Guess Who’s Gooning at Dinner: Scandal Episode 302 Recap
If there’s one thing Scandal continues to do, it’s to out-goon itself. There’s just so much bad-assness in this show, and I am comfortable crowning Rowan Pope as King Goon of the World. My man has no chill and no dambs to give about anyone but the republic. “Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner” spilled A LOT of tea and I am just ready to talk about it so let’s get into it.
Back to the Past (flashback) – The show starts with a flashback from five years before, with Olivia rocking her past pain wig. She’s at dinner with Poppa Goon, and is irritated by him. She’s just there so he can pay her law school loans and he’s there to make up for sending her away after her Mom died (I’ont think she’s dead). After he tells her he’s trying, she tells him she’s dating Senator Pudding Pop (Edison Davis), who wants to marry her but hasn’t met Pops.
Olivia returns to the train station after dinner and muggers try to come for her but Hobo Huck comes outta nowhere and hands out a serious can of ass-whooping as Liv runs away.
Daydream Believer and Vermont Queen – Olivia’s getting her jog on when Tom, our fave Secret Service dude runs beside her and hands her a phone. It’s President Ghost, calling to talk and Liv says Jeannine is her client so she will be coming for the White House with everything she got! His lovesick ass is all “Do it, boo! I luh you, babe.” HA! Such a simp. Then the two of them daydream about getting married, having four kids and Olivia making jam in Vermont. I hope it’s strawberry because ain’t nobody here for grape jam (-_-).
Press Conference Pushback – Cyrus gets a call from Rowan nudging him to make sure President Ghost confirms that he slept with Jeannine. Right after, he’s told about a press conference happening right outside, and it’s Olivia with Jeannine. She affirms the aide’s innocence with “The White House is guilty of slander.” Lemme find out the White House is Black Twitter.
These are Huck’s Confessions (flashback) – Olivia sees Hobo Huck at the train station and asks him how he learned to hand out beatdowns and he gives her his confessions. He says he was an assassin for a secret CIA operative called B613, run by a man called “Command” and the cover is a paper company called ACME/Wonderland. She thinks he needs more people and when she gets to Papa Pope’s she tells him about her homeless friend. He tries to shrug it off but she mentions B613 and his face hardens. AW DANG! Liv just told Huck’s boss about him not knowing. WHOOO!!!
We do learn that Rowan is who got Liv into red wine, because she didn’t “have the taste for it” until he hands her a glass of a fine red. He ain’t know he was giving her liquid in therapy form.
I think red wine tastes like shoe polish, despair and inconsideration. Maybe I too need to drink some fine red.
Calling Shots – Cyrus tells President Ghost to grow some balls and get on TV to throw Jeannine under the bus by saying that she’s his mistress. Fitz claps back and says he’s the President so he will call the shots and he’s ashamed of Mellie and Beene for putting the innocent girl in this whole fiasco. It’s really cute when Prez Ghost thinks he got some power, not knowing the League of Goons behind him runs things. Mellie get Cyrus to leak the fact that there were many times that Jeannine and Fitz were alone in the West Wing. Again: Fitz is the weakest person in that doggone place.
Wondering About Wonderland (flashback) – Olivia goes to Sunday dinner and asks her dad about whether he found out about that “B613 thing” and he tells her it ain’t real. Then he casually drops the fact that there was a story that some homeless dude (who matched Huck’s description) was arrested.
Rowan’s Rebel Rousing – Daddy Goon is at the Gladiator office when Olivia walks in with Huck. He introduces himself to the whole team, and he shakes Huck’s hand. Liv is NOT pleased. The second they’re by themselves, Liv tells her dad that the deal is that he stays away from her team and especially Huck. He’s there to say if she doesn’t let Jeannine burn, she will not see Jake again. He gon rot like Miss Sofia almost did. Also of note, Olivia was rocking a black suit here.
Meanwhile, Quinn is wondering why they never knew about Liv’s dad living in DC and Harrison tells her “she must have had her reasons.” And he looks convincingly shifty as he tries to get her to dismiss it? Brolivia Pope, perhaps? Mhmmm.
After Poppa Goon leaves, Olivia tells Huck that Jake is with B613, and Huck says disobeying orders means they throw you in the hole. If that doesn’t reprogram you, then they will torture you til you wish you were dead. WELL DAMB!!!
Call to Fitz – Liv desperately calls Fitz and says she needs to find out if Jake is alive. He is understandably not too concerned but she says he saved her life. Olivia got giant balls, man. You call the married man who is in love with you to ask him to find out about the boyfriend you inadvertently created a sex tape with. The secrets lying between Liv’s thighs must be immortality cuz… WHOOO!
Wonderland Confirmation (flashback) – Olivia introduces herself to David Rosen (who has adorabo facial hair) and asks if Huck has been arrested and he says his fingerprints came back clean (because she dropped off her purse to his office). He’s been got by B613, and when Liv shows up to a street called “Wonderland Ave.” and sees that a paper company called “Acme” is located there, her spidey senses tingle. Then she pulls out the pen her dad gave her and it says “ACME” on it. She shows up at Sunday dinner freaked out and asks Rowan a question she already knows the answer to: “Do you teach people how to kill for a living?” He untucks his gooning ways and threateningly replies with “If you push, you will know me well… Order your meal and tell me about your day.” HELL NAWL!
Nosy Baby Huck – Quinn is telling Huck how Liv and Pops used to have Sunday dinner and it ended suddenly. Because Quinn can’t mind her own damb business. Even Huck tells her to cut that crap out and says that even though he’s taught her a bunch of stuff, she needs to not be like him. If HUCK is warning you to let go of something, you better listen. But not this Nosy Nancy.
Jonesing for Jeannine – Ethan, Jeannine’s coworker is strong-armed by Abby (who looks HAWT with the makeover) to give over info on IMs him and her exchanged during their time as colleagues to prove she wasn’t ever alone with Fitz. The Gladiators get Jeannine ready for a press interview, and she’s staying at Olivia’s. When Liv leaves her apartment, she gets a call and it’s Mellie, who has summoned her. Aw damb. What now?? Mellie’s clearly fed up so who knows what she got up her sleeve.
Meet the Parent (flashback) – Olivia brings Senator Pudding Pop to meet her dad, who introduces himself as Eli (hmmmm…). Liv announces that he asked her to marry her and she said yes. She also drops the tidbit that he is on the Senate Intelligence Committee, in charge of ensuring that spies don’t “make innocent civilians disappear.” Ma’am. You did too much there. Once her and Poppa are alone, she says she wants her Huck back!
Negotiating with Dinner – It’s almost time for the interview and Jeannine has told Ethan to destroy the IMs. She gets a call from Fitz saying Jake is alive but he can’t get him released. Liv FLIPS! She then calls Rowan and tells him that if he lets Jake live, she’ll “put Sunday dinners back on the table.” He says he’ll consider. Dang, do they have cheddar bay biscuits at these dinners? I’m saying.
Jeannine tells Olivia that she’s being promised $2 million sans taxes in a Cayman Island account if she throws herself under the bus and says she slept with President Ghost. So THAT’s what Mellie summoned her for. Liv does her “I will read you but really I’m reading myself” spiel by telling her that if she lies, she will be selling her soul and will start hating what she sees.
Return from Wonderland (flashback) – Olivia’s at the train station and Huck is there, looking beat up with a bad black eye. Her dear old dad calls and tells her that her fiancé, Edison, has been in an accident. He will live but Olivia needs to know that he’s not the man for her and she should return the ring. HOW ARE YOU THE WORST DADDY EVER, ROWAN POPE?!?! WTF???? He’s totally getting coal and an acapella Rihanna CD for Father’s Day for at least 10 years.
Presidential Balls – Right as Jeannine’s interview is about to start, they say it’s being pre-empted by the President. Fitz says he admits to having SECKCHUAL RELATIONS with that woman, thereby shaking the table himself and screwing a bunch of folks out of getting what they want. Jeannine no longer gets her $2 million, VP Sally no longer gets the Hail Mary she needs to condemn Ghostie (for her own political future) and Mellie’s plan doesn’t end on her terms. However, President Ghost won EVERYTHING when he says “How presidential are my balls now, Cyrus?” I LIVE!
Digging for Dirt and Finding a Deal – So you know how Quinn can never have a gahtdamb seat? Well she went digging and found emails between Liv and Rowan talking about a homeless man in Union Station. She reminds Huck that he used to live in Union Station and the truth dawns on him.
As Liv heads to her car, Huck shows up in the parking garage and says he has 2 questions for her. The first: “Why did you lie to me?” Olivia says she’s never led to him and he remembers when Charlie was asking how Huck could live normally, saying he wanted the same deal. Olivia had replied then with “there was no deal.” Before he asked the second question, he charges at Olivia, hemming her up by the throat and yells “Is your father Command?” He lets her go, she says “Yes, he is” and he leaves.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! HE HEMMED HER UP AND I’M NOT OK WITH IT!
As Liv sits at home sipping wine, Rowan/Eli calls her and tells her to open her front door. When she does, Jake is standing there looking like he’s been dropkicked him through the goalposts of life! At least he’s alive. And Poppa Pope says “Sunday, my house. I’ll choose the wine.”
Look. Listen. Stop. STAWP. STTTAAAHHHHPPPPP!!!! I am just… UNABLE. I had to open up a window because I was sweating like Cyrus when he runs through the White House underground tunnel. Gahtdambit, Rowan Pope!!! You outchea wreaking ALL TYPES of havoc, hellbent on having Sunday dinner for the daughter you keep screwing over. Daddy Goon is so terrible that he makes Cyrus Beene look like Mr. Rogers. My goodness. Olivia’s life is all topsy turvy right now.
I AM DISTRAUGHT over that fact that Huck put his paws on Olivia. I AM SO UNABLE TO DEAL!!! That is the ONE person who she can count on against all odds and now, even he’s been betrayed by her. The one thing Huck was so sincere about was that Olivia not lie to him. She can’t lose him like this. *wall slides* I just wanna lay my burdens down.
I blame Quinn’s ol’ busybody self for this. SIT THE HELL DOWN, MADAME! Ain’t nobody #AXED you to become 00-Perkins! Shit. Ugh.
What is Liv gon do now? How is Huck gonna forgive her? Who is gonna be on her corner? Also, Harrison’s been too quiet for my liking.
GLADIATORS SOUND OFF IN THE COMMENTS!
Also, check out CelebrateBlackTV.com for my top 10 moments of the episode.