The Kardashians Wish You A Merry Christmas
I came across this Gawker post talmbout the recently released The Kardashian family Christmas photo. So I had to show it to y’all.
The Kardashians are a relatively attractive family. And yes, they got a lot cuter from plastic surgery. BUT…
There’s just so many things that don’t quite curl all the way over (like Little Luffa) about this picture. Can I count the ways? I could.
This picture has been airbrushed and photoshopped within an inch of all our lives. Not a pixel on this picture remained untouched. This is obvious because everyone in the picture is glistening, as if they used lotion that was a mixture of crisco, vaseline and baby oil. SUPER shiny. Between their faces and the shiny floor, this picture’s almost a mirror of itself.
Then, the whole MAFIA DON imagery they’re going for is just… All the men’s suits scream “I have a tailor on speed-dial and I used him for this shoot. This is why if I move an inch, my button will pop off). And the women are channeling “I support my husband the Don.” They even put the little adorable baby in that pinstripe suit, making him look like an heir to Al Capone’s throne. I guess…
The expressions on all their faces. This picture just SCREAMS zombies. If I have dreams of Kardashian Zombies invading the earth, blame this pic. Why aren’t y’all smiling? Could it be that your mansion isn’t big enough? Maybe the housekeeper didn’t buff the floor JUST right. It doesn’t help that many of the people in the picture have had facelifts and all types of tucks so their lack of expression could just be from too much botox too. Even Bruce Jenner, the father.
Shoutout to Kim for not only being the only one in a light color, but for wearing white, so she can truly stick out. I think not being the focus of the picture would have positively murked Kim!
And can I say how CREEPY that girl standing by Kim is??? Why does she look like an unDEAD FOR REAL? This picture is lowkey scary. She looks like the girl from The Ring in her teenaged years.
And shoutout to Lamar Odom for marrying into this family and having to partake in this shoot.
But can we ALL remember that this is supposed to be their CHRISTMAS card? Are they expecting people’s holidays to be a tad bit better because they took a picture that’s full of surgically-enhanced, marginally-talented, angsty-faced people rocking really tight clothes in a mansion?
When I showed folks on Twitter, many said this picture was channeling the Addams Family. I agree.
Ladies and gentleIGs, whatcha think of this picture?
P.S. Read the Gawker post on it because it is HILARIOUS!