Whose Hipster Cousin is in These Super Tight Jeggings?

I love skinny jeans and jeggings just as much as the next person; when they fit well, they leave your yansh SITTING! For women, when skinny jeans don’t fit or are too tight, we end up looking like toothpaste tubes being squozed out (yes, squozed). I’ma throw jeggings in this equation too.

Too tight pants on men pose a different problem though and I have a prime example of that (found on Imgur).

Disclaimer: If there’s a kid in the room of looking over your shoulder, tell them to vamoose because… well when you scroll down, you will see why. Trust me though.

Skinniest Jeans

Image from Imgur

GAHTDAMB them pants tights dinnamug!

Ok couple of things. First of all, he walked out his house with n’an draws on. Not one piece of boxer to be seen anywhere. When you freeball like such, you must expect that certain things will shift and make themselves seen. Just chilling there while scrotum strong.

When you rock the tightest jeggings you own, in a light color, SANS LE DRAWS, then you KNOW you want to present your moose knuckle to the masses for viewing. It’s like a genitalia Netflix. Free trial but you gotta pay (with convo and dinner) to watch for an extended period of time.

I mean it’s RIGHT THERE. On his right thigh. And I can’t look away. Does this make me a perv? I’m just saying. (-_-)

whatevs whatever gif

These skinty jeans, though! They look real uncomfortable. How did he even get them on? Physics must be at play. These pants must be at least 45% spandex or lycra because cotton doesn’t have the same GIVE. And I bet he had to lay on the bed and pull them off from the bottom when his day ended. Just SNUG.

This can’t be great for his blood circulation or sperm count.

Also, what if he got… hard? Would the pants just rip and say “we quit. Now you’re just doing too much?” These are the questions *I* got. Because there already seems to be no room for any extra anything. Sooo if his joystick (because I’m 12) decided to expand, where is it gon go?

IT’S ON HIS DAMB THIGH! Chile…

Leggings/jeggings/skinny jean abuse must end, y’all. Buy them in your size. That is all I ask.

Whose hipster cousin is this? And what do y’all think about homeboy in these pants? You gon admit you looking too or nah?

P.S. He has great legs!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Emelia August 7, 2013, 8:10 pm

    OH. MY. DAMN.

    • Luvvie August 7, 2013, 8:21 pm

      Yeah, girl.

    • AdjustedSails August 8, 2013, 12:08 am

      IDK…i can’t look away..i think it’s the fact that the top half of this picture is so normal. like, u wouldn’t know, at all, that u were about to scroll into a porno..smh..

  • Reginia {PoisedinPrint.com} August 7, 2013, 8:11 pm

    That’s some serious camel toe right there. I can’t live for any of this or be here for it either. Let me go lay by burden down by a size medium because boo bop needs them.

  • KemaB August 7, 2013, 8:12 pm

    I will never be able to unsee this thanks Luvvie -_____-

    • Luvvie August 7, 2013, 8:21 pm

      You’re welcome! 😀 lolol

  • Jen August 7, 2013, 8:18 pm

    I’m crying! That’s too much!! That’s not camel toe- that’s a moose knuckle!!

  • Justlikehoney1 August 7, 2013, 8:19 pm

    Bat ‘n balls just on display. He has a yeast infection. I’m sure of it.

    • Luvvie August 7, 2013, 8:20 pm

      I DIEDDD at “bats n balls.” Yeah he might could get a couple of UTIs off these pants.

      • Lib August 7, 2013, 8:51 pm

        There will be slow singin’ and flower bringin’ for both of us then, because I just died along with you! #doublefuneral

  • OneJillian August 7, 2013, 8:19 pm

    I can’t with you right now. This dude is entirely in the wrong. That’s when you put on a DANG JACKET…There are children everywhere! And overprotective moms who WILL call them folks on you!

    • Drea August 8, 2013, 8:42 am

      Put on a jacket? Hell nawl. He needs to just take those pants off and throw them all the way away. All the way!

      • Renée October 11, 2014, 7:29 am

        Hahahaha! YES ALL THE WAY AWAY!!!!

  • Jabari August 7, 2013, 8:19 pm

    So no kids for him ever huh?…#carryon

  • Amber August 7, 2013, 8:23 pm

    I’ve never liked men in skinny jeans and this pretty much sums up all the reasons why. He must not have friends or just REALLY wanted some attention that day.

  • MsZ August 7, 2013, 8:24 pm

    *covers eyes–then peeks* Um………..yeah………I got nothing. (-_-)

    • Luvvie August 7, 2013, 8:38 pm

      And he has a coupla things.

      • Lenore August 7, 2013, 10:35 pm

        I hate’chu so much right now for this comment Luvvie!

  • Marcus August 7, 2013, 8:25 pm

    Speaking as a gay man, I personally don’t mind getting a little sneak peek at the, um, merchandise. That way I already know there’s a better chance I’ll be satisfied should I decide to make a purchase.

    (And I’m overdue for a shopping spree…)

    • Justlikehoney1 August 7, 2013, 8:30 pm

      *dead ‘n gone*

    • Luvvie August 7, 2013, 8:38 pm

      LMAOOOO!

    • Calvin August 7, 2013, 9:21 pm

      And as long as he’s not hard in this picture, you’ll be purchasing at least 6″. That should be worth it.

    • Jabari August 7, 2013, 10:34 pm

      Preach that gospel, Marcus….

  • SanTara August 7, 2013, 8:39 pm

    LOL ouch! His frank and bean is vacuum sealed.

    • A Lady Named B August 8, 2013, 2:13 pm

      xXDEADXx

    • Trina August 9, 2013, 12:26 pm

      My pulse stopped at – VACUUM SEALED!

    • Miss B October 9, 2014, 2:49 am

      Not frank and bean!!!!!!

  • Makeup4play August 7, 2013, 8:41 pm

    Glory! His poor nuts can’t hang low or wobble to and fro. They are in dire straits just crying forfreedom.

    • Bev August 8, 2013, 4:49 am

      Go to the corner,Young Lady!

    • vanitaapplebum August 8, 2013, 11:34 am

      Give us free!

  • Ms. D August 7, 2013, 8:46 pm

    Dem paintses is tighter then a pack of pickled peppers! Sidenote: not bad for an anorexic man..*peeks twice*

  • Tiffani August 7, 2013, 9:00 pm

    “We quit”!!! I hollered!

  • Kwan August 7, 2013, 9:12 pm

    “Also, what if he got… hard? Would the pants just rip and say “we quit.”

    *couch slides and rolls on floor*

    Ummm yeah I- I just don’t know what to say.

  • JazzT August 7, 2013, 10:08 pm

    He don’t give two fucks.

    • EddieF October 8, 2014, 3:21 pm

      His kids would be horrified to see this, but with how his balls are strangled, he won’t have any.

  • Ashamai August 7, 2013, 10:15 pm

    Wait…I just figured out that is a JUICE BOX this fool is carrying!!!! So…..NAMBLA just wears it all out there, huh?

    • A Lady Named B August 8, 2013, 2:22 pm

      and here i thought his face was scrunched up because he was focused on rolling his own cig…and then i scrolled down…and saw the jucie box!

  • StacyAustralia August 7, 2013, 10:30 pm

    So we just going to say he got dressed during a black out with no mirrors in his home. That’s how we’re going to explain that.

  • MsDstnctv August 7, 2013, 10:51 pm

    Maybe it is just the guys I hang around with, but they are always adjusting left and right. You cannot tell me he didn’t adjust just once, then look down like “WTF??” Or is he just like screw it? I mean, didn’t he feel extra sweaty down there?

  • Denise August 7, 2013, 11:08 pm

    So that’s how we do now? Just put your twig and berries out on display like it’s ok?

  • Carriecnh12 August 8, 2013, 1:36 am

    Thrde things ain’t just tight, they’re superman struggling with kryptonite tight. I don’t even have any cans, I have to switch to jars cause this is juat ridonckulous.

  • Eve Tey August 8, 2013, 1:51 am

    I’m trying to figure out how he’s just standing there all calm and shit, don’t you hear those billions of sperm screaming for help! smdh

  • Em. August 8, 2013, 1:54 am

    My ovaries hurt looking at his reproductive piece all choked up like that.

  • Christa August 8, 2013, 2:44 am

    A deviled egg and a stack of quarters. I don’t see what the problem is?

    • Jerzgrlndc August 8, 2013, 10:42 am

      weeeeeeak at this comment! lol!

    • mrsbdd1 August 9, 2013, 4:22 pm

      iDIED!!!! Slain, murk’d and destroyed by this comment…..pink and purple orchids please

  • Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly August 8, 2013, 2:50 am

    Dang, for once I’m speechless, and that says A LOT
    My eyeballs are angry at me for looking! 😉

  • Neetro August 8, 2013, 7:31 am

    Never seen anyone give themself a complete circumcision before, and in public too!

    Maybe he was auditioning for the Vagina Monologues or he packed a chick leg quarter in his pants for lunch.

    Idk I’m trying to deal but…

  • Keene Point of View August 8, 2013, 8:29 am

    So, Luvvie, I can’t look away for several reasons. You asked what would happen if he got hard. Well, it looks like he’s halfway there presumably from the fabric rubbing against it, being in public, and already being quite hefty there as it is. I mean, I cannot look away. I can’t even tell you what his hair looks like, but I can tell you that he’s probably waxed or shaven there. It’s kind of majestic and I’m a bit jealous. And he’s skinny, and we all know that most skinny guys are well…let me stop. Anyway, *right click*…

    • Miss B October 9, 2014, 2:57 am

      *right click* was the bullet that got me…#dead

  • MarvyMds August 8, 2013, 8:35 am

    I bet you he had a raging yeast infection once he peeled those things off. Just bagels, rolls and biscuits brewing all up in his nether regions.

  • trina b August 8, 2013, 11:27 am

    its just laid like kim k! i just cant stop looking! they have to be uber stretchy cause aint no way he can sit in them.

  • lnedykstra August 8, 2013, 11:27 am

    He looks like he had to jump off the top of a building into those jeans!!!!

    • HowlingBanshee August 9, 2013, 7:03 pm

      WIN! I would watch a vine of that

  • @Darthjaeda August 8, 2013, 11:57 am

    “On his thigh” is overstating it a bit- Serge Ibaka? ON his thigh. This dude? Pointing TOWARDS his thigh. *sips tea*

  • Friendaim August 8, 2013, 12:04 pm

    He’s not just a perv, he’s a passive-aggressive perv.

    • Kk October 8, 2014, 6:09 pm

      I was just thinking this dude is just a flasher on a slow day….

  • Dorita August 8, 2013, 1:16 pm

    Sooo, I was at work reading your blogs as I often do and straight up LOL’D at this unfortunate photograph! LOL LOL LOL, and I did not peak at his Grizzly Bear Paw print but I scrolled down to continue reading and also peak up and have it give me more laughs…I suppose all my giggling invited my Boss over to my area and she literally made me jump out of my seat when I heard her horrific cackling behind me. Thankfully she has a great sense of humor, she walks away from me mosttimes s.her.h in amusement…(i hope). 0_o

  • Donna August 8, 2013, 1:55 pm

    LOL! @dorita…right there w/you! I cannot stop laughing…ever heard suppressed laughter…? Not pretty….cause I’s got a LOUD laugh when something throws me, and boy Luvvie…where in the name did you come across this one!lol! Man, the dude, just stands there w/no care in the world, as if…”hey, dang juice finish…should I buy another one…?” while probably the people around him not sure whether to look or NOT!

  • Marcos Urias August 8, 2013, 2:57 pm

    Honey that’s what you call 10 pounds of poop in a 5 pound bag!! YUK!!!!

  • Sunny August 8, 2013, 3:22 pm

    OK so all I could think of it looks like he’s in the city – and lets assume he doesn’t have a car and let assume he’s riding the subway and lets assume that subway car is crowded and lets assume everyone is packed like sardines at rush hour……..

  • Pasha August 8, 2013, 5:10 pm

    He’s not serious. He can’t be. No way are you purposefully leaving your house like that unless it’s a joke. Maybe it’s a public service thing basically saying: “You too could look this ridiculous if you buy circulation stopping skinny jeans.” I dunno but I can’t help looking and laughing.

  • Seven August 8, 2013, 6:55 pm

    If he was a bit bigg…you know what let me not.

  • Justina August 8, 2013, 10:34 pm

    OMG…I just about fell on the floor with this one. I think I saw his cousin a few years ago. I’ll never forget it. *Uses Sophia Petrillo voice*

    Picture it. It was 2001 and I was walking down 42nd and 8th avenue when this skinny dude was walking towards me real fast in some sweat pants. The strange thing about him is that it looked as if he had a windmill going around in the front of his pants.

    As he got closer I saw that even though his sweatpants was fairly loose, he was strutting down 8th avenue commando. The thing is that he was very well endowed. Huge! It looked liked a damn Ananconda was attacking him down there. At first I thought my eyes were deceiving me but then I noticed that men were starting to turn around and look at him as he passed by. The funny thing is how oblivious this guy was to the fact that he was literally swinging his stuff down the damn street.

    • ibmymy August 9, 2013, 1:53 pm

      Yes. I love my some Sophia. Thank you!

  • NeNePoshNailz73 August 8, 2013, 11:51 pm

    Cue Royce The 5’9″ ‘s song “I Hate Your Pants” … He is out of order here!! The comments slay me almost as much as the article did!!!

  • Ms. Brome August 9, 2013, 12:32 am

    Moar junk shots, thank you

  • MsTwix August 9, 2013, 2:00 pm

    “moose knuckle”… iCan’t with this LMAO!!!!! I cried from laughing so damn hard and here come my boss asking me “what’s wrong?”

    You see why I can’t visit this site during work hours?

    PS: Ms Luvvie. I don’t know why, but I’m waiting on your words regarding the “Big Chop”… you KNOW what I’m talmbout!!!

    Besos 🙂

  • CaspercutieSTL August 9, 2013, 3:30 pm

    His poor genitals are screaming for respect and freedom.

  • WhiskeyOnTheRox August 9, 2013, 6:32 pm

    Luvie. Ma’am I was in the midst of drinking Ginger Ale when I scrolled down…I’ll be sending my doctor and computer repair bill to your address.

  • Shakira August 9, 2013, 11:56 pm

    But he’s just chillin like his schlong isn’t ULTRA pressed up against those pants. Like “yup, my thang is showin. No big deal”. Lawd…

  • Absurdist August 10, 2013, 7:09 am

    Ah, well, somebody took down the original. Maybe he got a clue.

  • Michelle Alexander August 16, 2013, 4:05 pm

    I have the worst gag reflex…. This gaged me from the computer screen…

  • Helen381 October 4, 2013, 5:54 pm

    Camel toe for women, I call that elephant toes ROFl.

  • TyrenM November 20, 2013, 5:41 pm

    Ouch,
    I see what you did there. You took SexyTextingPervyPerv… and brought it to Wednesday right?
    Nevermind. This is dated. I gots nothing. I’ll be back Friday morning. Imma have to leave you alone on other dayz lol.

  • Aisha October 8, 2014, 2:21 pm

    I don’t have any words, really. It reminds me of camel toe sittin’ on swoll’.

  • Scotian Queen October 8, 2014, 2:23 pm

    Someone pass the eye bleach please!!!!

  • My Beautiful Life October 8, 2014, 2:35 pm

    That pic is killing me 🙂

  • sonia@niamassage.com October 8, 2014, 2:41 pm

    Every time I see someone in leggings, whether they fit well or not, I have Tim Gunn in my head screaming, “Leggings are NOT PANTS!” I just wish he’d put the megaphone down, though.

  • Jenn October 8, 2014, 2:41 pm

    His sperm transformed into some Smooth Skippy peanut butter cuz THOSE nuts are SMASHED!

  • Elizabeth w October 8, 2014, 2:46 pm

    Least wise if he was nekkid, small children would recognize that trouser snake. With his skillfull scrotal arranging skills, poor things are just gonna be scared it could happen to them.

    Oh. And he’s a shower, not a grower.

  • Asia E. October 8, 2014, 2:57 pm

    Wait. What??! NO. Big ass NO!

  • Ebony October 8, 2014, 3:15 pm

    this picture is like the last 15 minutes of scandal last week business as usual and then………BAM it turned into the worst porn movie ever…. HOLY MARY MOTHER OF GOD BATMAN!!!! does this man not have a mirror or a friend to tell him take your 12 year old sister’s pants off………..#icant #whataboutyourfriends

  • Cindy October 8, 2014, 3:18 pm

    When I can tell that you dress right and whether you are circumcised, your pants may be too tight.

  • Tracy October 8, 2014, 3:36 pm

    I am PISSED! After alls that this man decides to wear SOCKS! Because god forbid he show his ankles *cluthches pearls*

  • beth October 8, 2014, 3:42 pm

    I know that I am so wrong for thinking this, but if he were to approach me with the D, I ain’t running from it, cos right now, the way my girth and resting length is set up? HE IS PRE APPROVED!!! #sorrynotsorry

  • Yulanda October 8, 2014, 4:26 pm

    Kill the visual Jesus. PLEASE!!!

  • Pria October 8, 2014, 4:35 pm

    DAYIUMMMMMMMM!!! “Franks and Beans” all on display! “Twigs and Berries” all up in those “Nut Huggers.”
    #EWWWWWW

  • Neek October 8, 2014, 4:58 pm

    Umm, I think he WAS hard. Yikes! LOL

  • MsOand October 8, 2014, 5:02 pm

    My first thought is he going to get a yeast infection. Then, I decided to give him the benefit of doubt and say maybe he is working (hence, standing on the corner) and that’s the way he market his goods……He “woke up like that, Flawless”! You think that is why Bey says gahtdamb! gahtdamb! in Flawless….lol
    These comments are giving me life…LMAO!

  • J'Monae October 8, 2014, 5:12 pm

    MOOSE KNUCKLE . I’m dead lol. There is so many things wrong with this pic!! & I too have so many questions.

  • Mister October 8, 2014, 5:34 pm

    you are hilarious 🙂

  • Mikki October 8, 2014, 5:46 pm

    Moose Knuckle –

  • Krystal Grant October 8, 2014, 6:11 pm

    I think you just caused my appendix to rupture. I broke my insides from howling.

  • Shanise October 8, 2014, 6:39 pm

    I am reading this article and the comments on the bus and I am LMBO!!! The other passengers think I’m the “crazy” one!

  • MzH2Os October 8, 2014, 8:07 pm

    Whyyyyy do I insist on trying to read Luvvie on the low, while sitting in a business meeting?!!! …snickering/coughing abounds!

  • D. Moore October 8, 2014, 9:49 pm

    He gon git arrested for indecent exposure! This boy need some “truth tellers” in his life frfr!

  • Kelli October 8, 2014, 11:09 pm

    Just looking at this pic, I can tell he was circumsized so he must be either Catholic or Baptist. A man in jeans that are tighter than a virgin can venture…YIKES and OUCH!!!

  • Safirestare October 8, 2014, 11:36 pm

    Put the mouse in the house! This is a family place! Geez!

  • Ms Jinx October 9, 2014, 4:24 am

    The article, the picture, the COMMENTS!!! (smh) It’s official…..
    I’m… I can’t…. Y’all are a bunch of NutJobs !!!

  • Chelle October 9, 2014, 6:08 pm

    He can’t even donate those pants anywhere! Those things have seen too much! He needs to put on a condom before he gets some innocent bystander pregnant!

  • Mr. Cornells October 10, 2014, 12:21 am

    How did he walk in those from his house to this point? He dare not FART…

  • J$ March 15, 2015, 4:36 pm

    He’s my pal. He spilt something on his pants and had to wear his girlfriends leggings! He normally wears slightly less skinny leg wear

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