My 5 Thoughts on the Academy Awards

The Academy Awards comes on towards the end of the Award season, and it goes out with a snooze! Every year, 3 hours of subpar speeches, awkward scripted conversations and many penguins signifies the Oscars. It was no different this year. In fact, it might have been worse. It was painfully boring. Which is why I only watched the first hour, and the last 30 minutes. And Celine Dion’s performance (you know I love that French Canadienne with a passion!).

So I’m giving you my:

5 thoughts on the Academy Awards

Kirk Douglass Wikipedia

LMAO @ the fact that Kirk's Wikipedia page has him listed as 254 years old. Folks ain't bout that life.

5. Kirk Douglas presenting was half painful to watch, half awesome. Awesome because the guy’s not a day shy of 203 years old. Yet he can stand and speak and is lucid. That part is really inspirational. And old people are adorable. Kinda like babies are. See how life comes full circle? Yes. Yes you do. However, he was on that stage for like 10 minutes, and it was a bit painful to watch because I kept saying silent prayers that he made it through ok. I mean, being 254, every act you do could be your last. So I held my breath and only watched with one eye open. But Kirk made it through fine! Even flirted with the person who won the award.

4. There was so little color at the Oscar’s. I mean SO LITTLE. There were no Black folks nominated for anything. I mean I know there were few options so I’m not saying there HAD to be. Just saying… And Whoopi or Queen Latifah didn’t host. It was a very white Oscar’s. Even Javier Bardem, who has a little bit of color came in an all white suit. With a white tie. Well DAMB. Him and Josh Brolin came up on stage looking like Heaven’s bouncers. If they had gone next to Kirk Douglas, I’da fainted like “DON’T TAKE HIM NOW, LAWD!!!”

And the Lena Horne tribute seemed hella random and thrown in. But lemme stop being ungrateful. Oh AND they had Mother Oprah, Halle Berry and Jennifer Hudson present. So I guess they tried. I guess… Well, they also had that really diverse children’s Qwa close out the show. That was nice. Which brings me to something my girl said:

Academy must have thought no black nominees would mean no black winners to thank God during their Oscar speech, making the show move faster. Didn’t quite work out that way. – VEG

3. The speeches felt twice as long. No really. Did they allow Oscar winners 5 minutes to be on stage? Each speech felt like AGES. Geez! People got up to the podium and gave everyone from their agents to their pets thanks. They took long pauses, deep breaths, and were just REALLY comfortable standing up there for minutes. Sirs… ma’ams… Thank God, your mama, your agent and your fans. And get off the stage. You don’t have to thank your 5th grade teacher who made you read Shakespeare for the book report. Speaking of which, the speeches made me want to read Romeo & Juliet in 50 Tyson’s voice. They were that long. The dude who played the music that signified that they’d overstayed their welcome was probably rolling his eyes. Some winners ignored the fact that the music was playing. SECURITY!!!!

Maybe I’m just a hater.

2. Anne Hathaway’s really pretty. But boring. I mean she looked AWESOME all night. Like a gem. Her outfits were ON POINT and her hair was WHIPPED. Her face was beat to submission and she just looked beautiful. HOWEVER, a charismatic host she is not. Yes she had all the enthusiasm that a tweenager has at a Bieber concert. She smiled and her teeth blinged. She had super high energy but that didn’t translate to a good host. I say she stick to acting. Stand up or hosting shows for a living isn’t her forte. BUT… I have to say. She had a tough job to do, especially when her cohost was James Franco. Under the influence. Which brings me to…

James Franco, Oprah, Anne Hathaway at the Academy Awards

James... lmaoooo

1. James Franco was high as hell. And I was HIGHLY amused. From the moment Anne and James walked on stage and I saw him, I KNEW he wasn’t himself. Dude’s eyes looked like slits and he was SUPER chill. James was HIGHER than Lil Kim’s mixtape sales aren’t. I mean WOWSIES! He musta toked up backstage because he was blazed! I bet he was backstage like “DAMBIT, I need this to end already. I need to make a run to the 7-Eleven!” Whenever he was onstage, he was sooooooooo mellow. Yeah, we see you!

This was the highlight of the Oscar’s for me. It provided great moments to cackle at because James was NOT present. He was floating somewhere above the clouds. The entire time! ALL three hours.

Anyways, that is all I got. The Oscars was boring as always. I flipped the channel after the first hour. At that point, I was open to watching paint dry instead of sitting through 2 more hours of it. Did y’all watch? Whatcha think? Am I a hater (or do I just roast a lot)?

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  1. Christi Wampler
    February 28, 2011 at 8:38 am

    As usual, you summed everything up perfectly.
    Can we eliminate the sound editing, film editing, food serving, limo driving and personal shopping categories? Seriously, I don’t care which film has the most believable gun shot sounds. They all get the job done.

    And can we talk for just a minute about the auto-tune part? Actually, no, let’s don’t. Let’s forget that part happened.

    • February 28, 2011 at 10:13 am

      Oh lawd…I was falling asleep when the auto tuned segment played. I sat up, looked at my husband, & promptly turned to the Knicks/Heat game.

  2. MsAllyce
    February 28, 2011 at 8:46 am

    Hey Luuvie!! Long time lurker, first time responder. Didn’t watch the show, I could tell by the live-tweets that I wasn’t missing anything. Saw Halle’s picture this morning and I immediately started praying to look that good at her age.
    That Martin marathon though…yep, I was ALL over that!!

  3. February 28, 2011 at 8:48 am

    James Franco is actually straight-edge (doesn’t do drugs or drink). I’m pretty sure he just played the role of a sky-high host.

    • February 28, 2011 at 9:30 am

      Well if he wasn’t toking the Pineapple Express he was high on something. Either that or he was real bored and decided to play high. In any event I agree with Luvvie, he was the highlight of the show and I only watched a little of it.

  4. steph
    February 28, 2011 at 10:01 am

    ROFL!!! Wherever James was..he weren’t present at that ceremony!

    I think he was just exhausted. He’s studying for his Masters AND phD at the same time on weekdays (acc. to his Twitter & interview) so he’s probably tired as hell!

  5. March 1, 2011 at 7:28 am

    I loved Anne Hathaway last night, she hosted the whole thing by herself, it was like James wasn’t even there. What was that about? Other than that Sandra Bullock was the funniest (can she host next year?) along with Jude Law, Robert Downey Jr, Russell Brand and Helen Mirren. Colin Firth was a darling too and Natalie is just too adorable.

  6. March 1, 2011 at 10:48 am

    That Wiki pic of Kirk had me DYING and CRYING on the train for about 10 min. Then read the post and kept scrolling up the pic and giggling. You have no idea how much I had to stifle myself. LAWD, why are folks so foolish?

  7. March 1, 2011 at 3:10 pm

    Oh Lawd those speeches! Here’s the problem, the music they use to cut the people off isn’t obnoxious enough! The music comes in slowly and gets more dramatic…so it seems that the people think that the music is some type of sentimental background scoring to their sappy speeches. What they need to do is play the whackest ish they can find, real loud that’ll scare em off…a track from Lil Kim’s mixtape should do the trick.

    As for James Franco, I figured it out. He had to get high because ain’t no way he was gonna come out in that ball gown sober. It was an awkward moment for us all…I personally wish I too was intoxicated for that failure of a joke.

  8. Tes
    March 7, 2011 at 1:48 pm

    Oh the joys of Wiki. That picture SLAYED me, y’ hear? 294 years…I ain’t eem…In any case, Kirk Douglass was the highlight of that entire speel. 10 minutes out of 4 hours? Yeah, not a good look Academy. Get more ancient people. Morgan Freeman and Cicely Tyson preferably as they were Jesus’ grade school teachers.

    Po’ James. I think somebody must’ve slipped him something; his eyes weren’t open more than a slit for the entire time.

    Great sum up Luvvie