Coolio and these Struggle Braids Gotta Let Go and Let Bald

Some folks age gracefully and get better with time, like good wine (not the cheap one that comes in boxes even though some of that is delicious but I heard will give you a hell of a hangover). And then there’s Coolio, who went to someone’s event looking like this:

Coolio Hair

Sir. SIR!!! Why do you have an airplane landing strip of bald and then pigtails of 4 cornrows each sitting on your scalp like dog ears? Coolio is outchea looking like he’s rocking a Halloween costume none of us can figure out.

Who does Coolio’s hair at this point? When he sits in someone’s chair with two afropuffs sitting on each side of his head, who is the hairdresser who willingly turns them into 3.5 braids? Where is he or she and why isn’t their license revoked for contributing to society’s detriment? You can’t be proud of your work as a stylist if this is what you’re doing. The 5 minutes it takes to braid his entire head gotta be torture. I bet whoever it is has guilt, thinking “I’m better than this.” YOU ARE!

And so are you, Coolio!

Then, why is he still holding on to these hair patches? He should just shave them off and rock a baldie. Someone has GOT to tell Old Man Coolio to let these go because he’s out here bogus.

If he ever performs Gangsta’s Paradise again, he needs to switch the lyrics up:

As I walk through the valley of the shadow of bald
I take a look at my scalp and realize there’s nothin’ left
Cause I’ve been braiding and cornrowing for so long,
That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone

Real gangstas know when they start looking like pet rabbits.

icant wendy gif

But yeah, someone come get Coolio and help him cut off this Struggle Hair of his. Scalp looking drafty and hair looking weak. It’s time, sir. You gotta let go. Outchea looking like a human bull. NAWL! Looking like a walking miracle because that hair is parted like a Red Sea. UNCOOLio.

Which of you is gon tell Coolio to let go and let bald? The two roads that diverged in the woods that Robert Frost was talmbout are sitting on Coolio’s scalp. I don’t have time.

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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Zandria March 28, 2013, 11:54 am

    “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of bald
    I take a look at my scalp and realize there’s nothin’ left
    Cause I’ve been braiding and cornrowing for so long,
    That even my mama thinks that my mind is gone…”

    Luvvie…girl…::wall slides::

    • Luvvie March 28, 2013, 2:09 pm

      *picks you up from the floor*

  • dKnighTweets March 28, 2013, 12:18 pm

    awe, this is actually sad. it really looks as if he’s someone’s grandpa n the grandkids glued their party streamers to his head while he was passed out on the couch..smh..i really count no more than 7 braids on one of those pig tails..smh.

    • lnedykstra March 28, 2013, 1:48 pm

      YES!!!!! Hilarious!

    • Luvvie March 28, 2013, 2:09 pm

      Not glued party streamers! I DON DIE!!!

    • Carrie August 1, 2013, 9:50 pm

      I’m crying here.

    • Lashawn October 20, 2013, 4:03 pm

      *flatlined* at the party streamers.

  • Trice March 28, 2013, 12:18 pm

    Luvvie this blessed me for the day. LMAO!

  • Serenity March 28, 2013, 12:37 pm

    Is it me, or doesn’t he look like Mr Ganes from Different World?

    • Luvvie March 28, 2013, 2:08 pm

      This is actually accurate!

  • Babs in Blogland March 28, 2013, 1:05 pm

    All I can say is those drugs must have done something to his sensibilities. He can’t think this is okay.

    The person who does his hair must also be the one who does Stevie Wonder’s hair. Revoke!

    • Luvvie March 28, 2013, 2:08 pm

      LMAOOOOO!!! Stevie can’t ever cook.

  • Bethany March 28, 2013, 1:43 pm

    At least his rubber bands match his shirt?

    • Luvvie March 28, 2013, 1:45 pm

      There’s a silver lining somewhere.

      • CafeGirlsPress April 1, 2013, 2:52 am

        Another silver lining is that with his green shirt and rows of Mardi Gras beads, he could pass for Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree. (Before all the needles fell off.)

        Always had a soft spot for that tree.

        • Nikka December 13, 2014, 9:09 am

          LAMO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Poor Charlie Brown’s tree!!!!

    • RozB March 28, 2013, 7:14 pm

      Maybe he will attempt to pull the braids to the middle for one really ratched-looking ponytail…

    • Anna Renee March 30, 2013, 10:08 am

      His stylist’s artistry is in the rubberband work! That basket weave pattern in the rubberband is the business! 😀

  • That Dude March 28, 2013, 1:54 pm

    Sir…SIR. Stevie is blind, what’s your excuse? Just…no.

  • BrownBabe March 28, 2013, 2:04 pm

    Wait…are those “cuts” in his mustache or is it just that sparse?!?! (I don’t think there’s a good answer to that question)

    • Luvvie March 28, 2013, 2:08 pm

      There really isn’t.

  • Jabari March 28, 2013, 2:14 pm

    Why are Coolio’s people letting him go out in public like this!!!!!!!! I needz ANSWERS!!!!! Does somebody just not love him enough to tell no?

  • Kirby March 28, 2013, 2:42 pm

    And I thought Stevie Wonder was bad, but he can’t see. What is Coolio’s excuse? I’ll wait.

  • Sincerely_Pat March 28, 2013, 2:45 pm

    I hope they didn’t get paid per braid, that would be a big waste of time! Just…CooliNo!

    • RozB March 28, 2013, 7:11 pm

      If I was one of the braid workers assigned to him, I would be angrily snatching all 18 strands of hair because I would not be getting paid that day.

  • Aisha March 28, 2013, 3:57 pm

    Is it terrible that the first thing I noticed was the fact that his edges (or lack thereof) aren’t really laid?

    Yes, it is terrible?

    *escorts myself out*

  • Nahjee March 28, 2013, 4:08 pm

    Luvvie, you know if coolio saw this he would be the happiest man in the world!!! Because your the only blog site posting on this IRRELEVANT FOOL!

  • RozB March 28, 2013, 7:09 pm

    Does he think he just has a wide-assed part in the middle of his head?

    Is that a tattoo on top of his head?

    At least Stevie is blind, so he has to have some faith when they tell him his forehead is all the rage. Everyone is standing in the mirror at the same damn time nodding their heads and saying he looks just like he did when Michell Pfeiffer had her original face. I want to punch his people in the back of their throats for this shiggity.

  • Mrs. Hamilton March 29, 2013, 6:51 am

    Okay don’t hate me for this, but if he shaved the side-part soul patches, he could look like Idris Elba’s big brother… and that wouldn’t be a bad thing…other than that, this dude got left behind in the rapture and missed out on a gangsta’s hairadise… for shame…

    • AnnT March 29, 2013, 1:43 pm

      I was think Keith David. The Black actor who everyone can identity, but no one can name.

  • Christie March 29, 2013, 7:58 am

    I’m going to go out on a limb and say Coolio thought this was a hair style. There is no hair anywhere other than these struggle pigtails, rest of his head is just as bald and shiny and he appears to have a scalp tattoo. He thought about this and then called his cousin to come over with the clippers and said,”take off everything but the braids.” Those divots in his ‘stach look cut in, too; they’re too evenly placed to be an accident or natural.

  • OrganizedChaos March 29, 2013, 8:16 am

    I was invited to a co-workers house for a cookout one year and he had a uncle with a similar problem he was bald like this but he had the stevie wonder braids from the middle back but 3/4 of his hair was gone it was like some strange u-part wig.

  • TheCrookedGene April 1, 2013, 1:55 pm

    Wow, his hair looks like Tim Burton’s “A Nightmare Before Lacefront”.

  • mmeetoilenoir April 2, 2013, 11:39 pm

    This is the very epitome of doing the absolute most with the absolute least.

  • mzkeishad October 20, 2013, 2:02 pm

    Welp at least the shininess of his scalp matches the shininess of his shirt….yeah I tried LOL

  • sunsail October 20, 2013, 3:40 pm

    My huuuuzband says his head reminds him of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree. #done

  • Mizz D October 20, 2013, 7:49 pm

    Wow! I can’t believe he walks around looking like that. The rubber bands in his hair looks like those bracelets kids are making these days. Maybe he doesn’t have a hair stylist, just a kid to braid his hair because no one else would! SMH!

  • Natasha October 21, 2013, 11:02 am

    Clearly he and Stevie Wonder have the same people.

    Jesus be a mirror for them both.

  • DawnCrenshaw October 21, 2013, 9:01 pm

    With that tattoo on his head, it looks like a crop circle!

    Like that commercial, “This was Coolio. This is Coolio on drugs.” I will never do drugs!

  • Skerlie B December 7, 2014, 4:39 pm

    I’m just waiting for the Christmas Ornaments to show up on his head…..

  • QueenC December 7, 2014, 8:07 pm

    Why does he look like the top of an analog tv set with the rabbit ears.WHY????

  • QueenC December 7, 2014, 8:07 pm

    Why does he look like the top of an analog tv set with the rabbit ears.WHY????

  • Kels December 7, 2014, 8:47 pm

    Why him look like a Papillon dog that’s been over-bred incestiously and found via police bust in a horrible puppy mill?

    • Taj December 7, 2014, 9:36 pm

      Get out! Just get your things and go!

  • Michelle December 7, 2014, 9:00 pm

    Okay, so we just gonna skate past the plastic shirt and that thing that looks like a tarantula sitting on his shoulder? But I’m still trying to breeve from walking miracle.

  • A. Pendragyn December 8, 2014, 12:55 am

    At first glance I thought the thing on the right side (his left) had “HALP” spelled out, like some kind of sad-hair-mobile.

    Also, Pippi Longstocking.

  • The $2 Philosopher December 8, 2014, 6:43 am

    Hmm seems to me like it’s his head, his prerogative. Not to mention that it’s working for him because you wasted your time writing this and I wasted my time reading it! GOOD FOR YOU COOLIO!!!

    (I enjoyed the article BTW)

  • Dee December 8, 2014, 10:32 am

    How are you 100 years old and looking like this? Our ancestors are not pleased.

  • Kim Bongiorno of Let Me Start By Saying December 8, 2014, 1:16 pm

    Robert Frost AND Coolio AND a balding version of Gangsta’s Paradise? I want to scoop you up and rock you while your insanity soothes my soul.

  • SFJason February 17, 2015, 11:25 am

    Introducing Santa’s new urban reindeer…Ratchet.

  • Emily Harris February 17, 2015, 12:25 pm

    Okay but do you wear one wave cap for that or two wave pasties?

  • Eb February 17, 2015, 4:05 pm

    Coolio done lost his mind livin in a pigtail paradise..

  • Val February 17, 2015, 11:42 pm

    Stevie Wonder gets a pass but Coolio does not. He looks 74 and is rockin a shiny tablecloth button up. Poor guy.

  • Ginab52 February 18, 2015, 11:22 am

    When he sits in someone’s chair with two afropuffs sitting on each side of his head, who is the hairdresser who willingly turns them into 3.5 braids? *flatline* #iamfinished

  • Cara February 2, 2017, 6:51 pm

    It looks like his 7 year old niece ask him to play beauty shop and someone snapped a picture because of the ridiculousness of it!