RandomWhose is this?

Whose Misguided Mama is This?

So I was checking out Fail Blog when I saw the picture below. But umm…

Pole baby

Complete parenting FAIL!

Whose ridiculous ass mama is this? At first, I went “Why is she trying to plug that baby’s toes into the socket? Isn’t that dangerous???” Then I went “Wait. Wait. She’s teaching the baby how to pole dance!” Then I fainted.

This is why some folks need to be given some type of common sense assessment before being allowed to procreate. This woman has dressed her little innocent princess in hot pink lingerie, complete with her baby Buddha belly out and FISHNETS!!! Where does one get fishnet stockings for babies? I don’t even wanna know. That’s information I’ll never use.

The baby looks like she hasn’t even turned one yet, but they’re already putting her on a pole. This CANNOT be life! I can’t even blame that little innocent one. It’s not her fault that the tourguide God gave her has about as much sense as a prophylactic with a hole in it. Poor little munchkin. They’re not even tryna make sure she has goals when she grows up. FOR SHAME!!!

This is just… iCAN’T. And iWon’t. Goodbye.

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  1. August 24, 2010 at 8:18 am

    *gasps* *clutches pearl* *chair slides onto the floor and kicks it* This is just…talk about having complete lack of trust in your child’s future goal. Did it ever occur to this mama that her baby wouldn’t want to slide her love pocket up and down that germ infested pole. Seriously?! ugh!

    • August 24, 2010 at 2:24 pm

      RIGHT! That woman don lost her good mind. If she ever had it. Poor kid.

  2. August 24, 2010 at 10:07 am

    What in da HAYLE!?!?!
    Jesus, hold my mule, take the wheel and be a MOFO VESSEL!!! (and a CPS officer!!!)
    I just….but….how….the baby fishnets are MURKING ME SLOWLY!!!
    Luvvie, WHY must you introduce this ratchetry into my lifespace!?! You don’t wish me well!
    *looks at pic again*
    Somebody oughta PURNCH dat mama in her THOAK.*Madea Voice*

    • August 24, 2010 at 2:25 pm

      I’m just the messenger of ratchetness. The masses must see this complete mess. That woman needs a dropkick thru the goalposts of life.

  3. Cheekie
    August 24, 2010 at 10:11 am

    My soul just went straight into hysterics. And don’t let me find out they selling some baby fishnet stockings at Spencer’s Gifts or some ish. UNCOUTH.

    • August 24, 2010 at 2:25 pm

      Gurl… this murked me ALLA WAY!

  4. Shoni
    August 24, 2010 at 10:14 am

    I’m going to go cry in a corner, now.

    • August 24, 2010 at 2:26 pm

      *hugs you* We’ll be in the corner together.

  5. Kay
    August 24, 2010 at 10:34 am

    WTF??? Sweet baby Jesus in your loin cloth, be a cute onsie for this baby!! I wish I was in that house, cause I would have round house kicked that bitch in her face!! I have two adorable daughters, ages 9 & 7, and I dont even allow shorts to be shorter than mid thigh, let alone some damn fishnet stockings with a skripper unit on!!!

    • August 24, 2010 at 2:28 pm

      “Sweet baby Jesus in your loin cloth, be a cute onsie for this baby!!”

      LMAO!!! But yes. AMENT. AMENT!!!

      • Kay
        August 24, 2010 at 2:58 pm

        I swear I wanna kick this tramp in her ovaries….

        • August 25, 2010 at 2:11 am

          And in her spleen. She’s a belligerent dummy.

  6. Mel~
    August 24, 2010 at 10:40 am

    I usually lurk, but this brought me right to a assignment I had in college where someone showed the class this: http://www.heelarious.com/ava.php

    People for some reason think it’s cute to make babies look grown. I guess she decided this was equally hilarious. Just like parents who photograph their kids next to beer bottles or with cigarettes hanging from their lips.

    Though this has upset me, so did that partially dead possum in the right hand corner of the photo… Obviously her house, life, and general existence is junky as hell.

    • Kay
      August 24, 2010 at 10:50 am

      Yeah, there is a lot of shit just laying around in that photo…

    • August 24, 2010 at 1:41 pm

      All those heelarious babies need is some baby bangs and them der fishnets and they gon be on the corner w/ the best of em.

      *wall slide* why baby jesus whyyyyyy?!

    • August 24, 2010 at 2:30 pm

      Heelarious.com? LAWDDDDD!!! Why won’t folks let kids be kids? Why do kids need to be rocking heels? They got the rest of their lives to be in stilettos, pumps, in the club. This is just… iCANT!

  7. August 24, 2010 at 10:45 am

    Ok, that’s just crazy. I really had to take a double look at that before I started reading. That’s not even cute.

    • August 25, 2010 at 2:13 am

      Gurl… I just…

  8. August 24, 2010 at 11:23 am

    Some people’s tubes need to be tied after they’re brown, right after their umbilical cord has been cut. The tattoo on this woman’s chest let’s me FURTHER know…

    • August 24, 2010 at 11:24 am

      WTH…I meant “born” not “brown”.

  9. MsMelissa!
    August 24, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    ~~~~ can’t breathe~~~~

    You called the mother a “Tour Guide”

    • August 24, 2010 at 2:49 pm


  10. August 24, 2010 at 2:51 pm

    Next month, check out the infant Halloween costumes at your local costume shops. I’ve seen pimps and hoes onesies. People stat this ho isht young *sheds tear*

    • August 25, 2010 at 2:12 am

      NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! They do NOT have pimps and hoes onesies! I’d fall all the way out. Who buys these? WHY?!?

  11. August 24, 2010 at 3:07 pm

    *puts hand to forehead..”
    I’m feelin woozy..
    Is that even?? What in the hot D*MN!?
    Hot pink!!
    This is a #HumanFail.. iCant…

    I also can’t wait to show my mom.. and tell her “thank you..”

    • August 25, 2010 at 2:10 am

      I want to give my mama a certificate that says “Thanks for doing right by me.” I’m w/ u.

  12. SweetTee
    August 24, 2010 at 3:53 pm

    I have one question-

    Who makes hosh$t! in size toddler?

    I need a moment to sit down, get my church fan and pray on this before I comment any further!

    • Shoni
      August 24, 2010 at 4:25 pm

      Why do I have a very strong feeling she made it herself?

      • August 25, 2010 at 2:08 am

        *sigh* It’s very possible. And just sad.

    • August 25, 2010 at 2:09 am

      Chile… I need a prayer cubicle because this is just a complete mess. We much also do a fast.

      • SweetTee
        August 25, 2010 at 3:12 pm

        Okay, after some deep prayer, humming a few spiritual hymns, and virtually consuming a few pieces of red velet fried chicken with two helpings of cream cheese creamed potatoes (hey, mashed potatoes are a comfort food- Don’t judge me!), I feel that I have recovered enough to further comment on the hotmessedness that is the photo above (yeah, you read right, hotmessedness. Feel free to borrow it as long as you cite your sources).

        1- Sexualizing babies and young children is just wrong. It’s not funny. While I do not make any value judgments on women who choose this as a profession (I am a firm believer in not slut shaming women), it is never okay to have children mimic adult activities, even if its a joke. I bet that chick is the type to laugh when children cuss, or purposely pose little babies around fifths of hennessy and a pack of newports on the side in family photos.

        2- I don’t know if this woman in the pic is the child’s mother, but clearly she does not have a “big mama” in her life to school her on why that ish is not cute. There is something to be said for having a mature presence in one’s life to let you know that certain behavior is down right foolish.

        3- Where is child welfare services? I think this is just as bad as that facebook pic that was posted a couple of months ago of a baby hold a weed bong to its lips (BTW, that pic was posted by the mother on her facebook page, and she was shocked that she was arrested for child endangerment).

        4- Finally (and I know I am going to catch flack for this), but I am so glad these folks aren’t black (yeah, you read right- I said it, I said it)! Between the youtube footage of a three year old getting a full-head weave and some other footage documenting other types of negroidian non-sense(feel free to borrow that term), I get tired of weeping for my people.

        Okay, I’m stepping off the soap box. That rant worked up an appetite. I need another vitural helping of that red velvet fried chicken with mashed patatoes.

  13. August 24, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Y’all are tripping. This child will be a star–like Tiger and the Williams girls. Like Montana saw what chexing on tape got for the Kardashian chick and her entire family, this woman sees what starting them off early got for those other kids. And when this girl is an award winning ‘entertainer’ she will have a Nike commercial showing this picture and her mother doing a voice-over. Mark my words!

    As an aside, this is why they shouldn’t make baby bikinis. And the stockings? I’m sure those are adult socks.

    • August 24, 2010 at 7:18 pm

      Oh fooey! I hit ‘Submit Comment’ too fast. I wanted to add the following disclaimer:

      Everything I wrote was in jest, sorts. I do not support or endorse this foolishness.

      • August 25, 2010 at 2:07 am

        Anybody w/ a sense of humor woulda known that. Wait… some folks don’t have one. Carry on.

  14. August 24, 2010 at 8:43 pm

    This right herrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee……..*puts up one finger and walks out of church, shaking head*

    • August 25, 2010 at 2:10 am

      LOL @ the one finger up. Like NO MA’AM!

  15. A Smith
    August 24, 2010 at 10:08 pm

    The nurse should have just filled in the name line in on this poor child’s mother’s birth certificate with No Chance or Life Fail.

    • August 25, 2010 at 2:13 am

      LOL! Failure E. Unsuccessful

  16. Thelurker
    August 25, 2010 at 4:40 am

    Somebody needs to slap that woman. That kid got no chance.

    • September 1, 2010 at 4:23 am

      The woman needs to be dropkicked!

  17. mykids14
    August 25, 2010 at 11:39 am

    Did anyone notice the tattoo going across the momma’s neck like a necklace? Let’s just say cooth ain’t in her vocabulary!

    • August 25, 2010 at 11:58 pm

      She couldn’t find couth in a dictionary

  18. musicmala
    August 25, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Montana Fishburne’s?

  19. Goosey
    August 25, 2010 at 8:48 pm

    Girl, you’re crazy and so am I because I thought the EXACT same things at the EXACT same time – thank you for the best laugh I’ve had today.

    • August 26, 2010 at 1:04 am

      *curtsies* Glad to be of service 🙂

  20. August 29, 2010 at 10:34 am

    Hmmm… just judging by the baseboard, they live in the apartments over by the strip mall, across the way from the trailer park. And that baby’s granddaddy is also her Uncle Junior.

    Not only that, but later, after this failure of a mama has had her fun with sluttarizin’ her sweet babygirl, that same mama is probably gonna pop that child on the leg for knocking over the lamp that she taught the baby it was ok to play around with in the first place. #RunOnSentenceLikeAMug

    • August 29, 2010 at 9:30 pm

      This was sad #dinnamug. Sad because it’s prolly true. 🙁

  21. August 31, 2010 at 1:16 am

    OMG that woman is going to burn in hell for dat right there!!! Nooooooooooooooooo!

    That is all kinds of terrible!!! Where is child welfare when you need them??? Po chile… she probably a heavy drinker and smoker tooo…

    *kicks two trash cans*

  22. September 2, 2010 at 2:04 am

    This is truly sad. Its parents like these that are destroying our youth one by one. This woman needs her ass beat, joke or not. I personally don’t find anything funny about this picture. Shame on her, that little girl doesn’t stand a chance with a parent like that. Luvvie you rock by the way! by far one of my favorite bloggers 🙂

    • September 6, 2010 at 12:55 am

      Yeah these parents raise kids to fail. Who then do damage to society. It’s a shame indeed.

      And THANKS JAY!!! Aaawwwww! U just made my day. Thanks you!

  23. bogart4017
    September 2, 2010 at 2:24 pm

    Proof positive that errbody don’t need a child

    • September 6, 2010 at 12:53 am

      Word. Life.

  24. […] THIS BABY whose mama put her in fishnets? Y’all gotta quit subjecting innocent children to this […]

  25. Ms. Brome
    July 7, 2013 at 4:27 pm

    Thank Jesus they aren’t Black