Jaheim the Hood Duck Needs to Have ALL of the Seats

I’m interrupting my LA trip to bring you this roast of Jaheim. Many of you just said “Who?” And my reply is “Exactly.” But to his mama and his record executive, he is an R&B singer whose last hit happened sometime when I was in college.

Anyway, a pic came out of him standing outside of Whitney Houston’s funeral this week, in the world’s brightest and tackiest suit.

Jaheim Blue Suit

First of all, the reason he’s standing outside is because he wasn’t invited to the event. He might have known Whitney but I don’t think he was in the 1,500 closest people in her life. If he was, he wouldn’t have to stand on the periphery, raising the roof for Jesus. Jaheim shoulda just stayed home in front of the TV and watch the event like the rest of us.

Then, let’s talk about this tacky ass suit. WHAT IS HE WEARING??? You don’t go to a funeral looking like a starring member of the Barnum & Bailey Ringling Circus. Got the nerve to go to a funegro looking like a leaking pen. You’on’t pay your respects by looking like you work for Blue Man Group, Jaheim!

Steve Harvey prolly saw this outfit and said “GAHTDAMB that’s a LOUD suit!” That’s how you KNOW Jaheim did way too much. The crazy thing is that this was CUSTOM MADE. This ain’t the type of thing you see off the rack, which means this dude requested to look this much of a fool.

“Sir, I got you this navy fabric for your suit.”
Jaheim: “NAVY??? I SAID I WANTED TO SLAY HOES! I NEED ROYAL BLUE!” “Ok sir.”
Jaheim: “And why is the jacket not past my knees???”
“Will fix that ASAP.”

WOMP.

And as if the suit wasn’t terrible enough. Take a look at Jaheim’s Twitter @OfficialJaheim, which is FULL of foolish and misspelled stuff. Like:

Jaheim Tweet

Not leprechaun but “leperd kaun.” I don’t even have any types of time.

Bless Jaheim’s heart. Must be hard looking like a thuggish ruggish duck. Life ain’t been no crystal stair for Hood Daffy. Jaheim got the face for radio and the spelling for audio, and I need him to sit down and re-assess his lifespace.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Charlotte February 24, 2012, 5:36 pm

    That suit is about 8 levels of loud. And wearing that to a funeral? Hell no! Please sir, have a seat.

  • RozB February 24, 2012, 6:29 pm

    Jaheim looks like pool cue stick chalk. Use his suit to draw a hopscotch game on the sidewalk.

  • luxurylatte February 24, 2012, 7:43 pm

    Smh… His trife self just wanted to be seen, that’s why he’s wearing the loudest color on the block. Just a mess. No reparations for you sir… Nah! And wr have no seays for you… You sit on this here turned over bucket.

    • Dgrrl February 24, 2012, 8:04 pm

      and the same goes for you missy!!!

      • luxurylatte February 24, 2012, 8:48 pm

        Lol…. Don’t tempt me. I will make him write out the sign since his hands and spelling skills speak of struggle, then me and his majesty will sit in Downtown Oakland getting all the dollar bills and hot plates of food from widows who say he reminds them of they late Uncle Charles or they first husband Mississippi Mike. Shoo….

        Bet he smells like Drakkar.

        • lilnubbysmommy February 24, 2012, 9:39 pm

          “Spelling skills speak of struggle”……..#dead!!! I just can’t with you!!

        • lilnubbysmommy February 24, 2012, 9:41 pm

          AND Drakkar?! From the pitiful to the pathetic, thats being overdrawn @tha funk bank!

  • missthg February 24, 2012, 7:47 pm

    I can always count on you to tell the unadultered comedic truff gyal!

  • RozB February 24, 2012, 7:55 pm

    Imma need Jaheim to install a dimmer switch on that suit. It’s either that or I am gonna have him stand next to my aquarium and provide the blue light for my neon glo-fish! *leaving with my church finga in the air*

  • Sticky-n-Sweet February 24, 2012, 8:00 pm

    Luvvie, you gon’ get me kicked outta this here law library! “I told you I wanted to SLAY HOES!” I laughed for ten continuous minutes!

  • Dgrrl February 24, 2012, 8:02 pm

    I swear fo god, im not reading nothing else on this site!!!LMAO
    flatlined, spit out my canada dry, died, fainted@ Jaheim:“NAVY??? I SAID I WANTED TO SLAY HOES! I NEED ROYAL BLUE!” “Ok sir.”
    Jaheim: “And why is the jacket not past my knees???”
    logging off….

    • yadi March 1, 2012, 9:47 am

      ikr…i was balled over at my desk, this is just too much lmao

  • Shiks February 24, 2012, 8:04 pm

    That was supposed to be a morning suit,but his hood tailor screwed it up. They can look sharp,but never in that colour.

  • LV (Resident Goon) February 24, 2012, 8:16 pm

    He got the audacity to be on Twitter like he’s beyond reproach. Wearing an outfit like that you need to direct those grammar error heavy, caps-lock ladened tweets and send em to yourself the people in your circle (which clearly has to be -0).

    Bruh you can’t be looking like you went ape shit in Willard ‘Willie’ Wonka’s closet and come at folks on Twitter sideways…

    Have a bidet good sir.. Whitney don’t your stranger ass.

  • Krista February 24, 2012, 8:18 pm

    Please tell me that it’s just the wind blowing at his jacket? and that he didn’t get it made to defy gravity?
    I’m going to go smooth off if it’s not the wind.

    • Zan February 25, 2012, 11:23 am

      Here lies Zan:

      {0–+-<}

  • naturalista88 February 24, 2012, 8:22 pm

    “Bless Jaheim’s heart. Must be hard looking like a thuggish ruggish duck. Life ain’t been no crystal stair for Hood Daffy.”

    I am this close to quitting you ma’am, this close I swear *lmao*.

  • Le_nubian_chic February 24, 2012, 9:30 pm

    You know how you laugh so hard you get light headed to the point where you just may pass out. NO? Well then you need to re-read that post. Y’all we ain’t even talk about that Mess of a shirt he got on, it looks purple and pink? I would zoom in but sistah like me is scared. Finally, what he got up in his pockets making a bulge like that. It ain’t a phone so it must be a VCR’r or sumthin. Probably thought he could videotape the service an bootleg that ish. You know how they say you’re not the brightest bulb In the box…never mind yes the hell he is in that outfit!

  • Drea February 24, 2012, 9:47 pm

    Smh….a pimp named Slickback needs to have a colliseum of seats! The suit, the grammar, the spelling all made my damn stomach hurt.

  • lilnubbysmommy February 24, 2012, 9:48 pm

    “First of all, the reason he’s standing outside is because he wasn’t invited to the event”….I’m trying to relax & watch this bootleg DVD, dammit, can’t hear shat over my laughter!!!

  • Kate February 24, 2012, 11:50 pm

    Doing the most with the least.

    That is all.

  • Tainette February 25, 2012, 12:28 am

    Welp :-/ I’m thinking that he has on matching Gator church shoes and they was dyed to match. I need to follow him on Twitter because I know that has got to be comedy. He might be Tyrese’s Twitter twin. lolol

  • Miss Moon's Musings February 25, 2012, 12:55 am

    Someone PLEASE call the Oompa Loompas to come and get him! SMDH

  • Tainette February 25, 2012, 12:57 am

    I just bet he has on Gators to match that suit and a fur coat in the car.

  • Tainette February 25, 2012, 1:01 am

    I forgot to add that I think that he is Tyreses Twitter Twin judging by that tweet. I might as well follow him because I know those tweets have to be comedy.

  • Marsha S. Haneiph February 25, 2012, 1:40 am

    Bless your heart for taking time out from partying and rubbing shoulders with celebrities to make us laugh. Awesome, indeed!

  • I Am Your People February 25, 2012, 2:38 am

    He looks like a pimp on a job interview.

    Since not many paparazzi came to Whitney’s funeral, I have a feeling that there was way worse there. Next week we’ll see Queen Pen showed up in hot pants and her mourning bra

  • Sha sha85 February 25, 2012, 12:07 pm

    ……………..I just……..

    Why this knee-gro dressed as a extra from a fucking 70’s blaxpotation film?! That is the burning question.

  • AmandaMichelle February 25, 2012, 12:13 pm

    wait, wait… i’m just now noticing the expressions on ppl’s faces! i was done w/ jaheim back when *EYE* left college. now i’m done w/ him all over again. butchall know he “suspended” his twitter account, right?

    …okay, so i went to pull the link to that tweet ( https://twitter.com/#!/officialjaheim/status/173182549638647808 ) and saw that he is back to spewing dumbshit, even after that ‘apology’. #iQuit…

  • Sheryl February 25, 2012, 12:14 pm

    I hate to tell you this, but… this story gets worse. He got into the funeral, and took pics in the bathroom. He tweeted and instagrammed pics from inside the funeral and of the obituary.

    There’s a youtube video too. In the video, you can clearly see his lack of haircut too.

  • DMario Isajurk February 25, 2012, 12:34 pm

    that’s clearly purple.

    • vanita applebum February 27, 2012, 11:24 am

      Blurple.

  • bklynbajan February 25, 2012, 3:52 pm

    How did he even get past the perimeter without an invite? Someone needs to tweet Mayor Booker so he can look into this breach of security!

  • Jose Enrique Avila 1984 February 26, 2012, 1:53 am

    You guys need to let Jaheim be. He’s one of the real singers whoever hit the game. I have been a fan of his since I first heard “Just In Case” on KKBT 100.3 The Beat back in the summer of 2001. Hot damn at that time I was still at LA High going into my Senior Year when that song came out. If he wants to dress in my purple suit let him wear it he bought the s@%# with his own money.

    • WhoDat February 27, 2012, 11:37 am

      I’m gonna need you to either stop sucking his dack or get him a better stylist…

    • TEE February 23, 2014, 2:25 am

      I agree

  • Rachmo February 27, 2012, 1:02 pm

    I cannot read this blog at work anymore. There’s a recession and I will lose my job for spitting out my tea and guffawing at my desk.

  • lexi February 28, 2012, 3:28 pm

    I had to cover my laugh at work when you said HOOD DAFFY!!!LMAO U ARE A FOOL LUVVIE! lol he looked a hott mess! LIKE SOMEBODYS UNCLE WHO INVADES STEVE HARVEYS CLOSET FOR EVERY FUNCTION! I. CANT!

  • Laureen July 31, 2012, 6:45 am

    ROTFLMAO…. Im So Dying off this article.

  • natasha October 17, 2012, 6:17 pm

    dead at leperd kaun lmao!

  • Brooklyn Doll February 22, 2013, 1:39 am

    You can’t be serious Jah.

  • Brooklyn Doll February 22, 2013, 1:48 am

    Royal Blue? Shhheeeiiiiit! Thats Electric Dodger-Majorelle Blue right there. I’m currently photoshopping OoOmpa LoOmpa’s from Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory into these photos of him now.

    Them dude’s in the background looking at Jah like “This mafucca done flipped to the other side of his mind” as the photographer snaps the above picture of Jaheim praying to “The Lollipop Guild”.

    Unfuckingbelievable….

  • JazzT March 25, 2013, 2:54 pm

    This one line has me repeatedly in tears:

    Jaheim got the face for radio and the spelling for audio…

    My throat is raw and my abs hurt.

  • Sherika Edwards May 6, 2013, 10:58 am

    I love jaheim one of my favorite singer , for some odd reason people love to make fun of other people … well its his suit he wear what he like its his money hes a grown man, he dont owe nobody a reason for anything he do. dont like the suit dont look at the picture… simple.

    • TEE February 23, 2014, 2:26 am

      THANK YOU!!!

  • TEE February 23, 2014, 2:24 am

    Bad suit but I still rock his music.

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