I didn’t wanna put his name in the title of this post because I didn’t wanna spoil it for everyone who hasn’t seen it. I’ve went through many lengths to make sure the only people who know who died are the folks who clicked through to this post. For example, I made sure my first and last pics weren’t giving it away (because sometimes, Facebook pulls whatever it wants). I also didn’t e’em try to get the SEO juice by putting his name in the post link. THANK ME LATER, LATE COMERS! And I’m a considerate broad like that but y’all know who just got shot cold-blooded in the streets.
We have gathered here today because Cyrus Beene’s boo, James Novak, ain’t make it. He’s Verna dead, y’all and we liked him so we gotta send him off the right way. We started planning his funeral last week with selections to play at his repass.
Anyways, I made a program for the service.
The family of James Novak is asking that you come rocking a white rose on your chest. There will be no white hats allowed in that building because what y’all ain’t gon do is lie in Jesus’ house. None of you have enough behavior to justify that. Please respect these wishes.
We’re gonna have assigned seating at Mr. Novak’s homegoing because we know some of you ain’t there to wish folks well. We also know everyone can’t get along and that ain’t the place to start something you can’t finish. This will be a peaceful gathering. Furthermore, press will be relegated to the back. TMZ, you’re not allowed in. Neither are YOU, Jaheim.
At the actual church service, we’re keeping the song selections to 3 hymns. Y’all are not gon have us in here all day when we still got a repass to go to. Sister O’Dell has been told that she gotta sit this one out and she understands. These ain’t hymns but we did make some exceptions because Sister Shirley Caesar is gon sing us “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot” while Brother Stevie Wonder’s coming through for “I never dreamed you’d leave in summer.” And when Cyrus goes to pay his respects to his boo for a last time, the song playing will be “I Will Always Love You.” Please bring your own tissues to mop up your feelings with.
At the repass, the following people will perform. If you aren’t on this list but wish to be added, be mad that your publicist ain’t let us know in advance.
* Tamela Mann (she’s gon take us to the king)
* Bebe and Cece Winans (because love songs to Jesus are always it)
* Kirk Franklin (to remind us that Jesus is better than silver and gold)
* Yolanda Adams (what’s a gospel gathering without her? NOTHING!)
* Bone Thugs N Harmony (so Cyrus can get the message to James that he’ll see him at the crossroads)
* Elton John (because James is a Candle in the WIND!) – @Dynamo_Diva
It’s gon be a holy concert. We’ll live stream it on Google hangout until the data plan we use to tether to the computer runs out. You’re welcome!
We will not be allowing food inside the sanctuary so y’all gon need to wait til the repass to eat. We need folks to bring the following dishes to James’ repass: sweet potato pie, mac & cheese, vegan german chocolate cake, orange soda, kale salad (some people wanna be healthy. whatever), chicken (baked and fried). Please sign up with Ethan to let us know what you plan on bringing. If you aren’t bringing nothing, you better not eat nothing either. Just selfish. You could stop at the store and pick up some napkins or something. It’s not even that hard. Anyway…
We will need some willing, able and experienced ushers for this occasion. We need them to be able to get people together with one look, even if they’re super important. You’ll be trusted to keep folks in them pews until the end. There will be many goons in that place and we need y’all to help us keep order. Think of yourself as holy bouncers.
Oooo chile. So many more preparations. I’m waiting to see what Shonda and team are gonna have for us next week.
So whatcha’ll gonna contribute to the cause now that one of our beloved characters has gone on to lay his burdens down permanently?
And in case you haven’t read my recap of the episode, check out Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Scandal Episode 314 recap.
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