TV

One Drag, One Drunk and One Dusty Wig: RHOA Reunion Parts 1 and 2 Recap

rhoa-season-6

Last week, the Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) reunion kicked off but since I didn’t recap the first part, I’ll just make this a 2-in-1 special.

Everyone was looking the same, except for Nene with her hair that looked even more like a plastic helmet than what we’re used to. She seemed to have taken inspiration from America’s forefathers with that wig of hers. Looking a Constitutional mess. Also, Porsha went and purchased her some new boobs. They looked super uncomfortable, though, so I wanted to milk her to help with the engorgement. I bet you could knock on her chest.

Anywho, Kenya Moore came to the reunion with a scepter because in her head, she’s a queen. And then she was using it to point at folks, especially Porsha. So the moment where Porsha snatched that thing out her hand, joy rose up in my spirit.

Porsha snatch

And Kenya came prepared with more props so she broke out a megaphone and started using it to get her point across. It was even more annoying than it sounds to watch it.

Finally, she kept goading her and then started talking about the girl’s marriage and fresh divorce. So when Porsha stood up in her face and told her she got one more time to mess with her and Kenya couldn’t find her a bowl of STFU, she got dragged by her hair unto the floor like a Swiffer Wet Jet and all hell broke loose. Let’s watch it on loop courtesy of Vine, please:

WELPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!

Andddd I might have fist-pumped in celebration. Lawd… forgive me for my petty. Violence is not the answer but she earned that asswhooping from Porsha. EARNED IT. Kenya took her to that dark place and folks can take you there if they push the right buttons. Miss Moore didn’t just push the buttons. She tapdanced on them all season. Finally, homegirl snapped and let her have it.

I’m a mostly reasonable adult who has never gotten into a physical fight because I know better. However, on this one, I can’t blame Porsha. Does the hair drag solve anything? Of course not. But sometimes, you just wanna punch someone in the face. Especially when they throw your divorce in your face while holding a megaphone. I have no sympathy to offer Kenya because she is a habitual shit starter.

Nasty rude gif

Listen to Helmet Leakes.

But let’s talk about how the next day, Bravo’s Andy was talmbout how they don’t condone violence and how they won’t be allowing props at reunions henceforth. Sir, HAVE A SEAT! How was it a good idea to allow them in the first place??? And he sat there and watched Kenya show her entire ass and be disrespectful the whole time. Did he think all cool would be maintained by folks? I’ONT WANNA HEAR IT, ANDY!

Lemme move on to Part 2 of the reunion though. Only two things really stood out for me and one of them made me cringe.

Let’s talk about Mama Joyce. She came on the reunion turnt up from jump street. At first, I thought she was just excited but me and everyone else quickly concluded that she was drunk as a skunk. In fact, she wasn’t drunk. The lady was DRONK and it was embarrassing. She was on the stage just being all types of sloppy and talmbout she’s lost 40 pounds because of the stress that Kandi’s relationship put on her.

She seemed to think no one had stern words for her when her and her gang of bitties tried to fight in David’s Bridal.

Mama Joyce fight

Mama Joyce has NO behavior!

She kept challenging everything Kandi said and kept being shady by getting her wedding date wrong. It was a mess.

We found out that Mama Joyce opened credit cards in her daughter’s name and then she spent her money at the casino and on Home Shopping Network. Joyce’s rebuttal was a sense of entitlement to Kandi’s money and really a giant lack of dambs to give.

All Kandi could do was give the same shaky voice verge of tears rebuttal about how people it is her right to give her mama money and take care of her. Ma’am, NO ONE has argued with you on that point. When we grow up, the dynamic of our relationship w/ our parents should change on some level. We should be able to tell them to back off. Kandi’s lack of a backbone in dealing w/ Mama Joyce ain’t about deference to your elder. It’s just on some punkness, to be honest.

Girl bye gif

If my Mama showed up somewhere drunk, I’d have to tell her a couple of things (respectfully) and let her know that it was NOT ok. If my mama consistently disrespects me and my partner, I’d need to tell her that her behavior is not cool. It can be done respectfully. The ONLY thing Kandi ever does is cry when people ask her if she challenges Mama Joyce. “SHE’S MY MAMA. I CAN GIVE HER MONEY!” But that ain’t e’em what we’re talmbout. O_O

By the way, word on these streets (and my texts) is that Mama Joyce asked RHOA producers for a bigger role, more air time and being paid. Mmhmm. But I ain’t one to gossip so you ain’t heard that from me.

Moving on, doe. The other issue that made me shake my head was the topic of Cynthia and Nene’s friendship, which seemed to have crumbled since Bitch-Gate. Andy played the footage of when Nene called Peter a “bitch” and Cynthia basically stood there not saying a word. You ain’t gon call my boo out his name and we’re cool and going to drinks the next day. That’s what you NOT gon do.

The women addressed it and Cynthia apparently said they beef is squashed even though she’s still wading in a tub of her feelings. This is why people gotta mean what they say and say what they mean. So on the reunion, Cynthia basically pours her heart out and says how much it hurt her feelings and how she feels like her and Nene’s friendship is one-sided. She felt that Lenethia lacks respect for her. Instead of Nene taking it into account and showing her friend some consideration, she said she ain’t gotta talk about it because it’s a private matter. She came off so cold and combative as Cyn is in tears, clearly feeling betrayed.

Shoutout to Phaedra, who was in the background talmbout “Fix It, Jesus.” I hollered! I need that on a tshirt.

I LOVE SISTER-IN-CHRIST PARKS!

Ennehweighs, Nene ain’t the right type of friend at all and Cynthia is better off knowing that now. Nene showed her who she was and she better believe it. She showed it so hard that she just posted a SHADE-FEST on Instagram. NOT COOL!

The RHOA Reunion should have ended with the hair drag seen around the world. They coulda kept this. ESPECIALLY Mama Joyce’s part. There’s part 3 next week but I won’t be watching because I’ma be on vacation (HEY NOW!). I did see the preview where Nene told Kenya “You are the lowest paid sitting up here acting a FOOL for $2.50.” GWIRL. OOP!

Yall let me know what I miss next week. But yeah, whatcha think of the drag and Mama Joyce?

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44 Comments

  1. Alva
    April 27, 2014 at 10:39 pm

    Please let me know where we can get the “Fix It Jesus” t-shirts cause I’ma need at least two!!!

    • April 28, 2014 at 9:17 am

      I will be printing Fix It Jesus T-Shirts today.

  2. April 27, 2014 at 10:40 pm

    Let me tell you something about that drag
    Don’t sell wolf tickets if you not going to be prepare to get down with the get down. We have been taught at some point to choose our battles wisely and in this case…Kenya chose to get dragged with that bullhorn (and she deserved it). Now she want to call the po-po and start with that “young girls look up to me” (blanks stare)…What mama would allow their child to look up to a woman who fakes boyfriends and dog’s deaths for tv…need CPS to come and correct them immediately.

    Mama Joyce was up in that dressing room, throwing back that dark Seagrams, and hyping up herself to Theodis Ealey “Stand Up In It” to get on that stage and act like the biggest drunk aunt at the family reunion.

    Child…I got work to do…I am sick of these people

    • Mimi
      April 27, 2014 at 11:04 pm

      Theodis Ealy? #Dead

    • Shazzy
      April 28, 2014 at 4:48 am

      I was alright ’til you mentioned Theodis…….

    • Betty
      April 28, 2014 at 6:41 am

      …she say ‘Theodis….stand up in it.’

      ….”Fix-it, Jesus!”

    • Original Cutie
      April 28, 2014 at 7:01 am

      Theodis? Really, ma’am? I am breaking up with you. #dead #resurrected #deadagain

    • April 28, 2014 at 7:59 am

      “Theodis Stand up in it?” It’s too early in the morning for this….

    • Kenya
      April 28, 2014 at 10:48 am

      Why did I just picture Mama Joyce doing that drunk aunt two step with her cup in the air..y’all gonna get me fired

    • Serenity
      April 28, 2014 at 11:11 am

      Why you make me google him?

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niDlQsFnvRk

    • ThisBajangirllovesLuvvie
      April 28, 2014 at 11:22 am

      Sooo, I just googled the song…. I was unprepared *facepalm*

    • T
      April 28, 2014 at 12:07 pm

      Theodis Ealey.
      Ma’am, you win the “I-was-not-prepared-for-that-comment” award for the month! Not only does it immediately provide an awesome visual of Mama Joyce doing the drunk auntie two-step with a red plastic cup in her hand (Thanks for THAT comment Miss Kenya!!!), but it shows a real knowledge of rare, old school blues music.
      You win.

    • OnlyDionysus
      April 28, 2014 at 3:09 pm

      Not Theodis!! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am so unable right! Lmao!

    • Bkbeauty
      April 28, 2014 at 4:01 pm

      Bwahahaha……The sad thing is I know that song too well and I’m only 41! #beenintoomanyoldpeoplebars

    • kdub
      April 28, 2014 at 9:30 pm

      It’s been sebbum minutes and i am STILL STUCK on the Theodis comment! I am ALIVE!!!!!!!

    • Mae
      May 15, 2014 at 1:40 pm

      Oh no ma’am! I know I’m late to the game but I had to google it. I can’t even deal.

  3. RevengeOfRippedSilky
    April 27, 2014 at 10:52 pm

    I cheered for the drag. I watched it twice. Mama Joyce ughh ! All I can say to Mama Joyce and Kandi is “Fix it Jesus” in my Sister-Mother-First-Lady-Saint-Evangelist Parks voice. Nene and her moped helmet’s 15 minutes were up 10 min ago. As, for Keyna or like my husband calls her Who?. I want to know why she feels she is above getting an ass whoopin? Great recap Luvvie !

  4. Delita
    April 27, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    Ladies lets be real Mama Joyce was on that promethazine aka Lean. She was a hot mess and I’m not here for her or crying azz Kandi. I agree 100% when you talk about respectfully having a “Come to Jesus” moment with your mama. Her behavior is bizzare and money is always the topic for her.

    In regards to Nene and Cynthia, I was one of Nene’s only fans but this season she has been doing way too much with a lackluster storyline. I want her to go home and tuck Geritol Greg to bed. Cynthia hold Peter’s testicles and tell Nene something.

    Kenya=Hated it! #offwithherhead

    Phaedra- love her praying that she is good since ole boy about to take a plea deal, smh….
    YES to “Fix it, Jesus!” Lol

  5. Mimi
    April 27, 2014 at 11:08 pm

    I don’t blame Porsha one bit for that skull drug move!!!! As for Mama Joyce, she too old to be acting like a Gout Gangster/Arthritis Avenger/Social Security Slayer

    • Betty Oakley
      April 27, 2014 at 11:43 pm

      Ma’am I am done with you and your Gout Gangsters!

    • T
      April 28, 2014 at 12:18 pm

      Social Security Slayer!
      #ihateyou
      #gonnausethatasmyown

      Mama Joyce is just trying to rise to the low, low, very low ranks of Frankie (Keyshia Cole’s mama), Nancy (Jim Jones’ mama), and “the Queen” Mama Dee (Scrappy’s mama). She knows reality tv loves an ignorant mother and she’s just tryng to carve out a niche for herself….despite the fact that she repeatedly hurt her daughter in the process.

      Now THAT would be a show – let’s they throw all those geriatric train wrecks in the same house with 20 gallons of Henny and see what happens. Something tells me Mama Joyce wouldn’t be ready.

      • KPneedsanap
        April 28, 2014 at 6:23 pm

        NOOOOOOOOO…not the Golden Girls 2014: Extreme Hoodrat Edition. I just can’t.

      • Wickedkitten
        April 29, 2014 at 4:12 pm

        The Bad Old Girls Club

  6. April 27, 2014 at 11:24 pm

    Update: Kandi text Andy during Watch What Happens Live to say Mama Joyce doesn’t drink and had NEVER had a drink. O_O
    This only disgusts me even the more. So either she is suffering from a mental illness episode or she was just giving us pure tom-coonery for a check. If she was acting the part, she NAILED IT!

  7. Missee
    April 27, 2014 at 11:41 pm

    I really appreciate Porsha for adequately demonstrating to the world what Kandi meant when she said “I’ll drag you in this bish”.

  8. AARP BARBIE
    April 28, 2014 at 4:12 am

    so yall just gon’ sit there and not say nothing atoll ’bout cynthia’s award winning “lemme get dah hell out dah way” slide?????

    • lurker
      April 28, 2014 at 3:38 pm

      she sho nuff did!

  9. Beautiful Gorgeous
    April 28, 2014 at 6:04 am

    Kenya, Kenya, Kenya! How dare you talk about violence against women. You were violent towards Porsha all season. Bullying, taunting, verbally and mentally abusing. You get no sympathy here. Anti-violence includes anti-bullying.

  10. April 28, 2014 at 8:00 am

    Oh, Kandi. One day you’ll realize that one good “Shut, up Mama!” can do your your heart good. What’s she gonna do, spank you? If I held those purse strings the way Kandi does, I’d dare Joyce to say something. If I’m making the money and the more rational decisions, then all family hierarchy goes right out the window. Age doesn’t earn automatic respect.

  11. Robirdie23
    April 28, 2014 at 9:31 am

    Dang this Luvvie recap slayed me as usual, lol, this is why we need Luvvie to do all the things, all the time! I felt a gleeful pettiness over that fight because Kenya has been writing checks that her body and Porsha finally got fed up with those NSF fees!

    I love to hate Kenya and I was very happy to see her get dragged but than I thought that’s EXACTLY what she wanted to happen. Now Kenya has the perfect excuse to act all above the fray, like she didn’t do anything wrong and be even more of a victim. She knows she makes the perfect villain/victim and she couldn’t have planned this better herself. If Kenya leaves the show, not sure who we will have to hate because no one else sucks quite like Kenya, lol.

  12. Jay
    April 28, 2014 at 10:14 am

    Nene’s “Don’t make me call Porsha” with that extra long aye aye finger reaching out to touch ya made me throw my kleenx at the tv. Kenya should have been apart of Tyrese’s Tupac/Malcom X watercolor Painting as part as the SWV/Xscape singing troup. Cause she is too extra for me. Ma’am speaking on a woman’s divorce when your man does not exsist, I’m gonna need you to join him under Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility. Mama Joyce and Kandi need to gone head and get bunk bed caskets cause it’s never gonna end. I too would like to know when the Phedra shirts will be released.

  13. RavenJ
    April 28, 2014 at 10:34 am

    So much going on. Andy was trying to start mess by asking the other cast members about Kandi and Mama Joyce and I’m glad none took the bait.
    I have never really took to Cynthia. She’s the type to throw a rock and hides her hand. I believe Nene (who I normally cannot stand) when she said they had already discussed what happened and it was over. If that was their agreement; cool. Now it seems like Cynthia wants to sit there and be all hurt about something from 6 months ago. I think she let people get in her ear. Lord knows she rarely has any of her own thoughts.
    Was Nene wrong for calling Peter a bitch? Well…technically no because he does stay in their business like a bitch, but still…that’s her friend’s hubby and she probably shouldn’t have went there.

  14. Serenity
    April 28, 2014 at 11:09 am

    “Does the hair drag solve anything?”
    Yes it does. I says Kenya’s hair is real else it would have come off. I mean it did support her entire weight as Porsha dragged her across the floor and it was still intact. What kind of glue or stitches can do that?

    Mama Joyce reminds me soooooo much of my own mother. It’s actually hard for me to watch…

    • jimmy
      April 28, 2014 at 7:50 pm

      “…..support her entire weight”
      I couldn’t catch my breath for laughing at you.

      I was wondering when Joyce would notice that her daughter was sitting beside her in pain due to her unnecessary cooning. That moment never came. It made me sick.

  15. Rachael
    April 28, 2014 at 11:26 am

    I hollered when Kenya was dragged. I loved it. It was due. That is all. As for mama Joyce, I hate when parents make a child feel guilty for them taking care of them. You CHOSE to have that child. You didn’t create her talent. You fostered it. As a parent that is what YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO. She is not required to spend her entire life thanking you for it. It’s a shame that Kandi can’t see that mess. And when mama Joyce was talking about all she would do for her kids, short of prostitution, my eye brows were raised, because the way she seems to chase after the coin and anything labeled seems that the money does run her. As far as Cynthia and Nene are concerned, Cynthia needs a backbone,period. You notice how our Twirl Moore was real quiet most of the second part? That Porsha drag was worth it, just for that moment of silence.

  16. Tosh Tate
    April 28, 2014 at 12:15 pm

    Phaedra fills the hole left behind by Anna Nicole Smith for me. Tauntie Phaedra Mae ‘Cole Smith, if you will. Always and forever here for her sweet & shady, sloppy, sanctified pearls of wisdom.

  17. Mamasup
    April 28, 2014 at 8:26 pm

    MyssDee you are wrong for that. You didn’t have to bring Theodis into this.. I am screaming and crying!

  18. Msmika
    April 28, 2014 at 9:35 pm

    * Lays down and closes Casket Lid @ Theodis !!!!
    bwaahhaaaaaa

  19. Blacjacq
    April 29, 2014 at 2:47 am

    LMAO@ “bunk bed caskets”. Mama Joyce is so wrong because in her cray cray selfishness/greed she has basically convinced Kandi that its not possible for any man to love her for her, only for what she has, if theyre with her, it MUST be for the money. Thats a helluva lesson to come from your Mama. Kandi’s self-esteem is so low she cant even enjoy her own money.
    #NoRespect
    #BunkBedCaskets

  20. April 29, 2014 at 8:18 am

    The recap and comments have me LMBAO!

  21. Monique Thiswaythatway Hill
    April 29, 2014 at 9:45 am

    I’m slower than most but as you all laugh at Theodis and the gout gangsters I’m still laughing at”constitutional hair”!!!!!

    Why, why, why!!!! Nene and that helmet had me standing in front of my 55 inch television trying to understand….

    Fix it Jesus!

  22. Nicole
    April 29, 2014 at 7:12 pm

    Cynthia is the weakest of the weak! How long has she been friends with Nene but now she wants her to react to situations in the same manner as you?! Everybody understands their friends and know what you will or will not get when it comes to comfort (and understanding).

    I don’t like Nene that much but I understood where she was coming from…if I’ve apologized, and we’ve moved on to kick in life, don’t get in this reunion and act brand new. If it was tear worth and heartbreaking, those tears and upset would have came out loooooong before hitting a reunion stage. Seriously!

    Andy Cohen works my nerves. You don’t condone violence but damn near all of your shows have people fighting and flipping tables. I don’t know how any Bravo personnel didn’t see a problem with a woman speaking in a bullhorn 2 ft from someone and sticking wands in others’ personal space (which Cynthia didn’t see as threatening, ugh! Kenya’s her new friend in the next season because Nene is so nasty, so rude)

  23. Ason
    May 1, 2014 at 4:51 am

    Well done Luvvie. I shall now Go forth and conquer this day. Will def be back for more. #bestblogever

  24. Sunshine
    May 13, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    I need a “Fix It Jesus” t-shirt… I absolutely can’t with Phaedra!!!!!