Fashion

These Puma Sneakers By Solange Are Dora the Explorer’s Dream

I’ve been a fan of PUMA shoes for years because they stand out and aren’t ordinary gym shoes (STAND UP, CHICAGO). I’ve had multiple pairs of their kicks, and I might even still own 1 or 2 in the back of my closet.

When Solange Knowles was announced as their Creative Director, I was intrigued to see what collection would drop as a result. If nothing else, I knew it’d be interesting. Solo is the President, CEO and Executive Director of the “I’m Different” Club and it’s cool because she clearly marches to the beat of her own drum. It’s inspiring. Her Instagram is basically the life we all wanna live. Colorful houses, exotic locations and looking like you give no dambs because you’re luxuriating allatahm. I’d totally wanna hang out with her and talk about life and whatnots.

The Solange X PUMA “Girls of Blaze” lookbook was released and folks everywhere agreed it was dope visually.

solange_puma

Yes, ladies of all shades with curly hair!

I was digging it. The dramatic lips, the ladies of all shades with curly hair and the random symbolism that I’m sure was deeper than rap but I didn’t get it because I’m shallower than a Snapple cap and that’s perfectly ok. Because: art. And vision.

The shoes looked colorful from afar, and that was expected because the day you see Solo looking anything but loud is the day we should all crowd around her and ask what’s wrong. Minimalism is not her thing. She’s known for rocking plaid, houndstooth, cockroaches and polka dots on one #ALPHET and somehow making it work. So yes, these PUMA shoes had to have some energy and “do the mostness.”

Today, I was sent a link to one of the shoes in the collection, which are from PUMA’s classic Discs, and when I clicked it, what I saw was this:

solange-puma-rainforest

*jumps back* I’m pretty sure I’ve seen shoes JUST LIKE THIS at Children’s Place and even I thought they’d be obnoxious on a toddler’s feet and these are for full-grown people. And those shoes didn’t cost $150 like these do. Already, these shoes give me orthopedic fever. We got straps on the side, chanclatta styrofoam soles and 15 colors that couldn’t go together if they were married. Someone on the designing team was like “you know what? Let’s add ONE MORE COLOR for extra POP!”

Dora the Explorer is somewhere scheming with Swiper about how she’ll get her hands on these.

These shoes are so fugly that I’ve declared them my mortal enemies. I challenge them to a duel at noon because they’ve offended me, as a shoe-anista. NO MA’AM!

No Consuela

Chile… but I’m not the only one who feels like this. I posted the picture of the shoes to my Facebook fan page and the roast that ensued was just as colorful as the shoe itself.

“Did Denise Huxtable collaborate on them with Solange dawg? The Air Gordana Gartrelles?” – LV

“it kinda looks like if someone’s mama tried to make a sneaker shaped birthday cake” – PGY

“These shoes better come with an assortment of useful superpowers and nothing less!” – TMS

“Those make Crocs look good! That’s a damn shame.” – ZP

“They look like someone melted down some Barbie sets, ate it, and then threw up into a shoe mold…” – NP

“This shoe looks like everybody’s collective bad decisions!” – CT

“Why are they? What are they? Who is what? *Ugandan Kerry Washington Voice” – AD

“What happen? Why it happen? *Atlanta Voice*” – TI

“And why did they steal the laces closure thing from Johnny Quest?? This looks like ground-up daycare or preschool finger paint projects.” – NSF

“what in the name of shoe heaven is this travesty??! It looks like someone microwaved all their crayons, the put ripped up pieces of construction paper on it. No ma’m” – AG

“This looks like the sneakers that you make with all the leftovers from the other sneakers that were already made.” – GH

“They look like they’re made out of playdoh” – TH

“Air Fruity Pebbles” – KJ

“Nawl, these are for children with big feet. Like me with size 9s in the 4th grade. *hangs head*” – NB

“These made my light bill go up.” – AT

“Do they light up and play music like “Dora the Explorer” or something?” – SF

“Yuck. They look like a shoe made from vomit and confetti.” – SH

“Don’t stare at them too long. You’ll get dizzy & question your place on earth.” – CGM

LMAO! Yall are the worst.

But these shoes are sold out at many stores so people thought these were the bombest of all diggities. So I should shut my mouth WIDE OPEN! Everything ain’t for everybody and that is understood and Solange’s genius is definitely appreciated by others. In the meantime, I’ll be over here wearing shoes that don’t make me dizzy.

Oh Puma, I still love y’all, doe. I appreciate that they allowed Solange to channel the inner child in her and all of us but was restraint and editing busy? I’m just asking. No shade or nothing. I’m sure these shoes bring someone joy.

solange-knowles-puma

So would you wear these shoes? Speak on it.

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63 Comments

  1. jcanwisegrrl
    March 12, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    I just laughed until I started dry heaving. Luvvie, WHYYY??? Better yet, Solange, WHHYYYYYY? They looked good from afar doe. Good thing I’m not a sneakerhead.

    • March 12, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      This right here has me crying even more at work at the “light skinned man’s” establishment. They keep asking am I okay. NAW!! HILARIOUS!!!

  2. Fresh
    March 12, 2014 at 2:28 pm

    I’d wear the green and black pair on a walk, sure.

    • Tiffany
      March 12, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      See I was hoping I wasn’t alone… I’d rock those for a workout! The black and green one’s are the least offensive in the group! lol

    • Randomly Jazzy
      March 12, 2014 at 2:48 pm

      and those are the only ones that I would even think about wearing. those other shoes, set fire to them!

    • TeeNikki
      March 12, 2014 at 5:47 pm

      I said the same thing. Their not completely ugly. Just a little bit. And doable-ish.

    • March 12, 2014 at 11:53 pm

      Ditto. Although, the more I stare — the top pair doesn’t look that bad either. But my eyes could have already sustained damage from staring at the main image for too long… so I ‘unno. #KanyeShrugs

    • LadyLarke
      March 13, 2014 at 10:25 am

      I like the bottom two in the pic with all 4. They’re not so colorful but colorful enough to not look like a dyslexic rainbow.

  3. Fanny
    March 12, 2014 at 2:29 pm

    I might consider them for my 3 year old. *Might*

  4. ykh
    March 12, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    They do help to express your inner toddler. You know, the one that was all hyped on sugar and vibrating at the speed of light. Yeah. Just got tired watching those sneakers. Time for nap.

    • Shakira
      March 12, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      That was pure hilarity! They look like a kid’s horrible art project. And wearing them would be like hanging said art project on the fridge because you don’t want to hurt the artist’s feelings. Cause you love them and they mean well.

      • March 12, 2014 at 10:55 pm

        And you say “Bless their heart” every time you see it.

    • March 13, 2014 at 4:58 am

      I just cackled so loud I drew folks into my office reading this comment. Agreed!

  5. March 12, 2014 at 2:32 pm

    Lordt. I’m torn. Torn between my love and devotion to Solo (see, we’re so close we have nicknames for each other)and my loathing of these… are they shoes? *deep sigh* I just… I can’t.

  6. Ronke
    March 12, 2014 at 2:36 pm

    Honestly, the ones with black are not half bad. I mean I wouldn’t go out to buy them, but I also wouldn’t hand them off to the homeless….#justsayin.

  7. TheRYL1
    March 12, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    I like the rainbow sherbet ones…that’s all I got! 😉

    • Milaxx
      March 12, 2014 at 10:00 pm

      I like those as well. I’d wear them in the summer.

    • ktzmiao
      March 21, 2014 at 6:05 pm

      I’d wear the bottom ones, the rainbow sherbert ones,,, they make a good summer gym shoe and the black/green would be good fall/winter. But I’m not fashion forward enough for the other two.

  8. March 12, 2014 at 2:39 pm

    I love the Pumas that I have because they are low-key and simple. These are just…confusing.

  9. mochazina
    March 12, 2014 at 2:40 pm

    only the green and black would get some pay. and I ain’t afraid of color. this is too much, even for me.

  10. March 12, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    These look like and art project gone bad, but then again so does Solange most of the time….. LOL

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:57 pm

      Shade.

  11. CGM
    March 12, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    Lawd, I done died and can’t stop smiling! Lil ole me was quoted in a Luvvie post!! *twirls, sashays, Drunk In Love bounces, and ends with a perfectly executed Leyomi drop*

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:56 pm

      Your foolishness is appreciated!

  12. Drea823
    March 12, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    “Air Fruity Pebbles”!!! I’m pretty sure I lost consciousness for a second or 2 due to lack of oxygen from laughing at this damn post…..lmao!! These comments are everything!

    • a
      March 12, 2014 at 5:12 pm

      Dead

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:55 pm

      LMAOOO! That one had me cackling too. Air Froot Loops game proper.

  13. Roni B
    March 12, 2014 at 3:07 pm

    Girl bye!

  14. Shakira
    March 12, 2014 at 3:08 pm

    Endless cackles this article is. Though I would sport the green/black ones and the rainbow ombre ones. Them other two though? Sheeeeit. Nope.

  15. arma109
    March 12, 2014 at 3:13 pm

    A real Creative Director is saying “they would’ve fired me over this shyt.”

  16. March 12, 2014 at 3:16 pm

    I’m just gonna say it and fuck being PR about it, but these look like Special Ed shoes….Like the adult that wears these takes life skills classes….Ok, bye Luvvie….

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:55 pm

      BYE KAY! GOODBYE TO YOU!

    • Gracie
      March 13, 2014 at 3:16 pm

      OMG Kay thank you for saying it! I was thinking the SAME THING!!! I have real tears in my eyes right now. Thank you for speaking truth and light into my life.

  17. March 12, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Lmao WOW! She stole what I did to my brand new WHITE sneakers in the 2nd grade; if it wasn’t for my dad pleading on my behalf, my mom would’ve made me wear them 2 school the next day!

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:54 pm

      LMAO!!! So you sabotaged your shoes.

  18. mary burrell
    March 12, 2014 at 3:25 pm

    I’m sure these will be a hit with the young teen girls and twenty somethings.

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:54 pm

      Hipsters everywhere will rock these proudly!

  19. March 12, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    The only thing I care about here is that .gif spraying of “NO.” I about fell out laughing upon seeing that! It is exactly how I feel about life right now and I need that spray. But antyways, them shoes, chile, I got a headache looking at them and have forgotten what I wanted to say. The end.

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:49 pm

      That gif is the GIFt (ha) that keeps on giving. Consuela is everything.

  20. Elle N
    March 12, 2014 at 3:57 pm

    I believe this is what Zumba and the world of “dance fitness” has done to athletic shoes. Both Asics and New Balance have had melted crayon lines in the last couple of years.
    Those black and green ones though. Its a nice take on camo colors. I’d wear them…you know, after they go on clearance and make an appearance at the Ross.

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      I love New Balance but they too have some crazy colorways for their shoes sometimes. However, I’ve never seen either go this nuts. The black and green ones, I can deal with. They’re not bad.

  21. rikyrah
    March 12, 2014 at 3:58 pm

    I can’t understand anyone grown wanting these shoes, but children – yes.

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      Children would go to bed early and skip dessert just to procure these shoes.

  22. Keisha
    March 12, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    Nah. I understand that Puma is a running/walking shoe brand, so as a former athlete I am feeling the “idea” of that lace up device. However, you gotta consider everyone n not just the chicks that wear size 6! Most of those colors are maybe tolerable on smaller feet but umm…what about us with a size 10?
    I’m gonna remain shade free on Solange becuz I love her style and creativeness, plus I have seen worse shoes that made me ask “what n the entire fukk were they thinkin?”

    So good luck girl n do betta next time if u have the opportunity!

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:46 pm

      These shoes in a size 10 will look like the worst boats you ever did see. I shudder.

  23. CM
    March 12, 2014 at 4:24 pm

    They did make me jump back but they are cute. If you’re trendy and good with colors like Solo, they could work. I’m boring and simple so these would have no place in my wardrobe.

    That What happen? Why it happen? had me rollin’!

  24. March 12, 2014 at 5:02 pm

    All you need are some jazz hands, unitards, leg warmers, and a headband and your journey into 80s fashion workout Hell will be complete.

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:45 pm

      LMAO!!! I am now singing “What a feeling! Please believe it!” in my head. Thank you.

    • Leo the Yardie Chick
      March 13, 2014 at 2:55 pm

      I was just about to say that they’re too 80s flashback for me.

  25. JayP
    March 12, 2014 at 5:16 pm

    But what is that over the tongue? Looks like an oxygen mask? Is that a clock?!? I just don’t know what to think I’m confused…

  26. NatashaSF
    March 12, 2014 at 7:29 pm

    Puma ate a Lisa Frank Trapper Keeper and sh!t these shoes out. Seriously.

    Also *twirls* at being quoted by Luvvie. “I’d like to thank the Academy…”

    • Tina
      March 13, 2014 at 9:20 am

      I did the same thing when I saw my comment up there. Had me all verklempt.

  27. Milaxx
    March 12, 2014 at 9:56 pm

    Clearly I don’t have enough of a fashionista PhD to wear theses. Solange does because she’s wearing those sneakers with that suit and looking cute. I try that and people will be asking where’s my red ball for my nose.

  28. clowning6
    March 12, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    Hell to the naw I wouldn’t wear those shoes. I thought they were toddlers shoes at first cause that’s only what they’ll look good on.

  29. TwistNshout
    March 12, 2014 at 10:36 pm

    “Marches to the beat of her own drum” right? Not “matches” I catch a typo on every other post & not your purposely misspelled words. Wouldn’t say anything but you come for everybody else soooo…
    You’re welcome

    • March 12, 2014 at 10:44 pm

      I actually appreciate when folks catch my typos so I can fix them. Will fix this one now.

  30. Dréa
    March 13, 2014 at 5:12 am

    I LOVE these! But then again,I usually do love the brightest, most garish shoes I can find. I’d rock ’em. #KanyeShrug.

  31. paintgurl40
    March 13, 2014 at 10:40 am

    I like the 3rd and 4th pair.

  32. paintgurl40
    March 13, 2014 at 10:42 am

    Nike has a pair of kd floral ones that are just as hideous as the ones in the top pic.

  33. LalaRochelle
    March 13, 2014 at 12:59 pm

    I SHOULD HAVE NOT READ THIS WHILE GIVING MY STUDENTS A TEST. FAIL. I got tears down my face, snorting and shoulders shaking while trying to tell idiotic 10th graders to be quiet.

  34. Leo the Yardie Chick
    March 13, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    My Pumas gave up the ghost last week after 7 years of hardcore use, but I wouldn’t replace them with any of these. Nerp!

    Pretty sure a million other people will, so Solange won’t be destitute.

  35. March 14, 2014 at 4:02 pm

    I was excited for this collection but I can’t say I’d buy these…

  36. Jasmine
    April 30, 2014 at 8:59 pm

    I love these!!!! totally my style (I’m 29)…. suits my personality and style to a Teee