Girlfriend Intervention’s Attempt at Fixing Needs Fixing: Premiere (And Only) Recap
I watched Lifetime TV’s newest reality TV show, Girlfriend Intervention last night. TWICE. The first time to just see it and the second time to get some of the quotes because the show was just that roastable. I already went in with my side-eye strong because the tagline of the show is “Trapped inside of every white girl is a strong black woman ready to bust out.” Oh REALLY?
The show takes 4 Black women and gets them to makeover the life and style of some helpless white woman. Because you know what every white woman needs is a 4 sassy Black besties.
The show’s first hapless white woman is Joanie, a former hip hop dancer who is married to a Black man named Bradley, a current hip hop dancer with the nickname “Shoes.” Joanie has apparently let herself go so she needs the help of Nikki Chu (to fix her house), Tiffiny Dixon (to fix her style), Tracy Balan (to fix her hair) and Tanisha Thomas (to fix her soul).
From left to right: Tanisha, Tiffiny, Nikki, Tracy. The Fairy Black Friends.
Let me remind everyone that Tanisha is the one of Bad Girls Club infamy and multiple reality TV shows of randomness. I still remember her as the chick who was fighting like she lacked home training on BGC. Getting her to fix someone’s soul is like getting Joseline Hernandez as your speech pathologist.
In the first 10 minutes of the show, the following lines are uttered by Tanisha:
“Joanie is married to a FINE Black man. A Black woman would never let herself go with a man like that.”
“Our mission is to get Joanie to feel visible, vibrant and HIP HOP SEXY!” What is Hip Hop sexy?? Is it adjacent to R&B sexy?
“With Caucasian women, everyone is really afraid to say how they really feel.”
“Honey, she needs to get her groove back. ASAP.”
“There is not a sister on this Earth who’ll miss a red carpet event because she feels fat. That’s a white girl problem.”
O_______________________________________O
She wasn’t the only “coach” talking sideways either. Tiffiny was “No self-respecting Black woman would ever hide herself in that if she wanted to keep her Black card.”
Joanie was basically being told that she’s failing at being married to a Black man because she lacks confidence and she had body issues and you know that Black women don’t have those problems. WE’RE A WHOLE LOTTA WOMAN!!!!!!!!! Foxxy Cleopatra would be proud of this team.
Because every white woman is weak and helpless and all they need are some neck-swerving Black friends who will KEEP IT REAL so they can get it together. I can’t even understand how this was greenlit.
On top of all of that, what made the show laughable and really hard to take as anything but comedy was how they’d all just drop over-wrought and outdated phrases. It made the Girlfriend Interventions seem like a MadTV skit. OKAY?!? YESSS, GIRLFRIEND!!! YOU GO, SISTER! THIS PLACE GOT ITS GROOVE BACK, BABY! O________O
It’s 4 Black women acting like characters written by white people who’ve never met any Black people. Actually, I’m pretty sure a bulk of this was scripted so I think this is a possibility. When Tanisha said “You look hip AND hop” was when I knew I hated everything.
But while they’re trying to makeover this white woman while insulting white women and Black women, I was wondering who was gonna make all of THEM over.
This Tiffiny chick’s hair was making me angry. She had 2 curly pieces as sideburns, a high ponytail and shaved sides. It was like the Golden Child meets Cassie. Then there’s Nikki who I kept mistaking for Tracy because they both had long blonde weaves that were placed gingerly on their scalp lackadaisically. I finally figured out that Nikki had bangs, though. That helped me.
Tracy, who was the hairstylist/makeup artist had hair so frizzy in one scene that she looked like the Cowardly Lion from the Wiz. And then Tanisha. Homegirl was rocking about 6 packs of remy whilst wearing an entire MAC paint pot on her eyelids. Actually, ALL of them were. She lowkey looked like Mimi from the Drew Carey Show. Reality TV makeup is Instagram chic.
So for them to be talmbout fixing Joanie! had me scratching my head. Tanisha, especially took her role seriously with “I have got to fix her soul.” Don’t worry about me. WORRY BOUT YOUR EYEBROWS! Who gon fix Tanisha’s makeup? Who gon fix Tracy’s wig? Who gon fix Tiffiny’s sideburns? Ugh.
Anyway, part of fixing Joanie was helping her “get her groove back” (yes, really). So since she used to be a Hip Hop dancer, naturally taking her Salsa dancing was the way to do that. O_O They all joined her and when Joanie cha-cha’ed to their satisfaction, they chanted her name and Tanisha yelled “SALSA CALIENTE MUCHO!” in enthusiasm and I was outdone. The camera panned to the floor and somebody had on kitten heels. I was REALLY extra offended then (-___-).
Next was getting Joanie new hair and some makeup. Tracy gave her too much extra hair and some “ok” makeup. She showed her off to the other coaches and they all Oohed and aahed. They ended that session with all of them yelling “The best part is you have 4 new sisters now. And you know what they say… once you go Black, you can’t go back.” I wanted to dropkick my TV in that moment.
They go back to Joanie’s house and Nikki reveals her work. She’d painted the room turquoise and thrown a whole bunch of accessories in there. It looked like IKEA threw up in there and it was giving me anxiety. The room was dizzying, between the bright wall, the scrabble letters that spelled out her name on the wall, the orange pillows on the couch, the curtains hanging in the doorway and the neon paintings of Joanie’s family member’s pics.
I got my interior designer degree from Design on a Dime University and Love It or List It College so I know. That room was doing the most with the most.
Then came the reveal in front of Joanie’s husband and some unidentified friends. She took to the runway like she was on Jenny Jones’ “From Geek to Chic” show and the peanut gallery cheered as if this mediocre ass makeover really did blow them away. Meanwhile, I also wondered who was gonna give her husband the makeover that HE clearly needed. >__>
After Project NAWLway wrapped, Joanie’s husband got on stage to profess his love for her (a part that was clearly scripted). He musta forgotten his lines because he was stuttering like Celie’s son when he came back from Africa. I was so over all of them.
Everyone was happy with everything and they were really satisfied with themselves for helping this hapless and lost white woman reclaim her groove. “I feel like a woman on fire!” – Joanie. That sounds painful, girl. I heard Monistat helps.
The episode ends with Tanisha exclaiming “You’re officially Black whether you like it or not.” Because apparently, being Black means having 3 hair clips, wearing camo skinnies and telling people your groove has returned from the market. Listen. NO, LAWD!
After watching Girlfriend Intervention, I am offended for Black women, white women, all women, makeup artists, hairstylists, interior designers, show producers and anything else of good quality. Bad weave, bad makeup, bad catchphrases and even worst stereotypes. It’s embarrassingly bad.
Someone (@RenaissanceEast) said this show is like Queer Eye for the Straight Guy meets The Help and I howled to the blue-corned moon. Because it’s true. Lifetime should go back to the drawing board, erase any ideas related to this and put this show out its misery. It is terrible.
I suffer through these things so you don’t have to. Just like I did by reading 50 Shades of Grey. Because I’m a humanitarian.
UPDATE: Joanie, the woman who was made over on the show found this recap and left a comment. Here it is:
“I was the BW and I signed up because I wanted a makeover and a room redone in my home. There are A LOT of things about this show I didn’t like, all those scripted and unscripted comments that had to be with being black or white… I couldn’t stand. I think a review or ‘recap’ should be truthful but also adding what’s good even if it’s one thing. Not every single thing in the show was bad, if you are truly being honest. That red jumpsuit was AMAZING and also my husband needing a makeover is debatable but his lines being scripted is completely 100% false. That was all from the heart.
We’ve been married 18 1/2 years and that was a beautiful moment for us and I will defend its truthfulness. Also my speech at the end was edited of course because of its length, but that was also 100% from my heart. Those ladies were a blast to be with for a week. Tiffiny and I particularly bonded on the show. They all treated me with respect and care. I took most of their comments with a grain of salt, because I do have more confidence than I let on, I wanted a makeover! They were great to be with for a week. And as for my living room… everyone has different tastes. I personally love it!”
______
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81 Comments
The best part of this is that you answered Arnebya’s prayer for a review. And for that we can all thank Jesus.
So I read this, “…Nikki Chu (to fix her house), Tiffiny Dixon (to fix her style), Tracy Balan (to fix her hair) and Tanisha Thomas (to fix her soul).”
Then looked at the photo of the women and tried to guess who was who based on how they looked. Got it ALL wrong. The interior designer is dressed like a stylist. The hair guru’s hair is whack and I just KNEW that the Bad Girl was the Interior Designer because she was so good at flipping tables. Color me confused.
“and I just KNEW that the Bad Girl was the Interior Designer because she was so good at flipping tables.”
LMAO! But, really, she missed her calling!!!
Glad to see women are going in on them on their FB page. This sounds atrocious!
Hollered!!! Do you hear me??????? This show needs to be shot dead. Never to return again!!!! Nobody is here for these no name heffa a trying to give life advice to anyone!!!! Have several seats, couches, stools, park benches, bean bag chairs…whateva!!!! #chileboo
“Tanisha is the one of Bad Girls Club infamy…. Getting her to fix someone’s soul is like getting Joseline Hernandez as your speech pathologist.” Lord, I fell out at this line.
Yup this is where i flatlined too…..
This has to be the first AL blog that I didn’t finish. All the answers to my WHY are on vacation. Tanisha was just trying to fix her marriag and now she’s trying to fix some helpless woman? They should call Iyanla and fix their life.
I participate in online research for a women’s magazine. I was sent a link to this pilot back in May. The show wasn’t named and the editing wasn’t finished. I was instructed to keep the show confidential and provide feedback in a survey. I was unable to watch the entire show because it made my head hurt and my teeth itch. I gave the show a terrible rating because it was AWFUL! Your recap proves the feedback was ignored or I’m the only one who thought it was a bad idea.
I participated in the same research group online and I gave the show a horrible review too with detailed paragraphs condemning that foolishness as well so CLEARLY they didn’t care at all what we thought smh
I supported reading this article because I support YOU, Luvvie. There are some things iCan’t and iWon’tNever. You (and this show) proved I was right to keep this one in my rearview. You are humanitarian because having to watch all of the reveal sounds horrifying and to have to wait through “the process” pure unmitigated torture.
Thanks. You are way too kind.
Whose idea was this foolishness?!!!!. I’m dying from 2nd hand embarrassment just from reading about this so I can’t imagine watching it. I’m that person who changes the channel when a fictional character on TV is about to be caught in a lie:-)
Heavens to Betsy! I just saw a clip of this the other day…It looked suspect, and you have now confirmed my fears. I may have to petition Lifetime to pull this atrocity off the air! (for realisies)
Tanisha is a mess but she looks MUCH BETTER NOW than she did awwwwwllll them years ago on BGC…. and that show where she tried to marry her Boo.
O.O
When you said “When Tanisha said ‘You look hip AND hop’ was when I knew I hated everything” was when I knew I loved this blog more than ever.
Can someone get her something red velvet to thank her for suffering through the bs???
Yes. Yes. And yes to all of this. I could not believe this got a green light. As a black women, I have never said any of those phrases ever in my whole life. Hopefully, this will end soon and never return.
Say something nice…well…it was an equal opportunity insult-fest. There.
The hosts need a makeover first. I guess stereotyping a stereotype playing a stereotypical person is all the rage now.
So…are we just going to pretend Luvvie didn’t say dude stuttered like Celie’s son when he returned from Africa????!?!!!?!? I am so glad I read this at home. Can’t be cackling in the office.
same…i screamed at that
You both have me on the floor! !!!! This is why I can’t read Luvvie at work!
I have never heard of this nonsense. I just got past the first paragraph of your article and I’m ready to take up a collection for all of the seats these producers need to have. Shows like this make me hate people as I can’t believe there are people in the world dumb enough to take part in this nonsense. Anyway, let me scroll back up…..
I realize that it’s rough out here, and everyone is trying to live, but this tired stereoype about the together and sassy Black woman needs to be retired for good.
Oh and that line about it being Queer Eye Meets The Help needs to be trademarked and made that shows tagline if it continues.
I’m still confused on who is who except the soul coach. Now to the IKEA throw up looking room. They do know that store is for people who never had furniture like college students, right? And obviously none of these people have REAL friends if Joanie ended up looking like a 90s backup dancer from a home video.
Thank you for ‘watching’ this so those of us who did not, don’t have to burn our eyeballs out with bleach… we are not worthy of your loyalty…
When is the SBG (Sassy Black Girlfriend) stereotype going to die? I thank you for watching this nonsense so I don’t have to.
I wonder what the price tag was on their souls for them to agree to participate in this travesty of Blackness.
SMGDH
This ratchedmess sounds like something straight of “Gone With the Wind, 21st century Ghetto Edition”
I’ oin’t know NOTHING ’bout SAVIN’ no white wimmens!
Lawd cackling over saving white women.
IKR!! All these comments leave me holding my side and gasping for breath!! White whimmens!! Snickering and snorting.
I was the BW and I signed up because I wanted a makeover and a room redone in my home. There are A LOT of things about this show I didn’t like, all those scripted and unscripted comments that had to be with being black or white… I couldn’t stand. I think a review or ‘recap’ should be truthful but also adding what’s good even if it’s one thing. Not every single thing in the show was bad, if you are truly being honest. That red jumpsuit was AMAZING and also my husband needing a makeover is debatable but his lines being scripted is completely 100% false. That was all from the heart. We’ve been married 18 1/2 years and that was a beautiful moment for us and I will defend its truthfulness. Also my speech at the end was edited of course because of its length, but that was also 100% from my heart. Those ladies were a blast to be with for a week. Tiffiny and I particularly bonded on the show. They all treated me with respect and care. I took most of their comments with a grain of salt, because I do have more confidence than I let on, I wanted a makeover! They were great to be with for a week. And as for my living room… everyone has different tastes. I personally love it! 🙂
You let dignity take a backseat because you wanted a makeover? Welp. I guess at least you got what you wanted.
“You let dignity take a back sest for a make over” giiirrrlll you said exactly what I was gonna say!
I dont care what needed a make over – Im not selling my dignity to do it. My mama brought me up a little classier than that and it still amazes me that people do that lol
Wonder what else they’re willing to sell for material things?
Um Joanie…May I call you Joanie? Great.
What do you mean by “I’m the BW”?
Do you believe that hanging out with four women who happen to be black (and spouting stereotypical phrase left and right) makes you a black woman?
Are you okay with the generalizations thrown at your own White women friends and associates claiming you have no power and care a slave (yes a slave) to your weight, your wardrobe and essentially your husband’s desires?
Ma’am you could have gotten a makeover and room sprucing without all the racial generalization. Everyone has a choice. No one here is saying a makeover show is a bad thing. All the good in this show is automatically negated because they covered it in a horrible Black helps White “become” Black package.
You don’t even have to defend this show because one hopes you didn’t know the whole premise when you signed up. Lifetime gave a veiled description of this show until the commercial showed up on the internet.
The point I want to make is you are not a Balck women becaues you spent time with four of them, stereotypical or not.
you should understand why the entire premise of this show is offensive to all races.
You should NOT be referring to yourself as a BW for any reason.
You are a wonderful white woman (I’m guessing) that doesn’t need to be defined by how well you rap or salsa or say oh hell no.
Saying you need to bring out your “inner Black woman” diminishes YOUR personality by attributing any confidence you show to another race.
It also says that you believe that the personality traits of SOME black women apply to ALL black women. That we are just one type of person.
I just…. there’s so much wrong with this show and if you choose not to see it just because you don’t want to acknowledge your part in in fine. But WE (black white, whatever) are calling it out.
Ugh my typos. Please forgive me. This show just makes me so angry.
BW stands for “basic woman” (that’s what they call the women they give the makeovers to)
Basic woman? Seriously? lol That explains a whole lot.
Oh….Well that doesn’t make it any better. Who wants to label themselves “Basic” ?
I am a white woman and I LOVE the show. I laugh at their humor and tilt my head when the client is so happy and thanking them. They do fabulous work. Of course no one wants to be called “basic” but if the shoe fits…I mean sweatpants 24/7 and hair in a messy bun? The living space is greatly improved, the hair/makeup (beautiful.), the lovely fashion upgrades and finally the soul. To me this is a way of helping someone learn to loosen up and have good earthy fun! I take no offense to saying there is a strong black woman inside me, because it is an attitude not a color.The ladies are showing an unsure woman that she CAN grab life and go for the gusto! I hope the show stays on!
I hear ya. See my longer comment below.
Ma’am, you went on a reality show. Everybody makes mistakes, but please don’t compound it by trying to defend your decision to people who are sideeyeing you hard enough to shift the Earth’s axis. Just be happy with your makeover and move on.
“sideeyeing you hard enough to shift the Earth’s axis”
You win. Everybody else go home.
See my comment below.
Bravo!! My new catchphrase for ratchedness!
Side eyeing hard enough to lift the earth off of it’s axis!?
Can’t wait to throw that one on someone! Ha!!!
All I keep hearing is Adam saying, “Booni. Booni Mama.” (I prolly spelled that wrong, but y’all know what I meant.) I knew there was a reason I never watch Lifetime. Luvvie, you deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for your selfless acts!
“Tanisha is the one of Bad Girls Club infamy and multiple reality TV shows of randomness. I still remember her as the chick who was fighting like she lacked home training on BGC. Getting her to fix someone’s soul is like getting Joseline Hernandez as your speech pathologist.” I literally screamed outloud when I read that… You are due a complimentary cocktail for making my day!
NOT! Joseline Hernandez as a speech pathologist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I laughed off of that for 15 minutes, and imma need you to stop!
@Joanie Lynn if you like it, then fine. But as a black woman I was like fix it Jesus and if he’s busy call Satan. This show was all the way wrong and they could’ve found more qualified women to give you a Makeover.
“Fix it Jesus, and if he’s busy, call Satan”
*falls out*
No, didn’t like the outcome. 🙁 Sad about all the things that were said and the angle the show took. Read my longer comment below.
Yessssssssssssss Lort that did my soul all the good!
I couldn’t even watch 3 minutes.
Luvvie,
I am a long-time lurker, first time poster. First of all, thank you from the bottom of my heart for watching this fecal matter from a male bovine. You are a true humanitarian.
Who let this show happen? Who in the hell left the gate open?
All participants in this hot mess need a butt-whoopin’ in a public forum post haste.
Welp. We just lost about 10 years of the struggle to be taken seriously as black women with this one episode. Womp.
Did Luvvie really break out the Jenny Jones reference?!!! I flat lined!
Yassss…Luvvie resurrected Jennny Jones! I’ve seen it all!
This show needs to follow BAPs to cancellation land. Lifetime is doing way too much with this nonsense. Jesus be a Programmer.
Why can’t Lifetime go back to itz formulaic *My twin sister married my husband but she’s not dead and has been living in my basement* television programming. You know…back when the Basics were basic…understood it…and drove in the lane preternaturally prescribed?? Next thing you know it’ll be Lil Laura Ingram (little house on the prairie) with Hawaiin silky haphazardly affixed and JohnBoy with a tear drop tattoo. ENOUGH!!!
Joanie here again. I am not at all excusing the premise of the show! And I did take it too lightly in my first comment, I do believe. NO, I actually didn’t no the extent of what the premise was and how overboard it would be. I mainly wrote in because I wanted to say that my husband and I had a truthful moment and it was wonderful and I didn’t want that slammed.
The show was wrong on almost ALL levels. I didn’t not sell myself to get free stuff. I totally stayed true to myself. I didn’t hear a lot of the comments the hosts made in their interviews and the other comments were a bit tongue and check and I thought it was kind of funny just like when gay guys act all gay and it’s considered entertainment.
The reason it didn’t seem so bad is because they were so genuinely sweet to me and off camera having amazing conversations. They wanted to know more about my life and my marriage and they were in awe of our relationship. I got to know them beyond the jokes and scripted words. That’s what I was defending. Not the show. It’s terrible as is!!!! LOL.
I learned somethings for sure. I had fun and I was sad to hear all the racist comments throughout and very sad to see them end it on a comment like “Joanie, now you are black”. That was straight up stupid. Especially after our beautiful seen when my hubby was crying.
I’m not into bashing so you all can bash away. I am very secure with who I am, so it doesn’t bother me and maybe that’s why I wasn’t overly affected by it. But I’m not black, so I cannot say how a black person would feel after watching this show.
I am a believer in Jesus and I think He works ALL things out for His glory. God Bless everyone. xoxo
Ma’am, if this were about a decade ago, we might have let you slide. But grown-ups know the deal with reality shows. It is common knowledge that no matter what you say or do, they are designed to manufacture foolery and drama. Ray Charles could spot the type of foolishness they’d create with Black women making over a White woman. So you willingly participated in a show that given the factors that you knew about walking in, couldn’t have produced anything but coonery. You may have gotten a new hairstyle, but if you’re this lost in the sauce, maybe you should worry more about what’s in your head than on it.
Clever ending “maybe you should worry more about what’s in your head than on it” 🙂
Ray Charles could see this coming RIGHT NOW. & he was blind and is DEAD.
#StillUnableToCan
“I didn’t hear a lot of the comments the hosts made in their interviews and the other comments were a bit tongue and check and I thought it was kind of funny just like when gay guys act all gay and it’s considered entertainment.”
So when black women act all black it’s entertainment?” Huh.
“The reason it didn’t seem so bad is because they were so genuinely sweet to me and off camera having amazing conversations.”
LOOOLLLLLLL!!!!!!! Mrs. Lynn you are way to grown to sound that naive. Responding to this blog post is one thing, but what about the millions of viewers who watched the episode who can’t see your response? Even though I don’t agree with the show, I wish you and your husband a lifetime of happiness. You did not need a TV show for that; he’s been there for 18.5 years (and counting). Some good girlfriends, subscribing to some YouTube makeup gurus and looking up DIYs on Pinterest is all you need (if you wanted a makeover that bad)!
It’s good to know I’m not missing anything by not having cable. This recap had me rolling.
Oh LORT!!! Here goes LIFEtimes again.
I’m unable to can and many other AL phrases after just getting a glimpse online.
#IdiotOverload /#OnMyMamma /#KillItWithHotFire
What happened?!! Why is happen??!!
Lol@the blue corn moon! Grinning bobcats, this was spot on! So glad I was home when I read this. My sides are aching from laughing!
In all fairness I only watched SOME of this show. I don’t know how you sat through it twice!!! I did not care for her makeover AT ALL. These women need to pull themselves together before they even think about making over anyone else!!! I read your whole review Awesomely Luvvie and knew MY assessment of the show was on point. I loved the “gingerly on their scalp lackadaisically” comment! O___o
Say it ain’t so? It’s really a tv show like this? I’ll believe anything at this point because it’s a show where people make objects out of food (y’all might have seen commercials with men talking bout some “tater tot bot.” But when you said Tanisha is the soul fixer, I hollered! The same women who was on Marriage Bootcamp seen verbally abusing her husband. Chiiiillllllllle *lowers sunglasses* I must see this televised foolishness for myself! Oh oh and the woman in the green skirt is just serving me Kathy Griffin all in the face, I’m sorry. But kudos to Joanie for setting the record straight, but uhm you tried it when you signed up hunty.
[…] based on preview clips, and not the premier episode, which has already aired. Read this, this and this for opinions both similar and opposing to […]
Thanks for the self-sacrifice. I now know to avoid this show.
Just one big Nawl Luvvie. In all honesty, the premise of the show is an insult. I hate that four AA women help others continue to make caricatures out of us. In reality, it is the 3 Ts and Nikki that need to find the “Strong Black Women” within.
Joannie gonna mess around and end up single if she and her husband don’t address what drove her to this mess of a show. I hope a check was really the only thing she was looking for.
Oh these comments are KILLING me.
I was never going to watch that show in the first place, but these comments really solidified that for me…
Every day I say I’m going to quit Luvvie….
every day, I fail
Every single day. Lol
When NPR calls out the foolishness, you know there is a problem http://www.npr.org/blogs/monkeysee/2014/08/27/343732090/lifetime-promises-to-bring-out-the-strong-black-woman-in-white-women
‘gingerly on the scalp lackadaisically’ Sweet Jesus, my Master!!! Keep us all near the cross, Lort!!!
I canNOT.
I watched this on cable in my country. I love the physical transformations!
[…] the show expecting something as cringeworthy as Girlfriend Intervention, which Awesomely Luvvie hilariously described on her website. Watching one episode of Bye, Felicia! led to me watching the entire season, so here are my […]