Letter

Hair 1, Comb 0

An Open Letter to my late Comb.

Dear Rattail,

I’m sorry you had to go like that. Twas a demise that was unexpected, and I am still shocked that you’re gone. Yes, I know I was wrong to wash my hair the day before I decided to braid it but who’da knew it was going to be so tangled as to trap you in. However, I had faith in you since you were not a little flimsy piece of plastic. But when my sis was combing my hair, and I heard a loud “SNAP”, and she showed me you were broken in half, I cackled loudly. For this too, I am sorry. I just couldn’t help myself. Especially after sissy exclaimed “Ooooo I oughta pop you in the head for this. You owe me a new one!”. I apologize for laughing even harder. However, I will say that I am glad you went down fighting. You weren’t no punk, and for that I got mad respect. You stood no chance against my awesomely tangled fro, but you never backed down. There was no bitchassness in your game. So Kudos.

Sincerely yours,

Luvvie

I already called Austin & Royster’s. We shall be having a nice service and repass for it. This rattail comb is survived by:

  • Its BFF, a weeping pick (the fist is now a palm)
  • A boar hair brush
  • A smaller comb that is now whimpering at the sight of my hair
  • A red satin scarf
  • An old bottle of StaySofFro
  • The entire Carol’s Daughter Hair line

Edit: My girl 8th Wonder said my comb was not tougher than Nigerian hair. Touche! lol

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16 Comments

  1. 8th Wonder
    December 9, 2008 at 11:00 am

    *Pours out a lil likka for the deceased*

    Nights like this, I wish…raindrops would Fa-a-a-alll!

    sigh.

    **no rattail combs were harmed during the writing of this comment**

  2. Anonymous
    December 9, 2008 at 11:05 am

    funny Luvs. melikes. you grow more abstract everyday. is there a father to this style pray tell? heh, heh, heh (inhales) whoooooo! wait before you fire back remember, i got lil niglets for lil niglets like you. achu, i’ll bless lil niggaz like you. these words will escort you from the colliseum to masoleum.

    regards,

    compel composed

  3. Anonymous
    December 9, 2008 at 11:10 am

    …get your weight up ma.

  4. miss t-lee
    December 9, 2008 at 12:44 pm

    *walks out singing “This is for my homey…see you when I get there. In that gangsta lean”*

  5. overit
    December 9, 2008 at 1:22 pm

    OK, you were stupid for this post, but you were STOOPID for this:

    Its BFF, a weeping pick (the fist is now a palm)
    A boar hair brush
    A smaller comb that is now whimpering at the sight of my hair
    A red satin scarf
    An old bottle of StaySofFro
    The entire Carol’s Daughter Hair line

    Carols daughter is the truf!

    I dedicate One Sweet Day by Mariah Carey to our dear rattail.

    Sorry I never told you
    All I wanted to say
    And now it’s too late to hold you
    ‘Cause you’ve flown away, so far away…

  6. NaturallyAlise
    December 9, 2008 at 2:45 pm

    rattail’s epitaph:

    “I combed, i saw, i faltered”

  7. Ms_Slim
    December 9, 2008 at 3:20 pm

    LOL @ Alise

  8. The Pretty Brown Girl
    December 9, 2008 at 7:39 pm

    I gave all my combs up for adoption. I hope they found good homes. Not homes like your nappy head, LUVVIE!!

    I feel like you should pay retribution or be brought up on charges.

  9. ladebelle
    December 9, 2008 at 8:44 pm

    LOL!!! hysterical…

    i need to have many a funeral for combs…

  10. Invisible Woman
    December 10, 2008 at 9:59 am

    Three words: Jilbere’ Shower Comb!

  11. suga
    December 17, 2008 at 4:30 am

    Died @ “The palm is now a fist”

  12. ChiChi10
    December 29, 2008 at 4:25 pm

    IG like a mug. As I am going natural, the ratail comb been put down a long time ago. These naps will murk that, mayne! LMAO

  13. Blackberry Molasses/The Rebel Intellectual
    December 30, 2008 at 11:21 am

    I’m maaaaad late to this party but I got one up on ya…. ya girl over here broke a STEEL RATTAIL COMB. Yes. You read right. I have steel breakin hair atop my fabolous head.

    My girl never let me forget it. And we did have a funegro in the Ujamaa Main Lounge while she was pressing out my vicious curls.

  14. Acynicsdream
    December 3, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    This had me dying…I remember when I was younger when many piks would break off…

  15. Anonymous
    December 3, 2009 at 4:13 pm

    "HOW long since he passed on" <—Wanda's voice (GOOD TIMES)

    Agree w/Invisible Woman:
    Three words: Jilbere' Shower Comb!
    And Try combing through thick curly hair while wet and saturated w/conditioner. Heritage Vegetable glycerin is the Truuf.

    When is the Repass? Chicken? Tata salad?

  16. January 16, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    […] Hair 1, Comb 0 – My comb lost a battle to my hair. *Cue violins* […]