Famous folksLetter

Dear Usher and Tameka, Please Tuck In Your Petty

I wasn’t following the Raymond vs. Raymond divorce proceedings closely at all until this weekend. All I knew was that Usher and Tameka were in court fighting for custody of the 2 sons they have together. Tameka wants full custody because she says URSHA is a bad dad, and he’s not giving up that easy. This fight is getting messy, so I must write these two a sternly-worded letter. They’ve earned it.

Dear Usher and Tameka Raymond,

Greetings, Saints and Aints with Taints! I know you aren’t speaking to each other but I’ma write you a joint letter anyway because y’all are both petty and it’s showing all up through these court proceedings.

You’re suing each other for full custody of those precious kids of yours. Why aren’t you ok with joint custody? Where did you go wrong that this couldn’t be settled even remotely civilly? You’re turning whatever scorned feelings you have into a circus instead of really looking at what’s best for your kids. That’s what it feels like anyway. Y’all are doing the most.

MJ k u wrong doeFirst of all, these accusations being thrown around are a bit much. Usher, it’s rumored that you slept with 2 of Tameka’s bridesmaids. If true, not only are you trifling as ALL TO BE DAMBED, and she needs better judgment in picking friends. I also heard you smoked ganja in front of your kids. IS THAT TRUE? I hope not.

And Tameka, word on the street is that you threatened to kill Usher and his new boo. But you gon retort with “I didn’t say I was gon kill him. I just said I was gon fuck him up.” Oh ok. That’s so much better. Girl, stop it. That’s not the way to go. You are not on “Basketball Wives” and your name is not Lozada.

As you expose each other’s Ain’t Shitness, remember that at one point, you thought these qualities were endearing, or at least tolerable. As you put each other on front street for being terrible human beings, keep in mind that you actually chose to be together, in spite of the side-eyes you got because everyone but you realized you weren’t a good match. Usher, you even lost your Momager over Tameka. Clearly, Jonetta saw something y’all ain’t see for much later: you’re not compatible. Now you’re crying two tears in a bucket with no window to throw it out of since the pot you used to piss in is tryna take your kids. Choose wiser next time, my peoples.

The pettiness both of you have shown in this process is really the issue here. You’re handling this too publicly, therefore terribly. It’s clear that you can barely stand each other, but it ain’t e’em gotta be like that.

Tameka, the retweeting of stuff insulting Usher is HELLA funny. Don’t get me wrong. It’s hilarious. But also hella childish. Come on, chick. You’re better than this. Don’t let him see you sweat. And I peeped how you faved my tweet from Sunday saying your ex looked like a Yo Gabba Gabba character.

Yes, I cackled hard when I saw this. One of those throat laughs. But you know this is petty. I’m an enabler though.

And you, Usher. You gon put this picture up on your Facebook page with the caption “how can you get this much joy out of someones pain? smdh…”

Usher Tameka Court

Once again, I cackled. The fact that she’s in the background eating snacks and smirking while he’s looking all downtrodden is both hilarious and pitiful. I wonder what snacks those are. They seem delicious. Either way, she looks so amused.

I know you’re tryna gun for public pity but this picture just further shows how immature and childish you’re both acting.

But what you’re not both considering as much as you should in all this is that you have kids together. Think about them as you throw mud and sunflower seeds at each other in the media. Think about what they’d think if they hear these things you’re  saying and doing. Because your petty is so showing and I just want you to tuck it in.

Also, think about getting rid of that mohawk, Usher. Seriously. It’s done for. And consider hiring Tameka to be your stylist again. You looked good when she was telling you what to wear. Now you dress like Bieber and no one is here for that.

I just want y’all to act a little bit more cordial to each other and stop showing out in public. You’re both grown so govern yourselves accordingly. It’s clear you both love your kids dearly and want the best for them but keep Raymond vs. Raymond cleaner.

Yours in side-eye,

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  1. Sticky-n-Sweet
    May 23, 2012 at 9:56 am

    …and the fact that he was sneaking to check his phone in that picture. They both need to return to kindergarten and learn to share.

  2. May 23, 2012 at 9:56 am

    ” Now you’re crying two tears in a bucket with no window to throw it out of since the pot you used to piss in is tryna take your kids.”

    This right here is a veritable clusterfuck of foolishness LMAO! Did he R. Kelly her girl? LMAO! I am saying

  3. May 23, 2012 at 9:58 am

    OH! and she is taking out one of those delicious and quenching Crystal Light packs to go in her agua. Then joints are tasty den a mug. lMAO! Thirsty broad needed to quench her thirstyness

  4. Brittany
    May 23, 2012 at 9:59 am

    I don’t know what happened, but by the time I got to that picture of them in court with Tameka smirking, there were real tears coming out of my eyes. That picture is hilarious.

  5. Che Sencion
    May 23, 2012 at 10:02 am

    Lol at the side cell phone glance by Usher. LMFAO at the crystal light she brought into the court house to refresh herself. I thought cellphones were not allowed in court and neither was food of any kind. I got short changed during my custody hearing…smh lls

  6. Joanndith
    May 23, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Look closely at the picture though, URSHA is clearly just checking his phone. #Opportunist #YouAintNoActor #HaveSeveralSeats

    • For These Reasons
      May 23, 2012 at 10:57 am

      Please and Thank You!!

      I looked at that picture and thought for sure it MUSTAben staged. Who stands in anguish like that? No, wait…he was playing one of those 50-some-odd-million Facebook games.

  7. Nadz
    May 23, 2012 at 10:19 am

    Tameka eating your kids Goldfish snacks in court! really??? While ursha is texting his photographer: “take the effin picture quick, this pic will be the winner of pity!”

  8. RoxyWTF
    May 23, 2012 at 10:21 am

    What made Usher sad was his data usage. “I refuse to get got by AT&T! My momma took away our family plan! :(”

    Tameka found the last peach flavored Crystal Light, Usher’s favorite. She was gonna sip it in front of him, knowing he only had cherry.

  9. Janaye
    May 23, 2012 at 11:05 am

    That’s Crystal Light she has to quench the thirst that she’s been suffering from that caused them to get married in the 1st place. Both of them need to have all the seats in that court room and get their ish together. It really kills me when adults can’t come to an agreement when it comes to their chilrun. Tameka knows she will benefit from a break from those kids when they’re with Ursha. Doesn’t she have like 8 more? OK maybe I exaggerated a little, but cut it out already!

  10. Kisha S.
    May 23, 2012 at 3:39 pm

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, this whole post made me lauuuugh! The whole custody battle thing is tacky. Usher, I just wanna hear u sannnnng, boy! I don’t even wanna be knowing about his drama, but u and Tameka keep us in it.

  11. Marsha S. Haneiph
    May 23, 2012 at 4:29 pm

    I didn’t even know you could eat snacks in court. Dang, folks in the Public Gallery could be munching away on bowls of pretzels and popcorn while watching all the ratchetness on display.

  12. May 24, 2012 at 2:16 am

    I’m sorry, but he married a woman with a criminal record with a few kids by a few dads and now he’s mad? This is story is only slightly better than Antonio Cromatie’s wife faking suicide when she thought he was cheating, which is probably what NFL players with 8 kids by 8 mamas do.

    Know who you marry, y’all

    • Kim
      May 25, 2012 at 7:21 am

      ^^^^^This all day!

  13. May 24, 2012 at 8:43 am

    That’s telling em Luvvie… I’ll be watching for your twitter this am too.

  14. May 24, 2012 at 11:33 am

    The comments are as good as the post.

    They both need a arena full of seats and SATDOWN some damn where. Complete foolishness!

  15. Bpurpleb001
    May 25, 2012 at 11:20 am

    ‘as you throw mud and sunflower seeds at each other’ I broke down on that one. It’s indeed an awesome visual. Usher’s mohawk would catch all the sunflower seeds to snack on.

  16. femmfatale8
    June 9, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    “Please tuck in…” I see what you did there girl. 😉

  17. Yummmy
    June 11, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Bwaaahaaa!!! Lawd I needed this today!! Keep em coming,
    Yours in side eye,

  18. Camryn
    July 5, 2013 at 11:46 pm

    I feel like she is just ratchet enough to be sittin’ in the background eatin’ Crystal Light powdered drink mixes like those little Junior High kids eat Kool Aid right out of the packet. Those and Lik-Em-Aid. Right in the court room. She gives no damns.