with a slicky ricky hair do
• It’s lighter than Gary Coleman’s shoe
• Faster than a pregnant teenager
• Segzier than a shirtless Boris Kodjoe
• Doper than “The Corner” in Baltimore

Yes, yes y’all. This laptop is what I call “that business”. Sorry to my PC users. If it helps, I still got my Dell desktop. DJ Della is still my homie. *fist to chest*. I love my MacBook.

Luv Bulletins
——————-

Related posts:

1. MacBook Thieves Beware! You Might Don’t Make It!
2. Laptop Lollapalooza II Winner
3. Another Laptop Lollapalooza
4. Luvvie’s Laptop Lollapalooza Giveaway
5. RIP Steve Jobs. We’ve Lost an Icon.

I’m PISSED. So do you all remember Camera-Gate 08, when I went to Baltimore in July for the Nigerian Reunion and accidentally dropped my beloved camera on concrete and it shattered internally. Wells, read about it so you can catch up. Anyway, knowing there was no way it could be fixed, I just sucked it up and paid another $250 for a new camera. The same exact one. Why? Because Sexy Red is a big pot of awesome, with all these great features AND cute to boot.

Just DEAD SEGZY!

Well, a coupla weeks ago, it just stopped taking pictures. The viewfinder was a black screen and that’s all that showed up. I call Samsung and tell them I’m sending it back for repair since its still under warranty. I didn’t think it was a difficult repair, until this morning when I got an email with the subject of “Exchange Offer from Samsung”. These fools tell me that they want to exchange Sexy Red for some other camera that looks like it was made in 2000. All silver and blocky. What??? I was IRATE. Do you hear me?? PISSED! That’s like exchanging an iPhone for a Razr. NOT. COOL.

Womp! No. Just… NO!

Samsung is tryna play me like I’m short or something! How many ways can I say “NO”? Non! Nay! Never! iRebuke it in the name of modern technology! How are they gonna think its okay to send me the BetaMax of Digicams?

I make an immediate phonecall to Samsung and the tone I had made Apu transfer me to Executive Customer Service. And while on hold, theese fools had the unmitigated GALL to be playing “Hakuna Matata”. HELL NAW I ain’t happy. And y’all fools better fix this or you will be worried!

Some lady gets on the phone and I tell her my issue. She goes: “So you don’t like the offer?”

Me: *thinking* Yes, numbnuts. I absolutely LOVED it. That’s why I am calling you before I have my morning Hot Cocoa and bagel. To shoot the breeze with you. Inspector No-Sh*t*

But I said a simple: “No I don’t. I sent in my camera expecting it to be fixed, not to get a model that’s subpar to it.”

Lady: “What makes it subpar?”
Me: “The features are not the same and the LCD is smaller. Plus it’s just ugly. Why am I not receiving the same model back?”
Lady: “Well we must not have it in stock.”
Me: “Umm how is that? My camera is in a lot of online stores. So Samsung doesn’t have it’s own camera.”
Lady: *pause* Well I guess not.
Me: “Well I need you to find out because that is unacceptable. I’m really annoyed by this.”
Lady: “I will get back to you by the end of the day.”
Me: *hangs up*

I was outdone by all of this. The lady’s tone was all condescending too. I couldn’t even act the fool I wanted to because I was already at work. I wanted to raise HELL! These people gon GET IT if I don’t get what I’m owed! *shakes lilliputian fists vigorously* GRRRRR…!!!

I’m a HUGE fan of Samsung and their products. My MP3 player is Samsung, and I wanna get a Samsung phone after the Blackberry. But if they don’t get me my SexyRed back or an identical model, Isweah on my FAVORITE shoes and newsboy that I will SO not be a customer anymore.

I am enraged and irate! I need to go woosah somewhere.

Edit: Samsung just emailed me another exchange offer for another camera that is better than that Brick one they initially offered. Actually, it’s their newest camera. But it still ain’t MY camera. :-/ *wall slide*. I haven’t accepted the 2nd offer b/c this camera is like a mini professional digicam but its still lacking certain fun features my old camera had. Like the MP3 player, vice recorder, text viewer, World Tour guide… AND its black.

I still say BOO! Imo have to place at least one more phonecall to these fools. This just will NOT do!

Edit #2: After another bout of hell-raising, they will check their stock AGAIN. Told them that I’d accept the 2nd camera offer as a last resort. Samsung is on my SH*T list. They better buy me a new version of SexyRed from BUY.com. HEFFAS! If not, I’mo accept this camera and FOREVER give Samsung the side-eye. For REAL.

Related posts:

1. And Samsung WEPT
2. Samsung Gate 09 Update

My detachment from most things electronic is usually my commute to and from work. Until I went and got a Blackberry a couple of weeks ago. *doom music plays* dun dun dun!!!!.

My Blackberry is my leash to the information superhighway, and I need to get off at the next exit and take a rest break. The 45 mins on the bus that I used to spend thinking about life’s queries (what DID come first, the chicken or egg?), what kind of rice I’m eating today (jollof, fried, or thai), or getting mad that I can’t solve the day’s 5-star Sudoku puzzle is now spent scrolling through my email, my favorite blogs, or playing the addictive game “BrickBreaker”.

I cue violins, and maybe an oboe, for my thumbs (I’d hate to have arthritis at the tender age of 45), my eyes (staring at a mini-screen all day cannot be healthy. My ophthalmologist will not be happy), and my neck (I already had bad posture). I think Blackberries are a part of a bigger plan to turn humans into robotic, crooked thumbed, squinting fools with early age advanced rheumatoid arthritis.

Despite all of that, here I am. Looks like I will be keeping RedBerry (my phone’s name) for a while.

*Sigh* Save me from myself (and this Crackberry). Am I the only one addicted to this gadget (or any of its kind? I know some iPhone folks probably have this same problem). The love of my life The bane of my existence

Related posts:

1. Dear Blackberry and RIM, For Shame
2. Is this thing on?

It was only 6 months old, and cost me $250. I am heartbroken.

Please dig deep in your pockets, and give just $5 to the Memorial Fund I have started in honor of my Samsung i85 camera (aka the AWESOMEST camera that ever was). Me without a camera in my hand is like:

* Jordan without a basketball
* Like Prince without that Gee-TAR
* Like Erykah without her turban
* Like Beyonce without her Yaki 26.

My love for my Samsung goes DEEP. This is my plea.

I accept PayPal (Luvvieblog@gmail). The donate button is to the right.

Like Really. I Mean It. Please give.
*Singing*
You and Me us NEVA Part,
Maki-Dada
Ain’t no ocean, ain’t no sea
Maki-Dada
Can keep my camera away from me…

*WEEPS*

Related posts:

1. Samsung Pissed Me Off
2. Samsung Gate 09 Update
3. And Music wept. Worst Concert Ever.
4. Guess Who’s On Eight Bus Ads In Chicago? The Red Pump Project!