Mockingbird: Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 7 Recap
Now that you all know I’m officially obsessed with Game of Thrones, recaps will start from this point forward since enough of you asked. Let’s jump into the medieval fray and chat afterwards in the comments section.
Oh and of course there are mad spoilers here so if you haven’t watched this episode, turn back now! SPOILER ALERT!
Brother Dearest – Tyrion gets visited by Jamie, who’s mad that he didn’t just keep his mouth shut and take the deal he negotiated with Daddy Lannister. Tyrion, being the smartest tool in the box tells his bro that the deal was garbage because the only person who got what he wanted was Tywin and that was the plan all along. One-hand Jamie also tells his bro that he can’t be his champion. He better call
Saul Bronn! Oh and of course I need one quote from my favorite character: “Yes I fell in love with a whore and I was stupid enough to think she’d fall in love with me.” EYAAA!
Moody Mount – Cersei has summoned the Mountain (aka the Mount) as her champion. When she goes to see him, he’s making prisoners his sword practice. She’s all unbothered by the fact that she’s stepping over guts to go say hey to him. I hate Cersei so damb murch!
Old Man and Revenge – The Hound and Arya come upon a burned down farmhouse and see an old man dying from a stab wound. They chat and the Hound gives him a drink of water before euthanizing him with one final stab to put him out his misery. Then, some guy jumps on Hound’s back and bites him in the neck. He gets slain effortlessly and his partner turns out to be some dude who threatened to rape Arya once. She learns his name is Rouge, adds him to her Kill List by saying it once and stabs him in the heart. DEAD. ARYA STARK THE MAIN GOON DON’T PLAY!
Knight’s Denial – Jon an’ em come back from the ranch where they slayed everyone and the haterbish dude who is now Command by default (Allister) makes him lock up his direwolf, Ghost.
UGH! Anywho, Jon tells the Council of Old Men that the giants and wildlings are coming for Castle Black so they should seal the tunnel. They ain’t tryna hear him doe, so they basically tell him to have a seat. “This castle has stood for 1,000 years.” MMHMMM y’all might not last another 4 if you don’t listen to Ned Starks’ unclaimed spawn.
No Champion – Bronn shows up to Tyrion’s cell, rocking a fancy new alphet. Apparently, our favorite sellsword is betrothed to be married to some rich chick that Cersei helped him find. He’s such a golddigger. Tyrion asks him to fight for him and Bronn hits him with the Olivia Pope “you can’t afford me.” Damb, bro. Also, he doesn’t wanna fight the Mount, who he knows will sweep the floor with him. Lilliputian Lannister has no champion to fight for him and I got the sads. WHO GON FIGHT FOR TYRION’S HONOR, LAWD?!?! *wails*
War and Women – Daario, the warrior who stays tryna mack Daenerys (Mother of Dragons aka Dany aka Khaleesi) is waiting for her with flowers in her room. He tells her he had to swim a mile to get em. SMOOTH! He then tells her “I only have 2 talents in his world: war and women.” She tells him to get nekkid and she seems to like what she sees. He’s clearly about to get into her Dragon Pocket.
Red Lies – Melisandre (aka the Red Lady) is in the bath when Selyse (Stannis’ wife) comes in. They talk a bunch and she tells her that a lot of her potions are trickery and then Lord of Light blah blah blah. At the end of the scene, Melisandre tells Selyse that Shireen, the daughter with the scaly half of her face gotta come with them on some mission. I’ont trust her or her red hair. >__>
Post-Pocket Planning – Morning comes (and clearly Dany did too. BADUMTSS!) because Daario is just leaving her chamber as Jorah (her main advisor) comes in. She tells him that she gave Daario a mission to retake Yunkai and execute every Master who owned a slave. He says “It’s tempting to see your enemies as evil but there’s good and evil on every side” and convinces her to find some chill and at least give them a choice to live by her rules or die by the old ones. Daenerys be so ready to goon allatahm! Also: she was probably in a good mood because: MMHMM.
Hound’s Wounds – The Hound is trying to sew his bitten neck back and Arya tells him that it needs to be burned so it won’t become infected and fester but he barks at her because he ain’t tryna have fire nowhere near him. See: his face.
He tells her that when he was younger, his brother (the Mount) thought he had stolen his toys so he held his face into the fire. No one stood up for the Hound, not even their father. Them wounds are deeper than Lake Minnetonka. Arya says she can at least help him wash the bite wound and sew it shut. Aawww their fake friendship is growing on me. This means one of them ain’t gon make it soon, huh? BECAUSE GAME OF THRONES NEVER LETS MY GOOD FEELINGS LAST! But for real. Drogo’s big tough ass died from an infected wound. I hope that ain’t how Hound meets his end.
Breaking Bread – Brienne (of Tarth) and Poderick stop at an inn and as they’re eating, they give compliments to the chef, who happens to be the chubby boy that Arya escaped the camp with (Hot Pie). Brienne foolishly tells him that they’re looking for the Stark girls and he weasles away all uncomfortable. The next morning as they get ready to go on their journey, Poderick tells her that they shouldn’t be running their mouth about their mission to save the Stark girls because the Lannisters got ears and eyes everywhere. Hot Pie meets them outside and says he got some tea. He last saw Arya with the Hound and they were headed to the Wall. Poderick says it makes sense but he also knows that the Catelyn Starks has a sister in the Vale and he thinks that’s where the girls might be.
Unlikely Champion – Tyrion gets a visitor and its Oberyn and his UGLASS yellow sweater coat. He says Cersei has been all up in his ear about Tyrion’s downfall. “It’s rare to find a Lannister who shares my enthusiasm for dead Lannisters.” Then he launches into a story about how he first saw him when he was first born. People said a baby was born who had a giant head, claws, and a tail between his legs: a monster. But when he saw said baby (Tyrion), he was just that: a baby. He wasn’t just there to remind the Little Lannister how much he’s been hated since the day he was born. He was there because he wanted justice for his mother and sister, who were killed and raped by the Mount. He will be Tyrion’s Champion! AW SNAP!!!
I ain’t gon lie. My thug almost quit me during this scene. And then looking at Peter Dinklage’s masterful acting with just his eyes. GIVE HIM THE EMMY ALREADY!
Moon Door – Sansa is in the Vale backyard building a snow castle when her slow ass cousin Robin joins her. She tells him its a replica of her home in Winterfell and he wonders where the Moon Door is. It leads to a tantrum where he kicks the whole thing down so she slaps him. The boys runs away and Sansa knows she’s made a bad decision. As she starts regretting it, Lord Baelish (aka Littlefinger) shows up and says he’ll handle her aunt, whose baby she just gave an open palm kiss to. She asks him why he killed Joffrey and he says “I loved your mother. Given the opportunity, what do we do to those who hurt the ones we love?” Ummmm not kill them. Sheesh! Then, he kisses Sansa and she pushes him away after a few seconds, not knowing that Lysa, the Lady of Vale was watching the whole thing. Aw shit.
Lysa summons her niece into the main hall where she’s standing by the moon door. She tells the girl all about how far folks fall. A scared Sansa apologizes for slapping her cousin (who she’s betrothed to) but the lady calls her a slut for kissing her man. She takes the girl’s head and puts it right over the moon door, calling her all types of names. Then, Littlefinger appears and tells her to let the girl go. She does and then falls onto the floor in a heap. Her “husbun” stands her up and says he’s only ever loved one person in life: “Your sister.” She registers what is about to happen too late and he sends her falling through the moon door into the abyss below.
Summabish. GAHTDAMBIT LORD BAELISH! I mean, I’m not mad but shit! He is brutal as hell! SANSA! Girl! You ain’t safe. You ain’t safe ANYWHERE. That ain’t the man who can protect you. He is pure evil! Littlefinger is allergic to chill. He is unable to chill. Chill makes him break out in hives. He is perpetually chill-deficient. He’s like if Frank Underwood from House of Cards decided to go to Evil College to sharpen his skills.
Who gon breastfeed Robin now? O________________O Iyanla gon need to fix Sansa if she survives all this. Poor girl has been through it!
WHOOO LAWD! I hope Oberyn can win the Mount. He better have more tricks up those tacky sleeves of his.
Anywho, discuss! And if you’ve read the books, please don’t post any spoilers here. JUST DISCUSS THE SHOW! Kthx!