Guest Blog

Tail from a Broad

To wrap up Guest Bloggers’ Week is that man, Genius Khan (YES, he can!!!). He is the powerful to my Awesome. Khan speak is definitely a different kind. Uncensored, unhinged, uninhibited…

Tail from a Broad
[procurement Chicago]
a counciling session

first i wanna thank Luvvie for inviting me to speak to you all via her spot today. i wanna applaud her bravery and exquisite taste for having me here with you today. Salute! Btw check out the new couch.

…now let’s get it in believership. (that’s rhetorical, nicaz) a greeting of sorts. …and u say: beneficent khan what exactly am i supposed to believe in? A: me because this sh*t is Powerful. at the request of people unnamed i am continuing the series “Tales from a Broad” or “Tail from a Broad” and merging it with my counciling sessions at the pure disgust of others who will also remain nameless. you know who u are. I see u. if I knew u were coming I would have baked u a fatt ass fu*k U!

now peep this jewel im trying to share wit ya. it was inspired the other day by Hugh Heffner who reportedly has fired his “Girls Next Door” and has a new stable of girlfriends and it reminded me of a story from whence khan was roomies with his best friend Woody Wood. …but before I get into that did u see how Puffy fired Aubrey from the platinum selling group Danity Kane MTB3. [“its cold out there”] Diddle [or whatever ur name is this week] that’s some pimpish sh*t to tell a mu fuc*a before u lettem go. now khan has had to make cuts to his stables on many occasions. no crying no begging no turning the fu*k back most of the time. you know, paradigm shifts. female management. too too many people know more about managing people of the same sex and jack shit about managing the opposite sex[heterosexually speaking] and even less about managing themselves

cue the Curtis Mayfield background music and turn my mic up. i was brought up on some serious macking. freakmasters raised me. i was never the cat that had big numbers. I was the cat that pulled or got pulled by quality softtails. you know down for me azz chix who had many redeeming qualities and were in high demand because of their perceived degree of difficulty and rarity. i’ve never been the cake daddy type and its just not how i get down. these weenies today are proud to get used, making it rain, trickin off and other such wennie-ness. unlike these Vienna snausages the khans got good seasoning. feel me? indupedibly.

it was a 4th of july weekend several years ago and a cutie from Chicago was visiting my city. i was in the mall and this young tender and I were “on the smell” and we collided in front of the Korean jewelry kiosk and we were both tilting off the vibrations. i kept it real cool though and was pleased with the oblations. anyways later that evening i was invited to scoop her up at her fams house. when i got there she was playing spades with one of her female cousins and a bunch of dudes from the neighborhood. they were sitting around looking janky and waiting their turn to holler at her. i mean nicraz was lined up taking numbers it seemed. tender dix was calling next on the card game and begging her to play with them and she wasn’t even done with the game she was playing yet. classic famished thirsty nicca activity. so when she and her partner lost [I think she threw the game on purpose] she popped up and gave me a full body hug, not that sideways or hunched over church hug weenie niccaz be getting and schnitz but with genuine desire and attraction. u know the drill. lames saw this and were instantly deflated and turning purple and what have use.

now lets have a look at the vixen in 12 words, shall we? girl girl was pulchritude with a little to no make-up repose. gather together lames and lick ur wounds I said in my head. she gathered her things, says bye to the fam and we dip. later weenies! all kinds of kicking it ensues the evening turns into early morning and we retire to my flat. mmmm hmmm you know what it is. say pappi. well the next morning she wakes up and needs to go to the bathroom. she slips on her panties and goes to the restroom and passes by my roommates’ door and soon returns to the comforts of my bed. i love waking up to some creamyness. i think it’s the forgetting someone is there while ur sleep and waking up to the warmth of something soft and sweet. …nothing like it in this world.

well later that afternoon when i return from dropping her off, i walk in the appt and my homey is on the phone scolding bitches and shitz. phone call after phone call of admonishments. when he gets off he’s even got attitude with me. im like: fuk is ur problem nicca! he’s like, dam dude where did you find her? i’m like she found me. he says: mmm hmm, ima have to make some changes. im tired of these hoes. he had a couple of laybacks that lived in the complex in surrounding buildings whom he called over 1 by 1 and basically discontinued their contracts. 1 of them “red head kingpin” was a loud mouth ghetto biatch from Phoenix Az. who didn’t go down easy either. later my homey tells me that the sight of my new friend made him clean out his whole camp. he was inspired to start an entirely new harem after seeing my work.

now it’s a lot of you out there who need to purge your stables men and women alike but for some reason ur hanging on to some old comfortable security blankets. i urge thee to look inside urselves and find the intestinal fortitude to let the hoes go. wipe the whole dam slate clean if you have to. too many people are afraid of being “alone.” years ago when this happened i was hiding from my women friends. lonely was not the problem. it became like a job to manage the situationships. i would cum home from work in a suit and change into scrubs [my night uniform] and see who was due for rotation. i have grown past this manner of exsex but ahh to be young gifted and black. thankyou Donnie.

here’s the prescription. do away with suckaism and fire raggley nicaz forthwith. it seems hard at first but you know what you need to do look around you and find some inspiration. [me Diddle, Heff, Beyonces’ to the left or whomevers] get the sh*t done and give miracles a chance to happen. o.k. that’s it for today. see lisette on the way out and she’ll schedule ur next appt and take ur payment for todays session. fuck outta my office. ur welcum.

Todays transcript of “Tales from A Broad” has been provided to u by khans’ cream of panties. Get some today. If ur lucky.

Be one of the first to join the charter chapter of khans’ hate club

…and for private counciling you can reach genius khan by email

Khans’ Credentials [as if he fuc8ing needs them]

As testified by many a scholar, the Khan is a renowned inner and outer space expert as well as a member of Mensa, Prometheus Society and the 1 Percent Club. Having an IQ of 77777777 (he insisted on taking the IQ test over and over until he got a question wrong, but eventually got tired), he can also approach speeds of over 10,000 MPH while sitting down and although he is resplendent, his countenance casts no shadow. Further tests are being conducted and instruments are being built to gauge the capabilities of Genius Khan.

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  1. NaturallyAlise
    October 17, 2008 at 11:33 am

    This was the most greatacular piece of work ever (i get accused of that often as well, modesty is not something i possess), I agree with your statement: "away with suckaism and fire raggley nicaz forthwith", it is about quality not quantity, bc 10 scalawags < 1 dime any day of the week, paricularly on a friday….

    thanks you for this entry khan (I'm sure you hear that often as well)

    I reKHANize greatness. *wink*

  2. GOODENess
    October 17, 2008 at 1:19 pm

    GENIUS! did I get cut daddy? lol…nah…IMPOSSIBLE! lol… I have cleaned out the stable with the fine ass exception of one piece of talent who just happens to also have deep pockets in the stretch of unemployment…but his head game is declining so I am entertaining making him turn in his jersey too…after I get another job of…but I LOVE your stories…and I can completely understand the draw…I was reading this post, licking my lips at each of your grammatical acrobatics…you know I am a wordy b*tch and that sh1t right there turns me on…GOOD JOB…you NEVER disappoint…(wink) you need to come visit the Dallas branch of the GK stable…it’s getting cold out here…LOL

  3. Anonymous
    October 17, 2008 at 2:33 pm

    thanks Nat I’m humbled that u connected with my very 1st published blog piece. Never forget u for that reason. stick wit me, it’s cold out there.

    Hug urself,


  4. Anonymous
    October 17, 2008 at 2:41 pm

    Ahh. GK.

    From beginning to end, well done, well done.


  5. Anonymous
    October 17, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    V.E.G and Goody thanks for the luv! …coming to a stable near u.

  6. The Pretty Brown Girl
    October 19, 2008 at 5:52 pm

    Khan scores! I love it. Epic guest posting n’ shyt. ***glitter***

  7. Anonymous
    October 20, 2008 at 7:31 am

    pbg gets it in. thanks for participating in the meaning making. i’m glad u were here to make it do its thing thing. run tail. run tale. .

  8. K to the...
    October 20, 2008 at 10:24 am

    I think this is my favorite blog of the week…with “hood vs ghetto” being 2nd. Loved it! 🙂

  9. Anonymous
    October 20, 2008 at 3:19 pm

    k to the…

    thanks for the l to the izzo v to the izee.

    spank something…

    a.k.a hustle simmons