Last night was the Real Housewives of Atlanta season finale and I watched the first 10 minutes and the last 10. I only watched enough to see Tommy from “Martin” working with Kenya, thus confirming that he STILL ain’t got no job. The more things change…
Phaedra is trying to get into the stun gun business. I ain’t mad at her for tryna get her money but DAMB. What happened to the funeral business she was so passionate about last season? And then the workout video. Is she still a lawyer in between all this stuff? Chile…
Ennehweighs, the part of the finale that really mattered was Kenya’s costume party. She decided to have a “Forever Relevant: Iconic Black Women in Hollywood” costume party, inviting all the girls and telling them who she wanted them to be dressed at. Let’s not mention how Kenya herself ain’t forever relevant and she chose that title. (-_-)
Kandi was Tina Turner from “What’s Love Gotta Do With It.” Cynthia was Diana Ross from “Mahogany.” Phaedra was Eartha Kitt in “Catwoman.” Nene was Grace Jones as Strangé. And she requested that Porsha be Halle Berry from “BAPS.”
In case you forgot what that looked like, here:
That is shade. Halle’s in “BAPS” is not iconic. NAWL! To request that for Porsha is nothing short of the biggest cup of shadeful earl grey tea and Kenya knows it.
Wells, Porsha decided she was gonna be Halle Berry in “Dorothy Dandridge” and she walked in the party looking AMAZING in this #sequence gold jumpsuit that fit her like a glove. And the moment Kenya saw her, she flipped out.
Kenya was Pam Grier in “Foxy Brown” and rocked the finest in the cheapest lycra/polyurethane jumpsuit she could find. With a terrible afro and bad makeup. She was HEATED when Porsha walked in looking like MONEY. She was clearly outshined and not pleased about it. And instead of just dealing, she tells her to leave for disrespecting her wishes and her party.
So she kicked Porsha and Kordell out the party, telling her ginormous bodyguards to tell them to leave. It was utterly ridiculous and the rest of the ladies agreed and walked out too. How do you kick someone out your party because they didn’t have on the costume you wanted them to wear? Kenya was just MAD AS HELL that Porsha came to her party looking like something you could sop up with a biscuit.
As they’re all standing outside the party, shocked that Kenya’s petty had reached all time highs of wack, Porsha’s says Kenya has “malice content.” Malice. Content. Not intent, but content. Bless her simple heart. And Peter was like “fuck her. fuck her party.” YES, UNCLE BEN!!!
Nene shows up looking SNATCHED into her Grace Jones persona, and I am LIVING!
And when Leakes found out about Kenya’s stunt, she was NOT pleased! They all roll back inside and she pulls her to the side IMMEJATELY and reads her for dirt, filth and garbage!
She gives it to her straight that she can’t be going around acting a fool to everyone and think she’s gonna go far. “DON’T BURN BRIDGES!!!” Come on and speak, DEACONESS LENETHIA!!!
Nene really was giving her Leakes LifeClass, because she managed to go from most hated to most liked and it’s taken her further than she could imagine. Now she’s making that REAL tv money being on Glee and The New Normal. She ain’t get there just by being a crazy villain. She had to clean up her act and get nicer to get here. Shoutout to Nene’s PR team, by the way. I’m here for new Nene.
So yeah, if Kenya wants to keep collecting these checks, she gon need to dial down the crazy and pay attention to the wisdom of the read she just received.
Anywho, as the episode comes to a close, Bravo captions each person with updates on what they’re up to. Porsha was first and all they put was “Kordell filed for divorce.” That was it. That was all. That was SHADE. For Phaedra, they tell us that she’s expecting her 2nd child and “This time she knows the due date.” So messy.
They do show us previews of the RHOA reunion, which starts next Sunday (there are 3 parts) and it’s gon be SPILLED TEA left, right and all around.
I will be tuning in to that and livetweeting it (@Luvvie. Follow a goon) so YESSSS!
Did y’all watch last night’s finale? Whatchu think of Kenya’s pordee?