Another CRAPPY Awards Show

So tonight was the much-hyped MTV Video Music Awards, and as always, it didn’t live up to it. The hype was so big that anything short of Michael Jackson coming out in the show with a black face would have made it disappointing. However, there was much help from the crappy show logistics, performances, and overall WACKNESS (for lack of a better term)!

This show seemed to be less about giving out awards, and more about MTV making up for their lack of actually showing videos on the channel.

**Doing TOO much** — So clearly, the MTV folks wanted to do a different show this year, and it was just a bit TOO different. They had little mini parties going on in suites all over the Palm Resorts, and it really made the show incoherent and very disjointed. The 60 second peek into the performances that we were given became so annoying. Add to the fact that they kept showing the same four artists perform. By the end of the show, if I didn’t see Justin Timberlake, Timbaland, 50 Cent, and Kanye for AT LEAST a year, it’d be too soon. There were other performances in the suites (Rihanna’s seemed to be filmed in the dark, seeing as how I couldn’t see her the whole time; Some Rock bands also chose to holler a couple of times).

The format they used in showing nominations was basically a replication of what it looks like when you are trying to reset your VCR. It was obnoxious, and NOT innovative, as I’m sure they intended it to be.

**TABLES** — I did like the tables, which doubled into stages for the artists to perform. That is about ALL the praise I can give the producers of the VMAs.

**Britney Spears** — This was supposed to be her comeback performance. Her shout to the world that the former Queen of Bubble Gum Pop is BACK, despite her recent scandals. Instead, this performance was LITERALLY shameful. I actually felt bad for her while watching it. First thing I saw when the camera got on her were the TRACKS to her horrendous weave. My mouth became loose at that point. Then I saw her getup, which was a glittery bra with matching boyshorts. However, after 2 kids, Shitney Spears’ tummy was shaking like Paris Hilton during an STD test. Her stomach was dancing better than she did. In fact, to call what Britney did “dancing” is an insult. She more or less moved from side to side while trying not to lose balance in her stripper shoes. Also, the look on her face was of pure boredom. She didn’t even look like she wanted to be there. THEN, her “singing” was non-existent. She didn’t even TRY to ACT like she wasn’t lip-synching. All in all, Spears’ performance was subpar, ridiculous, and (let’s face it) thoroughly embarassing. If this was a comeback performance, then Diddy is not an attention whore. WOMP.

**The Highlight** — The ONLY portion of the show that I enjoyed was Chris Brown’s performance. That boy can DANCE his way into R&B legend-hood! His dancing was so electric and so good that it made me forget the fact that he also lip-synched. But with that dancing, who cares if you can’t sing?? He thoroughly entertained me, and everyone in that awards because he received a standing ovation after his performance. I’m officially a HUGE fan of CB! *And he’s of legal age now 😉 (I saw his Sweet 18th on MTV)*

**Sarah Silverman** — This chick’s monotone drone seemed to lull HER into a zombie-like stance herself. So imagine what I felt watching it. Some of the content in her comedic routine was alright, and semi-funny, but she delivers it so dryly that she sucks out ALL the potential funny in the damn joke. I couldn’t wait for her to get off the stage.

**Robo-woman** — I’m a huge fan of Alicia Keys, but her first venture on the camera, which was to present something unimportant, made me think of “Robo-woman”. She had on a leather bustier dress, and her hair was in a tight ponytail, and something about her makeup just felt “I-Robot”-ish. I still heart her though!

**Unpretty in Pink** — So Rihanna won some award (I already forgot which), and to accept her award, she came up there in this pink, strapless, floor-length gown. Umm, Ri-Ri, where did you think you were going?? A bad ’80s prom?? Yeah, that HAD to be it. But I just can’t seem to hate her. Damn her and her charm!!

**Benoncay & The Fony** — Benoncay is also someone I can’t seem to hate, BUT sometimes her choices are less than stellar. That non-matching phony pony on top of her head IRKED me to NO end. B, yo mama is a hairstylist and you are worth over $100 million. Why can’t you dye your FONY to match your hair?? I’m just saying!

**Drunk Foxx** — Jamie Foxx, I realize that you’re happy to be invited to the awards show since you’ve been low key, but why get so drunk that you lose all coherence? That fool was presenting with Jennifer Garner, and I swear, she wanted to just be like “shut the eff up already”. Jamie was drunker than a skunk, and surely acting like it. It was a mess.

**Mighty Mice** — Why did Dr. Dre and Timbaland both look like live-action Mighty Mouses (or should I say Mice)?? They have both lifted weights excessively recently, and they have the same swollen look that Mighty Mouse had. Dr. Dre was about to bust out that shmedium thermal shirt he had on, and Timbaland’s arms were bulging like mad.

Umm, what awards?? All I remember is that Beyonce won one, and Rihanna won two. The rest of the awards were treated like they were so irrelevant to the point of the show that I can’t even remember them. OH I DO remember Fergie winning “Female Artist of the Year”, and I proceeded to openly cuss out MTV. How in the HOT HELL did that talentless wench win over B-Knowles?? MTV’s executives are officially smoking the same thing Amy Winehouse has for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

In conclusion, MTV can go kick rocks, and they need to fire EVERYONE that had something to do with this show. It was sooo PUTRID.

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