Things Grown People Should NOT Wear

Now on to the final segment of the series.

Things GROWN People should not wear

**Grills. The South is the main reason I actually have to list this. I believe that grills are synonymous with the Yuckmouth Syndrome. This refers to my expectations that if you are rocking grills, then your oral hygiene is probably lacking, thereby resulting in your breath smelling like onions, feet, and hot dog water. My imagination runs rampant on what the teeth beneath the grills look like (Flava Flav’s face pops up and that is enough to have me shrieking).

**Mullets. Unfortunately, I can’t fully blame the South for this one. I’ve seen people in rural Illinois rocking it. Mullets are the WORST style known to man. They are for people who cannot decide whether they want long hair or short hair, so they decide to go with both (business in front, party in back). Every time I see a mullet, I just want to sing “Captain Planet, he’s the hero, gonna take pollution down to zero…”. I can’t help it.

**Crocs. These are probably the ugliest shoes ever, besides Uggs, of course. Yes, they are comfortable, but eff comfort. My vanity won’t let me put on anything that looks like my foot is in the mouth of a swamp thing. I will give a pass to people in professions that require long periods of standing up. But once you are off the clock, take them off!! Only kids can get away with wearing Crocs, and even they sometimes know that they are in they look slightly off. We made my 6-month old niece wear Crocs and she was not happy AT ALL. My usually goofy, giggling niece turned surly, and she spent the ENTIRE day hatching a plan to get them off. I’m not kidding. Check out the pic with her rubbing her feet together in an attempt to do away with them. (She ended up taking them off successfully after vigorous leg rubbing, and was thrilled with herself). 

**Socks & Sandals. Unless you have a condo in Boca Raton and play Bingo every Wednesday night with your posse with names like Gertrude, Esther and Wilbur, this should not even cross your mind. Really, no one should wear this. Not even kids (I would consider it a form of child abuse to subject your kid to this mishap). If the weather calls for sandals, then socks are not necessary, and vice versa. If you want to wear socks because you think your feet are not ready, then put on them loafers for one more day and go get that situation handled.

**Crazy colored contacts. Since colored contacts have been on the market, I’ve been scared shitless so often by looking at people wearing them too fast. If you were born with deep brown eyes, there is no need to put on royal blue contacts. You don’t look sexy. Just deranged. I’ve seen folks wearing contacts of all colors (red, cat eyes, green, purple) and it never fails to make me lose all my proclaimed thuggery.

**Loud logos. Rocking a shirt that is free advertisement to Baby Phat, RocaWear and whatever designer is not what you should do past undergrad. Honestly, we know you are proud of the overpriced ish you are wearing, but your jeans and shirt do not have to have it in FLASHY letters, rhinestones and sequins. Congratulations, you’re wearing GIRBAUD (yes, in ’08). Your certificate of appreciation will be mailed to you in 6-8 week.

Sidenote: I’ve even encountered a lady with the tattoo of the BabyPhat cat. I wonder if Kimora can sue her for copyright infringement, since she did not give her permission to use that logo anywhere, let alone on her person. Would be a hilarious case. This is a nice segway to…

**Partner tattoos. I know when we are deep in love (or lust), we tend to have on sepia-toned glasses. But getting your partner’s name etched on you permanently is not only bold, but hella hopeful. Let’s face it, relationships come and go, but tattoos are forever. I do not think it is a grand romantic gesture to get partner tats. Long after you and the “Love of your Life” break up, that ink will still be there. Besides, I would not want my significan other to get a tattoo of my name because I’d feel to much pressure. My attention span would probably make me see my name on his arm, and be like “Umm… I’ve been thinking. This isn’t working.” Too much pressure. And if he was to suggest it, I’d chuckle nervously, get shifty eyes and say “Tattoo?? But babe, wouldn’t a gold pendant with your name work too? (But I wouldn’t wear it because who wears name pendants anymore??). Love can be shown in other ways. Ink ain’t necessary.

So what say ye? Did I miss anything that adults in general should avoid?

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Things Grown Women Should NOT Wear

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  1. suga
    September 24, 2008 at 12:53 am

    Luvvie, whats wrong with grills? I’m actually looking for mine now, since I have an interview tomorrow and I need mine to be bright and shiny so I can make a good impression

    I have never been a supporter of name tatoos…period. Or face tatoos. This girl was on Hell Date, rockin a half shirt, with a man’s face to the left of her belly button. Now maybe it was a tribute to her deceased granpa (RIP) or something, but still…it looked tacky AND scary.

    People who wear cat eyed contacts, or the kind that make them look blind, scare the ish out of me. What is the point in walkin around lookin like that?

  2. Miss Tiff
    September 24, 2008 at 7:17 am

    Grown people shouldn’t ever have mullets.. End of story on that. Same for the grills. I agree Crocs are so friggin ugly it’s amazing that so many people want to wear them. Sandals and socks kind of makes me gag a little. Crazy colored contacts kind of freak me out.. Also, with the way people switch partners no one should be getting partner tatoos..

    Loved this post by the way! 🙂

  3. Paula
    September 24, 2008 at 10:33 am

    Crocs actually offend me, they are SUCH a crime against fashion. And it always makes me laugh how celebs are the worst offenders at the tattoo thing . . . I mean, they must KNOW the tattoo will last far longer than the relationship they’re in!

  4. NaturallyAlise
    September 24, 2008 at 12:34 pm

    I hate the black woman mullet (usually dyed burgundy, bright red, or blue-black, often asymetrical), popularized in part by Salt N Pepa in the 80’s, older women for some reason love it, I just think it is dumb hideous thinking about it is running up my pressure ,dangit….

  5. The IT Girl
    September 24, 2008 at 2:06 pm

    Okay, I’m very much in love with your blog. Consider me a new fan!

    You’re spot on with the crocs. Why the F*CK do people wear the damn things? Especially when you see someone in a rather smart outfit that’s spoilt by a retina-burning yellow pair of the damn things.

    And sandals and socks are just…wrong.

    Over here last year, a lot of people were wearing shorts over tights. WHY?!

  6. Jack and Jill
    September 24, 2008 at 7:23 pm

    Hotdog water sounds like the most disgusting thing ever. BLECH.

    In other news, my sister got matching tattoos with her boyfriend – luckily it wasn’t his NAME (that’d be weird if he tattooed is own name on his shoulder, but I digress), but now they’ve broken up and she has a tramp stamp that matches a tattoo he has. Awesome, right?


  7. Lucky
    September 24, 2008 at 7:49 pm

    I HATE Crocs. I have raged about them. I have nightmares about them. I have LAUGHED about people wearing them.

    Why is it always entire families who wear bright orange, green, and pink ones on their weekend outings??

    I can’t.

  8. joshlos
    September 24, 2008 at 7:52 pm

    I agree with everything on this list 150% — and all your other lists about what people shouldn’t be wearing — except for the Crocs. I don’t care what anyone says; they’re awesome.

    Another thing I don’t understand about Crocs is their divisiveness. People either LOVE them or HATE them; it’s not like there’s even an in between. Look, it’s not gun control or abortion, people; it’s just rubber footwear. Also, I’ve found that, overwhelmingly, people who don’t like Crocs are people who’ve never worn Crocs.

    Myself, I prefer them in a color that’s not quite as outlandish as what you have displayed, like black, which I have. Hate on ’em if you want, but they’re great. Except in wild colors.

  9. im_da_sweetest
    September 25, 2008 at 3:56 pm

    LMAO….. I agree with everything, crocs, mulletes, grills…. EEEEWWWWW!

    As aformentioned I’d like to submit itty-bitty shorts over brightly colored tights. Look sista’s if you aitn running late for your Joffery/Alvin Ailey Dance class Don’t put that ish on. I mean really if you ballsy enough to but and wear shorts where the bottom part of your a$$ hangs out then DO IT, but seriously you look like a danm fool either way.

    I’d like to also submit dingy used to be white t-shirts. Look homie the saying is IN MY WHITE TEE, not my eggshell tee, beige tee, mother of pearl tee NO….WHITE Tee if you insist on being that casual

    That is all, I digress…..

  10. sugarcityintdot
    September 25, 2008 at 6:14 pm

    I’m new here and loving it…

    Grills, crocs, and coloured contacts cussed off in one blog entry… I think I’m home. Black people with light coloured eyes actually look kinda evil to me (including Terrence Howard, excluding only Michael Ealy… or maybe he looks evil just in a hot way…) and black people with blue contacts look stupid.

    I think bad weaves should also be added to the list. Cuz you know what? It’s 2008… there is absolutely no excuse to have a bad weave in 2008.

  11. Luvvie (aka Queen IG)
    September 25, 2008 at 11:58 pm

    Suga, you’re a mess. Rock grills and you will get some mean side-eyes from urs truly.

    Miss Tiff – I’m glad u feel me on this.

    Paula – I am convinced that at least half of Hollywood has a developmental disorder.

    Alise – The black woman mullet is just pure embarassment. We must do better.

    IT girl – YAYYY!!! People who like my blog make my day. Welcome! Take off ur coat. Stay awhile.

    Jill – Umm does ur sis cry everytime she sees that tat?

    Lucky – Clearly, weekend trips to the zoo aren’t complete without neon crocs.

    Josh – Well at least you rock the crocs in Black. That is ALL the credit I can give you 🙂

    Sweetest – ur submissions of white tees and shorts over tights are duly noted, and agreed upon. Those are sights for sore eyes. Grown folks need to NOT.

    Sugarcity – I abhor bad weaves with the intensity of a 1000 suns. And they are very much inexcusable.

  12. Sowhattiff Jenkins
    September 26, 2008 at 10:54 am

    LOL@ “with the intensity of 1000 suns”…

    I think you should add jerseys, white tees, and denim outfits to the list. I have yet to see these things look anything but silly on a grown man or woman.

  13. Eb the Celeb
    September 27, 2008 at 2:40 pm

    I agree with everything here… even though tattoos arent really permanent anymore… I get your point and totally agree

    Adults should also not wear whatever little kid fashion is currently in style… example those damn Kanye West shades that look like blinds.

  14. Sadiqua P
    September 27, 2008 at 8:24 pm

    i loved crocs on my baby. but she was the same way. tried to pry them off every chance she got! i also steal my moms when she needs me to handle the garbage out back. i sho nuff aint gonna mess up my good shoes *shrug

    i hate everything on that list. i have a chocolate girlfriend who has worn grey or green color contacts since we were about 15. we will be going to our ten year reunion in a few months…smh, give the eyeballs a break!