Madame Cameroon’s Lethal Side-Eye
This picture really is my everything. I have officially found myself a new role model. She is Chantal Biya, the First Lady of Cameroon. Me and one of my besties, Kindred had roast tourette’s from looking at this pic.
Luvvie: What do I say to that??? Where do I begin, Lawd????
Kindred: HA! I tried to warn yo life, but now you are slayed in the name Mama Tina’s long lost Creole ancestress
Luvvie: That side eye of glory gave me life, killt me dead and breathed oxygen into me at the same damn time
Kindred: Lethal, you hear me?! I think she models her look after Storm…but with an Island flavor. Ha! Tropic Storm game proper!
Luvvie: I feel like my life don changed for the better by seeing that
Kindred: I know mine has. I can rest easy knowing that British hoes are being murked en masse
Luvvie: She is a hybrid of Chaka Khan, Tina Turner and Mama Tina rolled into one
Kindred: One of them might be hiding in that tower of terror atop her head
Luvvie: You see that mammoth hairhat??? Can’t nobody tell me she aint win an auction of the costume dept from The Wiz And dyed the lion’s mane and put that on
Kindred: She is yo QUEEN. Yo Black Sheba. Your Enchanted Tigress!
Luvvie: Its perfectly feline feathered. iCant. That lady is a fierce kitty! I aint lying!
Kindred: Oooo, her aura is feisty. I think my monitor just gave me two snaps round the world
Luvvie: Then her eyebrows!!! Lawd her eyebrows! They look like that key on the keyboard that points up ^
Kindred: LMAO only if the tune is one of sass. Maybe Yamaha can give her an endorsement
Luvvie: They are all types of literal and figurative shaaaapness
Kindred: You see them angles, folk? Her arch is arched
Luvvie: The better to ice grill you with
Kindred: Naw her grill is one of heat and unbridled rage. That pasty mess offended her lifespace with her blandness
Luvvie: And her face? Sponsored by Fashion Fair. All them layers of makeup
Kindred: Is there such a thing as bedazzled spackle? Cause if not, there is now
Luvvie: RuPaul is somewhere MAD at being swagger jacked
Kindred: Nah, I’d like to think he’s somewhere writing her a Thank You lettah for inspiring folks round the world to resurrect their inner Diva and let her Shine
Luvvie: All of this just makes this lethal side eye better
Kindred: It’s the total package. You can’t put this kind of ensemble together overnight. It is a perfect storm of fever…correction: Perfect Tropic Storm
Luvvie: I mean I feel like I ain’t even worthy of seeing this pic
Kindred: Blessings come in many ways – now I have motivation to continue my daily side-eye exercises without fear of becoming wonky pupil-ed
Luvvie: I’m a side-eye rookie compared to her
Kindred: That side-eye represents her life, her countrymen, their struggle, their fears, their success. It’s a badge of honor and a heavy burden
Luvvie: She is my Mr Miyagi and I must study this pic for hours… Nay, months so I can be side-eye game proper
Kindred: We all have our goals. If I can slay someone upon my deathbed with a side-eye like this, I’m sure I’d be brought back to life and perfect health almost instantly. Karma, ya know
Luvvie: That lady gotta feel some heat on the side of her face The way Madame Cameroon is looking at her? I bet she got a black bruise on her cheek now and don’t know how it got there
Kindred: LMAO can you imagine her the next day?! “Oh drat, I’ve got quite the blemish here”
Luvvie: Whooo lawd. Madame UK don’t even knoe it but its a shell of her former self sitting there
Kindred: Her soul is somewhere dazed and confused. It went for the light and got straight bamboozled
Luvvie: She don’t knoe the old her is dead and gone. Cause: Lethal side-eye administered by hating ass first lady
Kindred: That hate is so powerful it can be acquired by osmosis. Now I hate Madame Crumpets and I’m still not sure why
Luvvie: Seriously, this pic is everything I ever wanted and never knew I needed
Kindred: This day has to be the worst of Madame UK’s life. The only way it could get any worse is if Chris Brown showed up and asked her to go on a car ride
Luvvie: I aint scared of lions, tigers or bears but I’m scared of THAT side-eye
Kindred: I’m pretty sure First Lady Creole can now be classified as a terrorist AND war hero
Luvvie: Jeebs be a protective cloak or somefin for Madame UK
Kindred: No mere cloak is strong enough to protect her! Madame UK needs a distraction, like a handful of Fashion Fair compacts to toss at her and run. Oooh, or maybe a mirror like Medusa
Luvvie: I bet that side-eye scared her teeth straight
Kindred: Let’s not get out of hand here. We all know there’s no such thing as a British dentist, so a side-eye couldn’t possibly resurrect Madame UK’s teeth
Luvvie: I’m weak from looking at pic too long I need to lie down *faints dramatic like*
Kindred: I wonder if you fell in her weave, would I ever see you again? Would you return 20 years later to regale me with mystic tales of adventure?
Luvvie: Annnnnddd scene
*takes a bow*
Even after all that was said and done, I STILL had more roast. Doesn’t Madame Cameroon look like she needs to be Chronicling Narnia? She got the lion and the witch part DOWN. All she needs is that magical wardrobe. iCan’t. Clearly I got comments for DAYS on this pic.