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Real Housewives of Blood Sweat and Golden Globes: Sunday TV Recap

I watched too much TV last night. Like seriously. 7 hours straight. And I live-tweeted most of it and my fingers hurt. So I present to you, one (not that giant) recap of the TV I watched on Sunday.

Golden Globe Awards

I wanted to watch it because Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were hosting (and they should host everything in the history of the universe moving forward), to see Kerry Washington’s baby bump, and to bow down to the flawlessness of Lupita Nyong’o.

Lupita won the show before it even started by showing up looking like perfection and the epitome of the inability to flaw. Look at this:

Lupita Nyongo Golden Globes

EVERYTHING! The dress, the makeup, the haircut. ALL OF IT IS EVERYTHING that is right! Whoooo! Lupita stepped on that carpet and made everyone else look half put together. LOVE IT! LOVE HER!

And then my girl/cousin/sister (in my head) Kerry Washington came on and I melted off my chair from her adoraboness.

Kerry Washington Golden Globes

GGAAAHHHH!!!  Look at the baby bump! AAAWWWWWWWWWW. She is GLOWING! I didn’t love the color of the dress but it’s Kerry so she still looks amazing.

Everyone else bored me and Guiliana Rancic on the red carpet had me wondering how she’s been a correspondent for 13 WHOLE years but still can’t get interviewing right. Chile…

Anywho, Paula Patton was dressed like Dora the Explorer’s socks, they still won’t do Gabby Sidibe right with these #Alphets, and Drew Barrymore looked like an edible arrangement. 

When the show started, Amy and Tina got on stage and had folks CACKLING with the jokes. Folks basically agree that the best jokes was “Gravity is the story of how George Clooney would rather float into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” HAAAAA! You can watch it here:

Their opener ended far too soon! Can they just leave them two onstage for 3 hours and everyone go pick up their awards backstage? I’m saying.

I really shoulda just changed the channel after that but I stayed for the whole first hour. Jacqueline Bisset won an award and gave a long speech in spite of the music playing, which is the universal awards sign for “Time’s up!” Jackie had to dambs to give though. She basically pitched a tent on that stage and she was not to be moved until she was good and damb ready. Old people ARE NOT here for your time limitations. She also said “SHIT!” See again: old people with no dambs to give.

The highlight of the hour I saw was seeing Bryan Cranston win “Best Actor in a Drama” and then right after, Breaking Bad itself won! This led to an awesome moment of the evening when Aaron Paul yelled “YEAH BITCH!” into the mic.

aaron paul yeah bitch globes gif

Thank you, BuzzFeed!

Win. So much win.

Kerry didn’t win in her category (BOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!) and I abandoned the show to go watch Blood, Sweat and Heels on Bravo.

Blood, Sweat and Heels

So 2 days ago, I finally watched the first episode of the show starring Melyssa Ford (former video model, now real estate agent), Daisy Lewellyn (style and beauty expert), Geneva S. Thomas (branding consultant and pop culture expert), Demetria Lucas (aka A Belle in Brooklyn – journalist and life coach), Mica Hughes (former model and entrepreneur) and Brie Bythewood (real estate developer).

blood sweat heels cast

BTW, I know Demetria and that’s the homie so I’m prolly gon be here for her during this show. Everyone else? We shall see.

After episode 1, my main question was why didn’t anyone tell Daisy that the Barbie pink lipstick ain’t her color? We’re not e’em gon talk about that hairhat either. She’s already the one not to be liked and I don’t know what producer she pissed off but she is outchea TOO bogus.

In this latest episode, Daisy goes on a date with Demetria’s fiance’s cousin (Jason). He ends up reading her for being “selfish and self-serving” and she cries sad tears in the bathroom while he is unable to find a solitary damb to give bout it. WELP.

Fucks I Dont Give gif

Meanwhile, some of the ladies are still butthurt about Demetria writing a blogpost about their brunch conversation (should women snoop in their boo’s phones and emails? Can women be leaders and rule the world?). Mind you, she didn’t even name them and their convo was FILMED. Why they were so mad is beyond me. They were acting like they were a part of the Babysitter’s Club and Demetria blogged bout their secret ritual. GIRL BYE!

All the ladies go to Mica’s house for dinner and Mini Gayle King (Daisy) brings up the post. Geneva is at the other end of the table seething like whoa because apparently, folks don’t know her life and the post was one-sided. As BLOG POSTS TEND TO BE! Girl you better right you a response post. Geneva talmbout she heard from a “reliable source” that Belle in BK has snooped before. But she ain’t got n’an receipt to show to prove it. The argument is getting nowhere so Demetria picks up her dereon duffle and exits. Afterwards, Ms. Thomas says they shouldn’t invite her nowhere anymore. Chile, you won’t have much of a show then. OOP.

Oh and I cannot forget to point out that Terry, Mica’s boyfriend, seems to also be her maid.

Molly the Maid joseline gif

I need him to use Google Maps to geolocate his balls and retrieve them from wherever Mica got em hidden because I’m embarrassed for him. Doesn’t he have friends? Why is he her butler? And she hollers for him like Mister did Celie. Ugh.

I’m hoping this blog issue doesn’t drag into episode 3. Lawd.

I’ll be tuning in next week, doe. I need to see how far this will be dragged.

Real Housewives of Atlanta

Cynthia’s family members do the most. Really and truly. Her sister showed up on last week’s episode talmbout she’s there to stay with her for two months. WHO DOES THAT? That is not the type of surprise most people want. When Peter expresses his dislike of the situation, Mal wants to make him out to be the bad guy. Ma’am, go find you some etiquette classes and common sense! Perpetually stepping over the line of what’s ok and what’s not. Uncle Ben is a good one because I mighta sent her yansh to HotelTonight to find some lodging for the night. Cyn should be checking her family better.

Cynthia Mal RHOA

All Cynthia wants at the end of that yellow brick road is courage (to stand up to her sister).

We gained some insight into who Kenya is when we meet her daddy, who’s visiting her from Texas. The moment he enters her car, he points out her jacked up ashy feet that are growing corns. In her house, he says he hates hardwood floors and then wonders if she’s really bout the ATL life. Well, damb! Dealing with that type of negative energy gotta be exhausting. Her ornery daddy had me wanting to hug her.

Kenyas daddy RHOA

He just looks so hard to please!

On the other side of town, Phaedra and Kandi visit Porsha, who is living in Nene’s neighborhood. They basically call her to the carpet (she ain’t got) about her finances and whether she really needs an 8,000 square foot house. That fool is “renting to buy” as motivation and Ms. Parks tells her that’s dumb as hell. WELP. She better listen to the two people on that show who have wealth and stability. Ugh.

Meanwhile, Kandi wants to do a musical and Kenya tells Nene that she heard she’d like to have her in it. Being the shadeful tree she is, Nene says “I just left Ryan Murphy’s production. So you’re telling me that I should be doing Kandi Burrus production?” DAMB, LENETHIA! You ain’t have to say all’at! She’s so uppity nowadays. Lawd.

Anywho, Cynthia hosts a faux trunk party with her sister, who is selling custom made beaded bracelets (because what the world needs now is more of those). Porsha tells the girls not to mention her new house to Nene because she wants to tell her herself. What do they do the minute Lenethia walks in? They tell her. She responds by telling Porsha she’s a bad friend, and the newly-renamed Miss Williams runs to the back like she was just told that “he is NOT the father” on Maury’s show.

Girl Bye 4

The ladies talk about it, come to an understanding and hug it out.

And the show ends as Kenya almost gets hit while she’s twirling in traffic on the way to her car. Goofy.

So there it is. anyone else feel like they watched too much TV last night? Which of these shows did you see? Feel free to share some thoughts on em!

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22 Comments

  1. Court
    January 13, 2014 at 8:20 am

    Last night was too much TV. I am still playing catch up since I haven’t seen Blood, Sweat and Heels, House of Lies, Shameless, or Episodes yet…ugh.

    I did see the Housewives and the Globes.

    My two cents….Mal was dead wrong, and Uncle Ben was hypocritical. Why blast Cynthia for not talking to him about it when he just bought a car without talking to Cynthia about it. Mal brought it up last week and she was the wrong person to call that out…but Cyn? Baby? Where are you?

    The Globes…eh. The hosts were entertaining, but I wonder if 12 Years a Slave will get the Brokeback Mountain treatment. The entertainment rags said that Crash won because the Academy couldn’t handle Brokeback. Of course, that was the Oscars. That year, I think 2006, Brokeback won the Globe but not the Oscar.

    Anyway..back to playing catch up

  2. milaxx
    January 13, 2014 at 8:21 am

    Golden Globes:
    Loved Amy & Tina hosting. They are hilarious and have the great timing for an event where liquor is served. Bryan & the Breaking Bad crew deserved their awards. I like Gabby (step in the right direction), Drew (the original flower child) & Lupita (bow down beyotches!) looks. They fit each person. Jacquline Bisset must have been seated in the cheap seats since it took her a good ½ an hour to get to the stage so I didn’t blame her for taking her time. Sad that there weren’t more awards given to POC. As for Gulianna & E!’s red carpet coverage. I love the shade Tom & Lorenzo throws at them every award season. Guilanna & Ryan are just the ring leaders of the band of idiots covering the RC.

    I watched Blood, Sweat & Heels cause someone on my timeline said Daisy looked like a young Gayle King and that wasn’t a compliment. Daisy needs to have seat showing up later than late and getting mad when someone calls her on it.

    RHOA
    Cynthia’s family is awful. Porscha is stoooopid. However it was Kenya’s dad cracking on her ugly feet that really cracked me up. I remember when Porcha & Kenya first came on the show the met for “lunch” and Porscha ended up calling Kenya on her ashy feet. Them dry toes must be and issue for Kenya. Jesus be some cocoa butter for Ms. Moore.

    • cb
      January 14, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      yep, Daisy looks like a young Gayle King…she acts like her too

  3. Kimyotta
    January 13, 2014 at 8:25 am

    Only watched the Globes myself, Tina & Amy being the BEST part and definitely not used well or enough. I was also feeling a definite lack of blackness among tbe winners and am glad I stayed to see 12 Years a Slave get it’s due! Bono n’em had real love for Mandela, if they’d lost to Ms Swift I mighta kilt somebody. It definitely ended better than it started!

  4. jcanwisegrrl
    January 13, 2014 at 8:56 am

    I refused to watch the rest of the Globes after watching Jennifer Lawrence walk away with Lupita’s award. If you ask me, that girl is kinda over-rated. But ya didn’t ask me, so… Glad to see that 12 Years won the big prize at the end. That movie, specifically Lupita’s performance, tore me open. Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t know how anyone watched that performance and then voted for another actress.

    • milaxx
      January 13, 2014 at 9:33 am

      I like Jennifer, but Lupita’s performance was more of a transformation. Jennifer was being young and sassy like she is in 90% of her roles. IMO she needs to do another movie like Winter’s Bone before we forget she really can act.

      • jcanwisegrrl
        January 13, 2014 at 9:53 am

        Exactly! Young and sassy like she is in real life too.

    • Syrich
      January 13, 2014 at 10:33 am

      Thanks for your comments about Jen Law, I saw and really enjoyed American Hustle, I thought Bradley Cooper was hysterical. I thought Jen and Amy were both good, but not award winning good. Since I did not see 12 years, I was not able to comment, however I keep hearing about how great my girl Lupita performance. I often feel like Jen Law is just playing herself in whatever character she plays. I still can’t believe she won the academy award for Silverlinings.

      Also Lupita looked so good, that they should have had her walk across the stage just because.

      • jcanwisegrrl
        January 13, 2014 at 10:37 am

        That’s my thought with the Oscars as well. You need to see 12 Years. The entire film was heart-wrenching and so well done. Chiwetel Ejiofor and Lupita Nyong’o were transcendent. I am still raw from watching it.

        • milaxx
          January 13, 2014 at 10:55 am

          That scene with her and the soap though…. I have feels every time I think about it.

        • jcanwisegrrl
          January 13, 2014 at 12:45 pm

          Listen… That whole scene murked my soul. Not to mention when they’re dressing her back and she just raises up and looks at Solomon – just *looks* at him and there’s this unspoken reminder about the time she’d begged him to take her life. And then her last scene, where he’s leaving and she’s hanging on to his hand? Lawd, I bawled. And when the carriage pulls away and she just collapses- I wanted to die. I could just feel every ounce of pain and I was also wondering if she would ever find the courage (yes, courage) to end her suffering. I was screaming at the screen for Solomon to PLEASE take her with him, do something, anything to help her :'(

        • Max
          January 13, 2014 at 8:18 pm

          The utter grief yo. The grief. Lupita & Chiwetel just transcended everything in that movie. I don’t need to nann one of those other movies to know that none of the other actors in their categories rate next to the two of them in 12 Years A Slave. Shenanigans on all of the performers in that flick not clearing the place out.

  5. January 13, 2014 at 9:00 am

    Luvvie, you’re good, because I can’t sit through the Golden Globes, and can’t bring myself to care about that long, dry circle of white folks patting each other on the back with their occasional Black friends. But I digress.

    RHOA
    Poor Kenya! Both of her parents are just mean! He didn’t have a single nice thing to say, although he seems to care about her.

    I smell a divorce or at least a separation for Cynthia and Papa Smurf. He just seems so abrasive and selfish. I can understand the frustration of Mel just popping up, but he talks to Cynthia any ol’ way and demands that she be everything that he wants, while he’s 50% of what she needs. Man, g’on with that!

    Nene needs a humble pie crash diet, because she seems to forget that in the entertainment business, you can be hot one secnd and not the next. It’s the type of situation that can have you begging to be in a Kandi Burruss production. She talks about supporting her friends, but what kind of low blow was that?

    Porcha better get it all the way together. Time to be a big girl. Oh, you’re on your own now? Act like you only need one bedroom and a nice loft apartment in the city. She’s out here spending cash like “making it rain” is how the Federal Reserve gets its money. She better learn to hustle and not get before she has. That’s how people end up on blogs talking about filing for bankruptcy.

  6. January 13, 2014 at 9:56 am

    “Mind you, she didn’t even name them and their convo was FILMED. Why they were so mad is beyond me.”

    I think everyone is with you on that Blood, Sweat, & Heels storyline. How is that even carrying on for two episodes?!?! I find it hard to believe there is nothing else more interesting going on. And yes, if they stop inviting Demetria to things, there will be no show. She IS the show and apparently the only one keeping it real and not playing it up for the cameras.

  7. January 13, 2014 at 9:58 am

    I hate awards shows with a deep and abiding passion so I didn’t watch the Globes. I did however, head over to YBF after reading this to peep the outfits you mentioned. I have no (nice) words to say about Paula Patton’s dress. I didn’t get it. At all. And Gabby? Let me say this: when I first saw her picture I was like “oh who’s that pregnant Black girl?” and then I realized my mistake. Clearly the person who custom made that dress for her hates her guts because it was beyond unflattering.

  8. milaxx
    January 13, 2014 at 10:59 am

    Ca we talk about the shade Ronan Farrow & his mom threw at Woody Allen? I lol’d.

    • January 13, 2014 at 11:13 am

      That was amazing. I loved Mia Farrow’s tweet too.

    • RavenJ
      January 13, 2014 at 12:26 pm

      Oh yes we can talk about it!!! Dude was NOT feeling the love at all!!! EFF YO’ AWARD!!!

  9. RavenJ
    January 13, 2014 at 12:36 pm

    Blood, Sweat & Heels…
    Ummm…how is Melyssa calling herself a professional and doesn’t know to NEVER let the boss beat you to work?? Damn…that’s Working Girl 101. And those shoes…in NY…? Stop it!
    The guy had every right to be mad at Daisy showing up late for the date, but at some point I was like just leave or get over it. His panties started to show and it was annoying. I see why she thought he was one of the “kids”

    RHOA
    Kenya almost getting hit by that car…BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
    Cynthia needs to find her voice with her sister and her husband.
    Porsha…bless her heart. That’s all.
    Nene…not feeling her. She was on a sub-par show that lasted what? Two seasons? She’s out here acting like she’s on Modern Family. Get it together! Giving parental advice when her son can’t seem to figure out how to make a rubber work. Ugh…

  10. Sharee
    January 14, 2014 at 11:50 am

    Kenya said that her father was 16 when she was born and that his mother raised her. He treats her like his little sister and not his daughter. Big brothers tend to be rough

  11. January 14, 2014 at 12:55 pm

    Didn’t watch the Globes. Was watching the Girls premiere. Love that show! I did see Lupita in that fab dress though. I just watched Fashion Police since the fashions is all I care about. I’m glad 12 years won and I’ve seen both American Hustle and 12 years and I’m sorry, but Lupita deserved the Globe for all the lashings she took from Massa and had to sneak away to get soap.

    BS&H I think is a pretty good aight show. Nothing too spectacular. I remember A Belle In Brooklyn blog from back in the day. She’s the only one on the show to me that appears to have some sort of sense. Daisy needs to have gum surgery and then needs to go back to Sephora or the Mac counter or wherever she got that horrible lipstick from. It’s not cute AT ALL! It makes her lips look more crackly and ashy and her gums that much more blacker. Ole boy I can understand where he was coming from but he was being a Grade A butthole so when the food spilled I laughed, ain’t gonna lie. I think that if Geneva had the tea gone head and spill that ish! Be a woman about it! I think the only one that had a right to be mad was the real estate broker chick and she acutally had the sense to call up Demetria and have lunch and a one on one convo with her. Gotta keep it classy.

    Housewives: Ok….NeNe needs to have seveal seats ASAP. It wasn’t like she was a “regular” cast member and just how long does she think her money is anyways? Chile please! GTFOH I’m really tired of Kandi crying at the drop of a hat too…like pulleazzeee gurl….quit acting like a little girl….He didn’t even say he was fa sho even taking the job, he’s just going to talk to the NY execs…then he’ll make the decision. But I do understand that this was their pet project so I can see where her feeling are hurt a little. Porsha….she really does need Jesus to work a miracle for her if she thinks she’s going to be able to afford that house. I knew that was a rent house time I laid eyes on it, b/c the basement was fully furnished and had artwork up! Kandi and Phaedra were telling her the truth! Motivation my butt, she needs to go back to the Master Suite at Mommy’s and stack that dough! Spousal support don’t last always! Ok I had to leave Cyn for last….Ok…let’s be honest here….I’m NOT here for Mal’s Michael’s MJ Design/Hobby Lobby/Jo-Ann Fabric-esque bracelets!! Like seriously, I used to thread beads on a string too back in the day and you can get the kit from Toys R Us!!! When I heard her say she has a $200 dollar arm I was like she can NOT be charging that much for that ish right there. For Cyn to throw her a faux trunk show with every Welch’s juice flavor they had in the store was killing me too. Where’ the champagne, the booze, cause honey chile I’d have to be drunk on my A$$ to have bought that mess! And yes, Uncle Ben was in the wrong to take get a new car. But when they started talking about their bedroom issues w/Mal. No ma’am….she should’ve exit stage left on that one. Sorry….I wouldn’t be surprised if Mal stays longer than 2 months as well b/c she’s going to have to get plenty more Toy bead sets to get a ticket to go see her hubs. Cyn should’ve READ her sissy for reals. You can’t pop up at my house like this and think it’s alright. It’s NOT!

  12. Vonetta
    January 16, 2014 at 6:40 am

    Cynthia & how she lets Mal come all up in the house & stay at will: THIS right here is why I needed to know what qualified her to give Meading” lessons a few episodes ago in Savannah….when she ain’t read nobody YET.

    Also, I haven’t brought myself to see “12 Years a Slave” yet, I don’t think I’m ready for all my emotions to pour forth like that…and y’all comments have confirmed that, lol.