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Did Malaysia Air Use Apple Maps? Cuz “What Had Happened Was…”

It’s been two weeks since Malaysian Air flight MH370 disappeared like everyone’s tax refund check money. It fell off radars, its equipment stopped working and no black box has been found. No debris has been confirmed to be linked to it and no one has gotten extra clues as to what happened to it definitively. If speculating was an Olympic sport, we’d all be platinum medalists (they’d need to upgrade from gold).

Nothing about this whole situation has curled all the way over or sounded right since the beginning. It’s a conspiracy theorist’s wet dream and the worst nightmare of paranoid people everywhere. The world has been collectively squinting like Homer as we’ve watched this unfold.

Homer Suspicious gif

Today, the country’s government and the airline released statements to the family of the passengers and the public.

“Malaysia Airlines deeply regrets that we have to assume beyond any reasonable doubt that MH370 has been lost and that none of those on board survived. As you will hear in the next hour from Malaysia’s Prime Minister, we must now accept all evidence suggests the plane went down in the Southern Indian Ocean.”

OHOK O__o. They’re basically like “so ummm we looked and we ain’t find nothing. Let’s just say it’s in the ocean and no one made it. Sorry, yall!” Chile… that’s a mess. They need way more people.

It’s been TWO WHOLE WEEKS! How does a Boeing 777 just poof and vanish with no trace? As much technology that exists on a gahtdamb plane, no one could find THIS one? Didn’t nobody have some “find my iPhone” activated? Did anyone on the flight have student loans? Sallie Mae will track you down to the ends of the Earth if you owe them money. Did folks use Apple Maps to look for this plane? WHAT HAPPEN?? WHY IT HAPPEN??

wha happen gif

It was easier finding Jesus’ footprints in the sand after high tide. We could all find Lil Kim’s original face, John Travolta’s real scalp and the lost city of Atlantis way easier. I don’t understand.

Did B613 do it? Olivia is somewhere RIGHT NOW yelling at Command to find out what really happened with that plane because this is fishier than the *pause* Indian Ocean. SHARRAP! Yeah I know I coulda done better with that joke. LEMME LIVE.

Chile, I don’t know. But I do know today’s announcement reeks of “WE QUIT!” Malaysia is taking its ball and going home. Those poor relatives of the people on board still don’t get any closure and that sucks royally.

And then Malaysia Air’s talmbout they’re gonna fly the family members of the passengers to wherever they eventually find the wreckage. Because that’s what the people wanna hear right now.

No Dr Evil gif

WHO WANTS TO FLY WITH YALL NOW?!? This is the type of stuff I’d expect from jankass Spirit Airlines (aka the Greyhound of Aviation), not Malaysia Air! What type of confidence are we supposed to have when we travel? I’m outchea thinking about taking boats and trains everywhere. I DON’T HAVE TIME TO COME UP MISSING. Girl…

My heart goes out to those who lost friends and family on flight MH370.

Anywho, what do y’all make up this entire fiasco? Let’s talk about it, fam.

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34 Comments

  1. Michele
    March 24, 2014 at 4:51 pm

    Actually US Airways is the Greyhound of Aviation, but that’s a debate for another day.

    I wanna put one of my size 8s up Malaysian Air’s behind for sending the families that “sucks that your loved one’s dead, oh well” text. I mean that should at least warrant a phone call. SMH on that.

    And don’t even get me started on CNN. I’m surprised they didn’t bring on Dora the Explorer or Mr. Peabody and Sherman for expert analysis. Then again that might be tonight’s lineup.

    I just feel awful that the families have to figure out how to go on without a decent sense of closure.

    • RavenJ
      March 24, 2014 at 9:37 pm

      One of my in laws flew on Spirit and he said the flight attendants got into a fight while the plane was chillin on the runway…as they waited for the airplane to decide if it wanted to take off or not. Mind you this was in Dallas, TX. During the summer. It was hot and they were just sitting there. He said Soul Plane would have been an upgrade. :-/

    • March 25, 2014 at 7:18 am

      Sherman would’ve had everyone even more lost becuase he’s not that bright, Dora and Mr Peabody may actually find something, but I digress.

      • March 25, 2014 at 7:23 am

        *because

  2. Carlicia Alexander
    March 24, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    I was confused about them offering to fly the families out as well. Who’s going to board a Malaysia Air flight? Nobody. I just can’t with Malaysia Air and the Malaysian Government.

  3. March 24, 2014 at 5:03 pm

    My heart goes out to the families and the unfathomable lack of closure. The statement made by the Prime Minister is insulting particularly w/ no evidence to back it up. This is all over the place. And what new data is he referring to? They are just chalking it up to we can’t find it so what. And the offer to fly families anywhere is just inconsiderate and insulting. How dare they? So they can make another flight disappear w/ all the families so they can no longer complain? This is so amazing its almost unbelievable. I think Malaysia is hiding something.

  4. Kamesa
    March 24, 2014 at 5:05 pm

    AirTran is the Greyhound of the skies, but they might be classier now that they’ve merged with Southwest. Anyways, I don’t see how they can’t find the plane but my hometown of NoOne Has Nice Things, MS done found me after 3 marriages and moves to 4 different states to tell me about a traffic ticket that I owed from TWENTY YEARS AGO! Really? -_-

    • Chenelle
      March 26, 2014 at 3:42 pm

      NO!!!! that was the AirTran of 20 years ago!! They are NOT the Greyhound of the airways today…by a looooong shot! That would be Spirit and Frontier (that I know of), & and AirTran was actually graded HIGHER than Southwest before their merger. ***My thoughts and prayers go out to the families and friends of those lost on Malaysian Flight MH370! The actions of Malaysia Airline and Malaysian Government are just….UNBELIEVABLE!

  5. TeeNikki
    March 24, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    This whole situation is suspect. None of it makes sense. It’s had slippy sloppy reporting. It’s had sloppy theories. NO ONE has it on radar after a certain point. But they “know” it busted a u-turn and is in the ocean. All these little pieces of debris but NONE from the big ole plane? Since it wasn’t in anyone’s radar, how in the ham sandwich do they know it went that way? Too much up in the air.

  6. Tracey
    March 24, 2014 at 5:24 pm

    Oh, so we ain’t e’em gone discuss this rightchea

    http://time.com/35129/malaysia-airlines-flight-mh066-emergency-landing-hong-kong/

    Yes, another plane acting a foolover there in Malaysia. I can’t.

  7. Sharda
    March 24, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    I’m telling y’all this is some LOST type of shit! They all on a desert island waiting for someone to find them. Jk but seriously I don’t think they gave up. I think the government knows that it was the planes fault or something wasn’t right that night and no one questioned it until the flight went missing. I’m just seriously trying to figure out why no one can explain the change of direction 12 minutes before their last transmission. So you mean to tell me that a whole 12 minutes NOBODY was doing their job? Nobody realized that the flight was going the wrong way? I am not a conspiracy theorist but something ain’t right about none of this. Also why did it take them so long to ask for help from other countries when they knew they were Ill equipt to deal with it?

    • milaxx
      March 24, 2014 at 6:15 pm

      My sister been calling it Oceanic 370 for weeks now.
      Also shaking my head at the raggedyness of texting family and loved ones.

      Something is not kosher here.

  8. Kamesa
    March 24, 2014 at 5:34 pm

    This makes me think about Air France and how that plane vanished too. It took them 2 years to find the wreckage and recover bodies. My heart goes out to those families of the passengers on Malaysian Airlines. I cannot imagine having no real closure.

  9. KemaB
    March 24, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    I told my co-worker the other something in the milk ain’t right about this missing plane story and I’m anything but a conspiracy theorist I actually loathe them with a passion but I digress. Then you gonna send the family a Dear John letter and pack your things and go home. Oh.hell.no somebody better find that damn plane. A scorned girlfriend or ex girlfriend woulda had that location in seconds using google earth or family locator. Just saying.

  10. Deja
    March 24, 2014 at 6:09 pm

    Tell black women Tony Goldwyn was on that plane, they would have found the plane, the black box, a Tony Goldwyn Malaysian Air selfie, the fountain of youth and the lost city of atlantis.

    Honestly, this is some twilight zone shit forreal. Didnt anyone on the plane have a phone to alert someone in their families that something was wrong? I think keith sweat said it best: somethin somethin…somethin somethin just aint right.

    • RavenJ
      March 24, 2014 at 9:59 pm

      Trying to be serious, but umm…the Tony Goldwyn line gives me the giggles

  11. jimmy
    March 24, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    In addition to the pain the families have to go through it has to be frustrating to hear the officials act like my son when he’s looking for something in his room and it didn’t jump into his hands. “Oh umm I don’t see it.” Yeah ok (insert pissed off face here).

    • March 25, 2014 at 12:42 pm

      I live in a house with 3 males: husband, and two sons, and I can COMPLETELY relate to this.

      Has anyone asked a MOM to find this plane?? Because we find EVERYTHING. Your other shoe? Under the bed. Your favorite shirt? In the entertainment center (why??). Your homework? In the trash. We find it ALL.

      • candigirlindmv
        March 25, 2014 at 2:07 pm

        I’m not a mother but that is THE truth!!

      • RavenJ
        March 25, 2014 at 3:10 pm

        I too live with 3 males: hubby and two sons. I once found a sock in the freezer and a toy in the dish washer. I was not amused. I’m sure my boys were hiding things from each other.
        Stay strong!

      • March 26, 2014 at 2:50 am

        I call this male inability to find things ‘the bloke look’. I don’t understand how men look for things.

        • March 26, 2014 at 11:38 am

          They don’t. They wait on a woman to come in and find it.

  12. RavenJ
    March 24, 2014 at 9:57 pm

    This whole situation has me feeling uneasy. My fear is if/when the truth comes out…we will wish we were still in the dark because there may be some ish out there that we truly do not want to know about. My heart goes out to the families. The whole situation is horrific and I fail to understand how they cannot get not nary bit of information on the location. Like others have stated-how in the hell does a plane go unaccounted for any amount of time and it isn’t immediately noticed? Damn…

  13. March 24, 2014 at 10:00 pm

    I imagine the plane disappeared to wherever the killers of Tupac, Biggie and Jam Master Jay are living…

  14. March 25, 2014 at 5:27 am

    Spirit Airlines would find that plane in a heartbeat – they are waaaayyyy to cheap to let something as piddly as that Ocean eat up the inventory.

    • jimmy
      March 25, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      Elizabeth you are officially on punishment for that! Omg you have me snorting with the inappropriate laugh.

      …..Oh crap here come the tears. I can’t stop laughing at you.

  15. March 25, 2014 at 12:46 pm

    I was just out of the country and ended up sitting next to an Air Canada pilot at a restaurant. I have no respect for personal space, so naturally I asked his opinion on the matter despite the fact he was trying to eat. His theory was that the First Officer would have waited til the other pilot left the cockpit to hit the toilet and he would have locked him out. Once you are out of the cockpit, you CAN’T get back in. Like, at all. He said then he could have destabilized the plane enough to kill everyone on board but he could have survived with an oxygen mask. Or he could have flown anywhere and crashed, etc. But he said the buzz among the pilots he speaks to is that the FO did it either as a terrorist act or he just lost his mind and did it.

    He then told us which airlines to always avoid (all the Asian ones, like ALL of them, and Air France). I decided that from now on, I’m driving my Kia.

    • jimmy
      March 25, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      Christi- kudos on your gutsy investigative skills! Now go join Elizabeth on punishment for that Kia remark. (Love it!)

  16. Afro N
    March 25, 2014 at 2:06 pm

    They broke the news via text message – callous.
    “…assume beyond reasonable doubt…” – oxymoron.
    Perhaps the Malaysian government refuses to publicly admit that the search involving various countries, naval ships, planes and other equipment is costing too much money – money they do not want to pay.

    According to all maps, charts and tables I’ve seen on various news stations the plane is ‘assumed beyond reasonable doubt’ to have crashed in the southern part of the Indian ocean. Australia appears to be the closest country. Now what I am wondering is this; Australia is notorious for monitoring surrounding waters and spotting tiny boats and yet they missed a commercial plane.

  17. Serenity
    March 25, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    Aliens got it and they are anal probing the passengers right now…..

  18. Sunny
    March 25, 2014 at 4:54 pm

    All I could think was “Did they ask someones Mom to look for it – cause it ain’t lost unless MOM can’t find it.”
    Its sad and my heart goes out to the families.

  19. March 26, 2014 at 8:05 am

    Look…if Justine Sacco was on that plane, there would’ve been delegates from Black Twitter on CNN right now with pictures and coordinates.

  20. Bryan
    March 26, 2014 at 9:38 am

    I suppose if there was that special kind of white man or woman on that plane we could have gotten answers. CNN reported that there was a new kind of Microchip on board and that this may have been a cause to attack the plan(Its CNN so you know…)Now the airline sent a text with that statement above not a letter not a phone call a TEXT smh something happened and I need answers

  21. Kimyotta
    March 31, 2014 at 9:39 pm

    I called it Operation Remington the first day! The first officer was either a fundamentalist or an espionage agent. Those families will never know and I think this happens a lot more frequently than we know. These are interesting times we are living and historically that’s never been a good thing!