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AKA Wax Statue Madness

Disclaimer: Let me just say I have nothing against the ladies in Pink & Green. I’m a roaster lover, not a fighter. I just hope this and my last post about Black Greek Letter Organizations (Clinton’s a Sigma, Jesus is an Alpha) don’t get me or my future chilrun blacklisted from Greekdom. I can see this convo happening between me and my Mini Luvvie one day.

Future Luvvie: *Heated* Ma, What the heck???
Me: Fool, Iunno who you think you talking to but you better come again!!!
Future Luvvie:
*calmer* What happened, Mom? I went to the ____ informational and I told them who I was. T
hey told me “No… Just No. We know your Mama. She is RUDE.”
Me:
*looking innocent* What I do?
Future Luvvie:
They said you used to roast them back in the day. You know, before you became Top Flight EVERYTHING of the World (sharrap yall! It’s my fantasy). Now I can’t pledge nothing by Me Phi Me.
Me:
We can do Us Phi Us. Anyway, sorry baby. Umm… I’ll buy you something to make you feel better. How’s that?
Future Luvvie:
*thinks for a sec* Aight cool! Can it be a car?
Me: o_O

But yeah, I’m risking my kids’ future here! Can I get a medal for speaking the truth? No? What about some crepes? Dang, y’all are stingy.

I’m an equal opportunity roasted and THIS sitch called for it. Besides, I blame all those people who requested that I write this post. They don’t wish me well. They just want me to burn in the pits of Dereon Hell, where Mama Tina will meet me at the gates with a bedazzle gun and a lacefront hairhat to wear for eternity. But I’m Team Jesus all the way! I even got a glittery brooch that says “Jesus”. I borrowed it from my Granny (who by the way, is 78 today. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, G-Ma!).

Anyway, no disrespect to the members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Inc. but even y’all know this situation is ridiculous. They are suing Barbara McKenzie, their president, to remove her from office because she’s spent the organization’s money on personal luxuries. Y’all wanna tell her “You ARE the weakest link. GOODBYE!” and I understand.

One of the things Barbara did was get a $900,000 wax statue commissioned to be made in her image and I ask: Who she thank she is? Madame Toussaud ain’t approve of THAT nonsense. This woman actually went and asked for this to be built for her. Self-idolatry and narcissism to the fullest!

Barbara, ma’am. What?!?

But I guess money talks, common sense walks. Except it wasn’t her money. How’d she figure she wasn’t gonna get caught for stealing all that money from the Alpha Kappa Alphas? Did the AKA Exec Board go to the bank tryna “check up on it” and were shocked when they found out that they were broker than a scratched CD? All because President Thieving Von Embezzlement wanted to be greedy.

It’s a recession and Madame President got herself a rubber doppelganger. I present her with the Ultimate “Fool SADDOWN” Gift Basket complete with the “REALLY???” Mani & Pedi spa package. I had to commission my people (Jen B) to make that basket specially for her. What is WRONG with folks?

If you gon jank $900,000, at least spend it better! She coulda sponsored AT LEAST 300 fly-infested African children in a Sally Struthers’ commercial. SELFISH!

But umm… couldn’t she have gotten a discount on that statue for not having a neck? I’m just saying. That should get her at least 5-10% off. She got jipped!

I know ain’t no refunds on that wax. Look, folks. I ain’t mean to call out AKA Prez for being neckless. Her chest is just heated because of the chin skidmarks it had on it. I tried not making me point out that she looks like she was playing in a funhouse mirror. Just stumpy. But iCan’t with her. She is out of order! She is just RUDE (and selfish).

I just hope she doesn’t have her organization in financial peril because of her foolishness. THAT is why she deserved the roast.

According to reports, she used the organization’s credit card for all these random purchases and then used her reward points to buy a TV and gym equipment. She bought gym equipment??? Barbara, methinks you are in need of a plethora of more people. o_O. Ya know what? I’mo just leave that alone. My gasoline drawers are already being FedExed to me. I don’t need them hand-delivered.

The Lord knows my heart is as pure as the Alaskan driven snow (after Palin resigned). It ain’t my fault that I roast some folks to pieces. I would light a candle but there may be a wax shortage around these parts. That statue looked all heavy. I know it wasn’t hollow in the middle. Oh. Where was I? Please forgive me.

Sidenote: Also heard the Zetas are trying to get Sheryl Underwood to step down as their President. Maybe they’re just realizing that she looks like Wesley Snipes in “To Wong Foo”. But nothing a little better makeup can’t fix. *shrugs* IDK

*reads that*
*Commences repentance*

*sings* (to the tune of “Hard out here for a Pimp”)

“You know it’s hard out here for a Greek
When you tryna get the money for this pledge
With the statues and the cash spent on Benz (Iunno if she bought a Benz but for rhyming purposes, lol)
Will have a whole lotta sorors jumping ship

I’mo go sit down now and think about my life. And pray some more. Them Deluxe Clouds in the Sky will be my residence one day!

But umm…what do y’all think about Madame President & her penchant for self-idols?

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43 Comments

  1. @BlaqVixenBeauty
    July 31, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    Oh my gosh, lmao! I knew this was going to be good! I cannot believe she had the nerve to take all that money and get a wax statute! I just couldn't believe it when I heard it! You roasted her good, lol!

  2. @Roxy_V
    July 31, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    In all honesty, I don't know which is the statue. Must be too early to deal with dumbassery.

  3. anonymous
    July 31, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    You need some new punchlines, I'm getting bored with your blog. "Dereon comments, lace fronts, Fool Saddown" You've worn them out, plus a few more…

  4. NolaDivine
    July 31, 2009 at 2:59 pm

    OMG, I am over here DYING!!! LMAO!!!

  5. amymay117
    July 31, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    Hmmm…. here I thought it was just my white folks that did that kind of ish. Don't she know hell is hot?

    anon–be grown enuf to put a name with the opinion, please. It's your opinion, claim it.

  6. Michael
    July 31, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    LOL! LOL! LOL! That heffa there was wrong on So many levels. *sings* "She got a big ego-o-o, such a huge ego-o-o"… If she only had a neck, poor thing *smh* How could one be THAT egotistical? REALLY??? And then she stole the money to do it! Her and her wax figure are leaving on the next thing smokin' to Dereon Hell… iCan't

    And to the anonymous hater. Don't be coming over her with your negativity and foolishness and things of that nature. If you feels Luvvie posts the same material then quit reading all the new posts and remove her from ya favorites. YOU get a FOOLSADDOWN gift basket. CHILE BYE!

  7. Cheekie
    July 31, 2009 at 3:59 pm

    A laugh escaped my soul for your discount on the no-neck comment. WHY, Luvvie, WHY?! lmfao I actually think they gave her a bit of bonus neck. Maybe it's the scarf covering her neck, but they're being gracious with a few centimeters.

    She bought a TV and gym equipment? Like, she was sitting at home with the AKA's AmEx Black (or Pink?) watching QVC all day and decided to rack it up? Presidential FAIL. She is unacceptable.

    They need to burn that mess and sell it to Bath and Body Works to use for their aromatherapy candles.

    • CafeGirlsPress
      October 26, 2012 at 11:26 am

      *Gone to Glory* at :they gave her a bit of bonus neck.”

      OOP.

  8. @AssertiveWit
    July 31, 2009 at 4:01 pm

    Don't feel bad cause I didn't neither; I was really sitting here trying to figure out if that was her and her sister hahhahaha

  9. Neicy
    July 31, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    It's the neck thing that KEEPS getting me, lol

  10. Reecie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    When I first heard about the money issues within their sorority (awhile ago) I truly didnt' find humor in the situation because well, it very well could be my org (praises that its not, though) and as the story further developed and I heard of this statue nonsense my first thought was "does the bish think she michael jackson or somethin gawwlee!". I mean for real, that is just OD and worthy of the jokes…..

  11. K to the...
    July 31, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    OMG at the "no-neck" comment. My soror sent an email tot he listserve and sho 'nuff she was like "The status does look like her, however they forgot to include her neck!" I just went all Denny Duquette within a three hour period. (Dead for you non-Grey's fans)

    After reading about this coonery, I had no choice but to ask WWJD? And the "J" in this instance, stands for Joanne…my sorority's current president. I dare her to have a wax statue made…I'd go on a national roast tour , hitting every regional conference to roast her!

  12. K to the...
    July 31, 2009 at 4:09 pm

    Side eyeing myself for the typos

    *to the listserve…
    *statue

  13. Hate-less
    July 31, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    So Luvvie, I want u to know it wasn't me hating. I love ur blog, in fact it was the witty punchlines that keep me coming back. You can roast anyone else but I can't leave a lil feedback. Relax I know u got hatas out there, but the whole e world is not out to getcha. Just asking to keep me on my toes you've spoiled me… I get excited everytime I hear a new phrase from u… So give me some new ones don't retire the old ones but they don't make my sides split when they r in every blog. 🙂

  14. K to the...
    July 31, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    LMAO!!!!

  15. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Aint she all types of out of control? she got her good nerve!

  16. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    *dead* LMAO!!! They both do look rubbery

  17. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:51 pm

  18. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    Foolery knows no color!

  19. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:51 pm

    LOL not "Ego"! U dumb lol

  20. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    If they burned that wax, Bath & Body could make at least 1532 candles*

    *Yes I made that number up ALL the way

  21. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    LMAO! 😀

  22. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    Yeah I feel bad that she may have put her organization in financial crisis. SELFISH! I hope they can re-coop some of that dough in these Tough Times

  23. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    LMAO @ the regional roast tour! I'd apply to be your tour manager.

  24. Luvvie
    July 31, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    Gotcha

  25. @myzdevyneone
    July 31, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    Luvvie you are HAM with a side of GREEN EGGS!
    iCan't with you, you done kilt me again! Why you hata put that heffa pic up??
    *Miss Shug voice* She shole is ugly! A wax statue? No Ma'am! Damn the FOOLSADDON gift basket, you need to send her to the same villa you sent Debra Lee–Cheateau Le You Ain't Shit! LOL

  26. Cheekie
    July 31, 2009 at 5:27 pm

    Glad I ain't the only one who thought of her tryin' to be MJ. lmfao. Like, what she gon' come out with next, a HERstory DVD of her NOT being able to neck-roll like a proper Black woman?

  27. @ashbunnie
    July 31, 2009 at 6:19 pm

    "They just want me to burn in the pits of Dereon Hell, where Mama Tina will meet me at the gates with a bedazzle gun and a lacefront hairhat to wear for eternity."

    As my family mourns the loss of me, please inform them that it was you that kilt me.
    I know this post was about waxy mcfat, but I died a 1000 deaths at that sentence.

    again, your blog is the best thing since sliced bread & epidurals.

  28. Lite Bread
    July 31, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    And that, STAN, is why you can just not open up Her Most High Awesomelynessis' site. You could change webpages, right? You can do that, right?

    I'mas sorry Luvve! Do I load my AK fer ya? "It's a good day didn't even have to use my AK" (Ice Cube old, huh?).

  29. Lite Bread
    July 31, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    Yer Great Awesomelynessis'
    If you payin' money for something, shouldn't it, like, look nice, even flattering? All that money to be Uuuuuggggly? Why I do that fer free every day!

    An' I didn't think she looked so much "rubbery" as kinda greasy-like. Kept lookin' for the fried chicken bucket somewhere …

  30. SimplySona
    July 31, 2009 at 10:26 pm

    If I woulda got a wax statue of me, I woulda had them give me liposuction/tummy tuck, neck addition, a better smile, and a cuter outfit… wait which one is wax?

  31. Anonymous
    August 1, 2009 at 3:29 am

    I honestly had to call the friends and lol on the phone @ their president. She could've at least had them mold a semblance of a neck for her!

  32. @NaturallyAlise
    August 3, 2009 at 8:12 pm

    I passed this link on to some folks, Hilarious as usual E-Sis!

  33. Bag Ladies
    August 8, 2009 at 9:56 pm

    This is absolutely hilarious!!!

  34. Luvvie
    December 4, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    That pic lets u kno how foolish she's being.

  35. Luvvie
    December 4, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    "your blog is the best thing since sliced bread & epidurals. "

    I should make this my tagline. LMAO!

  36. Luvvie
    December 4, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    "All that money to be Uuuuuggggly? Why I do that fer free every day! "

    I. AM. DEAD. LMAO!!!!!!

  37. Luvvie
    December 4, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    OK! She coulda had a wax statue that fixed all her flaws. I'm jus saying

  38. Luvvie
    December 4, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Yeah they coulda gave her a neck even if she aint have one in real life. They selfish

  39. Luvvie
    December 4, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    😀 YESSSS!!! Pass on the IG

  40. Luvvie
    December 4, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Thanks ya kindly

  41. […] *AKA Wax Statue Madness – The president of the Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority got a wax statue made in her likeness for $900K. So I roasted her. […]

  42. HowlingBanshee
    November 27, 2012 at 3:35 pm

    Am I the only one who wants to steal the dress off the statue and have it tailored to fit me?