The Mountain and the Viper: Game of Thrones Season 4 Episode 8 Recap

Look and listen. 1 hour. It took me ONE WHOLE HOUR to get any semblance of my bearings back after watching this episode of Game of Thrones. I seriously didn’t know what to do with myself after it ended. This show is gonna be the reason I need high blood pressure medication. Let’s just get right into the shenanigans.

game of thrones background small

Wildling West – Gilly, the girl that Sam fell into like with and saved from that weird commune where her daddy was mating with all her sisters. Well, her. The place they were staying was invaded by wildlings and everyone was slaughtered. Ygritte heard her baby cry and saw her hiding in the closet but she let her live.

Back at the Wall, the Knights have heard about the attack and Sam is all depressed because he feels guilty that he sent Gilly to that place and now she might be dead. The fellas tell him that if she survived white walkers, then there’s a chance she coulda survived the wildling raid. True story.

Peeping Tom – Greyworm is bathing at the river, where Missandei (Daenery’s right hand girl) is doing the same. He sees her bare breasts and his eyes linger a tad bit too long before he catches himself, all embarrassed. Missy (we gon call her that) tells Dany, and her boss tells her she doesn’t think Greyworm has those types of feelings because he was castrated before he became an unsullied. Sidenote: shoutout to Missandei representing for Team Natural Hair! Also, lemme find out that Dany can braid hair. Chick got so many gifts and side hustle potential!

Grey Worm rolls up to Missy and apologizes for watching her bathe, and she tells him she’s sorry that they took his pool stick and 8ball. He tells her (in his adorabo broken English) he’s not because if he wasn’t an unsullied, he wouldn’t have met Dany or her.

Unsullied 1 Unsullied 2

AW DAMMUT. When he turns to leave, she tells him she’s glad he saw her boobs and he admits that he’s glad too. CAN YALL HAVE BABIES NOW?!? There’s only like 2 brown people on this show. I totally want them to mate. But ummm yeah since Grey Worm ain’t got the equipment. I haz the sads.

Reek’s Mission – Ramsay Snow sends Reek on a mission and tells him to pretend to be the old him, Theon Grayjoy, Iron born son. But he insists he better not forget that he is Reek forever. He shows up at this beat down place and tells the man who he is and says he’s there on the behest of Lord Bolton. If those people surrender their place, they can go in peace. The head dude ain’t buying it and he spits in Reek’s trembling face. Just then, the guy gets axed in the head from behind by one of his own men who is desperate to just leave alive. Dude agrees to the terms.

We blink and the dude is dead. Ramsay of course kills them all. There wasn’t no leaving in peace! Bolton’s folks now control the place.

Baelish’s Trial – The Lords of Vale are question Baelish on the dead of Lysa, and he says she committed suicide but they don’t believe him (for good reason). They call in Sansa and she surprises Littlefinger by corroborating his story in the best way (and with tears). She says her aunt was insanely jealous and threatened to hurt her because she thought the girl and her new hubby had a thing. And when Littlefinger tried to save her, her aunt jumped through the moon door to her death. She starts to weep and one of the lords hugs her. The oldest Stark daughter gives Baelish a look like “MMHMM!!!! I got this.” She basically did the smartest thing she’s ever done on this show.

Pardonnez Spy – A little boy walks up to the Barristan and hands him a letter sealed by the hand of the King. He takes it to Jorah and asks why he is receiving a pardon signed by Robert Baratheon. Turns out that Jorah has been spying for the kingdom and giving them info on Daenerys. He tells the Barrister that he wants to speak to her alone and of course he isn’t allowed. He enters the hall where Dany is sitting with Missy next to her, Grey Worm and Barrister flanking her. “You sold my secrets to the man who killed my father.” The hurt Khaleesi tells him to gather his things and go. If he doesn’t leave by morning, she’ll have his head in the Slave quarters. He says he loved her.

Jorah Game of Thrones

WHAT’S LOVE GOTTA DO WITH IT?!?

CHILE that’s how you know how truly betrayed Dany is. She’s so hurt that her most trusted confidante has been Varys’ spy that she can’t even kill him. She tells him to leave forever instead. And you know she’s about to become more vicious.

Bolton Claim – Ramsay returns to Lord Bolton to tell him they are now in control of the last place in the North and the dude tells him to follow him to the top of the hill. Like Mufasa told Simba, he told Ramsay to look around. As far as they can see was the North, which is larger than all the other kingdoms combined. Now, Bolton was warden. Ramsay is no longer a bastard boy bearing the name Snow. He is now a Bolton, allowed to carry his father’s name. LAWD! Ramsay is about to show out some more because of this. He celebrates by telling Reek he’s overdue for a bath.

The Odd Couple – Arya and the Hound are walking towards the Vale and she tells him that he should have let her burn his neck wound. It’s clearly slowing the big man down. Watch that be what kills him. Chile… anywho, they reach the gate of the Vale and he announces that he has Arya Stark. One of the security guys extends his condolences about the death of her aunt, Lysa and the Hound realizes that he is not about to get no money for this brat he’s been traveling with. Arya begins to laugh uncontrollably. Maybe it’s because every time she gets close to being around family, she finds out they just died. Or maybe it’s from a nervous breakdown because WTF?

Lady Sansa Now – Baelish convinced the Lords of the Vale to let Robin, Lysa’s under-weaned sun to tour the kingdoms. #Ennehweighs, as he prepares to leave, Sansa comes down the stairs looking all grown, in one of Lysa’s dresses. Also, she no longer has that super-sweet and scared look in her eyes. Seems that she’s now a part of the game instead of just a pawn in it. AW SHIT! It was about time.

Sansa Game of Thrones

It’s a new day. Sansa is Gone with the Goon Fabulous.

Beetle Bug – Jamie visits Tyrion in his cell and his bro starts talmbout their “simple” cousin Olsen who spent all his time in the garden squashing beetles. Tyrion seemed obsessed with finding out why his cousin did that, and he never found out because Olsen died from a mule kick to the chest. So anti-climactic. Tyrion’s random musing is interrupted by the bell ringing. It is time for the combat between Oberyn and the Mountain (who rides). Whoooo my chest tightened up.

The Mountain and the Viper – Oberyn is all unbothered as the combat is about to begin even though the Mount is this towering beast of a dude. He isn’t even wearing armor, just some leather vest thingy. His lady tells him “Do not leave me alone in this world.” Amed with a wooden stick that had a spear at the end, Oberyn does some calisthenics to please the crowd, because he’s young fly and flashy.

“You raped my sister. You murdered her. You killed her children.” He tells the Mount that he wants to hear him say it before he kills him and as the two battle, he repeats this mantra. Oberyn is swift and a real G, because he’s getting some hits in. He sends his spear through the Mount’s chest and the big man falls to the ground. He stands over the impaled dude and Tyrion is on the side smiling. Victory is near. Jamie is also looking pleased. And I was doing a fist pump.

Mount Viper GOT

Oberyn wants a confession from the Mont before he finishes him but in a rapid second, the Mount pounces on him, pins him down and proceeds to DEMOLISH OBERYN MARTEL. He punches him in the mouth and all his teeth fall out like chiclets. He pushes his eyes into his face like some elevator buttons and then crushes his head like a melon. The Mount falls over next to Oberyn’s destroyed head and Tywin Lannister declares Tyrion defeated. His punishment: death.

I. AM. SO. UNABLE TO CAN!!! I CANNOT DO THIS I CANNOT TAKE IT OMG OMG OMG OMG I. HAVE. NEVER. I. CAN. NOT. I DO NOT KNOW HOW. I DON’T HAVE WORDS. I JUST… WTFFF??!?! Yall think Scandal renders us unable. WHAT GAME OF THRONES JUST DID TO ME!!!!!!! I DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MYSELF!!!! I seriously. Have never. Screamed that loud. At a TV show ending. I have never. I HAVE NEVER almost seriously threw my laptop like that.

Crying Leonardo

Me at home. Because: FEELS.

WHAT IS AIR?!?! George R.R. Martin is gonna have to put up some money for my blood pressure medication cuz how am I supposed to deal?? Game of CAN’T. Game of WTF? Game of ARE YOU SERIOUS?

I just seriously could not deal with the last minute of that show. Lemme tell you why.

1. SO. MUCH. GORE. That was one of the most gruesome things I’ve seen on TV ever. Whoooooo!!! The blood. The way his head basically caved and blood went everywhere. The lack of eyes.

b. WTF, Oberyn?? You talk too gahtdamb murch! YOU HAD HIM! He was right there on his back. All you had to do was stick the spear through his head or heart. He’d be dead and you’d be victorious. But noooooooo you had to have a damn soliloquy and some raggelly confession that wasn’t gonna do you much good. Why would you stand over this dude and gloat? People STAY counting unhatched chickens. That’s where they fail. It’s like the person who starts a race strong, looks behind them and thinks no one will catch up so they slow down. So they ended up coming in 3rd. FAIL.

iii. Oberyn losing means Tyrion losing. GAHTDAMBIT!!! YOU HAD ONE JOB, OBERYN!!! One. JOB.

Tyra Rooting For You gif

4a. Who’s gonna go after the Lannisters now? The other thing Oberyn wanted to do was to avenge the death of his sister an’ ’em by killing as many Lannisters as possible. Who is going to do that now??? Maybe Arya. But still DAMBIT!

I HAVE SO MANY FEELS! This show was about to take ME out! Oh and before I go, it must be noted that I get the scene with Tyrion talmbout the beetles now. I think that was their way of foreshadowing what would happen to Oberyn. He got squashed like Olsen used to do those beetles. I see what you did there, Game of Thrones. I SEE IT!

This next episode is the penultimate of the season. Episodes 9 has NEVER brought good news in Westeros throughout the 3 seasons before this (*coughs* Red Wedding) so I guarantee that this next one will try to take my breath. I don’t even know how to prepare for it. Yall put me in your thoughts.

George RR Martin is committed to cuntpunting all our hopes and dreams through the goalposts of life. DEDICATED TO THE CAUSE! We can’t have NO nice things watching this show! *kicks trashcan*

Do you think the Mountain is dead or not?

Anywho, discuss! Those of you who’ve read the #GameofThrones books. SHUT YOUR TRAPS ABOUT SPOILERS TO COME IF YOU’RE COMMENTING ON MY BLOG! Don’t make me fight you. That is all. JUST DISCUSS THE SHOW UP TO THIS POINT! Kthx!

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Jonn The Most June 2, 2014, 2:50 am

    I’m just so happy that you are watching this because I needed someone who could truly understand the INSANITY and express my CONSTANT LACK OF CAN’T reading/watching this series. GRRM is the Master of Killing Our Hopes and Dreams but why do I keep coming back for more? His family motto in Westeros must be Stakes Stay High; meanwhile, mine would be Forever Unable #ThanksGeorgeRRMartin

  • Dia QueenofMean Best June 2, 2014, 2:51 am

    I had to lay on my left side and take a spoonful of vinegar to bring my pressure down after this episode. But 1 thing I know about this show is that things usually don’t work out like they appear that they will. So even though they sentenced my baby-boo to death, I think that someone who loves him in secret will come to his aid before he gets the axe. At least I hope so because if thy kill Tyrion off, then there is no hope for Westeros. He shows that everything will prevail in the face of certain doom. And I may have to stop watching the show (live when it airs) as a form of protest. (And watch it in demand instead.)

    • Serenity June 2, 2014, 7:07 am

      You wanna know? I’ll tell you…..

  • shaleen June 2, 2014, 2:53 am

    How can we put you in our thoughts when we can even think straight or function because of this show?

  • Samantha Sophia June 2, 2014, 2:58 am

    I too haz the sads because of Grey Worms missing meat and potatoes.

    Grey Worm is all sweet/sexy and Missandrei is all beautiful. I could of went without seeing her boobs though.

  • Samantha Sophia June 2, 2014, 3:03 am

    Now that I’ve seen someone’s teeth knocked out of their mouth I shall never joke about such atrocities again.

    • Jonn The Most June 2, 2014, 3:08 am

      OK? That sobered me right the hell up. #GoingToTheDentistTomorrow

  • Samantha Sophia June 2, 2014, 3:05 am

    Also, Baelish giving Sansa sexy eye was beyond gross because wanted her mother first. EWWW….

    • Denise June 2, 2014, 3:46 am

      And he was screwing her aunt. Just nassy!

      • NikiF June 5, 2014, 7:21 pm

        From the sound of it he was screwing THE HELL outta her aunt too right? lol

    • melissa June 2, 2014, 1:57 pm

      I think they did the nasty – that’s why she was feeling SEXXXXXXY when she came down the stairs.

      • afrosaxon June 2, 2014, 5:33 pm

        If they haven’t, they’re about to. She had that innate, womanly look of a woman who knows that her honeypot is the road to riches and glory.

        And I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

        • Caragh June 3, 2014, 10:49 am

          ^^What you said. I, too, have thrown up a bit in my mouth.

  • Dany B June 2, 2014, 3:12 am

    Great recap. I wondered about the significance of the beetle story. I decided he was actually discussing te ability of the powerless to have some power. The “Have Nots” in this serious are beyond having nothing at all. For the dim-witted uncle, he crushes beetles because he CAN. That is the one thing he has any sort of power or dominance over. Same with Tyrion, being the Imp, he has controlled and manipulated whatever and whomever he could. He takes his power where he can.

    Ultimately, the powerful – be you big, strong or rich- always win in the end. Uncle Lannister got kicked in the chest by a mule… Tyrion may have finally been outsmarted.

    We shall see…

    • Denise June 2, 2014, 3:49 am

      Yup. Twiyin and the powerful are Olsen and Tyrion is the beetle. Tyrion is obsessed because the powerful always destroy the less powerful, just because they can. And obsessing about the reason doesn’t give you an answer.

      • This is not a GameOfThrones June 2, 2014, 4:21 pm

        That is spot on, Denise!

  • Ms Nicole 2U June 2, 2014, 3:27 am

    I keep telling folks GRRM has ZERO fuggs to give about ain parts of our feelings!!! Ned, Rob, Catelyn… but take hope poor souls. All is not as you think. No spoilers but have yo dranks in hand because it’s NOT OVER.

    I will say this. You think you cheered when Joffrey’s ole ponk azz choked out? Wait for it… wait for it….

    • Chiq June 2, 2014, 12:20 pm

      I kinda didn’t have a problem with Catelyn dying. She was at the top of my “Irritating as Hell” list! But Ned and Rob ruled my world so I’m silently hoping that they’ll be White Walkers and attack the wall! LOL

  • SN June 2, 2014, 3:32 am

    De-lurking because of my inability to can. When will people learn to not monologue? You can gloat after you finish the bad guy off. He was trying to pull Inigo Montoya and it did not end well.

    • Cleojonz June 2, 2014, 11:15 am

      ^^^This right here. It’s a classic bad guy no no. Every time you monologue are reveal your evil plans etc. it NEVER ends well. Inigo Montoya is like the only exception to the rule that I can think of lol.

      • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 6:01 pm

        I think it depends on when you decide to monologue, if you stab/scratch a guy like the mountain 3 times you know there is a chance he could get you if you’re that close. If he had put his spear in his leg or arm or something and twisted it to torture the mountain to get a confession it would have been more likely to get one and to not get killed doing so.

        He just got too cocky I think and it got him killed, sadly enough.

  • Emmanuel June 2, 2014, 3:42 am

    Tyrion’s monologue about the beetles described how he felt being born small. He is the beetle, that just wants to mind his business but he can’t go anywhere without being crushed by people who aren’t as smart as he is (which is everyone). The rock in his simple cousin’s hand represented The Mountain.

    All Jorah had to say was “Yeah, I was snitchin’, but that was before you came out the fire lookin’ all majestic with baby dragons on your shoulders!”….or something to that effect.

    Who will go after the Lannisters?…Remember that Stannis Baratheon is still out there gathering an army with a Red Sorceress by his side, and that he was last seen trying to gain support of the Iron Bank of Braavos. Dun Dun Duuuuunnnn…

    • KoP June 2, 2014, 11:45 am

      Hits the nail on the “head”

    • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 6:07 pm

      I think it’s safe to asume he did get support from the Iron Bank seeing as Davos gave Salador a pouch of money and said there was a chest of the good stuff at his house as well.

      Stannis is going to make a comeback next season. He just has to.

      • Emmanuel June 2, 2014, 6:26 pm

        Indeed. Didn’t want to assume everybody saw that. Leary about the book-reader spoilers! lol

        • Emmanuel June 2, 2014, 6:27 pm

          *Leery. Smh.

  • Tracy June 2, 2014, 4:06 am

    He did go all ‘Princess Bride’, didn’t he?? The Mountain would have liked like Swiss cheese when I got through!!!

  • Thato June 2, 2014, 4:26 am

    Someone on Twitter thinks the beetle monologue is actually about George R. R. Martin. That makes total sense to me. GRRM is the beetle guy.

  • TammyS June 2, 2014, 4:58 am

    OH MY GOD!!!OH MY FREAKING GOD!! SERIOUSLY!!?? WHY? (excuse the caps lock) There is only so much the body can take….I just died a million times. Why couldn’t Oberyn shut the hell up? “You raped her, you killed her children”, now you are just as dead. * Howls at , I don’t know, something… I think I have to quit, this is getting too much for me. The sad thing is I know I will be back.

    • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 6:10 pm

      That was spot on if there was a like button around here I would’ve given you a plus one. You really described what I feel too.

  • Majority Fools June 2, 2014, 5:53 am

    Sooooooooo did Sansa smang Lord Baelish or nah?

    I’m leery of the next two episode because Starks don’t fair well in episodes 9 or 10 of the season.

    John Snow turn up?

    Arya has to avenge er’body dammit!

    Why George RR Martib gotta thug me this?!?!?!

    My boo’s Khaleesi (she’s not mad at me so I can still call her that), Briann, Ayra, Tyrion or John Snow BET NOT DIE!

    When. Will. Cersi’s. Evil. Ass. Die?! She has got to………..RAHT NOW!

    • Ms Nicole 2U June 2, 2014, 5:56 am

      Cersei will not die. That ganch is too ebil to die. But vengeance shall be had.

      • Majority Fools June 2, 2014, 8:14 am

        Cersi so evil it’ll probably keep her warm and the last living person on earth when this Westeros winter hits 🙁

    • Kelly June 2, 2014, 10:08 am

      I thought Sansa got it on with Lord Baelish as well. Especially with that smirk she gave coming down the stairs after she was all like, “I know what you really want….”

      ew just ewwww!

      • melissa June 2, 2014, 2:02 pm

        I thought the same thing!!!! The boned!

    • KKay June 2, 2014, 3:20 pm

      I’ve read/listened to all the books and all I got to say is GRRM has some explaining TO DO regarding the end of book five. Some people get theirs; others….don’t

      And he needs to step away from the TV show writing and interviews and getting to finishing the Winds of Winter.

      • Emmanuel June 2, 2014, 6:28 pm

        No time soon. His editor said she has 178 completed pages….out of a likely 1,000 plus. This is his magnum opus, and there is a whooooole ‘nuther book after that one. I just hope he doesn’t die before it’s done. Dude is pushing 70 and is a bit on the portly side.

    • afrosaxon June 2, 2014, 5:42 pm

      Cersei is the JR Ewing of Westeros (those of a certain age will get the ORIGINAL reference). Everyone knows she needs to get got, but the show will not be the same if she does. Arrrrgggghhhh!

  • Jonathan Gonzales June 2, 2014, 6:50 am

    RR Martin is a sick man, I honestly think this man should be investigated probably has someone down in his dungeon being tortured. I think this was worse than the red wedding for me and I have to quit watching because you don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know were this shows heading. News RR Martin we don’t like you killing all the good characters, the way the shows heading I don’t think it will be long before its canceled. Like honestly look at the walking dead same concept except the deaths are in different time spans. I really hate you RR Martin, you sick twisted disgusting person!

    • C June 2, 2014, 9:21 am

      Well, HBO just signed on for 2 more seasons and there are 2 more books apparently so the show isn’t over till literally it’s over!

      • Lady Heather June 2, 2014, 3:24 pm

        HBO has said that they are finishing this off in seven or eight seasons, which means the series will likely end LONG before Martin finishes the books. So the producers sat down with GRRM and went over the arc of every character so they could finish the series (he has two books left and it’s taking him five or six years now to crank out each book) whether he gets the books done or not.

  • Nkechi June 2, 2014, 6:50 am

    Having read all the books, I know the Mountain dies, because Oberyn fights with poison tipped weapons. But then again, the writers of the show haven’t been too concerned about the books. That being said, they better not fugg up these last two episodes, because things get nuts.

    • Kele June 2, 2014, 7:54 am

      My thoughts exactly. The whole Sansa coming out as Sansa is plaguing me something serious. They’re really trying it with this loose interpretation.

      • Luvvie June 2, 2014, 8:10 am

        EY!!! I said discuss the show now the books!

    • Luvvie June 2, 2014, 8:22 am

      MA’AM!!! NO SPOILERS FROM THE BOOK! Didn’t you see the bold print at the end of the post??

      • Robirdie23 June 2, 2014, 8:40 am

        Mofos can read the books but they can’t read big ass bold print at the end of the post. This why we can’t have nice things!

      • heha June 2, 2014, 1:24 pm

        could you delete the comment? just because those of us how have read this are spoiled, doesn’t mean everyone who comes after needs to be.

    • Beverly Morris June 2, 2014, 12:12 pm

      That is a spoiler, Nkechi. Please be more careful.

  • Drea823 June 2, 2014, 7:00 am

    That “head crushing” scene was gruesome AF!! All that gloating got him effed up! In the words of Kevin Hart, “noooo, he wasn’t ready”‘! Smh

    I felt really bad for his girl having to watch that though. 🙁

    I’m learning meditation so I can be ready for next episode, my nerves is bad messing with GRRM!

    • This is not a GameOfThrones June 2, 2014, 4:29 pm

      Oh my gosh, why did I take a yoga class for the first time in months after watching this episode? I needed a serious de-stress after seeing that!

  • Serenity June 2, 2014, 7:06 am

    Because I’m a spoilers troll… I knew that Oberyn was gonna die…. nasty. I also know the Mountain is gonna die too from his wounds because Oberyn’s spear was poisoned. That’s how he earned his nickname “The Viper.” When the fight got good, I unashamedly got up and got my clothes together for work. GoT is nothing if not gory and they aren’t scared to kill off a beloved and interesting character. I go into each episode knowing this is a possibility.

  • MissNeetra June 2, 2014, 7:12 am

    I have to say I’m proud of Sansa, even if she did come down the stairs looking like she had just visited the first Hot Topic in the Vale.

    • Majority Fools June 2, 2014, 8:12 am

      HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

  • Silk! June 2, 2014, 8:16 am

    Like with other forums, may I respectfully request that those who have already read the books please indicate postings about future shenanigans by labelled them with SPOILER?

    Thanks bunches!

    Now…all those half-nekkid Unsullied? Woo. Also, “pillar and stones” slayed me. I will definitely incorporate that phrase.

  • Robirdie23 June 2, 2014, 8:37 am

    I had to hit my DAMN! DAMN! DAMN! like when James died on Good Times cause that was some messed up sh*t! I kept repeating to myself please just FINISH HIM because he won’t confess and he HAD HIM! I almost let myself breathe and I was So ready to gloat on that Flowers In The Attic heifer because she was NOT going to win this time! But, nope, you had to get in too close, he was SO caught up on getting him to confess and just BAM! And that head crushing scene where he popped his head like a zit, just SO gruesome. I had to rock myself to sleep last night. Real Gs needed Jesus after this episode because I wasn’t ready!

    I need to know who hurt RR Martin because why can’t he let us have nice things? Why must he SLAY my feelings at every turn. Now, who is going to save my boo?

    Oh and for all you smug mofos who read the books already NO BOOK SPOILERS and knowing Mr. Martin, once he finishes the last book, its going to destroy any and everything you think you know so keep that book spoiler mess to yourself! Ugh, I hate people!

  • Robyn June 2, 2014, 8:40 am

    Last night, as I tweeted I wondered if no one was going to give Dany credit for Missy’s twist out…and how Jorah was the typical man; he got called out on his bullshit and NOW he can say how much he loves you…uh, it was all a mess.

    Oberyn did remind me of that scene from the Incredibles
    Bob: He starts monologuing.
    Lucius: He starts monologuing! He starts like, this prepared speech about how *feeble* I am compared to him, how *inevitable* my defeat is, how *the world* *will soon* *be his*, yadda yadda yadda.
    Bob: Yammering.
    Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won’t shut up!

    It was all too much…just so many feelings. It made me sit down and re-evaluate my life choices, wondering, “Was there ever a time I was like Oberyn?”

    I Can’t.

  • Queen Kellie June 2, 2014, 8:49 am

    I am posting this from the great beyond since GRRM decided to kill me dead last night, I already suffered a heart attack from them Red Wedding shenanigans he pult on me last season. I can’t tell you how many CANS I lost last night. Whew

  • Ailenka June 2, 2014, 9:13 am

    The Mountain is dead. That is why I don’t understand why Tywin sentenced Tyrion, besides pure hate, of course. Both men are dead that’s a draw. Tyrion will be whisked out of King’s Landing. By whom, me no know. GRRM is a sadist. The beetle foreshadowing along with Tyrion’s recommendation that the Red Viper were a helmet were both clever in hindsight.

    • CMC June 2, 2014, 9:53 am

      Yeah. That helmet would have come in handy… O__o

    • Lady Heather June 2, 2014, 3:42 pm

      Tyrion is sentenced to death because his champion was killed (decisively and horribly and I am still fetal behind that shit because I loved Oberyn — he did Oberyn and if you didn’t like it, he either didn’t care or he would stab you up). The idea behind trial by combat is that if you are innocent, your champion will win — that is how the gods communicate their decision. So I guess that if your champion is killed, the gods are saying that you’re guilty, regardless of how the other guy ends up. I’m pulling this out of my ass because this is the only way I could make sense out of a death sentence issued when it still wasn’t clear whether the Mountain was dead or alive.

      • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 6:24 pm

        If that’s so the god’s are either extremely cruel or blind because Tyrion didn’t kill Joffrey. I hope that because the mountain is dead as well he will get to live. Or for some other reason, I honestly don’t care just let Tyrion live he’s the best character of the show from the very beginning and he doesn’t deserve to die for a murder he didn’t commit (or for any other reason for that matter)

        • Lady Heather June 7, 2014, 3:28 pm

          It’s not really the gods at work; that’s just what they believe. Trial by combat gets won by whoever’s champion is bigger, faster, stronger, or can just shut the hell up and stab you in the face once he’s got you down on the ground instead of running around you demanding a confession you ain’t gonna make. WHOO! Sorry, still upset about Oberyn.

          Also, I’m not breaking a sweat for Tyrion; he’s central to this series in a way no other character is and I actually think they’d lose most of their viewers if they Nedd Starked him. He’s probably the smartest character on the show and he’s got a brother running the Kingsguard who has his back; I’m not worried. Yet.

  • Ailenka June 2, 2014, 9:17 am

    Also, collectively, I think black women all noticed that the Khaleesi was braiding Missandei’s hair. I peeped it. I think Grey Worm’s attraction is a bigger problem for Danaerys. If one can be distracted, they all can.

    • Robirdie23 June 2, 2014, 9:43 am

      YES! I was like is she doing a 2 strand twist in the front, this show is giving naturals our LIFE, lol!I know I am not the only one rocking the twist out fro today in homage, lol.

    • melissa June 2, 2014, 2:10 pm

      I thought the same thing. She loves those unsullied because they are like robots. But if the head dude can catch feeling – her army might have a couple weaknesses.

  • Joy June 2, 2014, 9:29 am

    Mr. Martin is the REAL Ramsey Bolton, the man is flaying us slowly with this story. The actor/character Ramsey though? If loving him is wrong, I’ll see you in Hell.

    • This is not a GameOfThrones June 2, 2014, 4:32 pm

      I loved him as Simon on Misfits, but this character here is the DEBBIL. I rebuke Ramsay, but I’ll take the other Snow (Jon) any day.

      • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 6:28 pm

        Joy, at least you won’t be alone in hell, I’ll be right there with you :p Ramsay is just a lovely villain and straight up badass!

  • MsMelissa2u June 2, 2014, 10:14 am

    @luvvie It’s not over and his death will be avenged! He has daughters that are about that life and have not been introduced yet. This isn’t a spoiler, just my theory. Check out background info below:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/27/oberyn-martell_n_5366655.html

  • Mitchell June 2, 2014, 10:18 am

    Your recap was A1

  • blackberry molasses June 2, 2014, 10:29 am

    O_o at the book spoilers. and i’ve read all the books. i’ll say.. just don’t be a jerk for the sake of being a jerk. its not cool.

    that being said i knew oberyn’s death was coming and still its SLAYED me. i had to go lay in the dark in my bedroom for a few minutes. i might have wept softly. i was so here for him and ellaria sand.

    but… the martells are no slouches and their hatred for the lannisters goes beyond just oberyn wanting to avenge his sister. remember that oberyn has 8 bastard daughters…4 of them are grown. and an older brother. and dorne generally hates the rest of the seven kingdoms. they resisted aegon the conqueror AND his dragons and could only be brought into the seven kingdoms through a marriage pact. they definitely see themselves as apart, much like the Iron Islands. mmhmm.

    • CMC June 2, 2014, 11:59 am

      I agree. I knew it was coming and it still floored me. Reading it is one thing but seeing his beautiful head bust like a grape…DAMB!!

  • Landi Dexter June 2, 2014, 11:17 am

    OMG!!! “GAHTDAMBIT!!! YOU HAD ONE JOB, OBERYN!!! One. JOB.” Sealed it for me. I am done. So on point.

  • Nicki Salcedo June 2, 2014, 11:41 am

    I’d rather read your commentary than watch. “I HAVE NEVER almost seriously threw my laptop like that.” Thank you.

  • Princess Bride June 2, 2014, 11:43 am

    Oberyn was totally on some Inigo Montoya from the Princess Bride-type stuff. I really thought he was about to bust out with MY NAME IS OBERYN. YOU KILLED MY SISTER. YOU RAPED HER. YOU MURDERED HER CHILDREN. NOW PREPARE TO DIE.

  • CMC June 2, 2014, 12:01 pm

    The funeral services for Oberyn Martell will be closed casket… SMDH!:(

  • Char June 2, 2014, 12:08 pm

    Luvvie ask that you NOT post spoilers. Why are SOME Book Readers so insufferable. Ok, you know what’s going to happen* woohoo*. There are sites for the book readers to discuss the episodes if you just can’t control yourself. Please, be respectful. No Spoilers!

  • Chocl8t June 2, 2014, 12:10 pm

    Even having read the books and knowing what was going to happen, I had to cover my eyes in the last minute of last night’s episode. I couldn’t handle it! lol

    I won’t spoil it for you but EYE do know if the Mountain lives…stay tuned!!! 😉

  • Chocl8t June 2, 2014, 12:12 pm

    Oh, and these last two episodes? Honey, brace yourself. Your emotions will be on full TILT!!! lol

  • Chiq June 2, 2014, 12:17 pm

    Did anyone peep Luvvie’s So So Def/Jermaine Dupri reference? Am I the only one still laughing at that?! LOLOLOL. I died 3 times and only came back twice after that reference.

    *pops in Young, Fly & Flashy CD*

  • Nkechi June 2, 2014, 12:54 pm

    How is that a spoiler? She asked, I answered. Y’all are mad like the Mountain is a main character or something. He’s only significant to this ONE storyline. If he is mentioned in anything more than in passing in the next episode, I would be shocked. Concentrating on this dude…please! You need to be preparing your minds for what’s to come. Luvvie, I think you need to film yourself watching the next two episodes. I want to see your reactions. Lol!

    • heha June 2, 2014, 1:22 pm

      dont pretend to be dumb – it’s a spoiler if you write “having read all the books, i know….”
      it’s one thing to postulate, quite another to state a fact

      • Char June 2, 2014, 2:02 pm

        Thank You!

      • Crissy241 June 2, 2014, 2:44 pm

        Co-sign!

    • Crissy241 June 2, 2014, 2:43 pm

      It’s a spoiler because the HBO show did not show/tell that Oberyn used poison on the tips of his weapons.
      Whether the Mountain is a major character or not you intentionally posted a spoiler after Luvvie clearly wrote in bold asking her readers NOT TO POST SPOILERS.
      At least respect Luvvie’s REPEATED REQUESTS!

      • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 6:36 pm

        Ok I’m all for no spoilers but you guys react a little to hard on this one I think. I mean yes he shouldn’t have posted it but knowing Oberyn was called The Red Viper and knowing he studied poison you could have expected it. Just saying you don’t get a name like The Red Viper just because. You don’t have to be Sherlock to add 1 and 1 together on this one.

        • Lady Heather June 7, 2014, 3:47 pm

          I have to disagree, respectfully.
          1) So many folks on this show have been poisoned or have poisoned others that studying poisons doesn’t make you a standout in either Westeros or Essos.
          2) Oberyn could have been called The Red Viper because of his temper or the fact that he was fast with a dagger (fang metaphor), two things the show had demonstrated.
          3) The director made a point of having it look like his squire was just polishing his weapons. Didn’t have him dipping the rag into a pot or anything.

          The TL/DR version: the fact that his nickname was “The Red Viper” and that he studied poisons is hardly a basis for concluding that he poisoned the blades of his weapons and thus The Mountain is dying or dead. It was a straight-up spoiler.

    • blackberry molasses June 3, 2014, 7:42 am

      actually, if you’ve read all the books, and are a bit of a GOT conspiracy theorist, knowing whether or not the mountain is dead is actually kind of important.

  • Babygurrl June 2, 2014, 12:58 pm

    Here are thoughts I was able to gather:

    With Reek and the Boltons: Remember that the Starks were the Lords of the North and Theon was their ward. Theon’s whole reason for betraying the Starks was because he was tired of being their “prisoner” even though they were good to him. Now he’s a real prisoner of the new Warden of the North. He’s come full circle and is now in waay worse circumstances.

    I don’t think Tyrion is going to die. But that stupid prince should’ve stabbed the Mountain in the eye then went into his rant. SMH SMH SMH SMH SMH WHHHHYYYY?!?!?

    Who’s gona fight the Lannisters? I think the Stark girls are gonna get their auntie’s army to come up out them mountains and fight. Or maybe they can join up with the Barathian uncle and fight. I dunno!!!

    *FAINTS*

  • Flylibrarian June 2, 2014, 1:52 pm

    Okay, Puss In Boots wasn’t really here for Tyrion. That was just a convenient excuse. He was there for his sister and her babies.

    Also, think of the political issues this admission causes! He needed to make The Mountain (Uh, Ser Mountain? I need my eyeballs) ADMIT IN FRONT OR GOD AND ERRBODY that HE (and therefore Daddy Lanni) killed the daughter of a POWERFUL kingdom. I mean, he could have killed Mr. Ser Mountain AGES ago. But he wanted a PUBLIC admission of guilt because he hates alladem Lannisters AND their crew.

    • TammyS June 2, 2014, 2:03 pm

      “Puss in boots”!! Lol. That just made my day, but seriously Oberyn why you hadda start preening before you were sure the job was done. Preening comes after..

  • Jason June 2, 2014, 1:55 pm

    Hmmm…. who’s coming after the LAnnisters now? I’ll take… Oberyn’s family for 500 Alex! The man was the Prince of the only nation didn’t didn’t fall to the dragons, his brother is going to be on the Lannisters behind… not to mention Oberyn’s bottom chick Ellaria… I know she has more to her than meets the eye. And Oberyn absolutely HAD to have some 47 sons or daughters or something lol.

  • jinks jones June 2, 2014, 2:28 pm

    I CANNOT….

    Oberyn just could NOT stab him and be done …. NOPE. That man was too damn big. I would have had poison dipped tipped and fried points on all my weapons dealing with him and a sniper in the background with a bazooka ready to take him out!

    I AM SO DONE!

    My feelings are just cascading out.

    This is why we can’t have nice things.

    All i wanted was characters i could invest in. This man, does not want me invested in ANYTHING or ANYONE EVER.

    no one is safe, every sunday night i go to bed with dragging my emotions and huddled in the corner for support. Even the damn cat is like, “i’m leaving her ass alone for a while”

    • Jason June 2, 2014, 5:52 pm

      Hey I don’t read the books or anything… but I was curious about why they called him the Red Viper… google it… Vipers are famous for their poisonous venom.

      • TammyS June 2, 2014, 6:15 pm

        He was called the red viper because of his proficient use of various poisons, often applied to his weapons. So either the stabs get his opponents or the effects of the poisons caused by the the cuts or stabs from the same.

  • Crissy241 June 2, 2014, 2:52 pm

    Just the thought of Littlefinger giving Sansa his Littlefinger made me want to purify myself in Lake Minnetonka 🙁
    And the director of the episode isn’t slick, lol: when Littlefinger visited Sansa to ask her why she took up for him, the sunlight shone on her adoringly.
    In the next scene when Sansa comes down the stairs wearing Lysa’s dark sexy dress showing her “lady lumps”, it was as dark and sinister…

    …I guess the sun don’t shine on dem hoez 🙁

    <—weeps

  • Stephanie June 2, 2014, 3:53 pm

    GRRM STAYS killing all the fine dudes though! Robb, Oberyn…well them two.

    That death scene was gruesome – who the hell told him to start spilling out ‘Gladiator’ monologues though? Now he up and got himself kilt.

    And this whole Sansa/Littlefinger thing is creepy. Especially with Sansa walking down the stairs giving Littlefinger the “can’t keep your eyes off my fatty, daddy” stare. Just rude and creepy as hell.

    • LegalEase June 2, 2014, 5:12 pm

      Sansa walking down the stairs giving Littlefinger the “can’t keep your eyes off my fatty, daddy” stare.

      You Ma’am are on time out. Was she looking at ol Lord Baelish like “How the hell did the ish happen?”

    • afrosaxon June 2, 2014, 5:58 pm

      Surfbordt?

      • TammyS June 2, 2014, 6:09 pm

        Hopefully, not like that bride..o_O.

  • Pasha June 2, 2014, 4:05 pm

    Jeez! I came here as soon as the episode ending. I don’t want these feelings. Peeping Tom section had me cackling. Thank you Luvvie. Where were you season 1, episode 9 when I cried for days. I’m so glad you are #TeamGoT otherwise I’d be unable to deal right now.

    Anyway lemme finish reading this.

  • Pasha June 2, 2014, 4:21 pm

    I seriously hope that Mountain is dead and that Tyrion gets a reprieve. This cannot be how he goes out. I hate his father and sister so much, I wish them all the deaths that have happened to every character I’ve liked in this wickedly evil show.

    I want Cersie to have her throat slit and then be beheaded before being thrown from a tower and then being hung drawn and quartered and then all her remaining bits squashed like a bug.

    The Viper dude let us down so bad, I can’t believe that happened. I can’t.

    What have we ever done to George RR Martin to make him do us like this?

    As for Arya, I love her and all but I wouldn’t want her making her way to my house, next thing you know I’m dead. She has no luck with family members and I think it’s going to send her crazy. She already likes killing a bit too much.

  • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 5:57 pm

    I very much doubt the mountain lives. If you’re called the Red Viper and are known to have studied poison I’d say he has poison all over the blade of his spears (which were beautiful btw) so I hope he had a poison on it that will give the mountain a slow and agonizing death.

    Most of you guys know exactly how I feel about this episode. I just went crazy so if the mountain isn’t dead (which is highly unlikely) I hope he gets killed very soon. Also how badass were Oberyn’s fighting skill? Without a soubt THE most EPIC in the whole show! (Sorry Khal Drogo but you’re number one place just got stolen) Just too bad we only got to see them once.

    Never liked Sansa’s character (thought she was annoying) untill now that was some awesome acting!

    One of the only good things happening in this horribly devestating episode for me was Ramsay being aknowledged as a Bolton, he deserved it (yes I’m a Ramsay fan, he’s the most badass villain in the series and he’s a f*cking badass)

    Poor Jorah and poor Grey Worm. There isn’t much more to say for Grey Worm besides that he’s awesome and his situation is difficult (didn’t find a better word)

    But Jorah, I’m not such a big fan of his character but he didn’t deserve this. Every time he gets in a good position (lord of Bear Island, I don’t really know what to call his relation to Dany) and every time he gets screwed over because of a minor mistake.

    I feel for him especially because of all that he has done for Dany. I think from this point on Dany’s character is gonna go the wrong way (Jorah has been here guide, advisor, moral compass) I fear she will become more and more like the mad king after this, a lot of things point in that direction imo: she wanted to kill all the masters of Yunkai (until Jorah changed her mind) she nailed 163 of the masters of Meereen to mileposts and called it justice (even though they were not all bad as we found out and even though ser Barristan advised her not to do so) She doesn’t trust anyone anymore and wants anyone who is against her dead.

    This is prove enough for me that she’s going the wrong direction. In the beginning I was rooting for her as she was the underdog, the breaker of cchains she had dragons and freed the unsullied so she had the right (debatable) and the means to take back the seven kingdoms but now I’m not so sure who should sit the Iron Throne.

    Sorry to those who think I wrote to much but I had to leave my opinion somewhere because this was the most intense episode of the whole series if Tyrion dies. Otherwise it’s a tie with the Red Wedding.

    • Jason June 2, 2014, 8:00 pm

      A Ramsay Bolton fan? I heard legends about such a thing… but really? I mean I’m a Littlefinger fan but damb… Ramsay??

      • just another GoT fan June 2, 2014, 9:27 pm

        Yes sir. He is the best villain of the show in my opinion. He has a brain unlike most other villains in the show (Joffrey, Cersei, The Mountain,…) He is cunning everything he does is well planned and has a serves a higher purpose (getting aknowledged as a Bolton) I mean yes what he did to Theon was cruel and shit but it was of great benefit to Ramsay, he got to know the Stark boys are alive and he took moat cailin with Reek’s help. Than there is the fact that he is a badass fighter taking out a few of the best ironborn killers and a great hunter. Also he has trained his hounds very well (as he did with Reek)

        I’m just saying in every fight he’s in he always makes sure he has the upper hand. Something about how the actor plays it is just funny sometimes (I mean the letter to Balon was just precious) Also the actor just makes this character so badass.

        But I can imagine people not liking him. I too like it more when he talks about flaying people (he’s so passionate about it in his own sick and twisted way it’s funny) than when he actually does it.

        It’s hard to explain but I just think he’s a lovely villain (kinda like the Joker from Batman)

  • afrosaxon June 2, 2014, 6:04 pm

    Despite Grey Worm missing his kibbles and bits, the thought did cross my mind that he could hook Missandrei up with his tongue. He is already proving himself to be a cunning linguist. 😀

    Is Missandrei a virgin? She looked all unknowledgable and flustered when Daenerys asked her if she knew, or wondered, what all was really cut from the Unsullied.

    I think Daenerys sees her old self in Missandrei, and remembers how she upped her sex game for the love of a good man (Khal Drogo), who encouraged her sexual liberation (but only with him).

  • kurikulum 2013 June 2, 2014, 10:01 pm

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  • Jess June 2, 2014, 10:50 pm

    Bwahahaha! Cuntpunting. All I could say was Wow to this ridiculously heavy episode. I just had to Lol at Cuntpunting. Great choice of words.

  • SmithBerry June 3, 2014, 7:26 am

    I love your recap of GoT! Looking forward to Sunday’s episode. TW, there are actually 3 brown in this show (Missy, dude without Pillar and stones, and the Pirate). 🙂

  • Tracey June 3, 2014, 3:53 pm

    All I could think of was the Kenny Rogers song… You got to know when to walk away!!!!…ugggh! I’m so beyond the can’t, I carn’t.
    On another note though; hurray, Sansa? (I fear rooting for anyone puts them in danga’.)

  • Pulsefire Teemo June 4, 2014, 5:04 am

    After that episode, i am done watching Game of Thrones. I was thinking of watching whole series, from the beginning. But damn, too much cliche, too much violence to air to (even) mature audience. For a production, i don’t think this much gore&blood was necessary. I think it was 1) overkill 2) unrealistic. He had a good cause, even though i fancy bad characters, i wanted him to win. Guess Mr Martin went too far in series. He might have changed the scenario for series but he didn’t do it this time, did it by the book.

    And AFAIK poking someones eye out was common vigilante act or punishment, stabbing in the eye etc. for shaming someones pride and honor or their family members. But this was men fight.

    By no human power, skulls cannot crush nor explode like that. Try it on a real monkey skull if you want 🙂 Or human if you can find @_@

  • jadebuddha June 4, 2014, 1:55 pm

    For those of you up in arms about what a sick man Martin is, remember – a lot of his plot points (including the horrific deaths) have a historical basis. As in REAL LIFE. There were really people that ran around doing these kinds of things to other people.

    Dwell on that a moment and see if it isn’t even scarier than the idea of someone making these gruesome events up.

  • T June 5, 2014, 4:33 pm

    Luvvie you might have to disable the comments on these recaps for the naive assholes that have read the books and can’t follow directions. Your loyal readers will understand

  • Stephanie June 9, 2014, 3:26 pm

    I’m still mourning.

    Can we get Shirley Caeser to give a rendition of The Church is in Mourning or nah?

  • GaNeane June 23, 2014, 1:47 am

    Just saw this episode. I personally think Arya was laughing because The Hound went thru ALLADIS to get his reward…and the ONE PERSON who was gonna give it to him done got herself tossed out the Moon Door! I think the irony just cracked Arya up! She never met her aunt so it wasn’t like it was sadness or grief. She just thought that sheeit was funny!

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