BET Awards 2011 Recap: The Show Was… I Got Questions
I don’t know. I really don’t have one adjective to describe the 2011 BET Awards. It was entertaining mostly because of the live-tweets from my Twitfam. But if I was sitting in my living room without the world’s commentary to keep me company, I probably woulda spent the whole 3 hours with this stare. :-|.
But I did have hella questions from that show. Starting with the pre-show. AND I had to share some of the foolish tweets from my Twitfam.
BET Awards Pre-Show and outfits
* Why was Rocsi dressed like Tonya Harding, in that skater’s #alphet?
* Why did I not know MOST of the people who performed? Who were all those stranger bishes? Am I getting old or did I just stopped giving a damb bout Hip Hop?
* Why didn’t Free comb out the curls after she took out the rollers in her head? It’s aight though. She’s bout 78 but still looks 25. I ain’t mad.
* Who was that Lil Twist fella and why was his haircut so ridiculous? AND why was his microphone autotuned?
RT @mychalsmith I don’t know what a Lil Twist is, but I hope he both keeps his shirt on and stays in school
* Why is Nick Cannon always dressed in some deacon board suit? He STAY looking like he just got done directing the church Qwa at the regional competition.
* Why come (yes, why come) NOBODY was dressed for the same occasion/weather? The event was in LA. Folks had on turtlenecks, tank tops, ball gowns, shorts, tuxedos, lingerie… NOBODY MATCHED!
* Why was Lloyd’s hair so juicy? And I wonder if BET gon send him a bill for the reupholstering they gotta do for their couches backstage. I KNOW for a fact he stained them couches with all the activator in his head. Soul gloing negro…
RT @ladyw87: All of my lesbian curiousness comes out when i see Lloyd
* Why did Chris Brown get so many shoutouts during the pre-show? Did his publicist promise folks favors???
* Why did Wiz Khalifa looks like a military roach with that camouflage on? His war on RAID spray starts tomorrow.
* Why were Keri Hilson’s boobs so oppressed in that corset? Her poor boobs were screaming from that too-small top.
The BET Awards Itself
* Did Mary J. Blige wear K-Swisses? What were those boots on her feet? And also, didn’t she give you 90s fever??? YESSS!!!
RT @lovecrissle: YES FOR OLD FOOD STAMP MARY!
* Did anyone else think that Mary J.’s voice was gon give way midway through her duet with Anita Baker? I’ont think her voice is meant for Baker music. All that hollering. Just me? Aight.
* Was DJ Khaled wearing a towel jacket? And why is he tryna bring back windbreakers? He had on 4 different ones during the show.
* Why was Kevin Hart barely taller than the 8-year old dancers on stage with him? Bless him. Why was I pleasantly surprised that Kevin Hart was soooo funny? Dude entertained the heck outta me.
* Why did Chris Brown come on stage to receive his award while rocking a #sequence scarf around his neck? Looking like a fashion conscious armed robber.
* How much did Rick Ross pay for that Versace curtain he wore as a track jacket? I mean, it was nice… And why did it take him all of 4 minutes to expose his titties to let his areolas free. He is one very confident fat man.
RT @MikeScottJR: If Janet Jackson can’t show her titties on TV neither should Rick Ross be able to
* Who was the other dark dude with long locs on stage with Lil Wayne? Everyone answers: Ace Hood. I never knew he existed.
* Do The Smiths’ DNA have unicorn tears and essence of phoenix? Jaden and Willow winning the same award in a tie lets me believe so. That and their general moneymaking power as a family unit.
* Why do I wish that Househusbands of Hollywood skit was a real show? I’d watch THE HECK out that show if it existed.
* Did someone check on Lil Kim after Nicki Minaj won the “Female Hip Hop Artist” award? I figure that somewhere, Lil Kim is kicking down the mop she’s s’posed to be using to clean up aisle 4 at KMart because Nicki won. Lil Kim is PISSED, yall. Someone go get her computer from her. She just threw her 500 free AOL hours CD out the window. Homie is MAD!
* Didn’t Jill Scott GIVE with her performance? Jilly from Philly looked good too. WERK!
* Why was Justin Bieber at the BET Awards??? And folks be talmbout Affirmative Action ain’t real! (-___-)
* Why were the Five Heartbeats on the stage without having practiced? They didn’t know the dance steps NOR the words. All I saw were shuffling and confused shiny suits on stage. And I see Robert Townsend has been eating.
* Why was Diddy Dirty Money dressed like they just came from an all-white party at the Hamptons? And why was the girl who ain’t Estelle rocking that hairstyle that made her face look even stronger?
* Why did Chris Brown look like a gray penis when he first came out to perform? Those pants made his legs look like balls. I was concerned. Then he changed into a black onesie. Had it been shiny, he’da looked like he was #payamish to Missy Elliott in the “I can’t stand the rain” vidjo.
RT @BasseyworldLive: Michael Jackson did not die so that Chris Brown could ride one of his Llamas like a show pony.
* My girl asked “What has Busta Rhymes been eating?” Everything.
* Why was Alicia Keys’ coiffure so frizzy? That #StruggleHair was distracting me from her performance, which was good enough. Although I do wonder when “Falling” will be off her “to perform on award shows” set list.
RT @swinfrey: Mashonda’s spirit did that to Alicia Keys’ hair
* Does Justin Bieber use Motions setting lotion? His wrap is SO proper. Can’t nobody rock a swoop bang like that boy.
* Why did that exchange between Nicki Minaj and Justin Bieber make me feel so uncomfortable? Who thought it was a good idea? It just gave me the heebie jeebies. Ew. Related:
* Who writes these award show presenter dialogues??? And why are they always so awkward? And why haven’t they hired ME to do it for them? Seriously. One of these award shows needs to hire ME to write for them so their dialogues won’t make puppies howl in pain. SO AWKWARD.
* Why didn’t I even realize Kanye West was nominated for an award? When he won, I was all “oh yeah.” Kanye was prolly somewhere scowling in the front row of some international fashion show. He ain’t have time for BET this year.
* Why did Johnny Gill think we’d give a damb bout his album that’s coming out. Johnny, just… nawl.
* Why did I think Cherelle was Traci Braxton at first? Dead ass serious. SMH.
* Why did Trey Songz miss EVERY note he tried to sing? Where was Sandman Sam to come take him off the stage? At least til his balls drop and his voice stops cracking mid-sentence. Did he lose his voice with his braids? Ol’ Negro Samson face.
* Why was Kelly Rowland‘s intro so weak??? Did they HAVE to wrap her set into Trey’s. And why come they never make her sets all elaborate? It just be her, her long legs and a coupla backups dancers. Hasn’t she earned a bit more fanciness yet?
* Why did I see Kelly Rowland’s abs and immediately dropped down and did 50 crunches? Them joints are so impressive!
* Was I the only one impressed by how Steve Harvey‘s head was SHINED to the dome GAWDS! I ain’t mad. Looking like a chocolate Homer Simpson. I SEE YOU, STE’E!
RT @Vandalyzm: one day that nigga gonna come on stage dressed in one big ass button. I promise
* Why can’t anyone rock a slicky ricky like Rev. Al Sharpton, Patron Saint of Permed Principles?
* Why does Donnie McClurkin talk like he bout to church shout at ANY MOMENT? *trembling, anointed voice* “Meeeeeeddddiical records…”
* Why is it that everytime I see Mary Mary, I scowl because they’ve ruined “Blame it on the Alcohol” for me? I feel like Jesus is judging me if I’m doing hoodrat ish to that song. Mary Mary, all I ask is that you no longer sing club hits and add the word “Jesus” to it to make it gospel. ‘Sall I ask. And I only like one of the Marys. The other one hollers too much.
* When the Braxtons came on, why was Toni
rocking that awful hairhat looking like “these bishes always wanna sing with me?” And why was Tamar tryna make sure her voice was strongest? And you know Traci was in the back doing a *fist pump* talmbout “Finally!”
RT @bomani_jones toni braxton gets the percy miller award for keeping her big ol family employed
* Why was Gladys Knight‘s hair flying above all the haters in that ponytail of hers?
* Why did Marsha Ambrosius come thoo and SLAY??? She better come on with that falsetto for Jesus!!!
* What did Shirley Caesar have on in that Patti LaBelle tribute??? She was looking like she going to a Quincenera. And did she have a gahtdamb CAPE on her quincenera dress? YES SHE DID! iCan’t.
RT @lovecrissle Shirley looking like the Good Witch of the Projects. We gon let her make it.
RT @Jus10tyler: Shirley Cesar got on her wedding, funeral and bet award dress
RT @youhypesikenah somebody give shirley a wand and some sprinkles
* Why do I love Patti LaBelle so much? She got on that stage and called Marsha a “big heffa” with so much love in her voice. And then she sang. YES PATTI! You better flap them wings. And she slayed hoes effortlessly. SHE IS LEGEND!!!
And did y’all get a piece of her green slingback loubous??? You damb right she ain’t kick THOSE off.
* WHAT. THE. HELL. HAPPENED. WITH. THAT. MISREAD. AWARD????? That girl got up there and said the fan fave award went to Chris Brown. Then Rihanna. Then Drake. That was THE MOST AWKWARD moment I’ve ever witnessed at an awards show. After Kanye’s foolishness, of course.
And then at the VERY end of the show, they came back to say Chris Brown DID win it. BET is bootleg as all the dambs. And that chile’s Twitter got blown up. She went from 5,000 followers to 22,000 and counting.
* Why did Rick Ross, DJ Khaled, Lil Wayne and Drake perform SO many times??? Is Jeremih on voice rest? Did Ciara pull her back doing the matrix bend for the millionth time? Were there NO other artists available to perform?
* Why did BET make folks wait 3 hours for a Beyonce performance that wasn’t in person, wasn’t live AND already streamed on YouTube AND has been available for random watching since yesterday afternoon? Folks were in that auditorium watching gahtdamb YouTube performance they coulda just watched on their smartphones.
But kudos to Beyonce for getting paid twice to do one performance. She is a TRUE hustler.
The 2011 BET Awards were three hours of repeat performances showing mediocre artists doing mediocre things with a few exceptions. Twitter made it entertaining.
What did y’all think of the BET awards? Do you have any questions of your own? What was your favorite performance, if you had one?