A couple of days ago, a picture started spreading around Instagram of a dude and his baby girl (who was around 2 years old). Folks said she had been kidnapped and asked for everyone to pass on the picture, in case anyone has seen her. Well, it turns out that the dude had faked her kidnapping because he got into a fight with his daughter’s mother. Chile… this is when Instagram went IN.
The picture of the dude with his daughter already made folks side-eye just because he had one feature that REALLY stood out: his teeth. They were veneers gone WRONG. So the minute the good and ratchet folks of IG found out he wasn’t some noble father concerned about his daughter but a bitter and scorned sperm donor, people let him have it. Look at this pic:
This man has now been renamed “Teef Keef” by the internets and I AM HOLLERING! He’s also been called “Teef Sweat.” Miss Zindzi said “that man got a mouth full of iPhones” and I fell out then too. Those are clearly Samsung Galaxy S3s. This is what happens when your dentist is a “yes” man. You go in for veneers and he drops refrigerators in your mouth, leaving you outchea looking extra bogus.
But the best thing to come out of this new meme is the comment below, which is the caption that an Instagrammer with the name @SoSayGottaChill used for the picture above. I laughed so hard I almost choked on air.
Oh Lord I come to u this morning thanking u for allowing me to see another day Oh Lord but its something in my heart Oh Lord…there is a bigger problem Oh Lord ands it’s his teef Oh Lord…I know they not real Oh Lord I know he spent a check on em Oh Lord but did they run out of medium teef Oh Lord did he have to get the XXL White Tee Teef Oh Lord…they told him he would grow into the teef Oh Lord they told him don’t sneeze with ya mouf open cuz ya teef might stab u in the chest Oh Lord the installed a row of IPhone wall chargers in his mouf Oh Lord…they called him Teef Keef Oh Lord…EMan eem said give it up for Teef Sweat Oh Lord….the man could bite a piece of bread and make a doughnut Oh Lord…the boy teef look like blank dominoes Oh Lord…his teef got WiFi Oh Lord….we don’t eem know if he got a bottom row Oh Lord…the nig got the same mouf that fish had in Shark Tales Oh Lord…he look like the dog off The Mask Oh Lord…his teef are The Last Dragon Oh Lord…if he took a bite out of crime it would be a peaceful world Oh Lord…his teef look like kilos of cocaine Oh Lord…his teef got roadside assistance Oh Lord…his teef come with free nights and weekends Oh Lord….in Jesus Name We Pray…A TEEF…I mean AMEN Oh Lord.
I. AM. DEAD.
I AM DONE! That shadeful prayer had the old, present and new me dead and ALL the way gone. It is full of so much shade and so much hilarity that I didn’t e’em finish one laugh before another came from the depths of my soul! He said his teeth got roadside assistance! I AM SO UNABLE!!! LMAOOOOO!!!
But yeah. The moral of this story is, don’t lie about such things as kidnappings because when folks find out the truth, they won’t like it. Also, get veneers in the size of NORMAL teeth. Outchea rocking fake teeth made for Goliath when you’re David. Them damb sugar cubes. Pop out 3 of his teeth when it’s tea time for the sweetness you’re looking for.
Other names he’s been called (and this list is being updated as more people add theirs):
Mouthful Luther King, Jr. | Toother Vandross | Teef Murray | Louis MouthStrong | Teeth Ledger | Smiles Davis | Dentist Rodman | Larry Toother | Teefer Sutherland | Teethcliff Huxtable | Kool and the Fangs | Ron Ivory | Bone Teef and Harmony | Patrick Chewing | Teeth Urban | Teef Harvey | Chewdacris | Stone Cold Teef Jawstin | ToothPac | Queen LaTEEFah.
Chile I’ve laughed myself into sleepiness.
So did you all fall out too at that prayer like I did? I’ve read it about 5 times and I cannot stop laughing.