Last week, the Real Housewives of Atlanta (RHOA) reunion kicked off but since I didn’t recap the first part, I’ll just make this a 2-in-1 special.
Everyone was looking the same, except for Nene with her hair that looked even more like a plastic helmet than what we’re used to. She seemed to have taken inspiration from America’s forefathers with that wig of hers. Looking a Constitutional mess. Also, Porsha went and purchased her some new boobs. They looked super uncomfortable, though, so I wanted to milk her to help with the engorgement. I bet you could knock on her chest.
Anywho, Kenya Moore came to the reunion with a scepter because in her head, she’s a queen. And then she was using it to point at folks, especially Porsha. So the moment where Porsha snatched that thing out her hand, joy rose up in my spirit.
And Kenya came prepared with more props so she broke out a megaphone and started using it to get her point across. It was even more annoying than it sounds to watch it.
Finally, she kept goading her and then started talking about the girl’s marriage and fresh divorce. So when Porsha stood up in her face and told her she got one more time to mess with her and Kenya couldn’t find her a bowl of STFU, she got dragged by her hair unto the floor like a Swiffer Wet Jet and all hell broke loose. Let’s watch it on loop courtesy of Vine, please:
Andddd I might have fist-pumped in celebration. Lawd… forgive me for my petty. Violence is not the answer but she earned that asswhooping from Porsha. EARNED IT. Kenya took her to that dark place and folks can take you there if they push the right buttons. Miss Moore didn’t just push the buttons. She tapdanced on them all season. Finally, homegirl snapped and let her have it.
I’m a mostly reasonable adult who has never gotten into a physical fight because I know better. However, on this one, I can’t blame Porsha. Does the hair drag solve anything? Of course not. But sometimes, you just wanna punch someone in the face. Especially when they throw your divorce in your face while holding a megaphone. I have no sympathy to offer Kenya because she is a habitual shit starter.
But let’s talk about how the next day, Bravo’s Andy was talmbout how they don’t condone violence and how they won’t be allowing props at reunions henceforth. Sir, HAVE A SEAT! How was it a good idea to allow them in the first place??? And he sat there and watched Kenya show her entire ass and be disrespectful the whole time. Did he think all cool would be maintained by folks? I’ONT WANNA HEAR IT, ANDY!
Lemme move on to Part 2 of the reunion though. Only two things really stood out for me and one of them made me cringe.
Let’s talk about Mama Joyce. She came on the reunion turnt up from jump street. At first, I thought she was just excited but me and everyone else quickly concluded that she was drunk as a skunk. In fact, she wasn’t drunk. The lady was DRONK and it was embarrassing. She was on the stage just being all types of sloppy and talmbout she’s lost 40 pounds because of the stress that Kandi’s relationship put on her.
She seemed to think no one had stern words for her when her and her gang of bitties tried to fight in David’s Bridal.
She kept challenging everything Kandi said and kept being shady by getting her wedding date wrong. It was a mess.
We found out that Mama Joyce opened credit cards in her daughter’s name and then she spent her money at the casino and on Home Shopping Network. Joyce’s rebuttal was a sense of entitlement to Kandi’s money and really a giant lack of dambs to give.
All Kandi could do was give the same shaky voice verge of tears rebuttal about how people it is her right to give her mama money and take care of her. Ma’am, NO ONE has argued with you on that point. When we grow up, the dynamic of our relationship w/ our parents should change on some level. We should be able to tell them to back off. Kandi’s lack of a backbone in dealing w/ Mama Joyce ain’t about deference to your elder. It’s just on some punkness, to be honest.
If my Mama showed up somewhere drunk, I’d have to tell her a couple of things (respectfully) and let her know that it was NOT ok. If my mama consistently disrespects me and my partner, I’d need to tell her that her behavior is not cool. It can be done respectfully. The ONLY thing Kandi ever does is cry when people ask her if she challenges Mama Joyce. “SHE’S MY MAMA. I CAN GIVE HER MONEY!” But that ain’t e’em what we’re talmbout. O_O
By the way, word on these streets (and my texts) is that Mama Joyce asked RHOA producers for a bigger role, more air time and being paid. Mmhmm. But I ain’t one to gossip so you ain’t heard that from me.
Moving on, doe. The other issue that made me shake my head was the topic of Cynthia and Nene’s friendship, which seemed to have crumbled since Bitch-Gate. Andy played the footage of when Nene called Peter a “bitch” and Cynthia basically stood there not saying a word. You ain’t gon call my boo out his name and we’re cool and going to drinks the next day. That’s what you NOT gon do.
The women addressed it and Cynthia apparently said they beef is squashed even though she’s still wading in a tub of her feelings. This is why people gotta mean what they say and say what they mean. So on the reunion, Cynthia basically pours her heart out and says how much it hurt her feelings and how she feels like her and Nene’s friendship is one-sided. She felt that Lenethia lacks respect for her. Instead of Nene taking it into account and showing her friend some consideration, she said she ain’t gotta talk about it because it’s a private matter. She came off so cold and combative as Cyn is in tears, clearly feeling betrayed.
Shoutout to Phaedra, who was in the background talmbout “Fix It, Jesus.” I hollered! I need that on a tshirt.
I LOVE SISTER-IN-CHRIST PARKS!
Ennehweighs, Nene ain’t the right type of friend at all and Cynthia is better off knowing that now. Nene showed her who she was and she better believe it. She showed it so hard that she just posted a SHADE-FEST on Instagram. NOT COOL!
The RHOA Reunion should have ended with the hair drag seen around the world. They coulda kept this. ESPECIALLY Mama Joyce’s part. There’s part 3 next week but I won’t be watching because I’ma be on vacation (HEY NOW!). I did see the preview where Nene told Kenya “You are the lowest paid sitting up here acting a FOOL for $2.50.” GWIRL. OOP!
Yall let me know what I miss next week. But yeah, whatcha think of the drag and Mama Joyce?