Things That Are Scary At Me
Mkay so we’re all family here at AweLuv right? We s’posed to be able to be open with one another. Wells, I got some confessions. Y’all already know that I’m a thug. Despite that, there are a coupla things that take me out my element and make me go “EEK!!!” These things are scary at me (c) PBG and throw my thug to the floor at a moment’s notice.
Roaches – The quickest way for me to lose ALL my cool is to see a roach or bug of some sort. My typical laidback, can’t be moved too easily demeanor leaves me completely. I become A GIRL! (No Jamie Lee Curtis. My anatomy is correct). But I become the jumping up and down and high-pitched squeal type of girl. There was a time I saw a roach like 5 feet in front of me. Instead of going in for the kill, I hopped up and down in the same spot, flailing my arms and saying “EEEEKKK!! It’s a rooooaaacchhh!!” for at least 30 seconds. The roach stood it’s ground and had a staring contest with me from the floor.
As I continued to panic, my sis looked at me like I was a mess, walked by and killed it seamlessly. At which I stopped hopping and said “Whew! Close call”. What was I close to? Probably being fully punked by the roach but I think that ship already sailed when I screamed like a 12-year-old at a Drake concert. A doggone shame. Besides, roaches got this overconfidence about them that makes me uneasy. Anything that is crushed and still moves around is nothing positive.
The Dark – Seriously, me and the dark are enemies! What’s there? I don’t know. EXACTLY! I always have at least one light on at all times. You won’t ever catch me watching a movie with just the TV on, unless I’m with someone else and we aren’t more than 2 feet apart. My night light game is so proper. Besides, I blame my overactive imagination with my fear of the dark. Something moves, and my brain starts screenwriting it’s own horror movie, starring me as the unsuspecting victim. Which is also why I’m afraid of…
Horror Movies – I HATE scary movies with the intensity of 1000 breaths of halitosis sufferers. I partially blame my sisters, M & K, for my abhorrence of horrors. When we were little and we were home alone, them and the rest of my cousins would put in the likes of “Poltergeist” and “Hellraiser”. Since I was scared of being by myself, I basically had to sit through them all and watch. I still remember the dude from “Hellraiser” with all those spikes in his face. EEEKK!!! *runs and hides*. In fact, Poltergeist is the reason why I’m afraid of…
Clowns – Between the chalky white face, the red lips painted in a perpetual smile and the receding hairline, clowns are just an all around NO. I find nothing funny about them and I think they’re always plotting something. iCan’t trust them. Everyone remembers the clown in Caroline’s room in “Poltergeist” too. NOT. COOL. And most folks remebers homey the Clown, the ornery clown from “In Living Color”. He didn’t make it much better either. iRebuke clowns in the name of all that is uncreepy and holy. Get the behind me, Bozo!!! *sprays holy water*
If you put me in a dark room with roaches and force me to watch a horror movie about clowns, you might as well start planning my funegro. As the old, present and future me would be dead & gone. First though, I’m pretty sure I’d need a change of clothes, as I’m sure I woulda pissed myself. Don’t judge me!
Despite all of this, I’m still a thug. In fact, please refer to me as Thuggie Luvvie henceforth. Kthnx.
It is time to write that book. Come into The Book Academy and learn how to go from IDEA to INK.
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11 Comments
You know my fear of creepy crawlies is well documented:
http://kindredsmile.blogspot.com/2008/09/this-cant-be-life.html
I'm not afraid of the dark, but I am def afraid of clowns (See: It). And lately they seem to be all the rage at birthday parties – what gives? I can't keep declining invitations and limiting Piggy's social life!
In addition to everything on your list (I'm not scared of clowns but I don't funk with them at all) let me add two:
1. Birds (especially pigeons) eww. I hate birds, shoo, I even hate people who's last name is bird. If they cme near me, I scream and run.
2. Rodents (of any kind). Nothing can punk me harder than a mouse/rat.
I'm more afraid of those two things than of my momma … and that's saying something.
Ugh. I'm getting the heebie jeebies just writing this comment.
1. Along with roaches, I gotta say waterbugs. They're probably roaches cleaner cousin since they're made of water, but those mofos are too juicy and big. I will hop on a chair a la Big Mammy from Tom & Jerry in a heartbeat.
2. Silverfish. This creature was made personally by the devil. They are the creepiest looking creepy crawly evah. And one time, I killed one and it's body fell to the floor while its legs kept squiggling on the wall. WTF. EW. Effing mutants. And once I heard this story about how they crawl in your ear, I was done for. DONE.
Hey Luvvie…I'm sorry THUGGIE Luvvie, since you in the Chi, I wanna know if that rumor of this Homey the Clown serial killer fella circulated in your hood. Folks used to scare the hell outta us with this urban legend. He was some dude that kidnapped kids in playgrounds in a clow suit. That fake imagined ninja had us kids scared to go to recess and ish. lol
My fear of clowns has been documented. And mocked. And, if I recall, mocked on THIS HERE BLOG!
Die. Just die.
Anyhoo…
Possums also terrify me. And down escalators.
SIDENOTE: We need to discuss your need to keep a light on if we are going to PR. I can only fall sleep in total darkness! Separate rooms it is!
Roaches…I'm scared of them, but I tune into my inner thug and get batty with them hoes…after I finish screaming like a bitch.
Clowns…Girl bye! I must say, though, the one in Poltergeist was kinda scary. OoooOOO and the one in It. A HAM!
Horror movies are my SHIT! I HEART them to death. It might help you that the recent ones suck ass and don't scare anybody…well, unless you're scary a la Luvvie…*Snicker*
The last one I watched was Quarantine. It was like 11PM. I was sitting there with my mouth open looking hella confused and scary…like "Noooo!" That ish was the best horror flick I've in a minute. LOL
have you ever seen this stephen king movie called "It"? Two of your fears rolled in one. a scary movie where the villain is a clown. that movie used to terrify me as a child.
and the roach/bug thing. just remember that you're like 1000x bigger than it is and it's probably more terrified of you than you are of it. it probably just wants to go about its way.
Oh shit. That's all the stuff I'm afraid of, in that order…I can't even say the word "roach" no more. If I do I start having some fucked up flashbacks. I just can't with ANY insects, honestly. No R-Words, no waterbugs, nothing with a stinger on its ass, NOTHIN.
I am scared of manholes and those grates on the sidewalk or on some streets… oh yeah, and I am scared of your hairs dryness, it haunts me in my sleep… 🙂
White Girls.
lmao…
Im cracking up at the roaches/bugs thing
Roaches. Check.
Horror Movies. Check.
Clowns. CHECK. CHECK.
Pennywise also ingrained a fear of balloons, storm grates and drains… Alise, I know you're with me on that!
But add spiders, rodents and carneys…. egads!!
Imma be sick now. Bye.