The Republican National Convention that’s going on right now has had so many foolish moments that even the Onion couldn’t have made this stuff up. There’s no reason to write satirical stories about the RNC because the GOP is acting enough of a fool for life to be funnier than fiction. They’ve been really showing out!
Also, the lack of diversity is actually shocking to me. I KNEW that they largely excluded people of color, but the folks playing the “Let’s take a shot when you see a Black person” drinking game have been PARCHED. Besides that one time when Condoleezza Rice took the stage and built herself a cabin with her Uncle Thomas (Clarence, maybe?). You see what I did there. YOU SEE IT.
The most recent of the “Watch the Republicans Show Out” occurrences was from last night when Clint Eastwood took the stage. Clint spent 11 minutes talking to an empty chair that was supposed to be President Barack Obama. In REAL life, not virtual. It happened. If you missed it or want to watch it again, ConcreteLoop has the clip.
This dude used 11 GOOD MINUTES OF LIFE to scold a chair with an invisible Obama. At one point, he was talmbout how the night Obama was elected, everyone was saying how there’s hope, and folks cried. Clint said “I haven’t cried that much since I found out that there’s 23 million unemployed people in this country.” Well sir, I cried like that when I looked at you and saw the tree witch in Pocahontas. You know, the willow tree that gave her advice? This one:
Yes. I CRIED, Clint! Because you have the same lines that the tree had in your face. LOOK AT GAWD CONNECTING NATURE! O_o
Then, Old Eastwood stumbled over words and looked like he legit forgot where he was going with any of his points multiple times. Then at one point, he has the unmitigated gall to tell imaginary Obama “you’re crazy.” Sir. Did you see yourself in a mirror? Pot, please stop calling the kettle ultra dark gray. Just quit.
It was actually a bit embarrassing to watch. I spent the whole time with this look firmly on my face: O__o. I was confused because I had to many questions. Like why didn’t Clint prepare a proper speech, and why didn’t the GOP vet it beforehand to know what he was planning to say? They just let Clint get on stage to verbally freeball and add to the long list of “Things to make fun of Republicans about.”
Also, when Clint asked for a chair onstage with him, did no one ask WHY?
Clint: Make sure there’s a chair on the stage with me.
GOP: So you can sit down for some of the speech?
Clint: No, I won’t be sitting.
GOP: Ah gotcha. So who will you be bringing up there with you?
GOP: Sooo will you be having a prop to place on the chair to refer to?
Clint: No prop needed. My awesomeness is all the stage needs. And that chair, of course.
GOP: Mkay. So this chair will be for what?
Clint: For Obama.
GOP: He’s not coming though.
Clint: Oh but he is. In my mind. And I have words for him.
Is this how the conversation went??? This is how I imagine it did. Were they not worried about it? Who signed off on this and said “Yes. Give him the chair anyway?” Did he throw a tantrum to get this chair onstage? I need to know who in the RNC’s planning committee thought this would be a great idea.
In fact, let me rewind and ask a question that I should have asked first. Clint Eastwood IS the tale as old as time that they were talking about in Beauty and the Beast. Why was he even thought of as a good idea for a speaker? Was Moses busy??? Did the Republicans want to attract new voters? Because all they did was use Clint to get their CURRENT supporters who are ALSO old, white and rich to be all “Yes, I relate to him.” No one else can look at him and fist pump. Not in 2012. Not with that old, ornery geriatric swag he has. NAWL.
It’s cool though, because Clint Eastwood’s speech of randomness made way for this tweet from the Barack Obama team.
THIS. SEAT. IS. TAKEN.
YES, GAWD HUNTY!!! Shourrout to President Barack Obama’s social media team for really making a picture worth 1,000 words in 140 characters. I am HERE for them an their presidential shade! Don’t try to come for ‘Rack an’em! Don’t do it!
MY PRESIDENT IS BLACK. AND SHADEFUL! I am here for ‘Rack O, the Beloved One. Anytime. For reasons. Many of them. YESSSS!!!
All I need is for the Obama team to borrow from the Queen of Classy Shade, Mother Oprah, and tweet “And you, sir?” to the Romney campaign. That would be ALL the nourishment and nutrition EYE need for a good WEEK, LAWD!