Super Bowl was a Super Bore
Hey folks! I’d like to thank all my guest bloggers for making the week so awesome! In fact, I had more Guest Bloggers than days, so sorry to the bloggers whose posts I didn’t use. I still love your writing!!!
So like everyone else, I “watched” the Super Bowl. And by “watched”, I mean that it was on the TV and I knew it was on. I w
I’m not a fan of football but here are my thoughts on what I did see.
The Highlight of the ENTIRE Super Bowl was J-Hud. Jennifer Kate Hudson KILLT that National anthem without even breaking a sweat. I was just hollering at home screaming “YESSSSS LAWD!!!! J-Hud is back in my LIFE!! She must never leave me!!!” The holy ghost almost caught me. Oh, and the “Star Spangled Banner” called shortly thereafter and said it is banning everyone else from singing it. Only J-Hud is allowed henceforth.
Then the game started and really bored me to pieces. I changed my Facebook status to “I think I watched grass grow the other day and it was more intriguing than this Super Bowl. BORE!” This led to blogger Mr. Jolla and I having a back and forth in comments about how bored we were by the game. Here it is:
Jolla: LOL…I watched a new candy paint job dry…I was a bit more entertained.
Luvvie: I played marbles with myself and that held my attention longer than this game
Jolla: I played cut construction paper into animal shapes and stayed focused the duration.
Luvvie: I played rock paper scissors solo and it was more captivating
Jolla: I engaged in a shadowboxing street fight with the boogie man in my closet from across the room and was more successful at entertainment.
Luvvie: I ate a dry rice cake and the party inside my mouf was wayyy more noteworthy than this game
Jolla: I watched old Marilyn Monroe footage and the party inside my pants gave me more of a rise than the action on the football field.
Luvvie: I listened to Ben Stein (Visine “Dry Eyes” dude) make a speech and was more excited than I am watchin this game I watched a deafmute conference about selling stock and was more in tune with what was going on.
Toure: I think I will go read the economic stimulus package. Surely just the name alone is more excitiing. Stimulus package hmmm
Alise: I think I will go do geometry proofs and eat saltine crackers and drink warm water instead of the game….
Luvvie: I think I will go write a faux memoir called “The Life of Lint”. Would make me feel more productive than I feel watching the Super Bowl
Then it apparently went and got interesting cuz we complained so much and the team that wasn’t expected to win, won. (Or something like that. I just know people were all hyped in the end. What?? it became background noise. Don’t judge me!)
Besides that, what was the deal with that janky halftime show? The recession seemed to have hit the Super Bowl too because it used be the ultimate concert. Instead, we got “The Boss” Bruce Springsteen. I have no doubt in my mind that back in his heyday, Brucie was a stone cold fox. But ain’t he like 105 years old? I sweahfogawd, he was Jesus’ locker partner in high school. Why did he have on them tights as pants? Why was he doing these crazy back bends? I KNOW his doctor and a team of EMTs were standing by that stage in case Bruce’s back gave way. Shoot, I was nervous for the man. Even I ain’t that flexible. Sheesh!
When Bruce Springsteen’s 12 minutes were up, I was expecting another act to come up but they went to commercial. I sat there blinking and when I finally realized that was it, I was irate. THAT WAS IT??? Hell to the naw, Bobbay!!! What in the janky hell was that? I was NOT pleased. Alls I know is y’all cannot blame Penny (Janet Jackson) and D*ckInABox (Justin Timberlake) for this sh*tty halftime show. If they were so afraid of offending the FCC, they could have gone with other artists. Or was it that they ain’t have money to put on a good show?
Ne-yo coulda came and shared his new juicy tube lipgloss with the world, or Johnnie Legend and his tiny vest coulda crooned us with this velvety voice. Hell, I’da even been entertained by Will.I.Am. Him and his taco meat beard coulda came and acted a plum fool and bounced around in some coulottes. There are options here, people!! If they were looking for over 50, they coulda even invited the Hat’s Aretha (yes, she no longer owns the hat. It owns HER) to come holler incoherently for 12 mins. And them 12 mins would be ONE song (Aretha KNOWS she can lengthen any song)! Well then again, Aretha’s mammoth mammaries are probably scary @ Middle America. The FCC may have fined the SuperBowl and NBC for vulgarity.
Either way, the Bowl was the most hyped thang but was blah. I didn’t watch any of the commercials but word on the street is that they were all sucky anyway. I guess folks are too worried about losing their jobs to be coming up with hella creative ads.
Umm.. is it bad that I wrote a whole review of the SuperBowl and none of it was really sports-related? If it is, well then… That’s how it be’s sometimes.
Oh and the 2nd best part of the SuperBowl (apart from J-Hud) was the episode of “The Office” that came on afterwards. iDied more than once watching all that foolishness!