Dearly beloved, we have gathered here today to pay respects to Scandal’s Harrison Wright (aka Brolivia Pope), Gooning Gladiator in Gingham. He came, he read Olivia for filth, he banged Adnan and conquered nothing really. He wore mismatched ties and shirts, suspenders like no other and sometimes, we saw that his yansh was SITTING in them dress pants like the wheels on the bus that go round and round.
He shall be missed, even though we hardly knew him. He’s survived by his colleagues at Olivia Pope and Associates, and his maybe parent, Rowan Pope. Harrison’s gone, our gingham’s dead! Shoutout to my girl Veronica for that line. She let me borrow it.
Oh hey yall! I was just writing Harrison’s eulogy. Do you like the program? You know since I made James one, I had to do one for him.
I’m sure you’ve heard by now that Columbus Short was told to pack his dereon duffle and bounce off Shondaland. He’s been outchea showing his ass in the past couple of months, sullying his good name and being a prime candidate for some Iyanla fixing. Being accused of assaulting your wife and threatening to kill her and you is a big deal so I do not blame Shonda, the Scandal team and ABC for snatching the rug from under him. It shouldn’t come as much of a surprise to anyone even though it was just confirmed today. Miss Cleo could have seen that coming.
His recent uncouth behavior and run-ins with the law had folks more nervous than Coolio’s hair braider. We knew he was risking his job. I even wrote about it last week when I talked about how he needs to get some behavior before he ends up unemployed and unemployable in the future.
Read my post on TheGrio on Columbus Short fired from Scandal: 4 things Gladiators will miss most. I talk about what his departure means for the show.
Ennehweighs, I’ma just assume that Harrison is good and dead because when we last left him in the finale of season 3 of Scandal, SSA Tom was about to make his head target practice.
MMHMMMM!!! Clearly, he ain’t make it out alive. Some people are talmbout maybe he’s in the hole. Chile, I guess but I ain’t got time for that. I think we got a funegoon to plan. I’ve already called the Ursher Board and they’re currently sewing up gingham gloves for the services because we gon need to honor Harrison’s legacy.
We might not know for sure but I like to be prepared. We’ve started making plans. There are strict instructions that folks are gonna need to follow.
Everyone needs to show up to the services rocking something gingham on them. Picnic blanket-chic is the dress code, so please come respecting our wishes. Your ensembles must remind us of gorgeous spring days in Central Park otherwise you ain’t rocking them right.
Ladies and gentlegays, please tuck in your thirst. Don’t come to this fune tryna get chose because since Harrison was FAHN and you figure he got FAHN friends who’ll be feeling vulnerable as they mourn. The ushers have procured extra modesty cloths for some of you who will show up looking like jezebels. We ain’t playing witchu. >__>
Last time we had Sister O’Dell cook, the whole choir was out for 1 week because of food poisoning. Jesus didn’t want that for anybody so this time, we won’t be having any greens. And we’re still debating on who’s gonna cook the ‘tater salad. You know everyone can’t make it right.
With that being said, we’ll be needing Fanta (aka any orange soda), California rolls (because Harrison looked like a man who enjoyed sushi but didn’t wanna be too risky), pound cake, gluten-free peach cobbler (Pastor’s trying out a new diet), chicken (again, baked and fried), mac and cheese (and iSweaterGAWD if it comes from a box, you gon be relegated to teaching the Sunday school kids for 5 weeks).
We need to make sure this fune is live and in charge. Kirk Franklin and the Family will be on hand to give us a rousing version of “STOMP (the yard).” Ladies, if you’re in click clacks (stilettos), refrain from jumping too hard. We don’t need you messing up these new floors that the building fund paid for. We will have auditions for folks who would like to sing too and that’s Wednesday at 7pm. We only have time for 4 selections because this ain’t the Showtime for Apollo. And please come with your music ready.
We’re working on flying in Boyz II Men. I figured Rowan would like that. They can give us “It’s so hard to say goodbye” and “End of the Road.” It’ll be touching.
The repass will be immediately following the services at the Olivia Pope and Associates office.
Chile, this season 3 of Scandal was stressful, man. All these folks were dying left and right. Let’s take this time to pour out some liquor (or red wine) for them and our fallen Gladiator. They shan’t be forgotten. Well, maybe Lil Jerry but we gon keep James and Harrison in our hearts.
It does suck that it had to be this way though. I need to know who’s gonna be our eye candy on Scandal now. Jake is only a sometimes segzy dude. He ain’t reliably FAHN. I wonder if he’ll be replaced. We need another dude who we’ll be a creep for.
Ennehweighs, what songs do y’all wanna hear at Brother Harrison’s funeral? What are y’all bringing to the repass?
P.S. Rest in Peace, Brother Brolivia Pope. We hardly knew ye but we were rooting for you. Say wassup to James, Justice Verna and Lil Jerry.
P.P.S. I guess you can say Columbus fell short. BADUMTSSS! I’m here all night folks! Tip your waitresses! No but really. All of this is highly unfortunate (and I’m not celebrating it). I want him to get whatever help he needs to fix his life and I wish his wife is able to heal from whatever trauma she’s dealt with (at his hands or otherwise). It’s hard out here in these streets.
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