My Life

I Got Busted Brows

Aight, so since I’m so quick to roast folks, I have been pretty roastable myself lately. I haven’t had my eyebrows done since like July, and although I did not have a unibrow, I was walking around these parts looking like there were 2 centipedes taking a nap above my eyes. It wasn’t cute, and had someone called me out about it (to my face), I woulda hung my head down and accepted it, because it was well earned.

My busted brows were partly because my eyebrow lady has MOVED. Losing an eyebrow threader (or even worse, a hairdresser) is like:

  • Trying to find a new dip after you’ve been in a long relationship. You just can’t trust nothing, not even your own reflection.
  • Leaving your brand new green shoes in a hotel in Dallas (I cried)
  • Losing your organizer (I lamented for days and missed at least 4 meetings. What did you expect me to actually KNOW my schedule off the top? PSHT!)

Basically, it is traumatic. So I go to the mall with my sis because there is a cart of eyebrow threaders there. I was desperate. I sit down in the chair and the ONLY thing I say is “I don’t like my eyebrows too thin.” Ol’ girl responds with “Ok.”

Good. We have an understanding. Or so I thought.

Well she threads my eyebrows (and don’t judge me cuz I shed tears every time. They are involuntary and that ish is painful. I’m still a G!), and I check the mirror. What the hell do I see?? I go from centipedes to needles.

The wench plucked my eyebrows too thin! THE ONE THING I TOLD HER NOT TO DO! I got irate, and went OFF on the chick. Although I don’t remember what I said verbatim, since I swear I blacked out momentarily and wanted to punch her in the face (but I’m an effing sweetheart so I wouldn’t do such a thing).

Me: “You made them too thin. And I INSTRUCTED you that I did not want my eyebrows thin. This is wack and ridiculous!! WTF?? I should not have paid you. I want my money back! This is crap!”

Then my sis intervened and said “They don’t look bad.”

Me: “I don’t care! It’s the principles! I TOLD HER ASS I didn’t want thin eyebrows! What the hell??”
Sis: “It’s not bad, I promise. Go get some food and walk it off. They got Great Steak & Potato here.”
Me: “HMPH! Fine! I will go get some Great Steak!” *One mo’ ice grill and side-eye to the lady for the road* *walked off in huff and puff*
Lady: *silence*

ARRRGHH! That doggone steak and cheese sammich may have saved her life. I needed some appeasement. I still shake my fists vigorously every time I walk past a mirror. My brow liner game must be tight as I wait to grow back my centipedes so I can go somewhere reliable.

Let me know if you feel my pain.

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20 Comments

  1. R. Joseph Donigian
    September 2, 2008 at 11:17 am

    lol. whitney is NOT a crackhead! she’s just… crackISH. lol.

  2. im_da_sweetest
    September 2, 2008 at 2:33 pm

    Ohhhhh….. the pain…. the cruel insanity and INJUSTICE!!! You deserve the “I didn’t go off on this heffa or karate chop her in the throat” award for 2008. Not only is eyebrow, waxing, threading, plucking extrmely painful, but now you have to go through the pain of drawing your eyebrows on and KNOWING THAT YOU DREW THEM ON!!

    I feel tha pain.
    NEXT TIME you go (and not trying to be funny she was foreign)I usually say I want my eyebrows like me, thick and shaely.

  3. confessionofsbw
    September 2, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    Just like I don’t let just anyone cut my hair, I don’t let just anyone cut my eye brows.

  4. Gigi
    September 2, 2008 at 8:35 pm

    Awe I feel you pain. Ever since I left LA and moved to Atl i havent found the right person yet. Keep Hope alive.

  5. shay-d-lady
    September 3, 2008 at 1:34 am

    LUVVIE loves the blog!! I am slow, I just realized the names in blue on VSB were links.. please…dont judge. I am feeling this one. I currently have 2 uneven catipillars on my face due to a bad waxing. Just walking around giving the rock eyebrow all day long. People randomly repeating what they said and shyt. Then I was at one of those high end salons so I didnt want to act a fool because I had to “represent” for black people so I didnt call her a biatch and hit her in the face. Instead I asked for the shop manager and in my best nice nasty voice asked if this is the type of work typical of the establishment? Suffice to say I got a manicure out the deal but I swear if I catch that chick in these streets before I get my eyebrows done right.. Its on!!!

    • Dee
      August 20, 2013 at 10:51 pm

      Hahahahaha “represent”, I totally understand you! I almost died laughing.

  6. GOODENess
    September 3, 2008 at 10:51 am

    DAMMIT! I swettagawt! I went to the BrowB*tch on a referral and I almost went to jail that day! I sat in the chair and when she was done ravaging my lower forehead area she proudly handed me the mirror “see, I make beauty for you…” GIIIIIIIIIIRL! I thought I passed out! How the fugg do you have one thick and one thin eyebrow?? HOW NI99A? HOW? I looked puzzled, perplexed and like I just didn’t believe you….the permanent people’s eyebrow! I acted such a fuggin-fooley-wayne-ass-clown up in there that when I returned to the shop for the first of my 5 free eyebrow arches, LinMao had been sent back to Vietnam…I felt bad a little, then I caught the side eye reflection of my mangle brows! that broad had to go! SI SE PUEDE!

    and…ummm…I damn near died at caterpillars taking naps above your eyes! a fuggin mess!

  7. Luvvie (aka Queen IG)
    September 4, 2008 at 8:17 pm

    I am SOOOO glad yall feel my pain. Homegirl was just looking dumbfounded. And my sis barely ever sees me flip off so this was a special occasion. Everytime I go to that mall, I’mo walk past the brow place and mean mug that lady. And point my fist to my eye and point to her.

  8. Lucky
    September 7, 2008 at 9:23 pm

    LOLL I know exactly how you feel. I can’t take threading myself, that ish hurt so bad I walked out of the place with 1 brow finished (I went back and demanded she wax the other instead). It’s always a gamble getting brows done by ppl who don’t quite know what’s up…it can be mighty traumatizing, to say the least!

  9. Ms. Homeboi
    September 12, 2008 at 3:23 am

    This is my first time reading your blog and i had this experience with the wack ass threaders at Chicago Ridge Mall. Both of my eye brows were really nice, but they didn’t match each other. One brow had a high arch, one more of a wave arch. Two totally differ unf*ckingfixable eyebrows! And threaded brows take FOREVER to grow back.

  10. NaijaSweetz
    July 19, 2011 at 10:47 pm

    …and this ish is supposed to convince me to start getting my centipedes done? You must be crazy.

    • milaxx
      August 20, 2013 at 9:52 pm

      That’s because good brows are like the perfect high. When they are done right, it’s a beautiful thing.

  11. Natasha McArthur
    August 20, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    I’m going through that now ! I can’t wait to let mine grow back and go back to my eyebrow girl and giver s piece of mind. Lol I told her I was coming back for my bday and she wasnt there ! So I had no choice but to try someone knew. And damn it! I’m screwed !!! FML x 10 lol

  12. Natasha
    August 20, 2013 at 9:37 pm

    *new

  13. milaxx
    August 20, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    This year. 4th of July weekend. I have weird brows. The left one the hair grows in circles & there is a bit towards the inner eye that point opposite of the rest of the brow. You know the rest, regular lady on vacation, desperate need. New person.

    Not only are they too thin, she just chopped that opposite piece off. I’m stuck drawing like Picasso while this mess grows in.

  14. Christiane
    August 20, 2013 at 10:51 pm

    Omg! This so happened to me. I remember it so clearly. It was July 11, 2013 two days before my wedding anniversary party. I had to travel out of town to Detroit that Friday. So I headed to my favorite eyebrow lady. Get there and she wasn’t there but I really needed my brows done. So there was another lady available. I was skeptical but I was like it should be fine. The first thing she asks is how I like my brows. I told her not thin, shaped and natural looking. When she finished and I looked in the mirror I was so confused. She had jacked my brows up probably worse than what I walked in with. And my make up artist confirmed she had messed them up cause she says “oh no some got you!” My brows looked hideous!

  15. RMarie
    August 20, 2013 at 11:24 pm

    I lost my mind and let the ladies at the nail salon wax my eyebrows… I ended up with mcdonald’s golden arches. I was too mad. smh How do you correct a rainbow eyebrow? I looked surprised for at least 2 weeks smh

  16. August 20, 2013 at 11:35 pm

    This was my life on Sunday! 2 sisters one gets me right er’time. Went this Sunday after about 3-4 weeks the “other” sister is there. I’m desperate so I say a quick prayer (for her) and in plain ENGLISH told her to just clean em up and keep the shape…she replies “OK”….5 min later I got eye strips instead of eyebrows. Heifa

  17. Clinton
    August 21, 2013 at 1:58 am

    I do indeed feel your pain Im very particular about my haircut. The barber i go to ive been going to since i was 8 yrs old (im 27 now). He gets my head right together every single time so Im very spoiled which all my friends are clearly aware of. Due to a lot of things taking place ive been off my haircut game yet my friends who can cut hair wont come near my head because they are afraid I may go the fuck off. I could go to a cheaper barber but I refuse to pay someone to possibly fuck up my head or not listen to what i tell them i want. I pay for quality not quantity

  18. emti
    August 21, 2013 at 11:29 am

    I’m so sorry Luvvie!!!

    the ONE time I went to someone other thank my regular eyebrow lady and this woman did them so thin SHE had to fill them in with brow shadow…I WAS PISSSSSSED

    Now my eyebrow lady goes on vacay for a month and I wait…I would rather straggly eyebrows than waiting for them to grow in again.