Because You Need 75 New Ways To Say “Fix It, Jesus”

Phaedra Parks of Real Housewives of Atlanta blessed us all with her concern during one of the RHOA reunion shows. Kenya Moore the Terrible and Porsha Williams the Simple were arguing when Anointed Attorney Parks shook her head and said “Fix It, Jesus,” winning the show and giving us a new term to overuse. Bless her.

Fix It Jesus gif

But sometimes, “Fix It, Jesus” is not enough. At all. I posted this as my Facebook status: #PutItTogetherChrist #SolveItVishnu #DuctTapeItHovah #RepairItSavior. In response, my peoples added their own and the thread went to hell in handbasket and I cackled and wept from laughing so hard. It was a braingasm because it ended up in an alliteration fest, full of wit and full of win. You know how I adore alliteration and all its awesomeness. We even touched on Greek Mythology. SQUEEE!!!

I’ve compiled the list into a master below, but shoutout to the people who contributed their foolishness: Kellee (who kicked it off), Denitria, Jamyla, Veronica, Sandra, Jay Dee, Kalyn, Kirtina, TC, Tiffany, Andrew, Nia, AG, Rob, Eureka, Natasha, Kenneth, Kathryn, Inas, GaNeane, Rebecca, Katoiya, Raushannah. Whew. Yall are hilarious and I wish I could quit you but we go together and I’m committed to making our relationship work. We might also need to do a joint prayer for forgiveness tonight.

Jesus knows our heart.

Anywho, below are 75+ new ways for you to say “Fix It, Jesus.” You’re welcome!

#PutItTogetherChrist. #SolveItVishnu. #DuctTapeItHovah. #RepairItSavior. #MeldItMoses. #GlueItGod. #GorillaTapeItAllah. #BindItBuddha. #CureItChrist. #MopItSaintMichael. #CementItChrist. #PlasterItPeter. #SuperGlueItSavior. #JoinItJohnTheBaptist. #FastenItFather. #SolderItSimonPeter. #SecureItSonofMan. #LaminateItLambOfGod. #HealItHolyGhost. #OverhaulItOmnipotentOne. #AppendItAlphaandOmega. #EraseItEmmanuel. #ImproveItImmaculate. #LoosenItLordofLords. #OverhaulItOrisha. #KorrectItKrishna. #ReleaseItRedeemer. #BustItUpBrightAndMorningStar. #Spackleitsaints. #MakeItWorkMessiah. #PacifyItPrinceofPeace. #YouHandleItYahweh. #KeepItTogetherKingofKings. #LinkItLionOfJudah. #EpoxyItEmmanuel. #AssembleItAllah. #DecodeItDisciples. #GetterDoneGanesh. #GuildItGanesh. #MendItMessiah. #MergeItMary. #SwifferItSavior. #VerifyItVishnu. #SettleitGoodShepherd. #JuggleItJehovah. #PlungeItPrinceOfPeace. #UpgradeItElegba. #IronItOutImam. #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi. #StapleItSunRa. #MakeItWorkMamiWata. #SettleItShongo. #KnitItKrishna. #StitchItOshun. #InkItIsis. #HemItHovah. #DetangleitDalaiLama. #HandleItHera. #BobbyPinItBuddha. #AppendItAphrodite. #MultiplyItMinerva. #ZipItZeus. #PieceItBackPoseidon. #AlleviateItAllah.  #LobsterClaspItLambOfGod. #FastenItFairestOfTenThousandToMySoul. #JuxtaposeItJehovahJirah. #MakeItRightMarysBaby. #MakeitVanishVishnu.#ElucidateItElohim. #JerryRigItJosephsStepson. #UnfoldItUnchangingChanger. #PaperClipItPrinceOfPeace. #GetItRightGilgamesh. #LockItLakshmi. #HemItHaileSelassie. #EvenItOutEros. #RehabItHera. #EvaluateItVenus. #YankItYahweh. #GrappleWithItGoldenCalf. #LiquidateItLawd. #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon.  #HemItHolylamb. #SlayItSavior. #MasterItMercifulOne. #ActivateItAthena. #QuickenItQuetzalcoatl. #RebukeItRa. #HandleItHorus.

And if you need a handy chart to pin, print out and whatnot, it’s below.

When "Fix It Jesus" isn't enough

Which of these is your favorite?


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Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Amber June 23, 2014, 12:57 am

    This thread was everything!!!!! I’m supposed to be writing but took a well earned SM break and laughed my life away reading these! #LaminateitLambofGod ftw! I’ll ask for forgiveness before I go to sleep tonight! LOL

    • Torkwase Robinson June 23, 2014, 1:06 am

      I feel ashamed I read through each and EVERY comment on that FB page!! Best believe I’m printing out my copy, laminating it and posting it on my wall!!

  • Torkwase Robinson June 23, 2014, 1:04 am

    I was all in reading all (AND I DO MEAN ALL) of those comments on FB LMMFAO, all the while my babies frightened because I just wouldn’t and couldn’t stop laughing!! They kept asking me if I was laughing or crying!! I wasn’t sure at some points because I was laughing so hard I started crying.I felt as if I my eyes were burning and I had just mentally booked a first class ticked to hell, without the salted peanuts!!! Just wanted to say THANK YOU. you don’t know me personally, and I still dont know how I found your page on FB, but it given me all the lyfe in the world. I can be having the shittiest day, and all I need to do is go to any one of your pages and read something, anything, and I’M GOOD!!!

  • M. Wins June 23, 2014, 1:07 am

    #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon?? I quit.

    • Leslie the geek June 23, 2014, 6:54 am

      I just started wailing. I want to use that in my book.

    • Rashawna June 23, 2014, 12:26 pm

      lmaooooo…I forgot how to breathe just now.

  • Carly June 23, 2014, 1:11 am

    #JerryRigItJosephsStepson Lmao whyyyy?!?!
    All my juice is now on my screen. This FB post had me rolling and it seems I had missed some. This made my life. #SwifferItSavior ha!!

  • Addie June 23, 2014, 1:19 am

    how loooooong did it take you to come up with all of these?!? LOL #HemItHova!

  • Renon June 23, 2014, 1:27 am

    MergeItMary…I’M DONE! LOL

  • Emmanuel June 23, 2014, 1:28 am

    #GuardaloGuadalupe

    • LegalEase June 23, 2014, 5:17 am

      See…. you are my bestfran. You and whoever said
      #JerryRigItJosephsStepSon

  • GaNeane June 23, 2014, 1:32 am

    YASS we go together like ama lama lama ka dinga da dinga dong!! Now, I shall sit back and wait for the #HelpItHolyRollers to complain!

    • Margaret June 23, 2014, 6:19 am

      IQuitYou? Lol

    • KC June 23, 2014, 12:47 pm

      I don’t even know you and I can’t stand you! HOLLERIN!

  • Dafra June 23, 2014, 1:44 am

    I just hate how Luvvie enables us all to be fools.
    That said, #gorillatapeitAllah and #SwifferitSavior? I quit.

  • erika williams June 23, 2014, 4:00 am

    #SwifferItSavior. Really???!!! #done

  • Lynn June 23, 2014, 5:35 am

    #RetchAroundAndMakeItRightRabbi? I quit. I can’t. I’m done…..naw, not really. Why can’t I quit you?!

    • Tatiana June 23, 2014, 6:39 am

      This one! I. Am. In. Tears.

    • Kenya June 23, 2014, 8:15 am

      This right here……took me right on out…..

    • MyNameIsWhitney June 23, 2014, 9:27 am

      This one is where I laid my burdens down.

    • Mesha June 23, 2014, 12:00 pm

      That’s the one that darn near got me fired #ihollered

  • China June 23, 2014, 6:59 am

    #lobsterclampitlambofgod got me spitting out my eggs this morning!! LMAO

  • tammy June 23, 2014, 7:01 am

    #DetangleitDalaiLama and #AppendItAphrodite…dead and done!

  • Candace June 23, 2014, 7:02 am

    #bobbipinitbuddha and #retcharoundandmakeitrightrabbi are my absolute favorites!!!!

  • Precious June 23, 2014, 7:22 am

    I don’t know why but #paperclipitprinceofpeace has me dying!!!

  • Kamaria Laffrey June 23, 2014, 7:23 am

    #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #dead I LOVE ALL OF DIS!! Repost!!

  • Tameko P June 23, 2014, 8:10 am

    #GetterdoneGanesh…. *flatlined*

  • Nicole June 23, 2014, 8:16 am

    Luvvie, please get some like buttons so I can go give appreciation to your commenters. They are as FUNNY as your posts!

  • J'Unique June 23, 2014, 8:59 am

    USOSILLY

  • Bkbeauty June 23, 2014, 8:59 am

    #JerryRigItJosephsStepson and #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi , got me hollaring………I’m so unable right now!! I luvvvvvv you for this, lmao

  • Dawn June 23, 2014, 10:12 am

    Don’t think I didn’t print off the list and hang it outside of my cublicle for ERRYBODY at my job to see. I’m an IT professional, and sometimes FIX IT JESUS just does not do it for these folks here. I thank you, and your commentors, for this wonderful piece of lovliness.

  • Chaveevah Ferguson June 23, 2014, 10:33 am

    see, I was ’bout to throw one in for the Rasta dem: Jerry rig it, Jah Jah! Y’all have made my day

  • Nicole June 23, 2014, 10:35 am

    Best. thread. ever!

  • heha June 23, 2014, 11:31 am

    i reached the MamiWater one and fell all the way out!!!!

  • tcope67 June 23, 2014, 11:39 am

    “Quicken it, Queztcoatl” wins the innanets! *logs off and orders Life Alert ’cause I done fell and can’t get up . . .

  • Prettydarkskinnedgirl June 23, 2014, 11:45 am

    I need just a little mo Jesus after reading this post! I have adopted #SwifferItSavior & won’t be told no different!

  • Mimi June 23, 2014, 11:57 am

    Luvvie, I am sending you all my medical and after care therapy bills…kmsl. The further I read, the harder I laughed. I will gladly use these when at work. Thanks for the laugh.

  • pup June 23, 2014, 11:57 am

    I had to stop half way through. I can’t breathe, can’t see through my tears. FOLK ARE STEWPID!!!!! BWAHAHAHA!!!!!

  • Laurie June 23, 2014, 12:03 pm

    All I can think now is SolderitSonofGod and I think after all of this I need to go to confession.

  • mizzpicklezz June 23, 2014, 12:07 pm

    This was absolutely hilarious!!

  • Felicia June 23, 2014, 12:07 pm

    I wanna throw my shoe at every last contributor to this list – BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  • Tracy June 23, 2014, 12:12 pm

    I should have KNOWN better than to check this blog on my lunch. Literally. Dying!

  • carsonn_97 June 23, 2014, 12:20 pm

    DONE!!! I am done!!! #JerryRigitJosephsStepson has sent me to the after life where I must make amends for laughing at this! HolditTogetherHolySpirit!

  • KPneedsanap June 23, 2014, 12:22 pm

    the doors of the church are now open. I’m done.

  • LolahDee June 23, 2014, 12:28 pm

    I quit you luvvie!my tears through laughter got my son worried. Yup I am printing a copy!

  • JMFields June 23, 2014, 12:29 pm

    Luvvie…I wanna quit you but we’ve been going together for too long. Instead I’m going to take a walk around my building and pray that I don’t get fired for laughing/screaming/howling/cackling at this foolishness!

    #FineTuneItFather
    #WorkItOutWordMadeFlesh
    #ClarifyItComforter
    #LineItUpLionOfJudah

  • JaLonda Woodyard June 23, 2014, 12:49 pm

    Y’all have no behavior! I have taken “MakeitrightMarysBaby” and made it mine!

  • Ebony Sharee June 23, 2014, 1:13 pm

    YOU SHOULD TOTALLY MAKE A T-SHIRT LINE OUT OF THESE, THEN DONATE THE PROCEEDS TO YOUR ORGANIZATION! LOVE IT

    #liquidateitlawd …my favourite! Lol

  • La Hinton June 23, 2014, 1:27 pm

    Yes Laws I need ALL OF THESE!!!!!

    • La Hinton June 23, 2014, 1:27 pm

      *Lawd

  • Nikki June 23, 2014, 1:47 pm

    I can’t read all these comments but LAWWWWWWWWWWWD!
    #BustItUpBrightAndMorningStar
    #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi
    #MakeItWorkMamiWata

    #allthewaydead

    …and whoever wrote #grapplewithitgoldencalf is going to Hell and I along with him/her for laughing!

  • LadyLarke June 23, 2014, 2:02 pm

    I lost my ticket to Heaven with #LinkItLionofJudah and #LiquidateitLawd.

  • Tracey June 23, 2014, 5:33 pm

    I hate y’all so bad…pacify it prince of peace.

  • mochazina June 23, 2014, 6:32 pm

    #MuteItMohammed

    • pup June 23, 2014, 8:29 pm

      Do you know what?! Slayed, just slayed!!
      #VindicatemeVishnu

  • Criscilla241 June 23, 2014, 9:34 pm

    #StitchItOshun gives me PURPOSE!!!!

  • Stephanie1908 June 23, 2014, 10:13 pm

    Absolutely fabulous….yall did that!! #StandingOvation

  • Maje June 24, 2014, 9:26 am

    TweakItTrinity

  • JaiDiva June 24, 2014, 9:44 am

    I was still laughing at this when I went to bed last night, especially #PeeonmyjellyfishstingPoseidon.
    #helpitHera
    #moveitMercury
    #alleviatethepainAphrodite

  • MsSassy LaRue June 24, 2014, 1:37 pm

    #BustItUpBrightandMorningStar and #SwifferItSAvious are my JOINTS!

    I have a herniated EV-RAY-THANG messin round witchall FOOHS!

    I’d like to add #DysonItODevineOne

    • MsSassy LaRue June 24, 2014, 1:39 pm

      Correction:

      #SwifferItSaviour

  • Tania June 24, 2014, 3:37 pm

    Ok…so I never comment, but this post right here just made the water I was drinking fly right out ma nose from laughing. Yah gave me life. #PieceItBackTogetherJehovah (my addition). *Dead* LOL!!!! (I lost it at #BobbyPinItBuddha)

  • Trinaouttalurkdum June 24, 2014, 4:49 pm

    Ok so when something breaks in my home and I need to replace it,.. My prayer is that HE #CopitCopilot.

  • Ki Hughes June 24, 2014, 9:26 pm

    WorkitWordofGod

  • SimpleComplexity June 25, 2014, 11:32 am

    #RetchAroundAndMakeItRightRabbi…I.Am.In.TEARS!!!! No behavior AT ALL!!!

  • Itsben1 June 27, 2014, 2:25 pm

    My soul says yes to every last one of these, lmao!!! Imma add, #TapeItTutankhamun

  • Matador1015 June 27, 2014, 7:22 pm

    #ResolveItRoseOfSharon

  • Ashley Michelle October 21, 2014, 4:01 pm

    Now…. #paperclipitprinceofpeace
    DONE. I’m out for the day. LOL!

  • Amy November 23, 2014, 11:18 pm

    I cant. I howled! Are humans supposed to howl? Swifferitsavior. I’m done…

  • cherlyn November 24, 2014, 9:44 pm

    Please keep it going then make a 365 day calendar of “Fix it Jesus and other World Deities” Ill buy copies right now!

    • sncd December 17, 2014, 10:49 pm

      Or at least an advent calendar- please!!!

  • Shani Young December 17, 2014, 10:00 pm

    Why am I all behind and just now seeing this post!!!???? Oh my. I always wondered where fix it Jesus came from. This post has given me my life back today

  • s. badiyah austin December 18, 2014, 1:23 pm

    i’ve never commented on this site…until now.
    depression is a fickle space.

    so grateful for the needed humor.

    #PeeOnMyJellyfishStingPoseidon

  • Motown Mama December 27, 2014, 7:18 pm

    Luvvie, I would read your blog just for these alone! Don’t forget #NeutralizeItNebuchadnezzer…from your permed eyelashes post! I literally was howling when I read that one, and whenever I think about it, I’m laughing again!

  • Sandra March 13, 2015, 2:03 pm

    #EpoxyItEmmanuel – I am toooooo through! LOLOLOLOL!!!!!

  • Rahimah Lateef March 13, 2015, 2:59 pm

    I am so late. However I am crying. Retcharoundandmakeitrightrabbi and peeonmyjellyfishstingposeidon are my favorites. Thank you
    This was because of that greedy nervy creflo dollar.. Was his name really Michael Smith? I must print these.

  • Yvette April 8, 2015, 2:48 pm

    Thank you ever so much for this! I’m sitting at work reading these and laughing out loud, spilling water on myself! #Done

  • James April 8, 2015, 9:12 pm

    I still get my entire life from this post. #MakeItWorkMessiah #HandleItHorus

  • Jennifer April 9, 2015, 1:20 am

    Eventhough I’m late to the game…
    #DecidirloDiosMio #JalarlesJesusCristo
    #HandleItHades
    #AmeliorateItAphrodite

  • MegaOldSchool April 13, 2015, 6:56 pm

    Dont let me go to Hades, King David son of Jesse for fooling with these folks!!

  • EJ April 21, 2015, 1:17 pm

    PeeonmyjellyfishstingPoseidon!!

    Grapple with it golden calf !!!
    Paaaahahahahahaaaaaa!!

    Real tears!

    True foolishment!! Looooooool!

  • Gail February 12, 2016, 11:51 am

    #RetchAroundandMakeitRightRabbi

    how did I miss this post?
    i need a nap and a breathing treatment

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