I think babies are cute by default because they’re so little and small things lean towards cute. And some babies are born cute AND looking like they’ve been here before. You’ve seen those mini humans. They just look like they hold a wisdom of the years and these are the kids you gotta give strong names to. Names like Rufus, Jebediah, Orelius or Bertha. You can’t name babies who’ve been here before stuff like Jessica, Zach or Timmy. Nope. They need to be called Wilbur or Clementine from jump!
I came across a picture of this baby a while ago and I immediately wanted to get off his lawn, because I was sure he was gonna chase me off it.
He just looks like he ain’t here for any of us or our boolsheet. Like he was born with an already low tolerance for foolishness. He ain’t got the TAHM! This baby was probably Moses’ tour guide in them deserts. He got some wisdom beyond our time.
I posted Young Jebediah’s pic on my Facebook fan page last year and the comments from my readers almost had me LAID OUT!
“He’s been here before…and still doesn’t like what he sees.” – MB
“As my granny says, his parents are old. – ABR
“Benjamin Button and Yoda had a baby???” – CM
“Ole all knowing ass baby.” – LVA
“He looks like if you asked him what was going on, he’d sigh and say “Life, man.”‘ – JL
“Man, he looks like he’s bout 2 lecture me about my disappointing behavior. In James Earl Jones’s voice. *sends myself to my room*” – BTM
“I’ve decided… the child’s name is Joseephus.” – RBN
“All the children in the nursery look up to him.” – ABR
“Look baby is not on any of our runs okay. He’s too busy telling his grandkids to pull up their pants and that kids these days have no respect for their elders.” – ACS
“Leave the child alone …he has a difficult beauty.” – MT
“I think he just tired and a lil pissed that his milk is lactose instead of soy.” – TD
“He’s PISSED that he miscalculated his retirement date and found out he has to work 2 more years.” – MW
“Yes….the knowledge is written all over his face” – VG
“I looked at that picture and said to myself, “Diane (I call myself Diane), that baby doesn’t look a day over 63.” – MW
“He’s not here for any of us. He has to go down the VA, pick his clothes up from the dry cleaners and get it done before his Deacon Board meeting.” – CT
“You can’t tell me this baby has not waded in water with Harriet Tubman in his former life!” – MB
“Baby looks like he’s 20 minutes outta freedom with a story to tell.” – RBN
“I want one just like him. He looks like he just KNOWS things. I’d ask him all my major life questions like, what is my purpose, should I get my phD…shat like that. I bet if he had been born at the time he’d known where Bin Laden was WAY before Obama ‘nem. This Oracle Baby is way smarter than everyone on here commenting about him, including me. I bet once he talks he’s gonna sound just like Stewie from Family Guy. I heart him. I tell you what though, if he was staring at me I already know I’d be the first to look away…” – AP
“This is what Lebron is gonna look like once he stops wearing a headband.” – JL
“He look like he reminiscing about when he used to kick it with maya angelou and cicely tyson lol” – AZS
“This baby gets Similac and Social Security all in the same day.” – RW
“This baby drives a white 1982 Cadillac Eldorado with red leather interior and steers the wheel with the palm of his hand.” – KW
“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t smell of Johnson and Johnson baby lotion and such finery. Nope. Only Cubans and Woodford Reserve.” – TJ
“This baby smokes Kools Super Longs.” – CG
“Waiting for his hands to grow so he can wear that pinky ring with the three diamonds across the top.” – EEZ
“I betcha he drinks goat milk.” – KGC
‘This ole Color Purple looking baby. “Why you calls huh Olivia ifn that ain’t huh name?” “Well I calls Ole Livia cause she got some old eyes.” – FSM
And then people started captioning it with what Young Jebediah is saying:
“I’ve known rivers: Ancient, dusky rivers.” – JL
“Nobody knows, the troubles I’ve seen, nobody knows my struggle!” – PD
“I can’t believe they talmbout raising my property taxes again.” – CT
“hmm…its the 15th. Where is my SSI check?” – ABR
“One of ya’ll chirren run down to the store & get me a Peach Nehi.” – CT
“I wonder what kinda pudding they got in the cafe.. Is it tapioca or vanilla” – PD
“How long were you in?” “I was supposed to be in for 40 weeks, but they kept me for 42, son!! FORTY-TWO!!! You don’t know my struggle.” – JL
Everyone is going to hell with gasoline pannie draws on. I ain’t lying. WHOOOO!!! Every single time I put a picture on my Facebook fan page, the comments make my day because my readers are just the most chill-deficient and funniest people EVER! I love them so murch. It’s like I have 16,000 ratchet cousins from all over the world.
Join the Awesomely Luvvie Foolishment Family on Facebook, y’all!
So what are your thoughts on Young Aloysius? Ain’t he cute and wise?