Cynthia Spills Todd Tea and Kenya STAYS Starting Mess: RHOA Season 6, Episode 12 Recap
Last night’s Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) had me really wishing someone would give Kenya a papercut and tell her to get her life together. That lady twirls on mess ALLATAHM. She should be tired of herself. Lemme just get started because I got words for Messy Moore further down.
Anniversary Tea – Cynthia and Peter are celebrating their 3-year wedding anniversary so he takes her to Bar One, the restaurant he owns. While there, they’re joined by Christopher Williams (yes, that one) and his wife Natalie. They’ve been married for 18 years and they mention how they spent a lot of their first 5 years getting it on and popping in the bedroom. Cyn says “I get it. Everybody except me is having a lot of sex.” Awww tt’s ok, girl. I know Peter’s salty, doe.
Natalie then says she knows Kandi’s boo Todd because he used to date her friend and he broke her heart. She says he’s a “hustler” and knows how to get what he wants and Cynthia’s like “Uh oh.” Maybe there was some truth to what Mama Joyce was saying. Chile, I’ont know.
Being the hopeless romantic he is, Peter surprises her with a private dinner in a warehouse across the street, and Christopher serenades Cyn with a song he wrote specially for her. DAAAWWWW!!! She better cook Uncle Ben’s rice that evening. He earned it.
Musical Questions – Kandi is with her business partner, Don Juan, and some other dude in a bad hat. He says he’s concerned by the musical she’s trying to put together, because she is paying for the whole thing out of her pocket and they seem ill-prepared. Plus, Todd just quit it. The entire time, I was distracted by her terrible red hairhat, like it was the first time I was seeing it. I was actually mildly offended by how bad it looked. *claps* Kandi *claps* TAKE *claps* OFF *claps* THAT *claps* RED *claps* HAIR!
Nene’s Visit – Porsha’s house guest is Nene, who stops by with a bottle of wine for her first visit. She wonders what we ALL are, which is why Miss Stewart needs an 8,000 square feet abode. AND *I* am wondering how she’s gon pay for it. Anywho, the ladies talk about Porsha not being ready to date yet (understandable) and they crack open the wine in her regular tumblers. You ain’t e’em got wine glasses yet. I really liked Nene’s alphet, doe. She was jacking my fly in that red blazer, “Love” tshirt and jeans.
Dinner and Babies – Kenya is hosting her family for dinner and when everyone sits down, she drops her latest news in their laps. She’s gonna be moving soon because she’ll be having a baby soon. Well, she hasn’t conceived nor does she have a donor, but sperm banks exist for a reason, right? Mind you, she just got done saying she’s dating some African oil tycoon. The only thing shakier than her dating stories is her mid-street twirl. The collective side-eyes that she got from everyone sitting around that table was HILARITY! Especially Aunty Sisqo’s.
People weren’t hating on Kenya because she wants to have a baby. A woman can choose to have a baby with or without being married if she feels. But it seems she wants one to fill the void left by her mommy-abandonment issues. I wish her well, doe. It’s clear it’s a burden on her.
Theater Scouting – Kandi and Todd go check out a theater as the potential venue for the musical. The place seats 800 and she says she can easily fill a club with that amount of people but ummm… a club ain’t a theater. The people who wanna go put it down like it’s lukewarm might not wanna come see people sing stories. Anywho, Todd agrees to help her with the musical after getting her to understand that there’s still A TON of work to go.
Vanning to the Vineyard – Mal is still squatting at Cynthia’s so she’s helping her get ready for the visit to the wine vineyard she’s planned for the girls. And she got invited by default, of course. Nene, her friend Lexi and Kenya arrive at casa de Thomas, and although it’s 11am, they get the dranks going with some mimosas. Oh, Marlo shows up too! Long time no see. The pile unto the bus and head to the vineyard. The others (Phaedra, Kandi and Porsha) are on the way in another bus.
Cynthia brings up Natalie and says she’s meeting them at the vineyard. And then she tells them about the convo she had where her friend told her Todd is an opportunist. Kowing DAMB WELL, Kenya’s foolish self was sopping up all the tea with her mental biscuit. All this tea you’re spilling, Cyn. I hope when you’re told to bring the Swiffer, you better be able to stand up with it. She’s so good for throwing a rock and then hiding her hand.
As the ladies cackle at Kandi’s expense, Marlo asks if Phaedra is still fat. MA’AM, YOU DON’T E’EM GO TO THIS SCHOOL, ANYMORE! You hursh! You had your chance to be messy and get paid for it on the regular. Are you mad cuz Phaedra stayed? Chile… ugh. For people to call Phaedra fat. I just don’t understand. She ain’t skinny but that doesn’t mean she’s fat. Also: EVEN IF SHE WAS, SO WHAT?? SHE’S FLY! Some of the ladies on the show throw around the word “fat” to insult their fellow castmembers when some of them are 5 sammiches from “can’t fit” too. I ain’t got TAHM!
Vineyard Volleying – Both vans of women arrives at the vineyard, except some people got the memo that it makes no sense to wear 5 inch heels. Porsha and Phaedra got on struggle shoes and gotta hold on to each other to walk up the incline. O_O
No sooner had they sat down that Kenya turns to Natalie and says she heard that her and Christopher aren’t really legally married. Word on the skreets is that they’re just common law married and Natalie is taken aback, of course. I’m just wondering why Kenya’s so busy talmbout other people’s marital status when she ain’t walked down N’AN AISLE. She is aisle-deficient. SHARRAP, MESSY MOORE! There is a time and place for everything and this ain’t it.
EVERY TIME there’s drama, Kenya is in the middle of it. Always in the eye of the storm. Ugh. Later on, Natalie turns to Kandi and says she knows Todd. Moore decides to place herself squarely in the midst of more foolishness by saying Cynthia told them all that Nat called Todd an opportunist. She killed like 4 messy birds with one well-timed stone, like the shrew that she is. The un-prepared
maybe Mrs. Williams starts stuttering like an old CD walkman if you tripped on the sidewalk. Backtracking like my DVR during Scandal commercial breaks.
And then Cynthia finally speaks up since her name has been mentioned, but she tries to exclude herself from the hoopla, knowing damb well she is the real reason. If you had shut your mouth, ALL of that mess wouldn’t have happened. You know dambed well Kenya is Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel and all she needs is the teeniest piece of ammunition to start some shit. UGH.
Kandi, who has been pretty calm and collected throughout this whole thing tells Cyn that she knows of Peter’s past and she doesn’t hold that against her. OOOOOP. And YES. Peter IS an opportunist. How much of his biz have YOU paid for, Cyn? MMHMMM! Over her and her raccoon eyeshadow and her fake “I am not in this” schtick.
All the womp to that outing. Worst trip to a vineyard EVER. Wine is supposed to be happy juice and all they did was argue.
Next week’s episode, a big fight goes down. I should be more ashamed than I am about being excited to watch that. I’m a mess myself.
So yeah. Why do people still tell Kenya stuff when they know all she’s gonna do is turn around and create chaos with the info?
Pics of show from BravoTV.com