Dear Kat Stacks, You Are Failing At Life
One letter that has been LONG overdue by me is a letter to the infamous Kat Stacks. Some of you are probably asking “Who is Kat Stacks?” Well I posed the question to my twitfam, and here’s what they come up with.
Some ho – @smashedthehomie
An unemployed dick’s worst nightmare. – @itsprincey
A talking pile of semen and disappointment – @kindredsmile
I’d say she is a abortion survivor who prides herself on whoring abt like HIV ain’t real. – @PoeticStarChild
Queen of the Meercats & Sewer Rats. Also the correct pronunciation of her name is Rap Snacks. – @KinaGolightly
An illiterate hoe who has over stayed her welcome & doesn’t get everybody is laughing AT her. – @sitchoassdwn
A penis container in a bad wig and blouse – @CaressLepore
Another name for the Grand Canyon – @ArcherIsMyName
Kat stacks is the gunk that collects in your pipes comprised mainly of clumped hair and looking unfortunate! – @Cloud10LV
A bucket of STD’s in a wig – @____meh
A tray of dry fish that even cats turn their heads from – @TIERRA226
Talk about MURKED! GAHTDAMB DAWG! Umm… y’all see where folks are going with this? Kat Stacks is a groupie chick who has come out with videos explaining which celebs (read: rappers) that she’s done the southside slippery slide with. She’s also gone as far as giving out their numbers in these vidjos. She’s talked about how she’s slept with ALL of Young Money, Bow Wow, Fabolous… She even bragged about how she freaked Lil Wayne and he gave her $1,200 and cab fare.
Basically, Kat Stacks has been around the block more times than the garbage collector. Coincidentally, she’s been thrown out just as much as garbage. That’s the little synopsis. I could even write a letter to the men who choose to put their peents in Kat with reckless abandon but I just don’t have time. So allow me to get into my letter.
Dear Kat Stacks,
Hey girl hey. So I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a good minute. There’s just so murch I need to get off my chest. Take a seat. This may take a while. Wait no. Don’t sit just yet. Iunno where your yansh has been. Lemme go get some couch covers. *puts plastic on couch* Ok now you can have a seat. *jots down note to remember to throw away plastic after this convo*
Anyway, Katherine. I’m concerned about your well-being (as well as the health of the general public). I need to understand. Why are you like this? Tell me. How was your childhood? You don’t just grow up to be an adult who slangs her unloved pocket for “Twel mufuggin hunnid dollas” if you had a normal childhood. People from great backgrounds don’t become industry tip drills with no other catalyst behind it. Life ain’t been no crystal stair otherwise you wouldn’t be proud of these trysts you consider accomplishments (and have probably rendered you with no walls). I just must understand. How did you get here?
Do you look up to Superhead? Is that it? Well you and Superhead ain’t even on the same level. That was a business woman O___o. I say if you’re going to do anything, be the best at it that you can be. If you’re gonna be a ho, well be the BEST you can be! You can’t just be a subpar or mediocre ho. Lackadaisical #hoshit ain’t where it’s at! Superhead EARNED that name and EARNED decent things (like cars and apartments and book deals) from it. YOU got cab fare, three beat downs and an unverified Twitter account. See where y’all don’t match? If you’re gonna do #hoshit, at least get something worth it. Getting a $5 foot long and 10 dereon dollars does not adequate payment make for sleeping with every roach this side of the Equator.
Katherine, I mean really. You seem to be reveling in this status of yours as the world’s most failing groupie. You STAY getting beat up and thrown out of somebody’s hotel room. A video came out with two guys beating you up and stealing your phone in the name of Bow Wow and Fabo. You even have @iHateKatStacks as your Twitter screename. Your life is currently a tragedy that even Shakespeare couldn’t make eloquent. Yes you think you’re winning. No, you’d be wrong at this assumption.
Your tweets from yesterday just FURTHER let me know that you need an intervention.
LAWD! Them tweets. “While you were studying for your next test, I was turning tricks & getting kicked in the face.” REALLY KAT? REALLY? And you seem PLEASED about this. Algebra wasn’t never bad enough for me to prefer being kicked in the face. You did tweet some weeks ago that you didn’t graduate from grade school. And it saddens my lifespace.
Oh Katherine Stacks-a-Lot, it is clear that so many people have failed you. You were that child left behind that Dubya wanted to scoop up. Methinks you need a mentor, a therapist and a (couple of) prayer(s). Jesus loves you (cause the Bible said so) and can still let your little light shine. You’re only 20 but look about 45 and run down. We need you to stop getting dropkicked through the goalposts of life. Just stop.
But in the meantime, as you continue to do this foolishness and crumble your sugar walls, all I ask is that you stay safe. AIDS is real. Herpes hurts. Please use a condom each and every time. Last thing the world needs is a new strain of anything else. We got West Nile and HIV-1 & 2. We got all forms of HPV. We’ont need Stacks the Evil Virus-Fungi-Bacteria trifecta. If our bodies are supposed to be temples, yours would be more like the local crackhouse. Do your part. Only you can prevent
forest fires in your nethers new strains of VeeDee. Take heed.
Yours in Ho-manitarianism,
P.S. And while we’re at it, it won’t hurt for you to delete your Twitter account too. Kthxbai!
P.P.S. *burns plastic you sat on* No ma’am! I want NO parts of that.
Speak your peace, folks. And if you liked this, please put a RT on it. Love you lots!!!