Jaheim the Hood Duck Needs to Have ALL of the Seats
I’m interrupting my LA trip to bring you this roast of Jaheim. Many of you just said “Who?” And my reply is “Exactly.” But to his mama and his record executive, he is an R&B singer whose last hit happened sometime when I was in college.
Anyway, a pic came out of him standing outside of Whitney Houston’s funeral this week, in the world’s brightest and tackiest suit.
First of all, the reason he’s standing outside is because he wasn’t invited to the event. He might have known Whitney but I don’t think he was in the 1,500 closest people in her life. If he was, he wouldn’t have to stand on the periphery, raising the roof for Jesus. Jaheim shoulda just stayed home in front of the TV and watch the event like the rest of us.
Then, let’s talk about this tacky ass suit. WHAT IS HE WEARING??? You don’t go to a funeral looking like a starring member of the Barnum & Bailey Ringling Circus. Got the nerve to go to a funegro looking like a leaking pen. You’on’t pay your respects by looking like you work for Blue Man Group, Jaheim!
Steve Harvey prolly saw this outfit and said “GAHTDAMB that’s a LOUD suit!” That’s how you KNOW Jaheim did way too much. The crazy thing is that this was CUSTOM MADE. This ain’t the type of thing you see off the rack, which means this dude requested to look this much of a fool.
“Sir, I got you this navy fabric for your suit.”
Jaheim: “NAVY??? I SAID I WANTED TO SLAY HOES! I NEED ROYAL BLUE!” “Ok sir.”
Jaheim: “And why is the jacket not past my knees???”
“Will fix that ASAP.”
And as if the suit wasn’t terrible enough. Take a look at Jaheim’s Twitter @OfficialJaheim, which is FULL of foolish and misspelled stuff. Like:
Not leprechaun but “leperd kaun.” I don’t even have any types of time.
Bless Jaheim’s heart. Must be hard looking like a thuggish ruggish duck. Life ain’t been no crystal stair for Hood Daffy. Jaheim got the face for radio and the spelling for audio, and I need him to sit down and re-assess his lifespace.