Movies

The Disney Princesses Were Younger Than I Thought

As you may know by now, I love Disney movies and I love talking and writing about them (see my posts on Disney Music is Everything and Disney Loves Single Parenthood and Princesses Who Make Piss Poor Decisions). And just because I’m a fan of them doesn’t mean I think they’re perfect. In fact, it’s well-documented that some of their movies are incredibly racist, sexist and have cruel motifs (since they’re based on Grimm’s terrible fairy tales). My love for them defies my own logic, even after knowing this.

I was reading BuzzFeed the other day, and they had a post on how well we know the Disney princesses. I took the quiz and didn’t pass with the flying colors I thought. But one thing that stuck out was finding out how old the princesses were. Look:

Ages of the Disney Princesses

So wait. All these princesses were under the age of 20 and they were all obsessed with finding boos and getting married. I know that in the 13th century or whenever some of these were set for, folks used to get hitched younger. But the 2013 me will express my disappointment in each of them.

Ain’t no summer internships under the sea or something, Ariel? You are 16 and you outchea giving up your voice for some legs so some teen boy can be impressed by you. He’s gon be Facebooking your sister tomorrow! Get it together.

Jasmine, how you gon run away with Aladdin? YOU’RE 15! What do you know? How’s he gon take care of you? The streets ain’t fun, even with a magic carpet.

Cinderella, you’re 19 with a size 4.5 foot. Did you bind them? You coulda also left your evil stepmom’s house and got a job somewhere.

Cinderella Glass Slipper gif

Also, those glass slippers look uncomfortable dinnamug.

At 17, Belle fell in love with a Beast because he gave her a library. Ma’am, you must increase your standards. Books are great but you can’t be betrothing yourself to some hairy dude who locked you in a room full of them.

Snow White, you’re 14 and living with 7 short men. NAWL! See why you needed your mama to guide you? Girl…

Pocahontas. Girl, you’re technically an adult at 18. How you gon sell out your people like that? You should know better.

Rapunzel, Rapunzel. Let down your hair and donate some to Locks of Love.

Shoutout to the fact that Princess Tiana was the only one of all of them to have a job, though. Well, Mulan did fight for her country and that was her job. But the rest of them? Nawl. Tiana and Mulan were like “we got stuff to do and be about.” Bless them.

The Disney princesses needed a sassy gay friend and a mentor to set them right.

Sassy Gay Friend gif

This explains why they were members of Team Bad Decisions though. Teenagers are foolish. Also, add this to the “ruining my childhood” pile.

Did you know they princesses were this young? Or am I the last one to find out? I bet I’m the last one. It’s ok, doe.

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46 Comments

  1. June 17, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    I knew, I love them, and I tried to hide them from my daughters… I failed like Tyrese’s spelling..

    • Randomly Jazzy
      June 18, 2013 at 10:32 am

      iCackled @ failed like Tyrese’s spelling

  2. Melissa
    June 17, 2013 at 2:06 pm

    I knew about Aurora and Tiana, but the others? Jasmine was supposed to be 15 and her father was soliciting husbands? Ewwwww.

  3. June 17, 2013 at 2:09 pm

    Haha! I didn’t know they were all so young. I guess when you’re younger, you imagine them being older and it kind of sticks.

    In hindsight, I also think most of these scenarios require some Sally Jessy Raphael levels of tough love intervention.

  4. dee
    June 17, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    I actually thought cinderella was younger than that..

  5. Danielle
    June 17, 2013 at 2:41 pm

    Cinderella is actually a Chinese fairytale, and her feet were bound; that’s what made her the epitome of beauty and why no one else could fit the slipper. Tiny feet rule in China.

  6. June 17, 2013 at 2:49 pm

    O_O

    So…and friend and I were watching Rapunzel (“Tangled”) and joked about how she was 17 for most of the movie (a fact they pointed out) and that her “Prince” was probably about 30 (b/c at the end of the movie the narrative said they waited to get married and we hit a mean side eye). We were half joking but now that I think about it, I just assumed all the Princesses were at least 17 or 18 but dang…now you got me thinking about how all those borderline pedaphile ass Princes were probably anywhere between 30 and 45. Ew.

    • AmandaBeth
      February 22, 2016 at 6:58 am

      Adam aka the beast was 21 when returned to humam cause last petal fell that’s not to bad for 17 yr old Belle and I don’t think guy Mulan was into was much older then her sorry can never remeber his name and even if could don’t think I could spell it. But yeah on rest guys did seem much older.

  7. Jay Elle Dubya
    June 17, 2013 at 2:54 pm

    I didn’t realize they were so young. I knew there was a reason I never want my probably-never-gonna-happen-future daughter to watch those movies.

    Wasn’t Pocahontas about 12 in real life? That’s much worse.

    • sadiqua
      June 18, 2013 at 8:43 pm

      Interesting fact about Pocahontas…when John Smith took her home, they won’t checking for HIM. Turns out a princess is a princess to them, and even though she was from here, they felt she married beneath herself.

  8. June 17, 2013 at 3:03 pm

    When I was younger, I thought they were all at least 18, so as an adult, understanding that the men were always older and these were young girls grossed me out. They animated these men to appear so young, though.

    I still refuse to watch The Princess and the Frog. All the African kingdoms, and all they could come up with for a princess was a girl in N’Awlins that’s (still) an animal for most of the movie. Ain’t that typical of Black Disney characters? But I digress…

    They’re a hot mess with the way they make these young girls chuck responsibility to the wind for the sake of love and acceptance. Is that why these girls are out here on team #Don’tThink?

  9. June 17, 2013 at 3:12 pm

    LALALALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAAAAA – i can’t hear you because i’m pretending that everything Disney is perfect!!!

    but in reality i know that you’re right – but i have to (work really hard to) bypass all of that so i can share the Disney movies and princesses with my daughter – interestingly enough, i never noticed any of that as a child and my 5 year old hasn’t either – she has mentioned several times that she wants to be a princess when she grows up – when i ask her why, she says so that she can wear beautiful dresses and tiaras! i’m hoping that continues to be the part that sticks in her head!

  10. Deja
    June 17, 2013 at 3:15 pm

    It was a nice library, though…

  11. June 17, 2013 at 3:20 pm

    I totally died at the Belle rant. And that was my favorite movie. xD But hey I mean to be fair, Belle DID wanna be about something more. I mean she sang about how small town life sucked and was lucky enough to snag herself a rich dude with a lot of books. I mean sure he was hairy, but maybe she’s into that kinda thing.

    • MimiLuvs
      June 17, 2013 at 8:58 pm

      I released one of those types of laughs that sounded like I was trying to scratch the back of my throat, after I read that rant.

  12. Sunny
    June 17, 2013 at 4:33 pm

    Yeah my Disney princess period was very short. Every time I would watch a movie my uncle was like – let me tell you the real story then BAM childhood over. It was like a history lesson every time anyone of these movies came on, then he would give me the African American version to read. Although the pictures were beautiful and the stories were pretty much the same it was like dang it all to heck.
    Now at least I know why “princess” was never a nickname for me growing up.

  13. unfortunately im named Ariel
    June 17, 2013 at 4:40 pm

    So my parents names me after the little mermaid.
    Lol. When I grew up and learned all of this about Ariel I was appalled! I literally cried to my mom and asked why did she name me after her! Lol

  14. Nola girl
    June 17, 2013 at 5:36 pm

    I knew, but I tried not to think about it. Cinderella is a FRECH fairy tale not Chinese, it was a fur slipper, I still love Tiana, she is American and from New Orleans people married young in the past, they died at 40.

  15. HowlingBanshee
    June 17, 2013 at 6:03 pm

    Okay, but most of these stories were set centuries ago when getting educated, having a career, and postponing marriage & babies — while being female — just was not the thing to do. Someone from Cinderella’s era would think of a never-married, literate, educated 22 year old woman as a pariah at best, an evil witch at worst; unless, that is, she was living in a convent. That was kind of the only educational option at the time. So… there, there, it’s all right. Just use these fairy tales as enhancement for when your kids are learning Western Civ or something. Thus saith the party pooper.

    • HowlingBanshee
      June 17, 2013 at 6:05 pm

      Let’s just replace “educated” with “employed” and pretend that’s exactly how I typed it the first time, okay?

  16. Kema
    June 17, 2013 at 6:34 pm

    1. That GIF is priceless and I had to recover from it before I could post.

    2. I am seriously disturbed at Snow Whites age and wonder why as a kid this never bothered me……I lowkey accepted this okay but I guess years of SVU had thankfully Jaded me

    3. I’m still gonna song kiss the girl to the top of my lungs and embrace my inner Ariel cause even through the stereotypes and sexism I love Disney Movies 🙂

  17. Kell
    June 17, 2013 at 7:09 pm

    I was reading this aloud to my husband and he goes:

    “Wait a minute–for Jasmine, it was either Aladdin or Jafar. C’mon son. Plus, Aladdin was a typical brown dude. He was broke, had no job, was using somebody else’s ride, lied about who he was, had a wingman, her daddy didn’t want her messing with him, she gave him side eye from jump, and to woo her, that dude had to sing her a Peabo Bryson song. That’s a typical hood love story.”

    *dead*

    • June 17, 2013 at 7:41 pm

      your husband is a genius. that’s the best breakdown i’ve ever read.

    • MimiLuvs
      June 17, 2013 at 9:01 pm

      I think your husband should create a blog where he breaks down random movies.

      • Leo the Yardie Chick
        June 23, 2013 at 10:49 am

        I concur!

    • June 17, 2013 at 10:15 pm

      I. DIED!!! He is A MESS! LMAOOOO!!!

    • Jabari
      June 17, 2013 at 10:50 pm

      You know ma’am and sir, you both are just winning @ life…#iSaluteU

    • June 18, 2013 at 8:11 am

      I am WEEEAK at this! I just laughed out loud and I am so happy my officemate isn’t here today! lol

    • Randomly Jazzy
      June 18, 2013 at 1:12 pm

      Yes to your husband’s synopsis of Aladdin!

  18. Jabari
    June 17, 2013 at 8:31 pm

    Notice how all the ethnic princesses were the ones about their businesss…. O__o for Disney #WhiteGirlConspiracy #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

    • MimiLuvs
      June 17, 2013 at 9:02 pm

      I’ve noticed but I wasn’t going to say anything.

      • mz.niecy
        June 19, 2013 at 3:52 pm

        i was just reading the comments to see if anyone else picked up on it…I figured since sir Disney was racist anyway of course our super tanned girls would have to ‘werk’ it to get it…

  19. Carriecnh12
    June 17, 2013 at 10:48 pm

    Ok for some reason my firat rant didn’t post, so here goes.

    I love Disney songs, they are some of the best well written and catchy songs ever (maybe Ms.Warren may have had a hand in some ;). Kiss de girl, and under the sea are my faves, I go on yourube and have my own karaoke sessions.
    And now for the rant.
    Disney has been encouraging young girls to be disobedient, disrespectful, selfish and just plain silliness in all od their princess movies. With Ariel and the scottish princess being the whiniest and most ungreatful of the bunch.

    The racism is so blatant it would be useless to try to say otherwise though they have.the fact that the first and probably only black princess was a waitress (please correct me if I’m wrong I refuse to watch it) and out of all the fairytales in history they chose the princess and the frog for her. Not only was he a frog but she had to turn into a frog too and spend most of the storyline in a swamp.
    Disney has always been, is and always be racist, sexist and classist.

  20. Kim
    June 17, 2013 at 10:58 pm

    I knew they were young, but not that young, dayum! However. If your child grows up making life decisions based on watching Disney princess movies, I think it’s safe to say you failed at parenting.

    • Jabari
      June 17, 2013 at 11:19 pm

      And folks wonder why “16 & Pregnant” & “Teen Mom” exist…I direct your attention above

  21. Kicks Chair
    June 18, 2013 at 10:38 am

    I had no idea and I am a tad bit distraught about finding this out! Now I’m going to be giving all of them the side eye. Ole’ fast tail broads!

  22. Randi
    June 18, 2013 at 11:31 am

    This just made me think of a video I saw not to long ago on Youtube called AFTER EVER AFTER. It’s a disney parody in song form about the unfortunate events that happen to the disney princesses after the movie ends. It’s quite entertaining and amazing.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=diU70KshcjA

    • June 18, 2013 at 2:07 pm

      WELL DAMN.

    • Jabari
      June 19, 2013 at 11:23 am

      He wins for that medley….

    • June 19, 2013 at 3:50 pm

      amazing!

  23. Christie
    June 18, 2013 at 9:58 pm

    Also, some of them occurred over a really short amount if time; Aladdin was over the course of a few days.

  24. Karen
    June 21, 2013 at 5:03 pm

    “Look at your life. Look at your choices.” ROTFL! Great post! I’m forwarding the link to your page to my sister, who I’m sure will laugh her arse off! She loves her some Disney movies!

  25. Ash
    July 2, 2013 at 2:12 pm

    Pocahontas In Real Life Didn’t Marry John Smith. She Married Another John And Died At The Age Of 21 Or 22. Sad. Rumor Has It That She Got Mad When She Saw John Smith At A Party In England Because SHe Hadn’t Heard From Him In awhile…Left To Talk To Him TheN Boom…She Was Pregnant. Mmmmm Hmmmmm. *Sips English Breakfast tea*

  26. Mony
    October 19, 2013 at 6:10 pm

    never thought of snow to be so dammed young!i thought she was at least ,i dont know,17 or 16 the less

    LOL ☺

  27. December 18, 2013 at 5:14 am

    […] Most of the Disney Princesses were very young- underage for sure. Jasmine was 15 and Snow White just 14. The oldest Princess was Cinderella, at 19, followed by Pocahontas at 18. Well that’s not so much the problem…well until you realise all they were meant to do is find their sweethearts and get married. See more here […]

  28. AmandaBeth
    February 22, 2016 at 6:52 am

    Exuse me Belle has in cannon never officially married prince Adam(red conned name) they even call other movies spin off. Belle took placeof her father because that’s how m uch she cared for her dad. In process got a prince bf and am adventure. And who says after omly cannon movie prince Adam didn’t take her to see the world. Seriously Airel stop whining 17 yr old Belle took olace of her dad to be a prinsor. And 16 yr old Mulan went to war for her dad. You see a problem there Airel. Rapunzel wasn’t allowed to cut her hair.