After last week’s episode of Game of Thrones (The Mountain and the Viper) that left me in hysterics, I was petrified to see what this week’s would offer. The penultimate episodes of the past 3 seasons have left us in shambles so I was bracing myself for the worst. Let’s talk about it.
SPOILER ALERT, OF COURSE!
I Wanna Know What Love Is – Sam and Jon Snow are on top of the Wall when Sam asks Jon what it’s like to be with a woman. Big Boy makes a good point, saying that technically, their vows as Night’s Watch Men didn’t forbid them from having secks, per se. It’s “I shall take no vows or father any children.” The two talk about love and Jon tells him “What did I get for it? An arrow 6 inches from my heart.”
He’s so FAHN and vulnerable. Sam decides to go to the library.
The Boy is Mine – Ygritte is sharpening her arrows, talmbout how she’s ready to kill those “crows” aka the Watch men. The cannibal leader tells her that she’s just tryna give her Love Pocket to the main crow, Jon Snow. She feels froggy and gets all up in his face saying he’s just mad because he won’t get none from her. Then she tells them all that Jon is HER kill.
Kind of a Big Deal – Sam is in the library when Aemon Targaryen (the blind old man) walks in. The two start talking and the old man tells the young one that “love is the death of duty.” He knows he loves Gilly and his regret in leaving her in danger to be possibly slaughtered by the wildllings is clear. Aemond says he was in love once, and Sam lowkey shades him. The dude tells him he was kind of a big deal, as a Targaryen.
Gilly’s Back – As Sam leaves the library, he hears someone outside the gate and he runs there. It’s Gilly! He cusses for the first time and tells the watchman to open the damb gate to let the girl in. As they catch up, the horn on top of the wall goes off. He takes Gilly and her baby into a room to hide them. He must go fight with his brothers. Before he leaves her, they share a kiss.
AW SNAP!!! Sam got his groove back. Let’s hope he’ll come back to finish.
Wild Horses – The horn goes off twice because the Wildlings are approaching. Allister (the Command) is on top of the wall and tells Jon that he shoulda taken his advice to seal off the tunnels. IT’S TOO LATE NOW, BUTTMUNCH! Anywho, he knows he should be on the ground so he leaves to go fight. ANDDDD the giants are approaching with their mammoths. This is just all real bad.
Thus begins the epic Battle of Castle Black. How do I even recap all the chaos, madness and action?
The Wildlings attack the Castle, scaling the walls, killing people with their battle axes and Ygritte is knocking folks out left and right with those deadly arrows of hers. Right as they’re about to get in, Allister gives the men a rousing pep talk, saying that Castle Black must remain standing.
Soon, it’s a full-out battle on the ground as the Wildlings get in. Allister might be an asshole who stays shading my boo, Jon, but the man can fight!
The men on top of the wall are shooting fire-tipped arrows and killing some of the approaching Wildlings. They’re also being attacked from below.
At this point, the man that Allister put in command is rambling about how Giants don’t exist. They trick him and say he’s needed downstairs. Then, Jon is in Command and he’s getting his men in action! The punk dude who was told to go downstairs runs into the room where Gilly and her baby is. Talk about breaking your vows. Punk, man!
Sam and his little buddy are tag-teaming. The guy is shooting and Sam is reloading his bow with arrows. All until Ygritte shoots the dude down from across the Castle. Well, shit. Sam is trying to get to the elevator to warn Jon that they need more men when he’s approached by one of the Cannibals. He gets an arrow off right in time into the dude’s head. SAM THE SLAYER FTW!
Some of the Wildlings start scaling the Wall and it’s legit about to go down. However, the men drop some giant knife on a chain and sweep all those ones off. WHOOT!
At the bottom of the Wall, 2 giants and a mammoth are trying to unhinge the 4-inch thick gate that protects it. They tie a chain to the mammoth and as it tries to rip off the front layer, the men on top of the wall shoot it with a fiery arrow. The thing runs away and they kill one of the giants. This infuriates the other giant and he starts working on the gate himself.
Jon turns to one of his closest men (Grenn) and tells him to take 5 other men with him to hold up the gate. The 6 men stand by the inner gate and the giant makes it in (by lifting the iron). Grenn reminds the men of their vows so they can stand strong and defend, even in the face of what is looking like sure death as the giant charges towards them.
Back on the Castle ground, Allister is slashed but alive. His men drag him inside and Jon reaches the ground to fight. He tells Sam to let Ghost out and the direwolf charges and starts ripping Wildlings to pieces.
Jon starts battling the leader of the cannibals, Styr. After an intense fight, Snow kills him with a hammer to the head. Just then, Ygritte is in front of him with her bow pointing directly at him. The two then share a long stare, as if there isn’t a war going on around them. They share a small smile when an arrow hits Ygritte. It’s from Oliie, the little boy who controls their little lift. Jon goes and cradles his non-boo and gets all sentimental. AGAIN, THERE’S A WAR GOING ON! THIS AIN’T THE TIME FOR FEELS! They talk about the cave where they made love and he says they could go back there. She tells him one last time “You know nothing” before she dies. Aawwwwww.
Morning comes and Castle Black is still standing. The remaining Night’s men are piling up the dead bodies so they can be burned. They capture Tormund, the leader of this pack of Wildlings for questioning.
Jon reminds Sam that a new battle will happen that night because they’re still outnumbered 1000 to 1. He says he must kill Mance Rayder, who runs ALLLLL of the Wildlings because if he’s gone, then they’ll fight each other. Sam thinks it’s a bad idea to go after him but Jon asks him if he has a better idea. He does not. As the two walk into the Wall, they see the giant sprawled out by the inner gate. They also see Grenn’s body and the bodies of the other 5 men. They kept their word and held the gate.
Jon Snow is leaving to go find Mance and he hands his sword to Sam because he promised that he wouldn’t lose it. Sam’s last words for him are “Come back” but I don’t know how likely that is. The man is leaving without a weapon to go face the leader of a pack of people who have no rules.
Yeah… Jon might don’t make it. And he’s fully aware of it.
The Battle of Castle Black had my heart in my throat for most of this episode. I mean, all that action had my nerves all bad. BUT it could have been worse and for that, I thank GRRM (aka Murder Santa). Jon Snow coulda died. So I won’t complain. Also, episode 9 of the seasons of Game of Thrones is typically the type that leaves you emotionally drained and unable to deal for a while. This was the exception. There were losses and it was still exhausting but I recovered quickly.
There’s only one episode left of Game of Thrones season 4, and there’s a lot that needs to be addressed. What’s happening with Tyrion? Where’s Arya and the Hound?
Where’s Danaery’s dragons? What’s Baelish up to? ANDDD where’s Brandon??? We haven’t seen him or Rickon or Hodor in too long!
Jeebs be a fence, take the wheel and hold my mule. I don’t wanna slide off my couch at this season finale so I just hope they take it easy on all of us.
Anywho, discuss! Those of you who’ve read the #GameofThrones books. SHUT YOUR TRAPS ABOUT SPOILERS TO COME IF YOU’RE COMMENTING ON MY BLOG! Don’t make me fight you. That is all. JUST DISCUSS THE SHOW UP TO THIS POINT! Kthx!
P.S. FREE TYRION!
BTW, as requested, here are the GIVER OF NO DAMBS tshirts! They’re available for 7 days only so get one on Teespring! Each style comes in red, black and blue. 50 shirts is the goal!
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