Kirk is a Despicable Dustrag and Momma Dee Meets Her Match: LHHATL Episode 12 Recap
I was still cussing Kirk out for his wack ass escapades from last week’s Love and Hip Hop Atlanta when this week rolled around. We left off as the dusty degenerate in denim closed the door of his cabin room, accompanied by two wayward women. This latest episode picked up after this jacuzzi incident.
Trifling Trollop Threesome – Kirk and his duo of doting dolts are frolicking in bed, and clearly getting ready to engage in unholy undertakings. I wanted to gag at cankerous Kirk cheating on his wife on TV and at the trifling trollops who were accessories to his wackness.
Bro Briefing – Kirk and Benzino meet up to debrief about their good times in their temporary brothel. Kirk and his distressed denim vest of dumbassness tells his boy that he had the time of his life. The response he got was “You wasn’t turned up, Kirk. You broke the knob.” Zino expresses his reservations about his behavior, since he’s married. The fact that Spongebob SquareZino is the voice of reason this season is nothing short of terrifying.
Wiggity Wack – K.Michelle is at a wiggery (that’s what I imagine a wig store should be called) looking for new hairhats for her upcoming tour. Ariane shows up and asks K if she can sing backup for her. SCREECH! WUT?!? So that’s her angle. She’s tryna be a singer? Chile… bye. Anywho, K tells her she needs to audition like everyone else.
Lettuce Pray Love – Mimi is summoned to some restaurant by Steebie the Sociopath, wondering what is so important. Wells, Stevie asks her for “lettuce” and she puts 2 and 2 together and realizes “head of lettuce,” which then means “head.”
That nut job REALLY had the unmitigated gall to ask her for sex. And when she laughs at him and says no, he brings up the BMW he bought her. You know the one we ALL knew would be used as bait by him? That one. She promptly hands him his keys, walks out and calls a cab. Good for her! Even though she shoulda never accepted it to begin with. But baby steps.
Pondering Pawn – Erica meets up with Momma Dee to talk about Scrappy’s financial support of her daughter since he’s locked up (they won’t let him out). Scar tells her that she is going to exercise her rights as a granny and look after Emani. You ain’t got no right, Momma Dee! You’re grandma and mom is present. Chill out! Anywho, Erica tells her she’s thinking of selling her engagement ring to secure money for her and Scrappy’s daughter and Scar encourages her to do that.
Doubting Drew – Drew goes to Traci’s apartment with flowers to apologize for his behavior in the presence of her new boo.
He tells Traci he wants to take her and Shawn to dinner to talk and to question the man who will be around his son. Drew don’t give a damb about a new man in his son’s life. He is just all concerned about Traci’s Love Pocket. Tuck in your cock blocking, sir.
Ariane’s Awful Audition – K. Michelle holds a bootleg version of American Idol auditions with 3 other judges, to find her new backup singers. When Ariane steps up, she starts by telling the judges that she’s sick. That was clue 1 that this was about to be a mess. And from the first note that escapes her throat to the last, awfulness abounded. She sounded like a dying cat, and when the big boy on the panel expressed this, homegirl gets butthurt. In the confessionals, K agreed by saying “She looked a lil funny looking. And when she sang, she sounded just like she looked.”
Ariane cannot carry a note in an indestructible bucket. Bless her heart.
Diamond Decision – Erica goes to the jeweler to sell the engagement ring Scrappy gave her, and she brings Momma Dee for some reason unbeknownst to logic. The jeweler says if he buys the ring from her, he’ll give her $10,000 but she can NOT get it back if she changes her mind. The other option is to put the ring on consignment and he can get her $15,000 for it. She chooses the latter option (in case VH1 wants to buy it back but I’m sleep).
House-hunting Hoodboogers – Master Splinter and Joseline are house-hunting, at her behest. She wants a bigger commitment from him and this is what it looks like, I guess. They end up in the bedroom of the house they’re looking at and JoHe (Joseline Hernandez for short. Go with me here) straddles him until he gives her the answer she’s looking for. You’ont do that in someone else’s bed, fool. Ugh. Joseline has disappointed me GREATLY in her new role as Mimi 2.0.
Turnt Up Tarts – Traci is having an event and invites her “good friend,” Bambi, to model. She sure knows how to pick amigas (first, Shay and now her). Her crew is so hoodrat and basic broad-full. As she mingles after, she walks up to Bambi, who is with Kirk, Mary Jane and Benzino. When she tells her how they were at a cabin “turnt up,” Traci looks at Kirk and confirms that he’s Rasheeda’s husband. The boo boo the fool look on Adam’s Apple was priceless. Like she wasn’t supposed to know who he was. Mary Jane, the other fool, then adds insult to injury by talmbout she took Kirk’s free pass. This is nothing to be proud of, you damb harlot!
Shay wasn’t in this ep but this gif felt right.
Momma Meets Match – Momma Scar has summoned the minions of her invisible kingdom for a party to give an announcement. Turns out, Scrappy scraped his way outta jail and is FREENAYEE. Erica hasn’t talked to him since he went in so it was a surprise to her too. She pulls him aside and tells him that she sold her engagement ring and he has the nerve to look hurt. Because in his opposite day brain, they were gonna make their ultra broken relationship work. His bad reaction to this sent his mama into hysterics. As she starts yelping, Mingnon, Erica’s mama, comes outta nowhere. Madame was in braids, a pair of leggings that said she ain’t give a damb (she’ont give a fug) and a cropped top that showed she’s always ready to FIZNIGHYEE.
Mingnon felt like Momma Dee was feeling froggy and she was about to leap on her until security grabbed her and Scrappy pushed Erica away. WHOOOO! It was going to go DOWN. As those ladies left, Momma Dee asked us all the question “Mirror Mirror on the wall. Who’s the fairyest of them all?” I don’t know who’s FAIRYEST (O__o), ma’am. I can’t answer that. I DO know who’s the craziest though. You win THAT crown.
Momma Dee met her match, doe.
Traci Tells – Traci goes to Rasheeda’s house and tells her what she found out about Kirk’s whereabouts from the past couple of days. His turnt upness and all’at. Yes, Traci, girl. That’s a good friend right there. TELL ME if my dude is traipsing ’round with a troop of tramps. With so much hurt in her voice and with tears in her eyes, Rasheeda says “Your married ass don’t need to be turnt NOWHERE.” Damb right, girl. Get him together when you see him. And right then, he walks up. Traci excuses herself because it was about to get ugly.
Burning Betrayal – Rasheeda asks Kirk if he’s really been up to no good, and it’s a question she wasn’t really looking for an answer to. She wanted an apology but what she got was blame. That awful animal basically blames her for sticking his peen in some other chick because she told him to “do you.” And then he tells her that he was drunk. I wanted someone to dropkick him in the throat. Such a damb coward!
Rasheeda was NOT having it and that pitiful cuntrag she calls a husband runs in their house and locks the door behind him. So she had to walk to the front to get in. By then, he had hopped in his car. She goes in the house, grabs his clothes and a match and throws them on the lawn. Don’t wait to exhale, girl. BURN. HIS. SHIT. RASHEEDA! BURN IT ALL! ALL THEM DISTRESSED DENIM VESTS! BURN THEM ALL!!!
Chile… I’m so unable. Kirk is THE WORST! THE WORST! Allow me to use this GIF again. Because no one expresses this like Jean-Ralphio.
How do you throw away 15 years of marriage for a tryst on national TV like what you built is really that disposable? Wack. I hope Rasheeda leaves him because she can do bad all by herself.
Anywho, next week, we’re in for a treat. You know Rasheeda’s mama, Miss Shirlene, ain’t here for Kirk’s bullshit. She goes AWF for her baby girl. So that should be good.
So whatcha think of the foolishness? Would you have burned Kirk’s clothes? And if not, then we need to get your thuggier friends who will.
P.S. HELL YEAH, ALLITERATION!