TV

This Scandal Character Has Gone on To Glory So We Gotta Plan His Homegoing

Who got shot scandal 2

I didn’t wanna put his name in the title of this post because I didn’t wanna spoil it for everyone who hasn’t seen it. I’ve went through many lengths to make sure the only people who know who died are the folks who clicked through to this post. For example, I made sure my first and last pics weren’t giving it away (because sometimes, Facebook pulls whatever it wants). I also didn’t e’em try to get the SEO juice by putting his name in the post link. THANK ME LATER, LATE COMERS! And I’m a considerate broad like that but y’all know who just got shot cold-blooded in the streets.

We have gathered here today because Cyrus Beene’s boo, James Novak, ain’t make it. He’s Verna dead, y’all and we liked him so we gotta send him off the right way. We started planning his funeral last week with selections to play at his repass.

Anyways, I made a program for the service.

James-program2

Dress Code

The family of James Novak is asking that you come rocking a white rose on your chest. There will be no white hats allowed in that building because what y’all ain’t gon do is lie in Jesus’ house. None of you have enough behavior to justify that. Please respect these wishes.

Seating

We’re gonna have assigned seating at Mr. Novak’s homegoing because we know some of you ain’t there to wish folks well. We also know everyone can’t get along and that ain’t the place to start something you can’t finish. This will be a peaceful gathering. Furthermore, press will be relegated to the back. TMZ, you’re not allowed in. Neither are YOU, Jaheim.

Music

At the actual church service, we’re keeping the song selections to 3 hymns. Y’all are not gon have us in here all day when we still got a repass to go to. Sister O’Dell has been told that she gotta sit this one out and she understands. These ain’t hymns but we did make some exceptions because Sister Shirley Caesar is gon sing us “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” while Brother Stevie Wonder’s coming through for “I never dreamed you’d leave in summer.” And when Cyrus goes to pay his respects to his boo for a last time, the song playing will be “I Will Always Love You.” Please bring your own tissues to mop up your feelings with.

James Cyrus Ella 1 copy

Don’t forget the good times,

At the repass, the following people will perform. If you aren’t on this list but wish to be added, be mad that your publicist ain’t let us know in advance.

* Tamela Mann (she’s gon take us to the king)
* Bebe and Cece Winans (because love songs to Jesus are always it)
* Kirk Franklin (to remind us that Jesus is better than silver and gold)
* Yolanda Adams (what’s a gospel gathering without her? NOTHING!)
* Bone Thugs N Harmony (so Cyrus can get the message to James that he’ll see him at the crossroads)
* Elton John (because James is a Candle in the WIND!) – @Dynamo_Diva

It’s gon be a holy concert. We’ll live stream it on Google hangout until the data plan we use to tether to the computer runs out. You’re welcome!

Food

We will not be allowing food inside the sanctuary so y’all gon need to wait til the repass to eat. We need folks to bring the following dishes to James’ repass: sweet potato pie, mac & cheese, vegan german chocolate cake, orange soda, kale salad (some people wanna be healthy. whatever), chicken (baked and fried). Please sign up with Ethan to let us know what you plan on bringing. If you aren’t bringing nothing, you better not eat nothing either. Just selfish. You could stop at the store and pick up some napkins or something. It’s not even that hard. Anyway…

Ushers

We will need some willing, able and experienced ushers for this occasion. We need them to be able to get people together with one look, even if they’re super important. You’ll be trusted to keep folks in them pews until the end. There will be many goons in that place and we need y’all to help us keep order. Think of yourself as holy bouncers.

Oooo chile. So many more preparations. I’m waiting to see what Shonda and team are gonna have for us next week.

So whatcha’ll gonna contribute to the cause now that one of our beloved characters has gone on to lay his burdens down permanently?

Dead Verna gif

And in case you haven’t read my recap of the episode, check out Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Scandal Episode 314 recap.

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154 Comments

  1. Luvlee2u
    March 21, 2014 at 4:13 am

    This Homecoming post is hilarious. Not Sister O’Dell gotta sit this one outt!! Every church has a Sister O’Dell

  2. tammy
    March 21, 2014 at 4:50 am

    Sweet potato pie done and ready. But uhm, I have a question…is an off white rose okay?
    ‘Pure’ white just doesn’t seem right…

  3. ReallySeeME
    March 21, 2014 at 6:21 am

    I’m volunteering for ursha duty. I will bounce Sally’s holy azz right outta church if she e’em look like she gone clown. And I’ll bring some potato salad to the repass. And Luvvie gurl, the program is just so special. James would be proud……*grabs tissue*

  4. Kimyotta
    March 21, 2014 at 6:44 am

    You know you crazy right, Luv? I must be too cuz I hadda read tnis before the recap,smh.

    • Purple Dove
      March 21, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Me too! LOL!

    • OnlyDionysus
      March 21, 2014 at 11:13 pm

      Lmao! SHOLL DID! Hahahaha we a mess!

  5. March 21, 2014 at 6:57 am

    I’ve got the pound cake already in the oven, bless his heart. You’ll also need someone on parking duty; I’ll help with that. Gone too soon *sniffs* gone too soon *hums hymns like her Grandma*

  6. March 21, 2014 at 6:57 am

    I’ve got the pound cake already in the oven, bless his heart. You’ll also need someone on parking duty; I’ll help with that. Gone too soon *sniffs* gone too soon *hums hymns like her Grandma*

  7. tacd
    March 21, 2014 at 7:04 am

    i am hollering
    i have some tatoe salad and some rolls ready, FRESH rolls not the kind you get from the store…that’s how much I care to contribute.
    i will also be an ursha and help pass out programs, seat folks in the assigned seating, pass out fans and tissues…

    • Samantha
      March 21, 2014 at 9:32 pm

      I wouldn’t be mad if you ran out of time and needed to pick up some rolls from Golden Corral.

  8. KemaB
    March 21, 2014 at 7:13 am

    Dead dead dead!!!!!!!!!! Luvvie where is your chill and that program……Lmaooooooo I cannot deal with you RIP James!!!!

  9. Jay
    March 21, 2014 at 7:21 am

    I’ll bring funeral sandwiches. My cousin just got out so if you need an usher with extensive shank history let me know.

    • GENESIS
      March 21, 2014 at 9:12 am

      … extensive shank history … I CANNOT … laughing so hard, I’m crying real tears.

      • lurker
        March 21, 2014 at 12:50 pm

        *laughing a wheezy laugh at my desk with tears coming out*

    • chevonne22
      March 21, 2014 at 10:57 am

      Normally no, but considering the circumstances, I think your cousin is specifically qualified for this job. #iCant

    • March 21, 2014 at 1:21 pm

      Yep. I’m dead. *falls out*

    • Eb
      March 22, 2014 at 9:36 am

      I DIED like James and Verna at “SHANK HISTORY”!!!

    • TraciB.
      March 22, 2014 at 12:40 pm

      OH NO – you gonna pay for that one! TOOOO funny for real!

  10. SanTara
    March 21, 2014 at 7:35 am

    “Please sign up with Ethan” LMAO! everything brilliant happened with that single insertion. Poor guy was all the way broke up in the office doorway.

    Oh, make sure they put the “Silence your cellphone” message up on the church monitors. Folks are rude as hell with their secular ringtones in the holy house.

    • Jabari
      March 21, 2014 at 12:10 pm

      Yes hunny, no one needs to hear how Drunk in Love Yonce is in the Lawd’s house…

    • Muse
      March 21, 2014 at 12:45 pm

      LOL Ethan’s the guy that had Olivia like, “stop crying or you’re fired!” Oh bless his wee heart!

  11. phoebe
    March 21, 2014 at 7:38 am

    Laaawdd! I’m hollering way over here. I officially recruit you to write my obituary and funeral program when I finally go to lay down my burdens permanently

  12. March 21, 2014 at 7:47 am

    i’ll be on the set up committee. i am running by Sam’s to get plastic ware and tableclothes. and those small cups so ya’ll don’t drink all the 7Up punch.

    • March 21, 2014 at 11:20 am

      chile…. I just fell out!!!! “So ya’ll don’t drink all the 7up punch”

      • TraciB.
        March 22, 2014 at 12:41 pm

        y’all are ALL crazy! not the little cups – just LIKE the church sisters – always STINGY!!!!

  13. Kenya
    March 21, 2014 at 7:49 am

    President of Wig support ministry is reporting for duty!!! I’m here with your big ole scarves so you heathens in short skirts can cover your nether regions and mourn with dignity. Cross at the ankles ladies!

    We will also provide support for the sisters (and brethren) who shout their wigs off through a fall out, light jog or a praise shout during the alter call.
    We specialize in discreet recovery methods. Aka Instagram that ho!!!

    • GENESIS
      March 21, 2014 at 9:10 am

      SCREAMING laughing at “discreet recovery methods”!!!

    • MrsT
      March 21, 2014 at 10:36 am

      Ooo LAWD that has me crying real tears in my office, “so you heathens in short skirts can cover your nether regions and mourn with dignity. Cross at the ankles ladies!”

    • March 21, 2014 at 11:21 am

      Just imagining this ‘light jog’ through the sanctuary got me weak!!!

    • Chyn
      March 22, 2014 at 5:41 am

      Dead!!!!!

  14. Stacy
    March 21, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Can we keep the remarks to under 2 minutes, with the exception of Ms. Shonda.

    • Samantha
      March 21, 2014 at 9:41 pm

      We might want to emphasize “remarks” because you know Sis. Gary will want to sing every verse of “I’ll Fly Away” … With the refrain x3 at the end.

      • Londa
        March 24, 2014 at 10:38 pm

        Bury me somewhere near James. Cause of death: “Sis. Gary will want to sing every verse of I’ll Fly Away.” LOL!!!!

  15. Erin
    March 21, 2014 at 8:10 am

    Luvvie, you are now responsible for planning my funeral too, because you killed me with “Neither are YOU, Jaheim.”

  16. LoveScandal
    March 21, 2014 at 8:15 am

    I think VP Sally should say the prayer too, so she can say “crispy crispy piggy” again. You know it would be one of those long prayers. So long that one of the holy bouncers will have to come on stage and whisk her away!! I am going to bring sweet tea to the repass and some peach cobbler.

  17. pup
    March 21, 2014 at 8:18 am

    I volunteer to be the one to fall out over the body. A funegro ain’t a funegro until somebody fall out over the body.

    • KDS
      March 21, 2014 at 12:41 pm

      Yes, we will need someone to lay cross the casket :o)! No service is complete without it

    • laddibugg
      March 21, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      “Take me with you!”

      • Michele W.
        March 21, 2014 at 8:43 pm

        Or “oh LAWD….. Why’d it have to be you”. Lmaooooo

  18. TT
    March 21, 2014 at 8:34 am

    You actually did a funeral program … LOL!!!!

  19. Lyn
    March 21, 2014 at 8:41 am

    Ummm…Leave the knives and the guns at home!!

  20. MarvyMds
    March 21, 2014 at 8:46 am

    I will bring the red velvet cake and am volunteering to hold Baby Ella during the service since Cyrus won’t be able to keep it together.

    • Londa
      March 24, 2014 at 10:40 pm

      I think that picture of Baby Ella looks like a Baby Kerry Washington. She’s adorable!

  21. JazzT
    March 21, 2014 at 8:50 am

    I got you on the vegan German Chocolate cake. Vegan baker here.

    I also volunteer to watch Ella during all of this because you know that room full of goons ain’t thinking about no child.

    RIP James

  22. KW
    March 21, 2014 at 8:51 am

    THIS IS NOT THE SERVICE ME AND MY GIRLS PLANNED TWO WEEKS AGO I. OUR FB “SCANDAL CHAT” GROUP!!!! We planned e-ve-rythsng right diwn to who will hold the precious brown baby! *huffs and starts famning with my MLK, Jr church fan*

    🙂
    (But can I get a couple of those commemorative service programs?)

  23. Tiffiany
    March 21, 2014 at 8:54 am

    “Neither are YOU, Jaheim.” *dead* Luvvie, girl you need counseling. 🙂

  24. MarvyMds
    March 21, 2014 at 8:55 am

    Oh and we will also need someone to keep an eye out for spurned lovers and exes. We don’t need any stunt queens coming up to the casket trying to steal Cyrus’ thunder.

    • MW
      March 21, 2014 at 9:29 am

      “Stunt Queens” ==> DECEASED

    • RavenJ
      March 21, 2014 at 9:47 am

      Good looking out!!!!

    • Krystal
      March 21, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      That’s my job! I will wear my MOST FIERCE stilletos, which double as a weapon if need be. LOL
      #IGotThis

  25. GENESIS
    March 21, 2014 at 9:07 am

    Put me down for peach cobbler and warn the ushers and pallbearers that it’s going to be pure Tom Foolery, I’mma do my Sarah Jane from “Imitation of Life” casket swoon.

    • Jen Jen
      March 24, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Not the Sarah Jane casket swoon?!?!?!? ::cue Mahalia Jackson::

  26. reallynow
    March 21, 2014 at 9:11 am

    I’m on fan and tissue duty, however when Cyrus tries to rush the casket I ain’t even gonna think about trying to stop him. I got reasons *___*
    I’ll bring some chess pies and collards with smoked turkey.

  27. Nichole
    March 21, 2014 at 9:12 am

    I dint see Boyz 2 Men “It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday” on the program? No worries.

    I don’t think the holy bouncers will fan someone so I will take that job. I can bring a pea salad or green bean cassarole.

    • Stacy
      March 21, 2014 at 11:39 am

      That songs gonna play as they all walk out…

      • Londa
        March 24, 2014 at 10:44 pm

        Yep, because Boyz 2 Men are in the choir…so, it’s handled.

        Mariah Carey’s diva behind will walk in late with her upper region bursting out of her ill-fitting glittery gown. They’ll let her walk up to the choir stand, though. She’s singing a selection with Boyz 2 Men – “One Sweet Day.”

        • SupaVal
          April 26, 2014 at 3:25 am

          “ill-fitting glittery gown”
          #iamdead ^^^___________

  28. CaliGirlED
    March 21, 2014 at 9:13 am

    Just lay next to James!!! Luvvie you are some special! LOL

  29. Nichole
    March 21, 2014 at 9:24 am

    NOT Verna Dead! I flatlined when I read that! LOL

  30. March 21, 2014 at 9:30 am

    There has to be chocolate cake. I volunteer for that. While I’m at it, might as well bring the coffee, cream and sugar.

  31. Robirdie23
    March 21, 2014 at 9:49 am

    You are SO wrong for Verna Dead, may Verna and her lace front rest in peace and stay laid forever and ever, amen. Not only am I not going to bring anything, after picking over the food and asking who cooked what, I will take 2 plates home for my nephews. And I can’t promise that I won’t try and jump in the casket with James, I refuse to have any behavior at this funeral. However, I will volunteer to be on smack down duty because you know someone is going to leave their phone on and we can’t be hearing Drunk In Love during this solemn occasion. Real talk, I cried a few thug passion tears at the end, damn you Mama Shonda! Luvvie you are a fool and I am here for it.

  32. March 21, 2014 at 9:50 am

    LOL.

    The white hat part made me laugh out loud…love this post!

  33. Twink
    March 21, 2014 at 9:51 am

    I will bring the rice and beans

  34. RavenJ
    March 21, 2014 at 9:52 am

    Ohhh….I needs to go get me a new hat!!! (I’m from the south) I’m not much of a cook, but I’ll put together a wonderfully touching slideshow of happier times so we can all look back and remember the wonderfulness that was James Novak.

  35. LadyLarke
    March 21, 2014 at 9:54 am

    This post made me go on YouTube and listen to Tamela Mann’s “Take Me to the King”. LOL

  36. Milaxx
    March 21, 2014 at 9:54 am

    Since I’m a vegetarian I’mma bring the kale salad. I’ll keep it small though cause I know ain’t gonna be more the 3 – 4 of us that roll that way. I’ll also bring the cups and napkins to make up for the small food contribution though.

  37. March 21, 2014 at 9:58 am

    DEAD at the program!

    But, no Papa Pope at the pulpit?! Cause we all KNOW he can preach!

    • lurker
      March 21, 2014 at 12:57 pm

      Yaaaasss!!

  38. March 21, 2014 at 10:03 am

    When I posted to Facebook, it pulled the program. Womp.
    #Anyweighs
    Between the service and the comments I am DONE!
    I’ll bring a pasta salad and some Hawaiian Rolls.
    Who’s on nursery duty?

  39. MsZ
    March 21, 2014 at 10:08 am

    I volunteer for clean up duty. Folks come by and eat and just leave plates and cups (still full of drink) all over the place. I’ll bring the Hefty bags as well. Sigh. We need to stay strong at a time like this!

  40. Nita
    March 21, 2014 at 10:20 am

    I volunteer to get little Ella ready, the dress, patent leather mary janes, lace trimmed ankle socks, ribbons for her hair and a little Olivia Pope white coat! Cause you know Cyrus’s folks don’t know nuthin bout that and Olivia is too distracted.

  41. March 21, 2014 at 10:21 am

    I will make sure folks use their ‘church fanga’ if they need to get up and walk through everybody. Also, I will bring deviled eggs, just because.

    Umm…can we get Marsha Ambrosious to warble a haunting slow song or something?

    • Kim
      March 21, 2014 at 2:44 pm

      “Church fanga” iDied. Lololol

    • Londa
      March 24, 2014 at 10:48 pm

      I need Kleenex. I swear I’m crying from the vision of everybody and their “church fangas”!

      In my head, I just heard the phrase, “Halleluyer.” I do believe Madea will be in the house with her church fanga (or is it her middle finger?) lifted for all to see.

  42. Crissypoo
    March 21, 2014 at 10:31 am

    Note to Ushers: Be on the look out for Jake, Quinn and ‘nem trying to pull a Bobby Brown entourage funeral crash!

  43. MrsMoultrie
    March 21, 2014 at 10:46 am

    I’ll be available about an hour before the funeral with “RIP James” tshirts for sale. They’ll have a family pic of James, Cyrus and Baby Ella on the front and “Gone but not forgotten” on the back. $25, cash only please! And Jake’s ass can’t have one!!!

    • RavenJ
      March 21, 2014 at 1:51 pm

      Put me in the ground with James because this just SLAYED me

    • TraciB.
      March 22, 2014 at 12:46 pm

      Dead!!!!

    • Londa
      March 24, 2014 at 10:52 pm

      I’m crying once again…still from laughter.

      I’m just saying, if we’re being entrepreneurs and all…I’ma set up shop just inside the sanctuary with a well-stocked inventory of Kleenex, handkerchiefs and commemorative fans (with pictures of James on them – don’t trip…I’ll cut you in on it)for those who forgot to bring their own.

  44. MsOand
    March 21, 2014 at 10:52 am

    This funeral is going to be on point. Will we have Sis.Phaedra(RHOA) doing the service? You know she will send James off the Southern way with the horse drawn carriage and dancing band…lol. I will stop by Popeye’s and pick up two boxes of Chicken (1 regular & 1 spicy) two side orders of dirty rice..lol. Ain’t no body got time to be cooking for these goons…lol

  45. Crissypoo
    March 21, 2014 at 10:53 am

    I KNOW Boys2Men will be on the list sanging (yes I said SANGING) ‘It’s So Hard To Say Goodbye To Yesterday’, maybe as they lower James’ casket in the grown.

  46. Susan Lupo
    March 21, 2014 at 11:12 am

    I will assist with cleaning up and getting all the food stored properly( mostly in my belly) I will also have spirits for the celebration of James home going at Cyrus crib later.

  47. CleosSistah
    March 21, 2014 at 11:13 am

    We gon need some live streaming cuz Imma miss the service while we downstairs frying the chicken and baking the ham and mac and cheese for the repast. Can’t be no Popeyes for James. And we gon need someone to bring Koolaid.

    • Michele W.
      March 21, 2014 at 8:50 pm

      I got the kool aid! Red or grape? Aw hell I’ll bring both!

      • MNLioness
        March 21, 2014 at 10:22 pm

        Red or grape—–rofl!

  48. […] and I did a whole other post on what James’ funeral is gon be like (it even includes a […]

  49. Margaret
    March 21, 2014 at 11:17 am

    I’m bringing cotton candy. It’ will be a great distraction for Baby Ella. I aleady know there won’t be enough fried chicken, so I’m also bringing a 12 piece mild (dark meat only) from Popeyes.
    Someone needs to contact @areefuhstanklin and ask her to bring 2 gallons of church punch.
    I also suggest that you hire extra security because we all know Jaheim will be creeping at the door.
    *packs my Tupperware and foil to take some food home in*

    • KDS
      March 21, 2014 at 12:55 pm

      I got $5 on the chicken!

  50. Jabari
    March 21, 2014 at 11:35 am

    Lovette Ajayi, whatchu not gon do is having me falling out at my place of business, threatening my trick off fundage…..

    But girl, I got some Cajun baked chicken and macaroni & cheese in the oven rhet to go!!! I will be in the place posted with my black suit, clutchable pearls, my MLK fan and my cool ranch sunflower seeds cause this finna be a col’ ass funeral dawg….

    • TraciB.
      March 22, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      NOT the cool ranch sunflower seeds! You KNOW she said no eat’n in the sanctuary! lol

  51. Lady E
    March 21, 2014 at 11:59 am

    LOL! These comments are hilarious!

  52. ChaCha
    March 21, 2014 at 12:16 pm

    BONE THUGS N HARMONY!!!!!!!!! Naw Jesus naw!!

  53. Msladee
    March 21, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    I’d like to volunteer as a Minister of Protocol (yes, the head usher that will step on your foot if you walk during the times of service that have an asterisk by them). I’m qualified to handle goons and goblins alike. I also have a nice sheet to match Olivia’s coat that I can have ready to throw over her in case she and her quivering lip catches the holy ghost. Most importantly, I’m not afraid to block Jake from waltzing to the front of the viewing and giving Cyrus his condolences like he’s Red in The Five Heartbeats.

    • Moni
      March 21, 2014 at 12:48 pm

      DEEEEEEAD! LOL!

    • lurker
      March 21, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      “Red in The Five Heartbeats” ROFLOL!!!

  54. mistresscorpio
    March 21, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Not white roses… Japanese Peonies!! Remember the ones that didn’t show up in time for Ella’s baptism?

  55. Moni
    March 21, 2014 at 12:43 pm

    I’ll make the commemorative CD’s with photos of Cy and James Ft. Aretha Franklin’s hit “I ain’t Neva Loved A Man (the way that I loved you. I’ll make the photo of Cy/James/Ella for the church fans as well…

  56. Marcus Carter
    March 21, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    Can we agree that Huck WILL NOT BE ON NURSERY DUTY!! I am willing to hire the Church Nurses and bring some fried drumettes.

    • shadgg02
      March 21, 2014 at 1:18 pm

      i can bring the Ranch AND Bleu Cheese dip for the drummettes….
      can we send Huck on a job while this is going on??? i don’t need him silently killing someone off while in the church house.

  57. shadgg02
    March 21, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    I. AM. HOLLERING. !!!!!
    This is too much and not enough at the same damn time. I can’t even get thru all the comments, i don’t have enough breath….

    I’m willing to donate the VIP rope to rope off the casket, cuz you know folks gonna want to jump IN the casket with him….”TAKE ME WITH YOU JAMES!!!!” (Beene, I’m looking at you!) o_O

  58. March 21, 2014 at 1:54 pm

    Luvvie You are crazy for this. Sadly, I wish this was a real Meetup event. Well, I already have my hat and funeral outfit selected from the Ashro catalog. I also have my fan(because you know it will be hot as hell in the room) and finest silk handkerchief to dry all of my tears.

    I volunteer to hire the professional mourners to get the weeping and wailing started with a good tornado roll.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Kw9M90XCys

    Also, we need some stick to your ribs kind of food so I volunteer to bring the vegan eggplant lasagna.
    http://holistichealthvegan.com/2013/11/16/virtual-vegan-potluck-fried-eggplant-lasagna/

    • March 21, 2014 at 1:57 pm

      THE ASHRO CATALOG!! GIRL! I just started cackling b/c I’m visualizing it. All them dyeable slingbacks to go w/ them alphets too??

      • March 21, 2014 at 2:18 pm

        Luvvie you know I can’t slay folks with my Ashro outfit unless I am wearing the dyeable slingbacks with the sensible/sturdy heels. I also need carry my utility purse which really should classify as a weekender bag. But how else am I supposed to take home all of the leftovers, a couple of those beautiful floral arrangements, and the framed photo of James?

        I also take issue with the music. We need a music director coordinate this event. We need to have some praise dancers to add to the emotion. I would also like the band to play Many Rivers to Cross.That will be the theme song for me to fall out to because I just can’t take it anymore…LOL

  59. Drea823
    March 21, 2014 at 1:58 pm

    I. Cannot. Breathe !!!! These damn comments got me yell laughing so hard!! I’m so glad I work from home cuz I would certainly be fired by now.

  60. B_Keps
    March 21, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Cyrus is gonna need all the bereavement carbs he can get. i’m bringing biscuits, mac and cheese, and oreo cupcakes for sweet baby Ella. my heaving bosom will also be on standby in case he needs a soft place to fall out. lord knows he will.

  61. Damocles
    March 21, 2014 at 2:10 pm

    Processional music can be “Tis the old ship of Zion” sung by Madea. Halleluyer!

  62. Purple Dove
    March 21, 2014 at 2:27 pm

    I’ll volunteer to read the special cards, acknowledgements, and telegrams from dignitaries. That’s supposed to be done before the reading of the obituary, yes? LOLLLLL!!!!!

    Love ya, Luvvie! I read this before reading your recap!

  63. Deja
    March 21, 2014 at 2:33 pm

    I feel moved to do my part. I will humbly bring the offering plate, which we will only pass twice out of respect for the recently deceased. The money will go towards the church building fund and a college scholarship for Baby Ella.

    Jesus wept.

    • Lady E
      March 21, 2014 at 2:42 pm

      LOL!!!

  64. islandgirl550
    March 21, 2014 at 2:48 pm

    Does Cyrus need help picking out the casket? Cuz I’m off tomorrow and I can go with him…

    • RavenJ
      March 21, 2014 at 9:14 pm

      You are too kind

    • Ryan
      March 23, 2014 at 1:15 pm

      Since you’re going with him to pick the casket, I can go to the florist with him. I hope they have those Japanese Peonies in stock for the casket spray.

  65. ktzmiao
    March 21, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    Luvvie we need a recessional song,,, normally I would suggest ‘I’ll Fly Away’ but this is the descendant of WASPS so I suggest you get the Bag Pipe and Drum Corp from DCPD to play Amazing Grace and Going Home like they did for Reagan.
    Also, I’m bringing a tofu pasta w/arrabiata and roasted veggies for the vegetarians. They will complain if they only have one food choice and someone might get cussed out so let’s just avoid the drama.

  66. MNLioness
    March 21, 2014 at 3:04 pm

    Luvvie – have you tweeted it to @DanBucatinsky (“James”) or @jscandalp (Jeff Perry – “Cyrus”), or anyone else at “Scandal”? I am sure that they would appreciate this right now…

  67. Absurdist
    March 21, 2014 at 3:31 pm

    I’m bringin six racks o beefribs cause a big biosh gotta eat somethin.

  68. March 21, 2014 at 4:08 pm

    I make THE BEST Banana Pudding from scratch using the double boiler pot method. I also use the Pepperidge Farm Chessmen Cookies (your welcome for my secret ingredient) along with french vanilla extract. #toottoot

    • ktzmiao
      March 21, 2014 at 8:56 pm

      Thanks for the secret ingredient! This will get tried 🙂

  69. Ann Polite
    March 21, 2014 at 4:15 pm

    I am the praise dance director and we will be doing a dance selection using the song Midnight Cry by Alvin Slaughter, which will have the congregation weeping!

    I will bring a couple cases of bottle water, because the guests have to be kept hydrated after all that crying and sobbing!

  70. Pat Johnson
    March 21, 2014 at 4:28 pm

    I.Don.Die.

  71. Lex
    March 21, 2014 at 5:26 pm

    I will press baby girls hair and do her Shirley Temple curls.

  72. rikyrah
    March 21, 2014 at 5:38 pm

    I love you, Luvvie. This post and replies are the reason I’m so glad I found out about this website.

  73. Ametia
    March 21, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    BWA HA HA HA I’m all for taking care of Ella, from Dressin’ & Pressin.’

    This post is HILARIOUS!

  74. March 21, 2014 at 6:29 pm

    Today is my birthday and you made an old lady’s day: I got you covered my daughter will do all the cooking, my 2 daughter-in-laws will be ushers, 2 sons will do security and other 3 sons will do parking lot.

  75. Ronnielynn
    March 21, 2014 at 7:14 pm

    Imma bring some hand sanitizer and my snide judgement of anyone that tries to fix a plate without using any or anyone who tries to get seconds on the potato salad with the fork they’ve been eating with already. You know some nasty person is ‘gon try it.

  76. Adrienne Sydnor
    March 21, 2014 at 7:43 pm

    I got the fried chicken and a few cakes. And 3 boxes of kleenex.

  77. Talex
    March 21, 2014 at 7:56 pm

    I’m brining white styrofoam to go plates. Y’all know everybody ain’t gon be able to eat after all that crying. I hope Cyrus gets the glass hearse pulled by four white horses. By all means, the horses must wear plumes.

  78. Trae
    March 21, 2014 at 8:13 pm

    LUVVIE!! I am on a conference call and just hollered all in these folks ears smh. U kilt me…yes KILT!!!

  79. Tea
    March 21, 2014 at 8:29 pm

    I’ll bring the paper goods, napkins, plates, and cups…but who is bringing the tayta saled? Cuz you kaint eat err body’s tayta saled. LOL

  80. Britane
    March 21, 2014 at 8:42 pm

    I’m going to take it upon myself to come up with the guest list because certain people don’t need to bring their behinds near the homegoing service(I.e Jake and the nosey folks who just want to go to see if something pop off. Not to mention pulling out their phones to take pictures of certain people).

  81. March 21, 2014 at 8:44 pm

    James was so sweet, meddlesome and kind. These types don’t last long in Scandal-Land. This post had me hollering and that program just laid me out! LOL. Po James. I guess I’ll bring some funeral favorites: Caramel cake, crispy fried chicken and some assorted bottles of liquor cuz you know folks are gonna be getting tow down.

  82. Crissypoo
    March 21, 2014 at 9:01 pm

    I’ll bring some orange Nehi soda in a sippy cup for litte Ella. I’m bringing red solo cups for the adult beverages.

  83. Crissypoo
    March 21, 2014 at 9:03 pm

    Uh… should I bring some playing cards and dominoes? You know these homegoings can go late into the night and folks need something to do.

  84. Tia
    March 21, 2014 at 9:04 pm

    Luvvie,
    I fell out the chair laughing at this post, especially about Sister O’Dell and how TMZ will not be allowed. That’s a beautiful pic of the Novak-Beene Family. I don’t remember seeing it before. I love your selection of songs and guest artists. Not a dry eye will be there.

  85. KTP806
    March 21, 2014 at 9:20 pm

    These are hilarious! I will bring some collard greens with smoked turkey. Since this ceremony will be a tad on the dignified side, I’ll gladly do a gospel version of Bette Midler’s version of Wind Beneath My Wings!

  86. C Reon
    March 21, 2014 at 10:16 pm

    Can you add The Breakfast Song to the hymn list? Lol!!

  87. OnlyDionysus
    March 21, 2014 at 11:33 pm

    Luvvie girl. Bahahahahahahaha I just…..I…..I don’t even…….I just can’t! You hear me? I simply can not with you and yo goofey ass! Lmao! I am over ALL THE WAY DEAD! Lmao! Help me Jesus! Lol

  88. beth
    March 22, 2014 at 12:05 am

    I’m going to bring some lemon pound cake, some red Kool-Aid, and the baked chicken and some stringbeans in onions and petite potatoes with a smoked turkey wang for the seasoning…errybody can’t do the swine–me included! Also, I’m volunteering for the Side Eye Usage Committee…cos SO many folks come to a funegro incorrect–NO short skirts or sheer tops! NONE. Also….one more thing…we forgot to include Mahalia’s “troubles of the world” song….it needs to be heard while silently reading over Bro. James’ life and accomplishments….

  89. jolenar
    March 22, 2014 at 12:26 am

    I know the funeral home was on standby for a week. Are they gonna release doves or balloons at the burial site? Will the urshurs be handing out the program at the top of the page as a bookmark? You know we like bookmarks to put in our bibles.

  90. jolenar
    March 22, 2014 at 12:31 am

    BTW: Imma have the trunk popped outside at the repass if anybody wants to pour some out for the homie that ain’t there. I’m charging by the cup… shoot, liquor ain’t free!!!! Bring your own red solo cup for a discount.

    • Londa
      March 24, 2014 at 11:00 pm

      And, now I am too through!!! I thought I was dead already…but you resuscitated me and then killed me all over gain.

      I got five on it.

  91. BA
    March 22, 2014 at 2:57 am

    I will bring the alkalada, shilling oil and rags, don’t forget to get the stretech lemo-All White

  92. BA
    March 22, 2014 at 3:27 am

    Don’t forget to put a couple mints and a bottle of Smelling Salts in your hand bags for those who will have “the bad feels”

    Details, details- notify police, fire department and ambulance

  93. LegalEase
    March 22, 2014 at 8:02 am

    All of you are my best friends. You make me happy when skies are grey.

    To contribute I will donate the Dr.Rev. Martin Luther The King fans (on loan from First Bethel Mt. Zion Word of Faith in Jericho Church of the Redemption Praise, so please don’t bend them.) If we need extra we can get some from the funeral home for a coupla more dollas.

    Also, I don’t take no foolery and I have some white crocs so I don’t mind ushering.

  94. quin
    March 22, 2014 at 9:46 am

    Put me down for the string beans and I’ll pass out the funeral programs and make sure everyone only take one each.

  95. SedaRosa74
    March 22, 2014 at 6:10 pm

    I need the live stream because I am going to miss the funeral. I am still frying catfish for the country folks and baking Parmesan crusted Tilapia for the more refined. I need someone to bring 4-5 loaves of white bread and 2-3 bottles of hot sauce.

    And could someone please be Peola Johnson (original “Imitation of Life?)for me?

    Thank you kindly see you Cy’s!

    • SedaRosa74
      March 22, 2014 at 6:11 pm

      Sorry.. see you AT Cy’s!

    • Kwan
      March 23, 2014 at 5:19 pm

      I gotchu Louisiana hot sauce okay? I’m bringing yellow mustard too can’t have catfish without out it.

      I am also with the funeral services and will be in charge of the family limo arrangement, YOU AIN’T ON THE LIST YOU NOT SITTING WITH THE FAMILY! Ain’t gone be no foolishness at brother James’ home going. Also we here at ‘Standing with you in Prayer’ funeral home Please ask that during the procession you keep up with the car in front of you. Yes we will have official escorts but it makes no sense to if you’re gonna be driving Ms. Daisy.

  96. Alicia
    March 22, 2014 at 10:46 pm

    I read your blogs all the time and look forward to the Scandal recaps every week. I never comment, I just lol to myself; but this right here – LMAOOOOOO…I just about died with this post! You sure have a way with words Luvvie. Stay blessed!

  97. March 24, 2014 at 5:32 pm

    Oh James, may his handsome but simple self rest peacefully. He stayed doing the utmost, but we loved him still.

    Iono bout VP Sally speaking at the funeral of the man who did the humpback polka with her husband… Who’s writing her speech, or at least giving it the once over so she doesn’t stand up there talmbout James and Daniel Douglas burning in the bonfires of hell? Or, have SSA Tom ready to send her to glory.

  98. Carlita
    March 27, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    This is hilarious but I don’t get why Jaheim isn’t allowed?

  99. […] War Room Wonders – Back at the White House, the President and his staff are in the War Room, and they’re talking about some dudes named Ivan and Dmitri. They got their eyes on them. If we remember last week’s episode, Ivan is the dude that Maya Lewis (aka Mama Pope) wanted to meet with but when he didn’t show up, she offed one of his dudes. Uh oh. When the meeting ends, Fitz tells Cyrus that it was a “beautiful funeral.” YOU’RE WELCOME, CYRUS! I planned an amazing homegoing for your boo! […]

  100. […] 4. If Harrison has to die, I will be sad but I will understand. We will plan a solemn home-going, even better than the one I planned for James. All the ushers will rock gingham gloves. Yolanda Adams will lead the choir. Olivia will pour out […]

  101. […] 4. If Harrison has to die, I will be sad but I will understand. We will plan a solemn home-going, even better than the one I planned for James. All the ushers will rock gingham gloves. Yolanda Adams will lead the choir. Olivia will pour out […]

  102. […] hey yall! I was just writing Harrison’s eulogy. Do you like the program? You know since I made James one, I had to do one for […]