Dear Madonna, NOPE! You Cannot Use That Word

Social media keeps showing us that some of our favorite celebrities should really make use of their publicists 24/7 for all things. Also, they need to hire community managers to handle their accounts because when left to their own devices, they blow shit up so properly and so quickly. Madonna is the latest victim of her own stupidity, with a caption she posted on a picture of her son, Rocco, on Instagram.


Caption: “No one messes with Dirty Soap! Mama said knock you out! #disnigga”

And THIS is why she’s earned this sternly-worded letter.

Dear Madonna,

Ma’am. I SAY MADAME! I just wanna lock you in a stadium of seats so you can pick plenty to have because you have tried it so hard! Your GOOFASS thought that referring to your son on Instagram as #DisNigga was cute. Nay. You thought it was a term of endearment. Your way to show love and shit to your white teenager. That is stupid.

First of all, the use of that phrase in that caption is so random that I just know your son was embarrassed for and by you. He probably saw it and went MOOOOMMMMMMM!!! And you were all “Aw Rocco! You know I’m a cool mom!”

Cool mom gif

NAWL, ma’am! Not cool!

You should know better than to use that word AT ALL, let alone, to describe your son (who is white). You grew up in Detroit, Madge, a city that’s a hotbed for race and culture in the United States. DETROIT! Just because you moved to London, adopted a fake British accent and got a random tooth gap doesn’t mean you forgot about racial politics HERE. In this country. And you surely can’t feign ignorance to the history behind the word. 

Then when people call you out on it, you tell them “get off my dick, haters!” The only thing I’m hating about you are those unsightly arm veins you got from doing too much in the gym. It’s actually kinda petrifying. Come on, bro! You are a whole 55-years old writing captions that sound like Justin Bieber’s ass wrote. Chile, I’m ashamed for you and I facepalm in your honor.

Less than a century ago, white people were still lynching Black folks as they yelled “nigger” in our faces. Did you forget that? If so, please open up a book or two.

Look it up gif

Shit, we’re still being lynched but we’re not hanging from trees anymore but don’t take me down that road. And here you go tryna be down with the word because apparently, since you were using it for your white son, it shouldn’t be a big deal. THAT AIN’T HOW IT WORKS!

And the classic empty non-apology apology you gave days today, talmbout “I appreciate that it’s a provocative word and I apologize if it gave people the wrong impression. Forgive me.”

Jesus forgives. I hold grudges (because I’m petty).

White people, you cannot use the N-word. I don’t care if you said GA not GER. Or your best friend is Black. Or you adopted a son from Malawi. STAHP. Just stop it right this moment.

And MY main question is that if you call your white son #DisNigga, what do you call your Malawian son?

Cats giving epic side-eye

I’m concerned that you’re raising a little Black boy without having the sense to understand a CORE point in racial dynamics.

It’s just mad disappointing. But you know the defense of choice whenever white folks wanna use the N-word is always “well Black people use it. Why can’t we?”


Words used within a group are not always appropriate when used by someone who is an outsider. We all know this as a fact. Some members of the LGBT community use the F-word that rhymes with bag as a term of endearment. If my heterosexual ass used that word, I should be dropkicked in the shins. That is not MY word to use. I don’t have the right. AND I am a member of the privileged class that uses the word to be reductive so I cannot use it no matter how many gay people I know who do.

Reductive Madonna gif

Same with the word “bitch” and women. If a man refers to me as such, I might wanna elbow him in chest.

So cut this whole thing out. The fact that we STILL have to have this conversation is just mind-boggling and it makes my soul tah’d. I just wanna go have a nap.

In conclusion, HAVE A GAHTDAMB SEAT, MADONNA! You were wrong and your apology sucked. When you know better, you’re supposed to do better. Don’t use that word and tell your friends too. BYE GIRL!


P.S. Your British accent is actually pretty terrible. You can stop it now.

P.P.S. It’s MLK Day. I wanted to be gentle on you. Catch me tomorrow though and my words might rip you a new tooth gap.

So what are your thoughts on this saga? How many seats should Madonna occupy?

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • MarvyMds January 20, 2014, 4:40 pm

    Luvvie were you typing from a pulpit because you were sure preaching all up and through this post. Sigh. Madge – just why? Is it that hard to grow old gracefully? You had a hell of a career, but it’s been over for a minute. You’re not hip, young or relevant so this really seems like a desperate grab for attention.

    bell hooks broke this gap-toothed interloper down so that it will forever be broke, and I hope that everyone will watch it here:

    Madonna is trying too hard, and I instantly thought of her adoptive Black children when I read this nonsense. What must they really think of her using that word?

    • IJS January 20, 2014, 6:25 pm

      bell hooks’ analysis was everything. Madonna has always sold herself to the highest bidder to stay relevant. At last, she’s not.

  • Melissa January 20, 2014, 4:42 pm

    Exactly! You might wanna tell your black celebrities cough Alicia Quarles cough it’s not cool to call out Madonna then backtrack because ‘she made a mistake’. She didn’t like it when I tried to tell her on twitter!

  • MsK January 20, 2014, 4:47 pm

    Even worse, she also has an adopted Black daughter as well. I cannot even fathom how she speaks to them. This was just wrong on all levels. Mainly because Madonna is 55, looks 65 and has the hands of the CryptKeeper. Just stop it white people. You cannot say it ever.

  • Malcolmisha X January 20, 2014, 4:48 pm

    I am personally traveling back in time to the Source awards to get her that seat.SHE NEEDS A GAHDAMN SEAT!!!

  • Pepsie January 20, 2014, 4:57 pm

    Screw a Seat! She needs to have a couch! \____/

  • milaxx January 20, 2014, 4:57 pm

    Lookit Madge. I am 50 so I understand wanting to feel youthful. The fact is you are not young no matter how hard you go at the gym trying to maintain your Desperately Seeking Susan size.

    That is not your word to use, EVER. Also an apology only contains 2 words; I’m Sorry.

  • Shevy January 20, 2014, 5:12 pm

    Dementia sets in earlier and earlier. Madonna needs to get her life. First she thought she was British and now this?!

  • Kareem Williams January 20, 2014, 5:19 pm

    Dementia can we really talk if we are running around calling each other the N word? And on top of all of that she was talking to her son who is white and ratchett which would make him a N Word right?

    • milaxx January 20, 2014, 9:50 pm

      One has nothing to do with the other.

    • Melissa January 20, 2014, 10:54 pm

      This thought is so wrong that it gives me a headache to read.

  • nichole January 20, 2014, 5:46 pm

    I’m tired.
    I’m “rockin’ back-n-forth in wooden rocking chair that squeaks wearing a sweater in 85 degree weather on the front porch” tired.

    And just like in “For Colored Girls…” I’m tired of sorries.

    I want celebs to find another way to stay relevant like choosing good scripts and making good music. To me this bad behavior using inappropriate words and exhibiting inappropriate actions is all for a media mention, an article on Huffington Post or a #hashtag that trends.

    With Madonna it’s worst for a reason you pointed out. How would she feel if someone called her adopted children that word when she uses it so casually AND shares it on social media?

    *still rocking back-n-forth*

    • Erica January 20, 2014, 10:16 pm

      I can’t even stay on the task at hand…THAT’S how TIRRRRRDAH I am with the rampant broken GiveADambs white people have in abundance lately! Jebus! Anyhoo, you did my heart good when you read my mind like Ms Cleo and said, “I want celebs to find another way to stay relevant like choosing good scripts and making good music.”….I knew there was a Gawd of PR appropriateness and common damb sense with that statement!

  • Seven January 20, 2014, 6:15 pm

    You are totally right Luvvie. Just because you think you can, doesn’t mean you should. There are too many reasons. OMG! I can’t explain them all. But just hell no. You CANNOT USE the “N” Word!

  • Vega Punk January 20, 2014, 6:59 pm

    Honestly. I don’t care what race someone is. Using that word is wrong. Casually calling someone that that you don’t know is wrong. Even I limit the use of it. I try to not use it at all but in moments of anger it slips out. Getting mad because a white woman uses it should be just as upsetting as someone you don’t know using it. Calling me ignorant is bad period. And this double standard is a serious issue between fellow brown skinned people.

    • Erica January 20, 2014, 10:18 pm

      THANK YOU! I get tight as hell when ANYONE calls me the N word or says to me, knowing my stance on it!

  • audrey whitaker January 20, 2014, 8:46 pm

    It’s wrong Madge no matter how you cut it!

    Wrong, Wrong, Wrong!!


  • Cheekie January 20, 2014, 9:53 pm


    For all the debates that happen over “Black folks using the word toooooo” (wahhhh wahhhh wahhhh), I do have to question, WHY do you want to use it so badly?! (I think Chris Rock asked this in a routine, right? ‘Tis a great question!) Like, really… what are you getting out of using a word that is used within a group you don’t belong to??? Entitlement, thy name is the privileged.

    • max January 21, 2014, 8:17 am

      Yerp. White people just cannot STAND the idea that Black people can tell them they can’t do something. It just IRKS their very souls!

      • Cheekie January 21, 2014, 1:15 pm

        EXACTLY. Like the examples Luvvie listed, I am PERFECTLY fine knowing words used in a particular group, are ones I simply cannot use, even if they do (for reasons I’ll never understand wholly so whats the point of trying… oh right, entitlement) because I do not belong to said group. It really is as simple as that.

  • Carriecnh12 January 20, 2014, 10:46 pm

    Madonna has tried and failed to be hip, she needs to worry that she dont break it instead. To me the BIGGEST irony in this particular situation is that the word n word was actually also used to describe and insult poor, illiterate, white Europeans, that moved to America from places such as Greece, Sicily, France and Ireland. People need to read history books and educate themselves, I found “The History of White People”, to be very informative.

    NO ONE should ever use this word, it should not be owned appropriated or made into slang because it means nothing good and never will.

  • Janice January 20, 2014, 11:20 pm

    I don’t see what the big deal is with the usage of the word. I think we, as black people, need to lighten up when it comes to the n-word. She was obviously using it as a term of “endearment” …we have so many restrictions and rules on who can and can’t say it yet we use it so I think if we don’t want others to use the word, we need to collectively stop OUR OWN usage of the word. It’s contradictory.

  • Evey January 21, 2014, 3:06 am

    Madonna. Madge. Girl. *points to stair lift* Please have a seat.

  • Carter January 21, 2014, 5:47 am

    When will our dear, great-grandmother Madge learn?

  • Aimee January 21, 2014, 6:34 am

    Dearest Madonna,



  • max January 21, 2014, 8:18 am

    This whole thing just completely killed any residual love I had for Madonna. Just ridiculous. But is it just me or is there something in the air that is making white people go nuts lately? In one day yesterday I saw some white editor sitting on a Black woman chair, Madonna and her antics, and Ani DiFranco trying to have a party on a damn plantation. What is with everyone?!?

  • Tomi January 21, 2014, 9:47 am


    It’s not her fault. I just don’t like the fact that it is becoming a white black thing again . If we stop saying it and making it something of a comfort word, then white people wouldn’t use it either. We sit here and say
    ” Wats up my nigga” and we say it doesn’t mean “Nigger”…why can’t a white person say the same thing if they know the urban meaning behind it? It’s so stupid. I hate the way we think sometimes. If you don’t like the word to be used by a white person, it shouldn’t be used by anyone. That’s like saying, Don’t talk at all. Its silly that we ( generalizing african-americans ) take offense to the word that we created ( which is derogatory ) but let Spanish people use it ,and let our “white” friends use who are ” urbanized “…Just don’t get it. Let’s all just stop using the word.

    Or if we won’t stop using it , lets just all have a couple of seats. I know i’ll get some angry comments but it’s the 21st century and the world as a whole is becoming more gentrified. We cannot stop the progression of the way things are heading right now. In 150 years from now, everyone will be on color and then it will okay to use the term.

    Just stop using the word…plain and simple.

    • Carter January 23, 2014, 2:50 am

      How about NO.
      What’s so hard about white people accepting that they don’t belong to this group, and therefore shouldn’t use the word? I’m black, but there are plenty of in groups that I don’t belong to, so naturally, I won’t use certain words that they use. It’s called being a decent human being and not a troll.

      • Hartley June 5, 2014, 8:55 am

        I have to disagree with you Carter.
        I appreciate your point but what most fail to consider with the line “Racism is alive and well in America” is that by creating these divide to alienate yourself from ‘white people’ isn’t helping ANYone build bridge and progress forward.
        I’m not saying you shouldn’t be proud of your heritage and history — actually PLEASE learn as much as you possibly can about all of it and be VERY proud of it!!! But why does it always have to be about colour. You said “It’s called being a decent human being” … why can we just all be ‘human’ instead of black, white, latino, ect.? THAT is your race, not WHO you are.

  • Cm January 21, 2014, 10:17 am

    You know, I didn’t even think about the fact that she has a Black son when I heard about this story. This is the part that really pisses me off because who knows how often this word is used within their family and how the meaning of the word is explained? She really needs a wake up call.

  • Mia Imani January 21, 2014, 10:51 am

    Who are we kidding? Madonna most likely adopted those two Black babies because it was the trend/cause of the moment. “Desperately seeking Attention” has always been her biggest flaw. #NeverBeenAFanAnyway

  • andrewwww January 22, 2014, 8:20 am

    so much power allotted to on single word…and she misspelled it in two ways……its coming to the point that im afraid to buy a plane ticket to Niger because i will end up offending someone… is just a word

  • jeri January 23, 2014, 11:58 am

    Is she breastfeeding in the last gif? What is happening?

  • Hartley June 5, 2014, 8:49 am

    While I absolutely agree that Madonna is completely wrong for having posted that, I must say I must admit I find this topic perplexing.

    I appreciate the outrageous way African slaves and their descendants were treated when they were brought to the US, the struggles and further loss of life that went into fighting for equal civil rights, and the impact this all still has on current economic situations and opportunities.
    However, what I don’t understand is the outburst and reactions from some individuals on this very topic. Just yesterday a completed stranger went off on me on FB when I asked an innocent questions about a post. My question was misinterpreted and she climbed right up on her soap box to tell me off about her ” Afrocentricity” and “People enjoying white privilege can’t stand to see us celebrate ourselves. Its pathetic. Like dont you already enjoy the perks of being White in America?”
    I was totally caught off guard but it would be a lie if I said I wasn’t surprised. I’m not agreeing or disagreeing about benefits or not, that is not what this is about.
    What I find baffling is that so often someone will jump up and become very defensive like salt has just been rubbed into a fresh open wound when the topic of racism (interestingly enough, I only really see this concerning Black and white….. no other minority). How can it be discussed, misunderstandings clarifies, the uninformed become educated….. and progress made if neither side is willing to drop all prejudgments and talk openly?
    I don’t think the N word should never be used bc then it would be stigmatized and … so called ‘rebels’ would feel a need to over use it. However, I think its a shame that it IS used so freely in songs. Like you said ‘Bitch’ and ‘hoe’ just degrade women.

    Ive been told by only a few people that the liberal use of it in the Black community if bc its a way of taking ownership and claiming the word… but that isn’t the mainstream opinion. Community leaders, elders and education level seems to be deciding factors.

    If you truly want to see what it means to claim a word and destigmatize it look into Coloureds in South Africa or even Queers in America. THAT is what it is to take pride in oneself –> through actions, not just words! Now those two terms have come to be things of pride used by all NOT just those within the community.

    I thought I would end on a question but I guess… its one of those times when you feel passionate about a topic and you just want to keep going on about it but at some point your mind runs away and your mouth (in this case fingers) can’t keep up!
    So I am leaving it at this.

    If anyone wants to actually have a discussion on it, I invite you.