This weekend, I was standing in a circle at BlogHer 2012 with Chescaleigh, Nicole Blades and Tina Shoulders and we were just shooting the breeze talmbout random things. Then a woman joins us and goes “carry on with your conversation.” She happened to be white and we said hi’s and introduced ourselves. She was holding a glass of wine and semi-slurring when she spoke so we asked her how many she had so far and she said she was on her 2nd.
Then foolery happens.
“Oh my gosh I just love Black women. I LOVE you all. You’re all just so fun and sooo… spicy.” Wait… are we jabanero peppers??? We’re spicy? Ok.
I look at the rest of the ladies to gauge their reactions and to see if they were in their heads freaking out too. And they were. I looked at Chesca and her face was a literal O_______O. And she pulled out her iPhone and started typing with vigor. I knew she was headed to Twitter to share the comment. And Nicole was looking like O_o while Tina was just like “Ummm…”
Then it continued.
“And I love your natural hair. It’s just… yesss. I just love Black women. In fact, I’m actually a Black woman myself. I just left my spray tan at home.”
I’m not sure who spoke because I was running around in circles in my head having a “I can’t believe this is happening” moment in my head. It was like “Punk’d” except without Ashton. Or the “I’m just kidding” part.
Then we asked her what she blogged about and she said “food.” And she follows it up with “I like soul food. I can’t cook a lot of it but I can cook a collard.” A. COLLARD. As in just one? Will two collards overwhelm her? Will three make her burn down the kitchen? Because I don’t understand. Lawd, Cooking Lady (as I’ll call her now) was a trip.
Next Shannon, the BlogHer programming manager, walks up and we all turn to say hey to her because she’s the homie. We all start talking to her and in the process, attention moves away from Cooking Lady.
Me and Nicole end up talking to Shannon at length and Chescaleigh and Tina are behind us still sorta hearing ridiculous things from Cooking Lady. Then all of a sudden she walks away.
Chescaleigh tells us Cooking Lady said she was upset because “that other white lady” took us away from her. Shannon being the “other white lady.” Apparently, we had hit the white woman quota she imagined we had and she didn’t appreciate how Shannon stole us from her.
Shannon replied with “Wait. So do we still own Black people? WHY IS SHE MAD?” Right! LAWDDD!!!
We’re so awesome that folks want us to themselves but ummm that’s not how it goes. Oh Cooking Lady. Bless her drunk, misguided heart. I love when people do TOO much to relate to others. When you do that, you just end up being the subject of a blog post. And many cackles. Because we surely did laugh about it for hours.
So yeah. We experienced a REAL life version of Franchesca’s Shit White Girls Say to Black Girls and it was HILARIOUS. Just like the video. Real life is what makes the best comedy.
P.S. No, I won’t say who she was. Y’all don’t know how to act and will try to blow up her spot so I’ma let her be anonymous for now.
Has something like this ever happened to you? What would you have done? And my white readers… what are your thoughts on this? Are you side-eying your skinfolk or have you made a mistake like this before?