So I went into the BET Awards expecting much fail, like in the previous year. Expectations CANNOT be placed low enough BET. Let me definitely say that. How bad has BET been in previous years? Well, last year, it was so bad that my recap was in TWO parts. First I flipped tables at the awfulness that was the awards. Then I wrote BET a scathing letter. Either way, I went into this awards just knowing that my side-eye would be on overdrive. Well I’m here to say I was *sighs deeply* wrong. BET actually did well. So here is my recap.
My avatar slayed 1,746 hoes in her Yaki lacefront. She had to go to the BET Awards hoodrat game proper. Who jealous?
El DeBarge Performance
From Crack to BACK. But really. Where’d they find EL tho? They musta went to the resort he works at. The Bellagio’s kind for giving him the night off. EL DEBARGE!!! El’s voice is SO SMOOVE! Young’uns better LEARN! You can look any way you want but that talent still counts. Young’ins in the house should have taken note. Mr. Invented Sex? Yes you. THAT was stage presence. Not tonguing down Toni. But yes, it was good to see El rock the house.
Michael Jackson Tribute
I had NO expectation for this tribute, because of last year’s foolishness. I didn’t want to be let down. BUT, I was given a nice surprise. This was really good. Besides the fact that the tribute was introduced by the Ghost of Tar Hair Present, Jermaine Jackson. *throws shade* *squints eyes* (-__-).
The men in the smooth criminal lights doing the dances were UBER cool. Then CBrown came on stage and rocked it! He danced so well. CBreezy did it justice. All shade aside. And then “Man in the Mirror” came on and CB started WEEPING. I was like “Is he… HE IS CRYING!!!” I was touched. He couldn’t even sing from crying so hard. I know a lot of folks have different opinions about it but for ME, it was touching. It threw my thug on the floor a little bit. It just seemed so raw. *sigh* Aawww… them tears led to a lotta debate too. I may blog about it. Either way, I give him much kudos for the tribute to the GOAT, MJ.
Now this was what a lot of people were looking forward to, besides the MJ tribute. The Artist Formerly Known As was getting paid his due! Well, we were nervous AND looking forward to it because we all know BET drops the ball often.
Alicia Keys sang “Adore” and DEED THAT. She got so into it that she hopped on the baby grand piano and rolled around. Prince looked all nervous like “Umm… dontchu have that baby on my account.” But he was feeling it! He had his eyes closed during the performance.
THEN the most awesome moment of the night came when Ms. LaBelle made her way on stage to sing “Purple Rain.” Firstly, Patti’s face was BEAT to the drag queen GAWDS! Did y’all SEE them eyebrows? HOES, consider yourselves SLAIN. iLOVE me some Patti Patti *flaps wings* Patti SANGGGG and brought tears to Prince’s gentle eyes. BUT… ratchetness made it sooo awesome. Patti kicked off her Louboutin’s and Prince caught one. This fool got up and twirled, showing folks the shoe he caught. iLIVED. iDied. iLived again.
Sidenote: Janelle Monae also performed. She was doing a lotta seizure-like moves. I don’t understand her at all. So… moving on.
Prince got on the stage looking as pretty as he wants to look. His haircut was SHARP! Bet y’all Rihanna’s newest cut is gon be similar. But bet he still gon be prettier than her. Women everywhere were throwing pantees at him at that moment. Prince could rock Jesus’ lavender sweater or Chris Brown’s burnt sienna apology blouse and he’d have MAD panties thrown at him still. Why? Because Prince is pretty.
If you missed the Prince tribute, catch video of it HERE.
– Yes. Just her. Everything about her. She had the nerve to show up in some orange wig, looking like Wilma Flintstone got her hair flat-ironed. She looked like the Ghost of Orange Koolaid Dye Present. WOMP!!! Nicki’s hair looks like what I imagine perm burn looks like up close. iCANNOT. I was waiting for the witch and the wardrobe to complete her crew? Looking like a hoodrat mufasa. Ugh. And she performed like three times and lipsynched all 3 times. I would say I’m over her but I wasn’t ever a fan so…
She did win an award though. I bet Lil Kim was somewhere “throwing shade cuz she can’t be paid” with Nicki on that stage.
– Whoever was running the pyrotechnics needs to be placed on maternity leave. Yes. Even if it’s a guy. BET ODed on the smoke machine. Every other artist performed in a fog. I kept being like “WTF is this?!?” In fact, Smoke performed, featuring Diddy n ’em. That was definitely a fail.
Trey got up there and sang one of his songs bout sex. Yes, that just left the room open for bout ALL his songs. And then Tremaine caught himself trying to add “Purple Rain” at the end. First, Prince looked super bored. Then Trey tried to hit a high note and Price activated his legendary side-eye like he was thinking “WOMP.” I was embarrassed for Trey.
– Kanye’s been gone for almost a year. No peep from him. Well, he performed last night. On a mountain. in the fog. It was interesting to see his Jesus Complex has remained. Time hasn’t changed much. But the performance itself was EH. Very forgettable.
Teddy Pendergrass Tribute
– Kirk Franklin, Kim Burrelle, Yolanda Adams and 3 other folks i forget their names got together for this tribute. It had the makings of an awesome and rousing moment. Lemme say this. I LOVE gospel. I LOVE the folks who sang it. But when they ALL get onstage, everyone tries to out-holler each other. The last minute of that performance was painful. Six people with powerful voices, six mics and adlibbing can mean weeping eardrums. I was underwhelmed.
Drake won Best Rapper of the Year. Candles everywhere rejoiced as their most famous member, Lumiere, was awarded. Then he got on stage and said “To the man that put me on the stage. Lil Wayne.” God was probably somewhere like “Oh for real?!?” Then he performed later on. And I yawned.
Usher stood on a high platform and sang in the fog. I felt like I should be rocking an SCurl & lamenting on a wet street. 90s R&B called. It wanted its ambience back. Watching this performance was like watching water boil. BORING!
Outfits FTL (for the loss)
Some folks came to the awards looking a hot mess. We thank them for providing roast material.
Cassie – “What are you wearing Cassie?” I’m wearing my 6 yr old cousin’ paper mache project. I promised her. HEYYY SNOOKUMS! *waves at camera*
Debra Lee – She looked like she took a dive into a cotton candy machine and said “I’M READY!!!” Like she went to get dressed and saw some of the tissue from a gift she got. And called her seamstress. 90mins later… VOILA!!!
Monica – Presented an award in a Black outfit with huge sleeves, looking like Darkwinged Duck. You’re better than this, Monica
Jada – All I ask is where the rest your shorts were. LUH U like a play cousin named Junebug!
I MUST say, BET actually did good 2nite. This was a pretty good sh”ow. I was entertained. I only kicked ONE trashcan and it was probably during the preshow, when the Crenshaw High Elite performed.” This is what happens when yall dont allow Sister O’Dell to bring her cobbler to the bazaar. This is the tradeoff. Them chilrun (bless they’re hearts). But besides that, BET ain’t fail too murch.
Many props to Queen Latifah. She knows how to add class to a joint. But yes. I’m actually proud of BET for keeping extreme foolishness to a respectable level. Someone may want to save this because these types of compliments being directed to BET may not happen again.
What did y’all think of the BET Awards?