The Grossness of Green Ketchup: Throwback Thursday

Remember when the team at Heinz suffered from a bout of temporary insanity and put out green ketchup for the American public to consume?

Green ketchup bottle

Yeah, it was around Y2K (year 2000, for the babies who went “HUH?”). Actually, they had purple ketchup too but that’s close to red so I wasn’t as grossed out.

GREEN KETCHUP, though.

I am weird about food textures (and colors) so looking at green ketchup always made me lose my appetite. My gag reflex be all “might don’t make it.” That was just from sight alone! I never got as far as tasting it because it just looked like it would taste like liquid grass and desperation. Yes, I just assume it was gross, like the overgrown picky eater that I am.

Rumor was that it tasted the same as regular ketchup but NO MA’AM!!! That is yellow journalism and propaganda I will not fall for. I don’t believe them. The rumors need more people. The way my brain is set up, and perception bias, I ain’t gon believe it!

Ewwwww gif

If God intended for ketchup to be green, He wouldn’t have invented red food coloring. Green ketchup is barbaric and I did not (and will not) stand for it!

My mom never bought that abomination into our house nor did she offer to do so, because she loved me and wished me well. Alls I know is that any mention of green ketchup makes me scowl.

Did any of you taste green ketchup? If so, please leave. I KEED! But for real. Were you a fan of the green? If so, let me know so I can break up with you. (-_____-)

Green ketchup blob

RIP Luvvie’s appetite. It came. It saw green ketchup. It quit her.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Demond D. Edwards May 29, 2014, 12:16 pm

    The entire team that participated in this should have been fired. I mean, you know that not one single kid truly ate this during testing, unless it was blind taste testing. Kids are picky enough as it is and eating GREEN food has never been their specialty. I still can’t stand that grimy dirty bastard that they call Brussels Sprouts and the only-est reason why me and broccoli is cool is because Panera Bread gave em such an awesome makeover.

    • KayMac May 29, 2014, 12:32 pm

      Ugh!! Brussel Sprouts can kiss my whole ENTIRE arse…

      • jcanwisegrrl May 29, 2014, 12:35 pm

        I love Brussels sprouts. It’s like extra crunchy cabbage. Lol!

        • Demond D. Edwards May 29, 2014, 12:44 pm

          There is always one…. you will not convince us to be apart of Voldemort’s new age Death Eaters!! EXPELLIARMUS

        • jcanwisegrrl May 29, 2014, 12:58 pm

          Lololol!

        • ifyouevercomeback May 30, 2014, 8:42 am

          Technically there’s two, cause I dig Brussel Sprouts too. They bring a sassy flavor to the meal.

      • Demond D. Edwards May 29, 2014, 12:43 pm

        I AGREE!!

        • Quitha May 29, 2014, 1:01 pm

          I love Brussels sprouts!!!! Cut them in half and sauté them with onions and bacon and a pinch of sugar takes the bitterness out of them.

        • CaliBaby May 29, 2014, 4:27 pm

          that’s the way I make mine. It’s a very new found fave…

        • Demond D. Edwards May 29, 2014, 4:45 pm

          Can I just have the bacon?

  • jcanwisegrrl May 29, 2014, 12:28 pm

    My family got a bottle of it from my gran in the States when I was a kid. I was the only one who would touch it (after some internal debate.) It tasted the same as the original ketchup. I just figured this one was made from green tomatoes. *facepalm* The funny thing was, she’d also sent a bottle of mustard and having no idea what that was, I just figured it was also ketchup, but made from yellow tomatoes and doused my homemade fries with it. *double facepalm and hurls at the memory* Everybody laughed while I cried and had to throw my good good food away. Never looked at mustard again. I don’t even want faith like a mustard seed. It’s that real. *shudders*

    • Demond D. Edwards May 29, 2014, 12:42 pm

      NO!! You don’t even want faith like a mustard seed?

      • jcanwisegrrl May 29, 2014, 12:59 pm

        NAWL! There has got to be something else that’s the same size or even smaller that I can use as my personal example. #NoMustardNoWay lol

        • Demond D. Edwards May 29, 2014, 1:00 pm

          Faith that size of a Celery Seed!!

    • karmellkreem May 29, 2014, 12:45 pm

      This whole comment tho… can’t even eat my lunch for the laughter this induced! DIED at ‘I don’t even want faith like a mustard seed’

      • jcanwisegrrl May 29, 2014, 1:00 pm

        Lol! I was severely traumatised.

    • ifyouevercomeback May 30, 2014, 8:45 am

      Man Mustard on fries taste awesome, you have to add a little Mayo in the mix though. I had a similar experience after my aunt made me eat rice soaked in half a bottle of hot sauce(my own doing). She denies the story and tells me to stop making her look like a child abuser. Hot sauce and I made up though.

  • KayMac May 29, 2014, 12:30 pm

    I really almost vomited on my keyboard…I hated Heinz for this tomfoolery…

  • Pam May 29, 2014, 12:35 pm

    When my son was young he actually BEGGED me to purchase this atrocity pretending to be a condiment. I was grossed out as well and refused for a long time. I finally gave in and bought a bottled, but he wanted the green AND purple. I watched him slather his french fries in both. I wanted to hurl.

  • jcanwisegrrl May 29, 2014, 12:37 pm

    The purple ketchup now… Purple is my favourite colour and all, but I’ve never seen that and don’t want to. Ain’t no purple tomatoes! lol

  • Angel Cake May 29, 2014, 12:44 pm

    Glad that I didn’t know about this abomination when it first reared its ugly head. What scorned nerd introduced this fugly concoction to the Marketing Department at Heinz?

  • Deja May 29, 2014, 12:50 pm

    that bottle doesnt read watermelon to anyone else? i see you, Heinz KKKetchup…

    • Eve Tey May 29, 2014, 3:38 pm

      I peeped that they made the bottle look like a watermelon, Heinz thinks that they’re slick

  • MrsDBo419 May 29, 2014, 12:56 pm

    Ahh yes, I was like you Luvvie, I have a texture thing and the color threw me off but it did in fact taste like regular ketchup. But it was weird as hell trying to actually get my finger to my mouth to taste it. what an experience, and the purple was easier to taste.

  • Be On It May 29, 2014, 2:35 pm

    My mom is the best because she bought bottles of the rainbow ketchup colors and let us have a food-fight in the backyard. It was cheaper than new high powered super soakers for all of us.

    I have no idea how the ketchup tasted.

  • VonB May 29, 2014, 7:54 pm

    My son was a big ketchup eater. We bought the green stuff and surprisingly, it tasted tne same as the “regular”. It was very popular in my house. He is 20 years old now and still has to nave his favorite condiment!

  • Jabria June 1, 2014, 12:06 pm

    I was an adventurous eater when I was little. You put it in front of me, I would eat it. But this… I just couldn’t. My daycare lady put it on out hot dogs one day for lunch and I was like, “Negative, Ghost Rider. I’m not eatin that.” Think this and chitlins were the only things I have ever refused to try.

  • Nelliebean June 2, 2014, 10:01 am

    It looks like snot.

    That is all.

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